Hello, everyone.

Let the fic begin!!

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Ishtar Residence

Marik walked into the kitchen, yawning widely as he searched for bread to make toast. Isis had already woken up, and was "at the store", according to the note she left. Rishid and Yami Marik were still asleep.

For some reason, the squirrels and birds were chirping and squawking incessantly...

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Draculita crept silently across the dew-soaked lawn. She had devoured all the "cute" little animals in the White Haired Demon's yard. The birds, squirrels, and rabbits had looked on in horror as she ripped apart their kin's carcasses, while the Demon stroked her fur, and grinned like a proud vampire.

That was the proudest moment of her young life.

Now Draculita slinked through the rather tall grass; it was need of a trim. This was good, however, because she could remain unseen while she stalked her prey. Just a little further...

She reached the window on the east side of the house. The sun was reflecting brightly off the window, much to the irritation of the occupant inside the room.

Suddenly, a robin spotted the tiny carnivore as she stole through the lawn. As if an alarm had gone off, all the animals around here immediately began chirping and squawking and screeching and roaring and crying and howling and yelling and yelping and whimpering and playing the clarinet at very fast tempo. The irritated occupant stuck his spiky head out the window and began to curse at the chirping, squawking, screeching, roaring, crying, howling, yelling, yelping, whimpering, and clarinet-playing animals and authoresses. This was what Draculita had been waiting for.

She sprang at the furious psycho, who was trying to climb out the window in an attempt to attack the birds. Draculita landed on his shoulder, causing him to yell and fall out the window in surprise. She streaked through the cracked door, and into the kitchen.

Marik looked down in surprise at the tiny newcomer.

"Why hello, Draculita," he said sweetly, petting the little kitten. Draculita purred in response, and glanced hopefully at the fresh batch of toast sitting on the counter. Marik followed her gaze, and smiled.

"You're the first cat I've met that is a vegetarian," he said, bringing down several pieces of toast down from the countertop. He tore off a small piece and fed it to the she-kitty.

Draculita took the piece and chewed it slightly, then let out a muffled squeak. Marik laughed, and handed her the rest of the toast. With her unusually sharp incisors, she was able to grasp and carry the toast in her small jaws. With a last stifled squeak, she streaked for the door, which Marik opened. Draculita bolted out, and Yami Marik stumbled in, dew-soaked from all the grass. He saw the furry menace streak past him, and yelled in rage.

Marik watched as his yami chased Draculita across the wet lawn, slip, and fall heavily to the ground, landing on his face, and leaving a print in the damp grass. With a sigh, he closed the door and locked it.

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Draculita rolled her amber eyes, and put the toast carefully down on the lawn. In a second, she spat out the small piece of toast that Marik had given her. She had stuffed it in her cheeks. Those chipmunks did have one useful technique: food storage. She picked up the other whole pieces toast once more, and continued her journey.

Bakura was waiting on the porch as Draculita came into sight.

"Good kitty," he whispered, taking the toast from her mouth and placing it in his own. "Same thing tomorrow, okay?"

Draculita, who was dragging her tongue across the grass to get rid of the hated taste of toast, glanced up and squeaked. Bakura finished his breakfast, and walked back inside, Draculita following suit.

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Rishid awoke to a furious pounding sound. Normally, he was a very heavy sleeper, but this noise was much too loud to be ignored. He got dressed and went to the kitchen to see where all the commotion was about.

Marik was speaking through the door to someone who apparently wanted in, judged by the continuous death threats in ancient Egyptian and incessant pounding issuing from the person on the other side of the obviously locked door. Rishid had a very shrewd idea who after he heard:

"HIKARI, WHEN I GET IN THERE, I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO A PULP, TAKE THAT PULP AND DRAG IT ACROSS A BED OF NAILS ON YOUR OWN MOTORCYCLE, THEN DUCT TAPE YOU TO A CHAIR AND FORCE YOU TO WATCH RERUNS OF JUDGE JUDY, THEN USE MYMILLENNIUM ROD TO MAKE YOU THROW YOURSELF IN BON FIRE, AND THEN TAKE THE ASHES AND SCATTER THEM OVER DIRT!!!!! THEN I'LL TAKE THE DIRT AND ASHES, MIX THEM WITH MILK, POUR THEM INTO A BOWL OF FROOT LOOPS, AND THEN SELL IT TO SOME HOBO ON THE STREET!!!!!!"

Yami Marik had a lot more imagination than what the others gave him credit for.

Rishid sighed. Nothing like waking up to a "creative" psycho trying to break down a door, while Marik laughed at him from the other side of the entrance.

"Marik, let him in," Rishid said reluctantly, searching for a stapler he could use to ward off Yami Marik once got inside the house.

"Fine, fine," Marik said, rolling his eyes. He opened the door.

Unfortunately, Yami Marik had chosen that opportune moment to throw his entire weight against the poor door. He flew through the door at an astounding rate of speed, and crashed into the wall, causing a wreath Isis had hung up the previous day to fall over his head. With a snarl, he tried to wrench it off his head, but to no avail. The wreath was not able to get past his bangs, and would not come off.

Rishid and Marik watched in interest as Yami Marik tried various methods off removing the wreath from around his neck, including yanking it, biting it, paper cutting it, clawing at it, glaring at it, and even issuing a complaint to the mad authoress to remove it. But Daisaigai's reply was, "I'm having too much fun watching you suffer." She then sat back with a smirk on her wolf face.

At last, after a half hour, he was able to chew through it. Spitting out the artificial wood, he stood up, brushing off the remnants of the plastic leaves, and glaring daggers at Marik and Rishid.

Yami Marik had opened his mouth when-

Rishid revealed the stapler. "Come any closer, and I'll let it bite you."

He felt extremely foolish trying to ward off an evil psycho with a harmless paper companion, but Marik had confided to him that it was his yami's only fear. To his amazement, Yami Marik closed his mouth and scowled heavily, and stalked back into the kitchen. Rishid sighed in slight relief. Marik grinned and followed his yami into the kitchen to inflict more torture upon him.

Yami Marik glanced back and his eyes narrowed. "Stupid hikari," he muttered under his breath.

"Yami, would you like some breakfast?" Marik asked in that creepy false-polite voice of his.

Yami Marik replied angrily, "Yes, you moronic imbecile."

"Then make it yourself."

Yami Marik whipped around to strangle his hikari, but Rishid tossed the stapler to Marik. It bounced off the tips of his fingers, and landed at the feet of Yami Marik, who kicked it across the room.

Yami Marik had conquered his fear of staplers.

Daisaigai frowned at the scene. "That's not what I had written," she snarled. "Take Two!"

The stapler bounced off the tips of Marik's fingers as he attempted to catch it, and flew at Yami Marik, who ducked. The stapler broke through the open window, and was never heard from again.

"That's STILL NOT WHAT I HAD WRITTEN!!!" Daisaigai roared. She grabbed her trumpet and played a C in the upper octave in Yami Marik's ear, causing him to go temporarily deaf. "STOP MESSING WITH MY COMPUTER!!! Take three!!!!"

"What?"

The stapler bounced off the tips of Marik's outstretched fingers, and flew directly at Yami Marik. He knocked it out of the air. The stapler hit the floor and shattered.

"AARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!! YOU MORON!!!!" Daisaigai howled, grabbing Yami Marik by the shoulders and shaking him. "GET IT RIGHT!!!!!!"

"S-S-ST-STOP –SH-SH-SHA-A-A-A-AKING-ING M-M-M-ME!!!!"

The stapler grew wings and flew at Yami Marik, who snapped his fingers. The stapler disappeared in a poof of violet smoke.

Daisaigai buried her face in her paws and groaned. "I give up."

Marik and Rishid stared in amazement. Then the chapter got back on track.

Yami Marik looked around the kitchen. "Hikari, what's that?" he asked coldly, pointing to the toaster.

Marik decided to be irritating, and said, "That's a microwave."

"No it's not. Isis told me it wasn't. THAT thing, " Yami Marik growled, still pointing at the toaster.

"Oh that? That's the washing machine."

"No, it's not," Yami Marik growled again, still pointing angrily to the toaster.

"That's right, it's called the TV!"

"Hikari," Yami Marik snarled through gritted teeth, "I am VERY close to hurting you."

Marik rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said. "It's called the toaster."

Yami Marik decided to approach this new device with caution. "What exactly does it do?"

"You just stick your food in it and it cooks it," Marik said, waving a dismissive hand.

Yami Marik was still skeptical. "Sure..."

Marik left the kitchen. Once he got to his room, he realized he should have told his yami that you could only cook BREAD in a toaster. He slapped his forehead, and turned around.

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Yami Marik glared at the toaster.

It glared back.

Yami Marik was surprised...somewhat. Their conversation went something like this...

"O.o"

"o.O"

"O.o"

"o.O"

"O.o"

"o.O"

"O.o"

"o.O"

Finally, Yami Marik yelled, "STOP COPYING ME!!!!!"

The toaster just grinned at him.

"STOP THAT!!!!"

Yami Marik was growing frustrated not to mention very hungry. "Fine...I'll just make you cook my food!!! FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

The toaster made the o.O face at him.

Yami Marik gave it the death glare of DOOM, and the toaster stopped making faces at him...for the moment.

Yami Marik began digging through the freezer. "Why is everything wrapped in metal?! Oh well..."

The toaster blanched.

"Now toaster, bow before me and cook my food!!!" Yami Marik commanded with enthusiasm, and stuffed a foil-cover steak into the toaster.

The toaster hissed furiously, and Yami Marik backed away in fear. "Why is EVERYTHING in this house possessed?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Marik reached the kitchen. He saw the toaster. He saw the foil-cover steak jutting out of the toaster. He saw his yami backing away from the toaster and the foil-cover steak. He sighed. He had been right to come and inform his yami about the dangers off sticking flammable materials into cooking devices. Marik said wearily, "Yami, do you need help?"

"NO!!" Yami Marik snapped at him. "GO AWAY!!!!!"

"Fine," Marik shrugged. He stuck around to watch. Yami Marik was a fast thinker, but not a logical one. Usually, he ended up making Marik laugh so hard he couldn't stand up.

The toaster began to hiss in somewhat fluent English. "Burn, must burn, buuuurrnnnnn..."

"AHHHHH!! Evil Toaster!!!!!" Yami Marik shouted, backing away even further.

Marik snickered.

There was a "FWOOM!" sound.

The toaster had burst into flame, due to the extreme internal infernal combustion the foil-covered steak was causing. It leaped off the counter with a "BWAAH!!!"

Yami Marik yelped, and his eyes widened so that Marik could see the blood vessels. He wondered why all the objects seemed to turn evil when they met Yami no Marik.

The flaming toaster edged closer to its chosen victim.

Yami Marik backed up so far that he hit the opposite counter. The toaster was getting closer. He thought of a way that might stop the toaster, it worked on Bakura, after all...

"TAKE THIS, FIEND!!!!" he roared, throwing a piece of garlic at the toaster.

It had no effect whatsoever on the blazing, malevolent toaster. The toaster came still closer.

Marik shook his head. "No logic whatsoever, none at all..."

Yami Marik had only one alternative. The Sennen eye (also known as that light bulb) began to glow even brighter on his forehead. With a war cry of "DIEDIEIDIEDIEDIE!!!" he tried to send the infernal contraption to the Shadow Realm.

The toaster dodged the attack with a menacing "BURRNNNNN!!!!!"

Both Marik and Yami Marik stared.

"That's never happened before..." Yami Marik muttered.

"Haazzzzpppttttiisssss..." the possessed toaster hissed.

"Uh-oh," Yami Marik said, fearing the worst.

The toaster leapt at him, and-

-ran out of cord.

Yami Marik laughed. He lunged at the toaster, bringing his fist down upon it, apparently forgetting it was on fire.

"YEEOCH!!!!"

By now, Marik had lost it. He was on the floor, laughing harder than he ever had before. Daisaigai and Johnny were also howling with mirth.

Yami Marik waved his burnt hand frantically, and yelled, "BOW BEFORE ME!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Lightning flashed, bringing about dramatic background music. One lightning bolt struck the toaster, rendering it unconscious. Yami Marik swiftly sent it to the Shadow Realm, and broke into a fit of psychotic laughter.

Marik suddenly stopped laughing. His toaster was gone.

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So, how was it? It's better than the original, I think. Review, and send your ideas. I have a lot of hilarious chapters in store for you all.

If you have a favorite character I didn't put in, tell me so I can make note of that. I will try and fit in all the characters if I can. Johnny, I'm counting on you to point out grammar mistakes, because I'm good at spelling.

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