Daisaigai grinned manically at her audience. "Brilliant...I got 10 reviews from the last chapter, a total of 63 reviews. Heeheeheehee..." Her tail wagged rapidly back and forth.
Yami Marik had recently succeeded in fishing the Writer's Block out of the Ocean Below, and was now trying to set it on fire.
Bakura watched, amused. Yami Marik didn't know that he had switched the pack of water proof matches with a pack of -get this- fireproof matches. If there was such a thing.
Psycho pulled out a match, and struck it.
Nothing happened.
With an annoyed growl, Yami Marik pulled out another match, and struck it, too.
Nothing happened.
For 5 hours, Yami Marik struggled to ignite the fireproof matches. Bakura was laughing hysterically.
Daisaigai sighed. "The yami's antics before and after the chapters are just a warm-up for me. Kind of like when you practice the scales on your instrument before playing a piece. Sorry if it's boring," she said. "But I just like to do a little warm up before going into the actual chapter. Also, if you can find anything in this fic that may violate the rules of the TOS, please tell me so I can fix it. I don't want some son-of-a-baka reporting me because I misplaced a comma."
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A bang startled Bakura. The door had flown open, and a short, freaky man entered.
"My name is Dr. Exorcist," he giggled. "I'll be happy to fix all your problems. How does that make you FEEL? Happy? Sadistic? Glad? Manic? Homicidal? Cuddly? (A/N: o.O) Scared? Freaked out? Alarmed? Sleepy? Pyromanic? Furious? Pleased? Moronic? Annoyed? Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (pant, pant) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (gasp, choke, pant) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bakura stared. "I feel like killing you right about.... now."
"That's why you're here!!!!!" squealed Dr. Exorcist. "To get rid of all those spiteful sentiments!!!!!" He shoved Bakura into a chair with chains on the armrests, which sprang around Bakura's arms the moment he sat down.
"Now for the questioning," Dr. Exorcist grinned, pulling out a clipboard out from under a loose tile. "How old are you?"
Bakura simply glared.
"Okay, how about an easier one. Do you find that when executing quadruple bypass surgery because of illegal quantity of blood sugar causes the patient to go into a traumatized, un-anaesthetized state, thereby causing them to become completely homicidal and- in the span of five minutes- build an eight hundred foot robot that can breathe fire, causing the doctor to shriek, 'OH-MY-GAWD-WHAT-HAVE-YOU-DONE-IT'S-GOING-TO-KILL-US-ALL!!!!' and then have the patient laugh like evil geniuses like to do (MOO-HOO, HA! HA! HA!) and then suddenly pull out a ray gun and shrink the doctor down to the size of a toy soldier so that they can flush them down the toilet????"
Bakura realized his mouth had been hanging open during this entire speech. He quickly closed it.
Dr. Exorcist continued, "It happened to my best friend once. I need to make sure it doesn't happen to me. Well?" he prompted Bakura.
Bakura cleared his dry throat. "Next question."
Dr. Exorcist glanced down at the clipboard. "That's all!! Would you like to meet my friends now?"
"No," Bakura spat.
"Too bad!!! They are already here!!!"
Five more psychiatrists entered the room. Each of them surveyed the tomb robber out of narrowed eyes.
"Another one eh? Well, Exorcist, let's see what you can do," said the one farthest to the right.
Dr. Exorcist nodded. "Let's see how he deals with our newest specimen." He got up and flipped what Bakura had taken to be a light switch. A door to Bakura's left opened, revealing the silhouette of a rectangular device.
"Come," said another one of the psychiatrists. She snapped her fingers, and the chains reluctantly released their hold. Bakura stood up swiftly, rubbing his sore wrists. He planned to escape as soon as possible. However, as soon as he took a slight step towards the door, one of the psychiatrists stopped him.
"Wait," said the man Bakura recognized to be Shadi said sternly. "Do not leave until you have preformed the task we instruct you to do." The Sennen Ankh gleamed threateningly.
"Whatever." Bakura scowled, and walked into the room.
The device turned out to be a stereo. Bakura was familiar with this apparatus; he had one of his own. "So what's this 'specimen's problem?"
"The object has a tendency to behave insubordinately at times, and has developed the unpleasant habit of spitting classic rock CDs at anyone who denies the greatness of these bands," stated Dr. Exorcist. "My wife said to get it fixed or don't come back home."
After recovering from the shock of the realization that Dr. Exorcist actually had a wife, Bakura said, "So that's all I have to do? Just fix the stupid thing?"
The psychiatrists nodded.
"Alright then," Bakura said, rubbing his hands together. He was pleased. All he had to do was fix this object, and he could make like a tree and leave. "Let's see...I'm going to need some CDs, first-"
"Already here," Shadi said, hauling a crate who's size was equivalent to Bakura's box of CDs.
"Are those mine?" asked Bakura, scowling.
"No, these are all Shadi's," one of the other psychiatrists said. "You should see him listening to those things!! Hang-banging and air-guitaring and-"
"That's enough, Faust," Shadi said firmly. Faust simply grinned.
Bakura examined the mechanism. It didn't look like the CD spitting type, but one could never be sure. He took out a Rush CD and carefully put it in.
All at once, every light on the stereo flickered on, and Limelight began to play.
"Living in a fish eye-lensCaught in the doctor's eyes
I have no heart to lie!
I cannot pretend that
The stranger is a long-awaited friend!!!""It knows you're here," whispered the female psychiatrist. Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates.
"Don't provoke it!!!! We had a serious issue the last time someone said Queen and Elton John really were-"
"Shhh..." Bakura growled. He poked the stereo. At once, it stopped playing.
"Hmmm..."
The stereo was making odd sounds. It sounded as if it was growling at Bakura.
Bakura frowned. "So, if I insult a classic rock band, it'll go berserk and start launching CDs at us all?"
Faust nodded. "Yes, it certainly will. If you're as much as a dummkopf as the others were, then you'll say something to anger the musical box, and it will attempt to kill us all. If you do decide to provoke the vicious contraption, do hurry, because I need to get back to my other office."
Bakura took in a deep breath, and roared:
"HEY BAKA STEREO!!!!! DID YOU KNOW THAT HIP-HOP IS THE BEST THING OUT THERE? (A/N: THAT'S A LIE!!!) ROCK IS DEAD!!!! ANYONE THAT WAS ONCE WORTH LISTENING TO IS GONE!!!! AND ELTON JOHN AND QUEEN REALLY ARE-"
Bakura stopped short, partially because he couldn't say what he was going to, because this fic is rated G. The other reason was that the stereo had shrieked, "SUFFER, FOOL!!!!!" and had begun spitting CDs at everyone present.
All yelled, and covered their heads with their arms. Bakura snuck around the back of the stereo and calmly unplugged it.
The stereo suddenly turned off. The psychiatrists stared in amazement.
"Well done," Shadi said calmly.
"Why didn't I think of that?" Dr. Exorcist pouted.
"Because it was part of the test, idiot," Faust snapped. "We didn't want you blabbering it to all the patients."
"So that's it?" Bakura said. "That was easy."
"Most people are either too stupid or too alarmed be Dr. Exorcist's antics to pass the test," the female psychiatrist said, grinning. "You were neither. Congratulations. You may leave now."
Bakura shrugged, and turned to leave.
"Wait," said another one of the psychiatrists. "Here," he said, handing Bakura a piece of paper. "Call us if you get bored one day. We're always here; except Faust, he has another clinic of his own."
"I will," Bakura said, smirking at them all. "I'm sure hika-er, my twin will let me come."
"See ya!" called all the psychiatrists as Bakura left the room.
When Bakura reached the lobby, the secretary leered at him. "You're alive?"
"Leave him be, Eliza," called Faust from the stereo room. "And stop drinking all those carbonated drinks!!! Dr. Exorcist may get overly-excited and perform quadruple bypass surgery upon you if your blood sugar is too high!!!"
Eliza scowled, and Bakura spotted Ryou sitting in one of the chairs, reading a Shonen Jump.
"Let's go, hikari," he growled. Ryou nodded, and smiled.
"Did you pass the examination? I was a bit worried when I heard-"
"Hikari-"
"Yes?"
"Just shut up."
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"So...how was it? I don't know if it wa extra, extra long, but 1,460 words isn't bad, ne?" Daisaigai said. "Bakura made some new friends!!"
"I hate you all," Bakura called from his spot by the Ocean Below.
"Oh yes, this is Faust's first appearance. I like incorporating my favorite characters into all my fics. He'll probably appear again; I need a doctor for a future chapter."
"REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!! I'M ALREADY TYPING UP ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!!!'
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