Disclaimer: The Legend of Zelda belongs to Nintendo and Shigeru Miyamoto. Link, Navi, Sheik, Impa and Zelda also belong to Shigeru Miyamoto and Nintendo. If they belonged to me, I'd be break-dancing my way around Kyoto and I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.
Fear
I can't see.
The cavern is black, totally black and I can hear something groaning in the distance. I don't know how close it is. It sounds far off, but then again I've learnt that you shouldn't take things at face value.
I hate this place.
There's water dripping nearby, the whole place smells damp and fusty. It doesn't surprise me, I am in the bottom of a well.
It doesn't just smell mouldy, I can handle mould. Mould is what I cultured when I was little to stick between the sheets of Mido's bed, and it's not that bad. It's just the smell of… well, death. Added to the blood on the floor, and the cobwebs and the un-dead screams in the dark and the groans in the shadows and the damp and mould, this place has the kind of atmosphere that could give a weaker guy than me a serious case of the creeps.
And it's cold, and making all the hairs stand up on my arms. But I can't be scared. No, that would be totally out of character, because I'm the Hero. I'm not the one who's supposed to be scared. I'm supposed to be brave, I'm meant to fight it out to the end, to build resolution in hand and heart, to face horror without flinching. I'm the one everyone's counting on.
So why am I afraid? Why does it feel like I'm not going to get out of this well?
Why am I scared?
Maybe it's because I'm a kid again. I feel so much stronger as a grown up, like I'm a real force to be reckoned with, like I'm not a joke, I really am a hero. It felt weird, changing back to this body. I'd only just got used to the way I was as a grown up and now I'm a kid again. But I'm not, my head isn't obsessed with doing this to show Mido up, to prove to everyone that I'm not some little freak without a fairy, to prove to them I'm brave. Maybe I was playing a game to begin with, but the stakes have been upped and the prize is a big one. Winner takes all, and the loser… dies.
I feel naked without my sword. The Kokiri Sword feels too light, too short, which is weird because only a short while ago it felt like it belonged there, but it feels like an impostor next to the Master Sword. My hands are so small, and all the old sores are coming back to them. A kid my age shouldn't be fighting, I shouldn't know these emotions of extreme hatred and regret. I should never have to feel this scared.
But I am scared. It's not the groaning Redeads hidden in the dark, the clicking of Skulltulas or the sudden appearance of a shadow over my head that I'm frightened of. Sure they scare the hell out of me when I'm face to face with them, but they aren't the main thing. I'm terrified of failure. This quest is looming overhead like a sword pointing downwards and it's hanging by a thread.
Me.
I am the only thing keeping success aloft. Every Sage I free, every monster I vanquish, I get that one step closer to victory and the thread holding that sword up gets that little bit thicker. But it's still a thread.
Now if it were a piece of rope or a chain then I'd be a little happier about my predicament but it isn't. It's a thread. The thing is that I feel like a measly piece of string, and only the goddesses know why I haven't frayed and broken yet.
Because I know that everyone's counting on me. I know that I'm their only hope, I'm the last line of defence against total and utter evil domination.. One little boy, with a short pointy sword and a whole load of the best intentions, told to put said short, pointy sword into a load of monsters and head towards killing the biggest, baddest monster of them all.
Ganondorf.
Granted by then I'll be a grown up again, with my real sword in my hand and looking like a force to be reckoned with but that doesn't matter. I still have a hole load of responsibility heaped onto my little boy shoulders at the moment. Where in the goddesses' name is that Lens of whatever the hell it is that I'm supposed to be looking for? The sooner I get that and get back to the Temple of Time, then I'll relax and stop feeling so damn pessimistic. Every second I'm in this stupid place I feel is wasted time. I mean, Kakariko was burning last time I saw it! People were getting hurt, I got hurt (although I guess I was kinda asking for it) and Sheik got hurt too. Who knows what's happening to them without me to protect them? That monster's still out there, still lurking in the graveyard and I'm the one who's got to put paid to it before it hurts anyone else, before it hurts Impa. Maybe once I kill it I'll find some answers to the questions I'm asking myself. Maybe she'll fill me in on what happened at the castle, what happened to Zelda. I have no idea where she is, and I don't think I'll ever feel easy about that until I know for sure that she's safe. I need her to be safe.
And I need to get out of this well.
Alive.
And I can't let anyone know that I'm scared, not now, not ever.
Suddenly light falls on the wall ahead and I can stop feeling blindly along the passages. I'm back in the main chamber, back where I started from and for what? All I've got are a map, a compass and a few less monsters to worry about. I've been all over this godforsaken place and come up with nothing.
"Din damnit!"
Navi circles at my feet, casting strange shadows on the walls. I hope there aren't any Wallmasters about…
"Link, what about that treasure chest?"
"What treasure chest?"
"That treasure chest in the pool that used to be where this pit is now."
And comprehension dawns on me.
"Maybe the stupid lens is in there!"
I jump down, hearing Navi mutter something under her breath as I do and then I open the chest with a jubilant kick.
"Mind your language," Navi scolds as I exercise some of my favourite new words. "Maybe you should try that door over there."
I pocket the lousy rupees that were in the chest and then head towards the door ahead. Stupid door. Stupid well. Stupid shadow monster from the stupid well. Stupid Ganondorf.
Stupid me for letting him get the Triforce in the first place.
"If there's some kind of creepy monster with un-dead qualities on the other side of this door Navi," I warn her, "then don't expect me to take it with the best of humour."
Navi perches on my shoulder.
"If there's a creepy monster with un-dead qualities on the other side of this door Link," she says cheerfully, "then I'll be effing and blinding with just as much vehemence as you."
At least I know if I die I died for some good cause, though it'll piss me off no end that I didn't get to see it through to the end. So we head through the door, a little boy from the forest and his fairy, getting ready to eff and blind our way through the next thing that tries to kill us.
…
"Oh Farore, Nayru and Din! No fucking way!"
The end
Author's Note: Happy Halloween! Monsters, Bottom of the Well and introversive fear. OK, so not horror-fear and all that cheesy Halloween crap, but I think that this kind of fear is a lot more powerful really, because no-one likes to let people down and I imagine it would be downright terrifying to think about failing when the stakes are as high as say, saving the world from the forces of evil. Crud, I sound like Bush. I didn't mean to. Sorry.
Those waiting for Vagabond: please bear with me and if you're going to review this story, don't get on my case about another one. I know what I have to do and I am working on it, but I don't want to spout out a bunch of crap. Quality not quantity, right?
xxx