Free Fertilizer!
Rated PG-13 for language and junk like that.
Comments: GAH! I don't own Secret Window or Johnny Depp or any of those other people. Although owning Johnny Depp would amuse me greatly, slavery is wrong.
Chapter One: I'm Going Crazy, Won't You Come Along?
Mort Rainey stood in front of Amy and Ted, holding up his murderous shovel.
"I'm not Mort, what are you talking about? Have you met my murderous shovel?" Mort, I mean, Shooter said.
"AHHHH!! No! Mort! Please! NO!" Amy screamed. Mort, ahem, Shooter blows his nose on his shirt and takes a step towards them.
"Ya ain't deaf, are ya? There ain't no Mort here. NOW FEEL MY WRATH! MWAHAHAHA!" Shooter said.
"MORT! You crazy bastard! You have a psychological disorder doctors have called Schizophrenia!" Ted said (hey, that rhymed).
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....." 'Shooter' yelled.
"ALRIGHT! WE GET IT!" Amy and Ted shouted together.
"I'm still going to kill you though." Mort (SORRY!) Shooter said.
"Why?" Amy asked.
"Because you made fun of my accent." Mort said.
"You'll see," Ted said (ha! another rhyme!). "This will go like the original story! The insurance agent guy will coem and shoot your punk ass! Then you'll DIE!"
"Not if I already killed him! MWAHAHAHA!!" Mort said.
gasp
Mort then went all kung-fu and killed Amy and Ted with his murderous shovel while singing...
"I'm going crazy, won't you come along..."