AN: so I actually forgot I had written this chapter a long long while ago and never post it before, I change the original ending though. It's short, but by all means enjoy, or not, whatever, but know that feedback is always appreciated.

Chapter 3

"Buffy!" Willow squealed.

"Willow" the blond reply coldly?

"Hey, what are you doing up so late? Here. In the kitchen? I mean, is everything all right?" she tried to cover the nervousness in her voice, she really hope Buffy hadn't heard anything that could lead to misinterpretation.

"I don't know, you tell me. Was there something wrong with Spike? Is that why you were down there?"

"Yes" she answer tentatively not knowing what to say, she wasn't planning on having the slayer find out about hers and Spike's activities yet.

"So what's wrong? Is he ok? Is the pain in his head back or something? Maybe I should go down make sure he-"

"No, nothing like that, I - there was a rat." good cover Will, you're so busted.

"Huh?"

"A rat, I couldn't sleep and I heard noises downstairs, turn's out Spike was trying to chase a rat that somehow got down there and it jump at me, and I screamed and the he killed it and that's it."

"So that was what all the screaming was about? Coz let me tell you that when I hear you scream 'oh my god Spike It feels so good' I'm not thinking about his abilities to kill rats" her voice dripping with rage.

"I don't sound like that! And is so not what you think"

"Don't worry I don't know what to think anymore, because I just can't believe you would do something like that to me, but then again you did try to destroy the world"

Ouch low blow. the red headed thought.

"Yeah? Well last time I check Spike was a single man, vampire. Whatever"

"That's right Man, you're suppose to be a lesbian for Pete's sake"

"I am a lesbian, and I wasn't doing anything bad with your boyfriend"

"No. it sounded pretty good!" then she thought about what Willow said and in true Buffy form she replied.

"And he's not my boyfriend"

"And whose fault is that?"

The slayer didn't reply. And that gave a second to Willow think about what was going on and started laughing.

"Look Buffy, Spike was just giving me a massage, so drop it ok?"

"Why are you laughing?"

"We're fighting over a guy, you and me. Is funny"

"No is not." the slayer said shaking her head, yet finding the situation amusing as well.

"Yes it is, of all the things we can argue about, you're jealous, of me and Spike, like that would ever happen" the witch said in a teasing voice.

"Am not"

"Are too, you totally wigged"

"Did not. And why was he giving you a massage in the first place?" She inquired while taking a seat.

"It's all your fault, you said he gave the best massages" At that the blond's eyes widened to inhuman proportions.

"But don't worry; he didn't give me the slayer special."

"Good"

"Although it should be illegal feeling that good with just one massage, I can't imagine what he did to you" That made Buffy blush so deep, Willow couldn't help a giggle and push the subject a little more.

"I mean, I always though that He had hidden talents but by the look on your face..."

"Arrghh don't remind me please"

"That good?" Willow asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Uh-hu"

"Wow"

"Yeah"

"And you gave that up willingly?" The slayer nodded

"We had issues"

"I guess, but now that he has a soul and the both of you are in better places, don't you just -" But was cut off abruptly by the other girl.

"Don't Will, I can't afford to think 'what ifs' right now"

"Sorry, didn't mean to pry or anything"

"Is ok, you're not prying"

"So you don't mind? About our little arrangement?"

"Wait, are you gonna keep on getting massages from him?" The slayer asked disbelievingly.

"Oh come on, he's good. Is like a free spa, right there in the basement, I can't just waste that" Willow whined.

"But"

"And you said it yourself; you gave that up, maybe he'd be willing to give you innocent massages too if you ask him." Yep, diversionary tactic, keep her of your back and push her to confront her own Spike issues. The red headed girl told herself.

"I couldn't do that too him, or myself, there's too much temptation" Buffy tried to explain.

"You could try to keep your clothes on you know? It's not that hard"

"Hey!" She replied indignantly "and It really is that hard" she sighed

"Wow, too much information for my innocent gay ears you know?"

"What? I- Oh Will come on I wasn't even talking about that" The blonde sputtered embarrassed, while the witch giggled at the expression on her friends face.

"Geez Buff you're so easy, I'm kidding and I get it you know? But I just think you're wasting too much energy trying to deny your self what you want"

"And what would that be? Because I don't think even I know at this point"

"You still want him, maybe even more than before"

"Well duh, tell me something I don't know"

"Is time to stop lying to yourself, I'm not saying you go running into something you're not sure of, just admit some truths and act on them, stop being scared, what's the worst thing that could happen?"

Buffy didn't reply for the longest time, thinking of the past of the pain they brought to each other last year, and all the fears she has, finally she speaks so low, that her friends barely hears her cracked voice.

"The worst thing that could happen is him opening his eyes and realizing I'm just not worth all the pain I've caused him, maybe that Willow, and he'd be right"

Buffy finishes with tears threatening to spill from her eyes, and Willow doesn't get it, she really has no clue what happened last year, oh she got the short - Buffy & Spike Sleeping Together and there was badness all around – version but now the look on Buffy's eyes tells her all she doesn't need know, all the fear and self loathing the blond felt and no one saw, all the pain she caused the vampire and all the pain Willow caused her.

But beyond that, was the absolute, dissolute fear of opening up to Spike and losing him before she could lose herself in him, to be too late, to not have the chance to make things right between them, to be rejected by her once willing slave. And for all the things she could've said, all the reassurances she could muster, she knew that Buffy's fears were funded and the witch only felt pity and guilt for being somewhat responsible for how the things turned out.

"Buffy..."

"No Will, just don't, I'm sorry, I'll go to bed now, and don't worry about the massage I'm cool"

And with that she left a very disturbed Willow In the kitchen. She wouldn't follow her friend, she knew she needed time to process al the things had been said, but that didn't mean she had to just sit there and do noting about it, No sir, she was gonna make Spike and Buffy confront each other, and deal with whatever this thing between them was and they would get to be happy together (she could only hope). And the good thing was she didn't have to change her initial plan much.

TBC.