"BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!! NO HOMEWORK TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!" Daisaigai's howl could be heard throughout the website.

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!" roared approximately 697,832,697,832,697,832 authors.

"QUIET MORTALS!!!!!!! NOTHING CAN SILENCE ME NOW, FOR I-"

Daisaigai's loud howl was abruptly cut off, due to the fact Marik, Yami Marik, and Bakura had put a muzzle over her snout. This caused the mad authoress much anger, and she raged about until the muzzle fell off. Daisaigai tore it to shreds, and then glared at the main participants in her fic.

"How dare you betray me!!!"

"ACK!!! RUN AWAAAAAAAAAY!!!"

"WWWRRRRRROOOOOOOAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!"

"SPARE US!!!!"

"NEVER!!! BUAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

"Oh my..." Ryou commented from the sidelines.

"Looks like fun," Johnny smirked.

"Well...since Daisaigai is a bit preoccupied at the moment, I guess I'll start this chapter," Ryou said, pressing the button marked "START" on the keyboard.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

PREVIOUSLY...

Yami Marik apparently did not consider the danger of allowing chunks of white-hot potato fly through the air. He opened the oven door.

(Not exactly the greatest idea in the world...)

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

BAM!!!!!!!!

That was the sound of a previously harmless material being put into an oven before it was poked with a fork, its becoming of an explosive, and blowing up in the face of the idiot who put it in the oven in the first place.

Marik yelped, and dove behind the kitchen table before the scorching potatoes of fiery DOOM could hit him.

Yami Marik, however, did not have very good reflexes, and was promptly bombarded by the scorching potatoes of fiery DOOM.

"AAAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! OOOOWWWW!!!!!"

Two pieces of the scorching potatoes of fiery DOOM had hit Yami Marik's eyes. He reeled about, frantically rubbing his eyes to rid himself of the pain. Unfortunately, rubbing only further irritated his eyes.

"AARGGGGG!!! STUPID (CENSORED) STOVE!!! I CAN'T (CENSORED) BELIEVE THIS (CENSORED) THING BLEW UP!!!! ARRGG(CENSORED)GGGG!! (CENSORED)!!! (CENSORED)!!! (CENSORED)!! (CENSORED)!!!"

"CALM DOWN!!!" Marik yelled at his yami. "DO YOU WANT ISIS TO HEAR!?!?!?!"

"...no..."

"THEN SHUT UP SO WE CAN GET YOU TO A DOCTOR!!!"

Yami Marik snarled furiously, still rubbing his eyes. "THEN HURRY UP!!!"

"Isis!! Isis!! Come here, please!!"Marik called, running from room to room in the house. "ISIS!!"

"I'm right here, brother," Isis said calmly. She had been sitting on the couch in the living room this entire time, reading a book.

"Oh."

"What is it?"

"Well...my stupid yami put potatoes into the oven without poking them with a fork first, and they became explosives during the course of time. When he opened the oven door, the exploded all over the place, and apparently he was hit in the eye. He's not very happy about it," Marik explained.

"Well, he didn't sound very happy, from what I heard," Isis said, raising her eyebrows. "I guess we'll have to take him to a doctor." She got up, and dialed the number to the nearest clinic.

-o-o-o-

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ri-

"What is it?" Faust VIII snapped into the phone. "I'm rather busy at the moment, some idiot recently murdered Eliza again, and I had to resurrect her, again-"

He sighed impatiently as the person on the other line described their predicament.

"Potatoes...oven...He didn't poke them with a fork first?!...What a dummkopf ...fine, bring him here..."

Faust slammed the phone down irritably before walking into his office. Skeletons surrounded his desk and medical tools. He growled as he remembered a patient's remark about his clinic ("Are you sure it's sanitary to keep all those tibias near the scalpels?").

"Eliza, will you kindly call the werewolf and clarinet player here?"

-o-o-o-

"What are we going to do?" Rishid asked, watching at Yami Marik rampaged around the kitchen, enraged by pain.

"I'm not sure," Isis said calmly. "But I just called the nearest clinic, and Dr. Faust says he'll take Marik's yami as soon as we bring him there."

"But how the heck are we supposed to get him in the car?" Marik asked uneasily.

Upon hearing the sound of his hikari's voice, Yami Marik threw himself at Marik in a rage. Unfortunately for him, his aim was extremely poor (due to his temporary loss of vision) and he ended up tackling a nearby kitchen chair instead.

Marik started laughing, and Isis looked as if she was trying to suppress a snicker, too. Rishid simply sighed and shook his head.

"Is he unconscious?" Marik asked, nudging Yami Marik with his shoe. He cringed, but the psycho did not attack as Marik had anticipated.

"Well, now it will be easier to get him to the doctor's."

-o-o-o-

"Drive faster, Isis!!!" Marik yelled from the back seat.

"MARIK!!!! KEEP YOUR HEAD INSIDE THE CAR!!!" Isis shrieked in alarm from the driver's seat.

Marik scowled, but obeyed his sister's frantic command.

"YOU COULD BE DECAPITATED BY A TELEPHONE POLE, FOR RA'S SAKE!!!"

"And?"

"YOU WOULD BE DEAD!!!"

"Oh..."

Silence. And then-

"Would that present a problem?"

"AAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!"

"Just kidding!!!!"

As you can see, the drive to the Faust Clinic was a rather stressful one for Isis. Rishid sat quietly in the front seat, the corners of his mouth twitching. He didn't dare laugh out loud, for fear of being mauled by his younger sister.

"Hurry up, Isis. My yami is drooling..." Marik complained.

Isis simply sighed, and clenched the poor steering wheel harder.

-o-o-o-

The two figures stood in front of the Faust Clinic.

"What does Faust want?" asked the shorter of the two, holding a clarinet.

"He just said he needs us both to come here as soon as we could," growled the (taller) wolf form.

Both figures shrugged, and walked through the glass doors.

-o-o-o-

"We're here," Rishid announced, stepping out of the car.

"Good," Isis said. She had calmed down, finally.

Marik opened his door, got out and opened Yami Marik's. The psychotic yami fell onto the pavement, still knocked out.

"Marik, you need to find some way to bring him in," Isis called, nearly at the doors of the clinic.

Marik grumbled something unintelligible under his breath, grabbed his yami by the collar of his cape, and dragged him inside.

-o-o-o-

Faust was waiting for them.

"Bring him into my office," he sighed, motioning to the left. "I'll be with you in a moment."

"Who are they?" Isis asked Marik as they passed a werewolf and a clarinet player.

Marik's eyes widened. "Those are mad authoresses. The wolf one is typing this fic, and the clarinet player is her comrade with an insane fanfiction of her own. Don't talk to them or even look at them, they take it as a threat."

Isis tried not to laugh, and nodded.

The four Ishtars entered Faust's office. Isis peered around in slight disgust.

"Are you sure it's sanitary to keep all those tibias near the scalpels?"

Faust looked as if he would have liked nothing better than to seize Isis and perform quadruple bypass surgery on her immediately.

(A/N: He's been spending too much time with Dr. Exorcist...)

Seeing the deranged look in the insane doctor's eyes, Marik quickly changed the subject. "How are you going to wake him up?" he asked, pointing to his lifeless yami.

"Hold on," Faust said through gritted teeth. "DAISAIGAI!!! JOHNNY!!!"

The mad authoresses rushed in.

"Ya?" Daisaigai questioned.

"Tanzt, Faust, tanzt!!!!" Johnny yelled happily.

Faust's face darkened, and Daisaigai covered her face with a paw. "Faust does NOT dance, Johnny."

"Steight den Bleistift in den nase!!!!"

Faust grabbed Johnny and stuffed her into the Biological Hazards container.

Marik, Isis, Daisaigai, and Rishid all stared.

Faust spoke up.

"How did he become unconscious?" he asked, getting on his knees and peering at Yami Marik.

"He tackled a kitchen chair," Marik explained.

"I see," Faust said, as if this was a regular occurrence. He cocked his head, and without warning, kicked Yami Marik in the stomach.

"OUCH!!!! WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR?!?!"

"You were knocked out," Faust said calmly. "Besides, I've been wanting to do that to someone for a very long time now."

Isis opened her mouth, but Daisaigai intervened. "Don't question his anger issues."

Johnny nodded seriously at Isis, who looked shocked and slightly amused at the same time. "That's not a bad idea..." she muttered under her breath.

Yami Marik stood up, holding his stomach and glaring at nothing in particular. "I still can't see," he snarled angrily.

"Well duh," Johnny said, shoving him into one of those chairs that eye doctors have in their offices.

"Knochensoldaten!!! Hear me!!" Faust called.

Skeletons walked up to Yami Marik and grabbed his arms, binding him to the chair. Marik, Isis and Rishid stared.

"GET OFF!!!"

"Now..." Faust said, looking over his numerous medical tools and choosing a small bottle of a clear fluid. "This will dilate your pupils, making it easier for me to see what's wrong."

Daisaigai suddenly realized something. "Wait, Faust-"

Faust paid her no attention. He pried open Yami Marik's eyes and put a few drops of liquid in them.

Now if you think for a moment, you will see that there is a problem. If you have ever seen an episode of Battle City when the animators show a close up shot of Yami Marik's face, (and after falling off your chair in shock and horror) you would have noticed Yami Marik's eyes have no pupils. This presents a severe setback, for dilating fluid's effects will not work on eyes without pupils.

Both Johnny and Daisaigai had figured this out, and watched as Yami Marik roared in pain once more, and attempted to attack Faust. However, the skeletons held him back.

"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh...oops," Faust said loftily, not looking the least bit sorry. "I should have known that would not have worked. Well, you'll just have to get a seeing-eye dog or something until your vision comes back."

"YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!!!!!!!" Yami Marik bellowed at Faust, still straining against the skeletons' clutches.

"I had no idea you didn't have pupils," Faust said, shrugging his shoulders. "You did not open den augen in my presence."

"So, how long will it be until he can see again?" Rishid asked.

Faust shrugged again. "A day, perhaps. Most likely no longer than that."

"That's it?!?!" Marik burst out. "We went through all that for nothing?!?!"

"Of course," Faust said, completely ignoring Marik's statement, "I'll still need some method of payment."

Isis sighed, and handed him a few bills. Faust smiled and pocketed the money. He snapped his fingers, and the skeletons released Yami Marik.

"You'll need some method of getting around," Faust said, pointing to Yami Marik. "I recommend a seeing-eye dog."

Everyone looked at Daisaigai.

"Oh no," she said, backing away, and shaking her head back and forth.

"You're going to put my life in the paws of this mad authoress?" Yami Marik asked in annoyance.

"Yep," was the reply from Marik, Isis, and Rishid.

"Nein!!! I refuse!!" Daisaigai howled.

"It won't be for long," Marik pleaded. "And you can torture him in any way you please."

"She already does that!!!" Johnny yelled from the inside of the Biological Hazards container.

"So?" Isis said.

"I guess I'll do it...if I am paid and/or given food," Daisaigai said firmly.

"Deal," Rishid said.

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Now what shall happen, for Yami Marik's fate is in the paws of an insane authoress?

Oh yes, I almost forgot: "Tanzt" means "dance" in German, and "Steight den Bleistift in den nase" means "Stick the pencil in your nose." Heh heh.

R&R, FELLOW FAN FICTION WRITERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!