Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

Chapter Five: Off-road SUV

"What did I do now?" asked Aragorn, glaring right back at Tess.

"You made me hit the gas pedal and NOW we're really lost! God only knows were we are! And this time, it is your fault!"

"I didn't hit the gas pedal now did I?"

"ARAGORN!!!!!"

"WHAT?!!!!!"

"Can you stop shouting?" asked Boromir.

"NO!!!!!" they both shouted at Boromir, turning their heads for a second.

"Why did I even bother?"

"Now what are we doing to do?" asked Emily, to no one in particular.

"And to make matters worse, it's starting to rain!" grumbled Dolly.

Everyone, even Tess and Aragorn, looked out the windows to see rain beginning to fall. Now what were they going to do? They would have to fit Gandalf, Gimli, Sam and Frodo in the SUV too. How?

Legolas spoke. "We should get the others off the roof."

"Yeah, and where are they going to go?" said Dolly, in a bad mood.

"Um…"

"Didn't think that through all the way, now did you blondie…"

"Did you just insult Legolas?" questioned Kate, speaking for the first time since getting in the SUV. "Did you?"

"What do you think?"

"Well it takes one to know one!" Legolas shot back.

"How dare you insinuate that I'm a dumb blonde?!" yelled Dolly, very angry.

"How dare you?"

"Why I oughta—"

"Cut it out!" shouted Emily. "It's bad enough that Tess and Aragorn can't stop bickering and the last thing we need right now are two more fighting people."

"I resent that statement!" yelled both Tess and Aragorn.

Emily rolled her eyes at them. "Now, we need to turn our attention to the problem at hand. The rain. We need to squeeze the others in."

"Sam, Frodo and Gimli can squeeze in the trunk with Merry and Pippin," suggested Boromir.

"Great. Now what about Gandalf?"

"He can sit between Kate and I," said Legolas, without taking his eyes off the floor. Being referred to as a dumb blonde, even without being called one, had hurt his feelings.

"Well then that's settled! Now let's get them inside!"

Everyone got out so that they could get the others inside. Everyone but Tess and Aragorn who returned to bickering over what to do and who had gotten them lost. Everyone squeezed back into the car just as the rain started to pick up, turning from a shower into a major downpour. Tess and Aragorn were still bickering.

"We should leave the SUV!" yelled Aragorn. "And set out on foot!"

"No we will not! You'd get us even more lost and we'd never find the SUV again if we did that! I don't trust your navigational skills at all!"

"Yeah? Well it's your fault we're stuck here in the first place!"

"My fault? Who was navigating?"

"Oh will you just give it up already?!"

"No!"

"Then we'll be stuck here forever!"

"No we will not!"

"Yes we will!"

"No, we will not!"

"Will!"

"Not!"

"Will!"

"Not!"

"Will!"

"Not!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" yelled everyone in the SUV.

Tess and Aragorn stopped bickering. They were surprised that everyone was so annoyed at them. Crickets chirped again as awkward silence broke in. But all sounds were washed away at the sound of rushing water.

"What's the sound?" Kate asked Legolas, fear in her voice.

"It sounds like rushing water, like a waterfall," was his reply.

Tess looked in the rearview mirror. "Oh it's a waterfall all right."

"What are you talking about?" asked Aragorn.

"There is a load of rushing water headed right for us."

"WHAT??!!!" shouted everyone.

Everyone turned around and swore. A load of water, created by the rainstorm was rushing down the hill and was about to sweep them away. Sweep them to unknown parts of Middle-earth. In an SUV. And the water had just about reached them…

"Holy Shit!" screamed Tess as the water reached the SUV and pushed it through the trees. "Holy Shit! Holy Shit!"

"Shut up!" said Kate, reaching over to smack Tess. "This is not the Penguin Blizzard River at Six Flags, Tess so you can freakin' chill!"

"So?"

"So stop the cursing already!"

"How 'bout NO!!!!!" shouted Tess followed by a string of rather colorful language as the water swept them down and another hill and gained more speed.

Kate shook her head and covered her ears as did Dolly and Emily. The Fellowship smirked at the girl's reaction to their friend's language. Gandalf smoked his pot, and Frodo stole his pink frilly apron from Sam's pack so he could clutch it in fear, while holding onto to Sam for dear life. Merry and Pippin were splitting an extra large bag of jumbo marshmallows and were way too happy. Emily and Dolly were acting as if the SUV being washed away was an amusement park ride. Kate was staring at Legolas who was clutching the armrest of his seat in fear (no one was wearing seat belts). Boromir looked bored. Tess had the steering wheel in a death grip and was swearing. Aragorn too looked extremely shaken by the ride as well.

Finally, the SUV came to a halt as the water disappeared. Everyone got out of the SUV (Tess, Aragorn and Legolas went to throw up behind some bushes) and walked around, trying to figure out were they were. Finally Tess, Aragorn, and Legolas rejoined the group and figured out were they were.

"We've washed up in Moria," the three said together.

"Is that good or bad?" asked Emily, Dolly, Merry, and Pippin.

"Bad," said Gandalf, putting away his pipe and pot. "Very bad."

[Author's Notes:

I lost my thought for this chapter which delayed it's posted and then the document manager wasn't working when I went to post the last chapter so that didn't get posted until this one was supposed to be posted. But I got this chapter written and now it's very late at night on August 2nd, and this will be posted tomorrow. Expect the next chapter around Wednesday, August 4th, unless I somehow manage to write it tomorrow and post it also. Please review!

Reviewers!

Spellman – Thanks! And no I had never seen the comic before but it does fit the story! You're welcome for the review. J

Ari Moon – I was just kidding! I already knew you wanted Frodo to die!

Krista123 – Glad you like! I'm feeling a bit better now that I'm all drugged up, but drugs have weird affects on me so if the story gets out of control it's because of the meds I'm on. And I have get to go get blood drawn for testing!

A Darker Side of Light – Yeah I know SUVs are bad for the environment as are any type of car. I'm not saying I support damage to the environment cause I don't. I'm a country person yet I'm stuck in an overpopulated town with way too much pollution (and my mom wonders why I'm always sick!) and every time I look around, more trees are being removed to squeeze in 100s of more little tiny homes and shopping centers. But you do have a good point about Legolas. But then again, who said that SUVs run on gas and pollute the air in Middle-earth? But I'm so for saving the environment that I would never drive an SUV in real life. Or support the destruction of the woods. I'd rather live in the country were there is hills, green grass, shady trees, clean air, hardly any people, and where I can ride my horse all day on trails. Plus I get sick as often in the country. (I'll shut up now!)

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME – Ya, who would've though Legolas even knew how to cuss? And Legolas as a Gothic, sounds very interesting, but if I wrote that, I have a Legolas obsessed friend who would hunt me down and kill me. I guess I'll just have to ponder that thought of Legolas as a Gothic.]