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(even if you can't read 1337, you SHOULD know what it says by NOW (wish they'd let me use all the right characters /mad at them/))

Chapter 9!!!!!

Kade: Wow...um...you know, I can't even remember what happened in the last chapter, since it's been so long since I updated this. My gawd, I'm sorry! I'm such a BAD BAD KADE! Well anyway, this is the disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN RUROUNI KENSHIN, YU YU HAKUSHO, YU-GI-OH!, TRIGUN, INUYASHA, GETBACKERS, E-BAY, TOYS R US, OR ANYTHING ELSE I MIGHT MENTION IN THIS SO-CALLED "FANFIC". THE ONLY THING I OWN IS THE STORY ITSELF AND CAM HARVAY.

Vash: AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!! eating the deluxe box of one hundred donuts that Kade bought for him

Okay, enough disclaimer crap, let's get on with the story!

Mr. Stranger was laughing in his cave again, that same stupid girlish giggle that Yahiko couldn't stand. It drove him bonkers every time he heard it. It made him want to run and bash his head against the wall multiple times, which would probably give him brain damage, but anything was better than the kind of torture he was currently subject to.

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!" Mr. Stranger cried out, spinning around a couple times and bouncing up and down with his hands held up in front of him like a ditzy girl. He looked at Yahiko and pointed towards the 72" color television that he had been watching for the past two hours. "ESTELLE JUST DUMPED YORO FOR HIS BROTHER'S EX-GIRLFRIEND'S MOTHER'S FRIEND'S BROTHER'S SON'S WIFE'S BEST FRIEND'S COUSIN'S EX-LOVER!! I can't believe that! Oooohhh that girl is gonna be sorry I'm telling you, the man is NO GOOD!" He shook his head sadly while Yahiko stared at the television in wonder, his eyes bugging out of his head.

"Where did that thing COME FROM!?" He asked. Never in his life had Yahiko seen anything quite like THAT machine in the corner! After all, TV's simply didn't exist in the Meiji era.

Mr. Stranger laughed and waved a hand. "Oh you silly, they sell just about everything on E-Bay now-a-days!"

"What the hell is an E-Bay?"

"AGGHHHH!!!" Mr. Stranger screamed and clutched the sides of his head. "I DON'T KNOW, REALLY! I'm serious gurlfriend, I like don't have the 411 'n stuff okay! Don't look at me like that either, omg! That like is like...TOTALLY freaky! I mean it reminds me of this one time when I went into the beauty salon, and like this chick was standing behind me while I was getting my manicure..."

Yahiko let out a loud groan of frustration. Wasn't anybody ever going to save him? Didn't anybody care? Would he forever be trapped inside this cave with a complete NIMROD?! The mere thought of it was enough to make him wish for an instant death. He looked at Mr. Stranger with half-closed eyes, extremely bored. The author had forgot to describe this strange man who was very strange, up until now anyway. Mr. Stranger was dressed completely in black. Only his eyes were showing, and they were a bright blue color. Yahiko didn't know why such a lame villain would even bother to dress like a ninja, especially when the costume really didn't serve any purpose. After all, during the kidnapping process, Mr. Stranger and Yahiko passed right through town in the middle of the afternoon! Why nobody helped him out then was beyond any reasonable explaination except that either the people were blind, too stupid to know when somebody was in danger, or all hated Yahiko. Possibly all three. My, isn't that a lovely thought?

"...and so like then she was all up in my face, so I was like BITCH PLEASE! Don't be all up on me just because you were too slow to get the last bottle of super-conditioning moisturizer from the top shelf! OMG like you should totally get a life! And then do you know what she did next? DO YOU? I'll tell you just what happened, then she grabbed a fistful of my hair that I JUST HAD PERMED, and she..." Mr. Stranger kept pacing back and forth and waving his hands as he talked animatedly and re-enacted the events of that fateful day at the beauty salon. As if Yahiko gave a damn. As if the world was his stage. As if he was the only one in the universe who ever had anything remotely interesting happen to him. As if he was the most important person alive. As if...well, you get the idea.

Yahiko squeezed his eyes shut and willed Kenshin to come and rescue him--and fast!

The said samurai, however, was having problems of his own.

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES!! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES..." Cam skipped along the dirt road ahead of Kenshin and Sanosuke, singing the same song she had been singing for the past half an hour. Didn't that chick EVER run out of steam? Kenshin wasn't quite sure how much more annoyances he could take, and his patience was definitely growing thin. Sano, on the other hand, was ready to pounce on her and strangle her until she had no more breath to sing with.

"I am SO getting drunk the second we get back," he mumbled to himself.

"Are we there yet?" Kenshin groaned, beginning to get very tired. If he got too tired, would he be able to fight? Exactly how tough WAS this strange Mr. Stranger anyway? Was he even tough at all? Could he fight? What if he punched Kenshin, and then Kenshin got knocked out? Could he do that? Could Sanosuke finish the fight if Kenshin got knocked out like that? What were they all going to have for supper once Mr. Stranger was defeated? Why is the author asking all these retarded questions?

"I wish," Sanosuke responded, sounding extremely grumpy. Why on earth would he be grumpy?

Up ahead, Cam suddenly stopped her horrendous howling and screamed loudly. "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"

Kenshin and Sanosuke exchanged weary glances. What NOW? They both looked up to see her standing next to a brown-haired young man dressed in purple robes and carrying a gold-colored staff. He was giving her a perverted smirk.

Cam grinned and yelled, "MIROKU JUST GRABBED MY BUTT!"

Kenshin sweatdropped, and Sano face-vaulted. "WHAT THE HELL IS THERE TO BE HAPPY ABOUT?!" He shouted once he got to his feet.

Cam just gave him a cat-like smile and blushed. "Miroku is my favorite guy from--uh...well I just love Miroku! I want him to be my hunky lover-man..." She closed her eyes and sighed dreamily; sick fantasies running through her mind that nobody really cared to know about. She probably completely forgot that Miroku was still standing there, and still had his hand attached to her butt.

"When will this end?" Kenshin asked, as he grew all swirly-eyed once more.

Sanosuke looked up at the sky. "Please tell me...I've never really been a religious guy, but I ask you, God, am I being punished for something?"

Meanwhile Miroku had taken both of Cam's hands in his, and was looking into her eyes. "Lady Cam, I am cursed and therefore my life may be short...will you bear my child?"

Cam had miraculously snapped out of her daydream long enough to hear what he said, and little hearts suddenly appeared in her eyes. "Oh Miroku, yes I will! Cuz I looooooove you! And you're soooo damn sexy, I just want to take you into the bushes and--MMMMPH!" Cam protested as Sanosuke clamped a hand over her mouth right before she could say anything that would scar him for life.

Miroku frowned at Sanosuke. "Keep your hands to yourself, so that I may hear Lady Cam's lovely words!"

Cam pulled Sano's hand off her mouth. "Yeah! Look, why don't you two bug off so me and my lover-man can have some quality time together?"

Kenshin looked at Miroku in disapproval. "Miss Camille, how can you say that? You have no way of knowing whether this man in sincere or not!"

Cam looked at Kenshin as if he had grown two heads. "Sincere? Kenshin, I don't care if he's sincere or not...he's hott!!" Having said that, Cam began to get as close as humanly possible to the lecherous monk, trying not to drool all over his robes.

Sanosuke clenched his fists. "What! Grrr...he's just a stupid monk! And a perverted one at that! He'll probably ditch you the minute he gets what he wants from you! You stupid girl, just come away from him and let's go frickin' rescue Yahiko like we've been trying to do for the past week or so!"

Miroku looked offended. "I will do no such thing! Lady Cam has just agreed to bear my child...I could never leave her! I'm insulted that you would even suggest it. Why don't YOU just bug off?" He turned to Cam and whispered, "Is he an ex-boyfriend or something?"

"No way!" Cam shook her head. "He's just a big meanie who always gets mad whenever things don't go his way. Now...about those bushes..."

"DAMMIT ALL, THIS IS RETARDED!!" Sanosuke shouted angrily. "I'M SICK OF ALL THIS SIDE-STORY CRAP HAPPENING EVERY TIME WE GET A LITTLE CLOSER TO KICKING THAT MR. STRANGER GUY'S ASS! Listen Mark, you'd better get your hands off that girl before I tie you to a boulder and throw you into a lake!"

Kenshin put a hand on Sano's shoulder. "Just calm down, Sanosuke. Let me handle this...oh and I believe his name is 'Miroku'."

"Whatever!" Sanosuke scowled and crossed his arms, looking over at a tree that had suddenly become very interesting.

Kenshin turned his attention to Miroku, who was making googly eyes at Cam as his hand...uh...wandered. "A-hem...Mr. Miroku, Cam is currently involved in a mission with the two of us. You see, she is supposed to be helping us find an evil villain who kidnapped our friend, a boy named Yahiko. We really need her help, so if you would be so kind..."

Cam suddenly looked sad. "Kenshin...I'm not just leaving him here! He's my dream hottie, my lover-man, my main bitch, my sexy god..."

"ENOUGH!" Sanosuke was about to tear his hair out...really, he was! And took him so long to get his hair all spiked up in the right directions, too! But if he got fed up enough, well then dammit, that hair was gonna fly!

Cam blinked. "I have an idea!!"

Suddenly Sanosuke toppled over, in a dead faint.

"Was it something I said?" Cam wondered, looking confused. She glanced at Kenshin questioningly. "What's wrong with him?"

Kenshin sweatdropped. "Well I believe he was just so shocked that you said you had an idea, it just made him faint...er...what was that idea?" He asked the question knowing full well that he was probably going to regret doing so.

"LET MIROKU COME WITH US!!!" Cam grinned broadly, making chibi eyes at Kenshin. "PWWEEEEAAAASSSSE?! He'll be a big help too! He has this really neat tunnel that like SUCKS UP EVERYTHING and he can kick ass too! Come on, please say yes! He really wants to come, right Miroku?" She poked Miroku, who nodded his head vigorously.

"Ah, yes I would be honored to join you on your travels, sir." Miroku bowed politely.

Kenshin sweatdropped AGAIN. "Er...but Cam, I do not think that Sanosuke would be very happy about this, de gozarou..."

"SO WHAT?" Cam pouted. "Who cares what that meanie thinks! He never wants me to have any fun at all! Come on come on come on come on come on! Please please please, pretty please with sugar and candy and ice cream and cherries and sprinkles on top?"

Kenshin bit his lip. "Well...I really can't say 'no' to that...I suppose it would be alright if he comes with us, as long as the two of you behave yourselves."

"YAY!!" Cam jumped up in the air and then turned around to glomp Miroku. "I'M SO HAPPY! YAY YAY YAY! And don't worry, Kenshin...I GUESS we can behave...cuz there's plenty of time for REAL fun later, right lover-man?" She winked at Miroku, who blushed and nodded.

"Indeed there is, Lady Cam..."

Kenshin sighed. Nope, Sanosuke wasn't going to like this AT ALL...

AN: Yeah, sorry for taking so long to update. I finally feel like writing again! I'M SO HAPPY YAY! And even though Miroku is one of my favorite characters, I just couldn't help doing that...LOL. Poor Sano, he's gonna have a fit. But wait! There's more! If possible...I have FINALLY figured out a plot for this story! AMAZERING! hears the gasps of surprise from all the readers Yes yes, I know. It's a miracle isn't it? Ah yes...well anyway, I know you're all going to want to throw something at me for not updating in MONTHS, but hey, just don't throw mangos...that's MY thing okay? Bwahaha!