Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?

Sanity Vs Insanity

"Hey! What are you doing there?" Vladislaus 13 asked his little sister, Marishka 5385.

"Just playing," she said very innocently, "I like the spinny chair."

"Where's Vlad?"

"Which one?"

"One! Where is Vladislaus 1!?!?" Vladislaus 13 screamed at her.

"You're mean to me!" she said and pouted.

"Hey! I told you not to use the chair without adult supervision! You could get hurt!" Vladislaus 1 had walked into the room. Suddenly he dropped the nice act, "NOW CLEAR OFF!!!"

Marishka screamed and ran off out the door, waving her arms above her head.

"You too!" Vladislaus 1 said to Vladislaus 13.

"We have a problem. A big problem!" Vladislaus 13 said, "Dad has gone insane! As we speak he is having a slumber party with Alexia, two other girls and BLAKE!!!"

Vladislaus 1 stared at him for a moment and then started to laugh. It was his father's laugh, "For a minute there you almost had me convinced! Alexia and two other girls, maybe. But not Blake!"

"Yes! Blake's there too! I'll prove it if I have too!"

"Go on," said Vladislaus 1 smugly. "Try and prove it, I don't think you can!"

.......... ......... ........... .......... .......... . ............ ............. ...........

"Okay, you proved it!" Vladislaus 1 exclaimed, slumping back in the chair. His brother and he had been eavesdropping outside the room where the slumber party was being held, and Vladislaus 1 had been very freaked out.

He hadn't heard the actual words they were saying, but he recognized Blake's laughs and his father's laughs too.

"What the hell are we going to do?" Vladislaus 13 asked as they pressed their ears to the door, "I think it was that whack on the head. You know when he was teaching the young ones to walk up the walls? It was only after that that he tried to make us learn musical instruments and he sent you to military school......

How'd that go by the way?"

Vladislaus 1 grimaced, "Let's just say, loads of girls, really fat instructors and cleaning toilets don't go well together."

"Got it. What do you think they're planning?"

"Are they planning anything?"

"Oh yeah! Girls always plan evil things when they get together. Whether it be kidnapping innocent males and giving them a makeover or locking us all in cage and poking us with that cattle prod Igor has......."

............ .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... ...........

"I don't believe it! How did you know? How could they?"

For Vladislaus 13 prediction had been right. Dracula had convinced the girls to round up every single one of Dracula's children. Now they were ALL locked in ONE of the cages that had previously been used to hold werewolves.

Every girl had been supplied with one of Igor's trusty cattle prods. Dracula had stolen them after convincing the deformed assistant to leave them behind when he went on his annual holiday to visit his mother in New York.

"Are you sure they like this?" asked Blake uncertainly, looking at the bawling children that filled the cage.

"Yes, yes." said Dracula with a bit on a manic laugh. He danced around a bit and poked his children through the bars with his cattle prod, "Yes we're teaching them a little discipline! They won't be barging in on any of our parties any time soon!"

"That's right!" yelled Alexia.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, our heroes, (Vladislaus 1 and Vladislaus 13, Oh no, if they're our heroes we are all doomed), were hiding behind the sofa.

"We need to get out of here," said Vladislaus, "when they start attacking the kids we'll make a run for it. We need to call..........someone!"

"Wait for it....." Vladislaus 13 watched his father. Dracula suddenly dived, sticking the cattle prod into Verona 345. She let out a yell that shook the ceiling and then started to cry louder than before. This worked out perfectly for our 'heroes' who took the opportunity to escape through the door.

"Quick!" Vladislaus 1 hissed, "Back to my room. We'll use my mobile!"

They legged it all the way back to the other side of the castle, looking around corners incase the enemy should be coming that way.

When they finally reached the sanctuary of Vladislaus 1's room, both were out of breath and paranoid.

"Okay," gasped Vladislaus 13, "Who shall we ring?"

"Vampire Child Line," responded Vladislaus 1 immediately. His mobile was a lot more up to date than Dracula's. It had polyphonic ringtones, a voice recorder, a colour screen and a camera. He was very proud of it.

He dialed the number.

"Hello! Welcome the Vampire Child Line. Please follow the instructions for a better death free from pain and destruction. If you are abused by a long pointy stick, please press one."

"Vlad!" hissed Vladislaus 1, "Does a cattle prod count as a long pointy stick?"

"No!" Vladislaus 13 replied quietly. "It should say cattle prod!"

"If you are being by a saucepan, please press two!"

And so it went on, until eventually,

"If you are being locked in a cage and poked with a cattle prod by your mentally deranged father and, by this time, your ex-girlfriend, please press-"

Vladislaus 13 sneezed, and the sound of it drowned out the numbers that Vlaislaus 1 was supposed to press.

"You idiot!!!" he screamed. "We've been waiting for almost half an hour for-" Vladislaus 1 stopped his screaming when voices were heard just outside the door.

"What's going on in here?"

"Alexia!" Vladislaus 13 had fear in his voice as he said the girl's name, "and Blake!"

"Just go in you stupid scally!"

Alexia suddenly appeared through the door after being pushed by Blake, but the room was deserted.

"Don't you dare call me a scally!" Alexia spat at Blake, as she too walked through the door, "We have been sent to find the two missing and we aren't allowed to stall by insulting each other!"

"I'll insult you whenever I like!" Blake whispered menacingly, "Anyway, they're not here, so let's go."

With that, the two girls departed still throwing insults at each other when ever possible.

As soon as they had shut the door behind them, the two boys dropped down from the ceiling.

"I'm so glad I got the hang of that walking up walls thing!" they said together.

For a moment they stood there stunned. That had never happened before.

"You know, you're not so bad for a brother." Vladislaus 13 said awkwardly.

Vladislaus 1 grinned, "We're the blood brothers. C'mon let's go find Mum, Auntie Verona and Auntie Marishka. They're the only ones who can help us now."

And with that they took off and flew out the window into the night sky.

A.N Just the epilogue to do! But you aren't going to get it until All Hallows Eve! That was our deadline and we think that it is very fitting for it to end then! We have written it and we will get it to you by then.

This chapter is dedicated to L.H who loves sharp pointy sticks and cattle prods. It was her favourite bit in the entire film, was when Igor chased Carl over the bridge with the cattle prod!

Thorney and Sweetdeath04