Journey to Mordor (By SUV)
Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings. By the way, the poem in this chapter is not mine, it is from The Lord of the Rings books.
Chapter Three: Combined Craziness
Aragorn walked towards the girls. "Hello, my name is—"
Tess cut him off. "Your name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the blond blob on the windshield is Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood, the midget tied on the roof is Frodo Baggins of the Shire and I expect that in your company there is also Gandalf the Gay—I mean Gray, Gimli the dwarf, Boromir of Gondor, along with Meridoc Brandybuck, Perigrin Took, and Samwise Gamgee all of the Shire. Am I right? Also you set out from Rivendell, from the House of Elrond."
"How did you know all that?" asked Aragorn, amazed at Tess's knowledge.
"Just a lucky guess," said Tess with a shrug.
"Oh."
"You know Legolas?" asked Kate excitedly, jumping into the conversation.
"Well, yes I do," said Aragorn, surprised and a little scared of Kate.
"Cool! I've always wanted to meet him!" cried Kate, jumping up and down, clearly on a soar patch kids induced sugar high, which wasn't unusual.
"You'll have to excuse her, she's obsessed with Legolas Greenleaf," apologized Tess, shooting a 'shut up!' glare at Kate.
"That's okay. Who are you all?" dismissing Kate's strange behavior with a wave of his hand.
"Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Tess, the one who asked about Legolas is Kate, the one with brown hair is Emily and the other blonde is Dolly," said Tess as she pointed all her crazy friends, along with herself, out.
"Nice to meet you all," said Aragorn, nodding a 'hello' to each of the girls, who nodded back.
"What ab—" began Kate, but was cut off by Tess's hand covering her mouth.
"Kate… do me a favor…" Kate looked at Tess. "Shut up and eat your sour patch kids."
Kate gave Tess an evil look but began to eat her sour patch kids anyway. Dolly and Emily wandered over, still keeping a wary eye on Frodo, even though he was still tied to the roof.
"Hello," they said.
"Hello," replied Aragorn.
The rest of the Fellowship got out of the SUV. Gimli was very bruised and turning black, blue, and purple because of Legolas, Gandalf was smoking pot, Boromir was grouchy and sleep-deprived, Sam was hungry, Merry and Pippin were happy, and Legolas was only slightly hurt from his run-in with the windshield (and due to be very sore in the morning!). Frodo was left tied on the roof, which allowed Dolly and Emily to relax. Everyone was introduced and then stories were told.
"We are going to Mordor, to destroy the One Ring," said Aragorn, acting as the leader of the group, seeing as Gandalf was well, out of it.
"And which ring might this be?" questioned Emily.
"The One Ring, the ruling ring. Forged by Sauron himself…"
"…during the Third Age. It was supposed to overthrow the other rings of powers," finished Tess, not looking up from the ground, which she was staring at.
"Correct, lass," said Gimli, speaking for the first time.
Emily was still confused. "What's the problem with this ring?"
With a sigh, Tess recited a poem.
"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."
"I think I get it now…!" said Emily.
"Finally!" mumbled the Fellowship, Tess, Kate, and Dolly under their breaths.
"What did you just say? I couldn't hear you all."
"Nothing! Nothing at all!"
"Sure…" Emily said as she stared at everyone in turn before returning to her raisinets.
"So… Where were we?" asked Tess.
"I was going to ask you where you were going," said Aragorn.
"Well, since you got our SUV out of the swamp…" began Kate.
"Wait a minute," said Legolas. "Your SUV?"
"Yeah, Miss-Drool-Over-Everything got our SUV stuck in a swamp!" said Dolly
"And I helped!" added Emily cheerfully.
"I do not drool!" shouted Kate, standing up.
"Oh yes you do!" Dolly shouted back, also standing up.
Soon everyone was bickering, Kate and Dolly over Kate's drooling, Merry and Pippin over nothing, Gimli and Legolas over salted pork, Gandalf, Sam and Frodo over who Frodo liked better, and Boromir, Aragorn and Tess over who's SUV it was. Finally, Aragorn broke it all up with a yell.
"HEY! HEY!"
Everyone stopped fighting to turn around and stare at Aragorn. Crickets chirped once more during the awkward silence.
"Thank you! We," said Aragorn said pointing at himself, Boromir and Tess. "…have decided to share the SUV. Once the Fellowship completes their journey, the SUV will once again completely belong to Tess and her friends. Until then, we will have to share. And this means, new seat assignments!"
Everyone in the Fellowship groaned as Aragorn found another clipboard and made a list, then read it off to everyone. "Tess, driver; Boromir, Kate and Legolas, middle seats; Merry, Pippin, Emily and Dolly, trunk; Gandalf, Gimli, Frodo and Sam, roof; and myself, passenger seat. Climb in!"
Everyone once again raced towards the SUV. Everyone was pretty content with their seat assignments and felt better about the driver. Aragorn wasn't the world's best driver as the Fellowship had learned. And Kate and Emily, well let's just say that they were better off without having one of them driving. And Dolly and the rest of the Fellowship had no clue were they were going and would rather not try to drive. Luckily, Tess and Aragorn seemed to know where they were going. Or so it seemed.
"So… where are we headed?" asked Tess once everyone was strapped onto the roof and in their seats.
Author's Notes:
Well I'm glad that everyone likes this so far! In the next chapter, the group will finally hit the road. But can we really trust Tess's driving and Aragorn's navigating skills? Especially without a road map? Find out in the next chapter!
Reviewers!
A Darker Side of Light – I'm glad that you like it! A similar chapter was intended for my other LotR parody, but it was removed before I could post it.
musical geek – Well, one of my friend's once had a dream that she was driving an SUV in Middle-earth and that she lost it in a swamp. So I thought what would happen if the Fellowship found it and drove it? And how you could you write about a road trip without adding "Are we there yet?" into it? I didn't know it had comic reality in it until you mentioned it! But since it's in here, I think it's safe to say that the comic reality is here to stay. And I hoped that the Fellowship and a car would get people to read it!
Krista123 – Yeah, I know in real life my friends and I would do serious damage if we were in the story for real! I'm glad that you like it!
JesuslUver – I so glad that someone else thinks that this is funny! I had hoped it was original! It would have been quite scary for me if it wasn't! Then I'd be worried someone was stealing my ideas right out of my brain! shivers Scary thought! And it's nice to know that Jesus still loves me!
(New Note)
Again, no major changes.