Title: Two Halves of the Same Coin (1/2)
Author: Mike McD
Rating: PG
Summary: She's fallen in love with Xander but it's love under someone's shadow.
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and enjoyment.
Authors' notes: This takes place after 'Once More With Feeling'. Anya and Xander split up just after it.
*-*-*-*-*
Falling in love with Xander wasn't high on my list of things I'd be likely to do. If anyone told me a year ago that I'd fall in love with Xander and end up lying naked on his bed after a night of passion, I would have laughed at them.
But here I am. Naked and in love.
I guess it all started with Dawn. With all that's happened lately, I promised myself that I would spend more time with Dawn. After his break up with Anya, Xander must have had similar thoughts. So the three of us ended up doing stuff together. Going to the movies, shopping at the mall, helping Dawn with her homework, pizza and video nights, and just plain hanging out together.
Often Dawn would fall asleep during the video nights with her head in either one of our laps and her legs draped across the other. The two of us shared a love of Dawn. Xander was Dawn's older best guy friend and confidant on most matters. He was a much needed positive male role model for her.
All the time we spent with Dawn gave us a chance to really get to know each other. Yes, we were friends, but we never really had gotten to know each other that well. We'd shared death defying moments and fun Scooby times on patrols and at the Bronze, but hardly ever just the two of us in a non-Scooby environment.
We began to open up to each other; we became relaxed with each other. We made having lunch together a regular thing. We joked about our lunchtimes being 'dates'. We talked about all sorts of normal things like the weather, movies, food, anything. We also talked about more personal things. We became a sympathetic ear for each other. It really helped me that Xander is a great listener.
He's a great guy. Funny, loyal, loving, brave, and remarkably mature.
That's right, mature.
When you really get to know him, get the past his defences, there are hidden depths to Xander that few would ever give him credit for. The clown is just a mask, a colourful front that hides the true workings behind those chocolate pool like eyes.
On the shallow side, he's great in bed. Magical even. Anya wasn't exaggerating his abilities all those times. He's good with his hands, as you'd expect a carpenter to be. But he's unbelievable with his tongue, lips, and... the rest of his body.
But the one thing that turned friendship into love was his heart. It's strength and purity. His heart is the source of all his finest qualities.
I'd had a bad few days and I just needed someone to vent to. Dawn was away for the weekend and thus Xander was at his apartment catching up on his neglected housework. I started ranting and Xander sat me down and did his listening thing. After five or so minutes I'd worked myself up so much that the tears began to flow.
Heaven knows the issues I was upset about were minor, but I guess my body decided I needed a good cry to restore my balance. Xander held me close to his chest, stroked my hair, and made soothing sounds. I held him back and, when my tears dried up to become sniffles, I suddenly became aware of how good it felt just to be held by Xander. His broad shoulders, his warm embrace, the comforting beating of his heart. I didn't want to ever leave this wonderful, safe place I'd discovered.
He gently kissed the top of my head as he had done dozens of times comforting Dawn. I looked up at him and found myself gazing into the warm pools of his eyes.
Gently my lips captured his and, for long moments, we lovingly kissed.
When I looked at him again, Xander's face was a mix of emotions. Shock, love, questioning. Without a word I left his apartment.
For the next week or so I avoided Xander, not because I regretted what happened, but because I needed time to think about what this development meant to me. Life changing decisions need time to be thought through. Xander understood that, I think, and didn't question me on the avoidance issue. Dawn, on the other hand, noticed the avoidance and pressed the issue with me.
I tried avoiding the issue but she wouldn't have any of that. I tried telling her it wasn't any of her business but Dawn didn't care. I even tried pleading but no dice.
So I told her what happened.
I expected anger. I expected disbelief. I expected the worst.
What I didn't expect was laughter.
Dawn killed herself laughing.
Eventually she calmed down and the two of us talked about it. She wondered aloud what was it about Xander that had so many women fall for him. I know Dawn has her own thing for him. She asked me how I felt about Xander. I raved on about how he was such a great friend and a wonderful guy but Dawn cut to the chase. She asked me if I loved him.
Reluctantly I told her that I did.
Showing remarkable insight, Dawn asked me if my reluctance to admit my feelings for Xander was my issues or the spectre of Willow.
Willow. She's possessive of people she regards as 'hers', and Xander is her most prized possession. She hated every single girlfriend Xander ever had for the simple fact that they were encroaching on 'her' property. When it came to Xander it was a case of 'I don't want him but nobody else can have him either'.
But talking with Dawn made me realise that if I wanted to be truly happy then I would have to stand up to Willow. I had to take what I wanted with both hands and not let go. There are enough issues between me and Xander to worry about without importing Willow's as well.
I'm laying naked on Xander's bed, the sheets permeated with the scent of our sweet love making, and I'm thinking about Willow.
We know this is going to hurt her and the idea of it is killing the both of us.
Why?
Xander's back from his shower, wearing the tweety bird boxers Willow got him for Christmas.
I don't think there's not a part of him that doesn't have Willow's mark in someway.
I know that there's little of me that doesn't either.
Seeing my worry, he lay next to me and held me close. He knows what's worrying me; it worries him too.
"We'll be alright Tara."
Author: Mike McD
Rating: PG
Summary: She's fallen in love with Xander but it's love under someone's shadow.
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and enjoyment.
Authors' notes: This takes place after 'Once More With Feeling'. Anya and Xander split up just after it.
*-*-*-*-*
Falling in love with Xander wasn't high on my list of things I'd be likely to do. If anyone told me a year ago that I'd fall in love with Xander and end up lying naked on his bed after a night of passion, I would have laughed at them.
But here I am. Naked and in love.
I guess it all started with Dawn. With all that's happened lately, I promised myself that I would spend more time with Dawn. After his break up with Anya, Xander must have had similar thoughts. So the three of us ended up doing stuff together. Going to the movies, shopping at the mall, helping Dawn with her homework, pizza and video nights, and just plain hanging out together.
Often Dawn would fall asleep during the video nights with her head in either one of our laps and her legs draped across the other. The two of us shared a love of Dawn. Xander was Dawn's older best guy friend and confidant on most matters. He was a much needed positive male role model for her.
All the time we spent with Dawn gave us a chance to really get to know each other. Yes, we were friends, but we never really had gotten to know each other that well. We'd shared death defying moments and fun Scooby times on patrols and at the Bronze, but hardly ever just the two of us in a non-Scooby environment.
We began to open up to each other; we became relaxed with each other. We made having lunch together a regular thing. We joked about our lunchtimes being 'dates'. We talked about all sorts of normal things like the weather, movies, food, anything. We also talked about more personal things. We became a sympathetic ear for each other. It really helped me that Xander is a great listener.
He's a great guy. Funny, loyal, loving, brave, and remarkably mature.
That's right, mature.
When you really get to know him, get the past his defences, there are hidden depths to Xander that few would ever give him credit for. The clown is just a mask, a colourful front that hides the true workings behind those chocolate pool like eyes.
On the shallow side, he's great in bed. Magical even. Anya wasn't exaggerating his abilities all those times. He's good with his hands, as you'd expect a carpenter to be. But he's unbelievable with his tongue, lips, and... the rest of his body.
But the one thing that turned friendship into love was his heart. It's strength and purity. His heart is the source of all his finest qualities.
I'd had a bad few days and I just needed someone to vent to. Dawn was away for the weekend and thus Xander was at his apartment catching up on his neglected housework. I started ranting and Xander sat me down and did his listening thing. After five or so minutes I'd worked myself up so much that the tears began to flow.
Heaven knows the issues I was upset about were minor, but I guess my body decided I needed a good cry to restore my balance. Xander held me close to his chest, stroked my hair, and made soothing sounds. I held him back and, when my tears dried up to become sniffles, I suddenly became aware of how good it felt just to be held by Xander. His broad shoulders, his warm embrace, the comforting beating of his heart. I didn't want to ever leave this wonderful, safe place I'd discovered.
He gently kissed the top of my head as he had done dozens of times comforting Dawn. I looked up at him and found myself gazing into the warm pools of his eyes.
Gently my lips captured his and, for long moments, we lovingly kissed.
When I looked at him again, Xander's face was a mix of emotions. Shock, love, questioning. Without a word I left his apartment.
For the next week or so I avoided Xander, not because I regretted what happened, but because I needed time to think about what this development meant to me. Life changing decisions need time to be thought through. Xander understood that, I think, and didn't question me on the avoidance issue. Dawn, on the other hand, noticed the avoidance and pressed the issue with me.
I tried avoiding the issue but she wouldn't have any of that. I tried telling her it wasn't any of her business but Dawn didn't care. I even tried pleading but no dice.
So I told her what happened.
I expected anger. I expected disbelief. I expected the worst.
What I didn't expect was laughter.
Dawn killed herself laughing.
Eventually she calmed down and the two of us talked about it. She wondered aloud what was it about Xander that had so many women fall for him. I know Dawn has her own thing for him. She asked me how I felt about Xander. I raved on about how he was such a great friend and a wonderful guy but Dawn cut to the chase. She asked me if I loved him.
Reluctantly I told her that I did.
Showing remarkable insight, Dawn asked me if my reluctance to admit my feelings for Xander was my issues or the spectre of Willow.
Willow. She's possessive of people she regards as 'hers', and Xander is her most prized possession. She hated every single girlfriend Xander ever had for the simple fact that they were encroaching on 'her' property. When it came to Xander it was a case of 'I don't want him but nobody else can have him either'.
But talking with Dawn made me realise that if I wanted to be truly happy then I would have to stand up to Willow. I had to take what I wanted with both hands and not let go. There are enough issues between me and Xander to worry about without importing Willow's as well.
I'm laying naked on Xander's bed, the sheets permeated with the scent of our sweet love making, and I'm thinking about Willow.
We know this is going to hurt her and the idea of it is killing the both of us.
Why?
Xander's back from his shower, wearing the tweety bird boxers Willow got him for Christmas.
I don't think there's not a part of him that doesn't have Willow's mark in someway.
I know that there's little of me that doesn't either.
Seeing my worry, he lay next to me and held me close. He knows what's worrying me; it worries him too.
"We'll be alright Tara."