"J.J.'s missing."
At first I don't think that I had heard correctly. After all, there was no way I had heard what I thought I had heard. "Wh-what?" I gasp, feeling like I had been punched in the stomach.
"Helen, he's mis- he's missing," Jack says flatly, choking on his words slightly.
I thought that I had prepared for this moment. I truly did. I had known ever since he had left that this was a possibility. But nothing prepares a mother for this, hearing that thier child was missing. Possibly dead. And despite how I always pictured I would handle the situation, as being the glue holding the family together, my mind immediately went numb.
"No."
The word escapes my mouth before I can stop it. Blindly, I turn around, away from Jack, away from the marines, away from everyone.
"Helen," Jack says, taking my arm and guiding me to a chair. "Helen, please."
"No!" I cry louder, shaking his arm away. "No he's not. He's not! He's in a tent, safe at a camp. He's coming home soon! He and Beth, they're going to have a baby! He's not missing, he's not!" I shout, standing up and starting to run from the room.
"Helen!" Jack says sternly, following me out. I ignore him, tears pouring out of my eyes. I don't know why. He isn't missing.
"Mom, what-?" Will asks, seeing me run by, my face in my hands. I ignore him, running up the stairs until I trip over a step. I tumble down a couple of stairs and come to a halt, crying hysterically.
Jack is here. He seats himself on the step with me, and I cry onto his shoulder. I hear whispering above me, but I can't make out any words. And I feel another arm around me. It's Patty.
The door closes. The marines have left. Will's on the step with us, crying. I can't take it anymore.
"I'll be in our room," I whisper, wiping my face. It doesn't help. And I walk unsteadily upstairs. No one follows me.
I stay there, sobbing, praying, cursing God for doing this to us. My shoulders are shaking feverishly, and I can't stop it. It's all a dream, in slow motion. I don't move when I hear the door opening.
"Mom." It's Meg. She's home. I can tell she's crying- I look up, and her eyes are red. She sits down next to me, and I take her hand.
"Why?" she whispers, and I don't answer. I don't know.
We sit for what seems like hours, but what really must have been about twenty minutes or so. I don't know. Time doesn't seem to matter.
She leaves eventually. I hear the door to her room close. I lie in bed, waiting. I don't know what for.
Jack enters the room, and sits down. I lean against him, trying to be strong. But I can't. I cry into his shoulder, and he tightens his grip around me. We stay here for over an hour, trying to find solace in one another.
Eventually Jack speaks. "Helen," he says hoarsely. "We need to go take care of our kids." I nod, not moving. He stands up, and takes my hand.
"Be strong, Helen. He'll be all right." I wipe my eyes and stand up, not letting go of his hand.
The kids are on the steps. Will is crying quietly, holding Patty's hand. Patty looks numb- I don't think it's sunk in yet. Meg isn't crying anymore, but her eyes are red and puffy. I stand at the top of the steps, unsure of what to do.
Meg looks up, and I meet her eyes. Tears well up again. I try to hold them back, but one escapes. Before I go into hysterics, though, the door opens.
It's Beth. I feel my throat catch, looking at her. She has no idea...I turn away. I don't want to be the one who inflicts this pain on her.
But no one does. She turns to us, and she knows. She looks at us, her eyes shining. Jack gives her a tight nod in confimation. And she cries. I watch helplessly as Meg stands, crying once again. She hugs Beth, and they cry.
Patty stands too, and Meg wordlessly opens her arms to let Patty enter the circle. Will follows. I find myself breaking away from Jack, and I hold Beth, Meg, Will, and Patty, weeping uncontrollably. Jack stands behind us, and Beth moves to let him in.
The six of us stay there, mourning the seventh member of our family, seeking desperately for solace. I tighten my grip on those who I have with me. And I cry.
AN: I'll update every week, keeping it as close to canon as possible.