Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to The Lord of the Rings. It was created by J.R.R. Tolkien, not me. I own only the ideas and plots for my story, not the places, events, and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

Chapter Seven: Marshmallows and Flame-throwers

Merry, Pippin, and Emily were plotting against the Fellowship and Emily's friends. Merry and Pippin still had marshmallows and Emily had a flame-thrower to set the marshmallows on fire with. They planned to attack everyone upon the next stop. Among their targets were Tess, Aragorn, Kate, Legolas, Frodo, Dolly and Gimli. Sam and Boromir were off the hook and Gandalf had died in Moria.

Tess and Aragorn were still bickering and Legolas was trying very hard not to lose his temper. Kate was of course still staring adoringly at him. Dolly was very bored and sick of being stuck in the car and was yawning quite loud. Frodo was crying over Gandalf's death while Sam attempted to comfort him. Merry, Pippin, and Emily were talking quietly with Emily turned around in her seat to whisper to them. Gimli was snoring, as was Boromir.

"How much farther is Mordor?" asked Dolly without looking up.

Tess and Aragorn both stopped bickering long enough to say, "Very far!" before returning to their bickering.

"Great!" said Dolly sarcastically.

Gimli snorted loudly in his sleep. Legolas glared at the sleeping dwarf, as did several others (mainly the Hobbits).

"Can we please kick the dwarf out?" begged Legolas.

"NO!!!!!" shouted Aragorn and Tess, turning around to glare at him angrily.

"Well, sorreeeeeeeeee!!!!!"

"Shut the hell up, Greenleaf!"

"Oh no you didn't!" piped up Kate.

"Yes we did!"

"Did so not!"

"Did too!"

"Not!"

"Did!"

"JUST SHUT UP!" shouted everyone, waking up Boromir and Gimli.

"Where's the salted pork?" asked Gimli.

"Daddy's a pyro! Ahhh!" cried Boromir, jumping awake from a bad dream.

"Shut the hell up!" said Dolly.

"Well, rarr!" replied Boromir.

"Are we gonna stop soon?" asked Sam. Everyone stared at him. "I'm sorry, but I'm really starting to get hungry."

"You're always hungry!" exclaimed Legolas.

"Am not! Merry and Pippin are!"

"Hey! Was that supposed to be an insult?" asked Pippin.

"I don't know Pip, but I think it was," said Merry.

"Well it was not nice at all!" said Pippin as he and Merry began to argue with Sam over who was the hungriest.

"Well, I'm getting tired anyways. So we can stop for the night," yawned Tess.

"We'll reach the woods of Lothlorien by the early morning if we stop now and camp for the night," said Aragorn.

"I'd say we've gotten pretty far so far in such a very short period of time."

"Let's call it a night and set up camp."

Everyone agreed on this and so they all piled out of the Suburban, setting up places for everyone. Seats were re-arranged for the night in the Suburban so some people could sleep in there instead of outside. Tess curled up in her seat to go to sleep after eating some food. Emily slept outside not too far away from Merry and Pippin. Aragorn also slept outside, under a tree. Dolly slept in the vacated passenger seat. Legolas slept outside, in a tree with Kate hanging around nearby. Frodo and Sam slept in the trunk. Gimli slept on the backseat. And Boromir curled up in a middle seat in the Suburban.

Late that night, Merry, Pippin, and Emily set their plan in motion. Once everyone was fast asleep, they would strike. They lit the marshmallows with Emily's orange and black flame-thrower and then began to poke people with the lit marshmallows in the sides, burning hole in their clothes. Tess was the first on their list.

"God damn it all to hell!" cursed Tess, sitting up and glaring at Dolly angrily before carefully returning to sleep.

Next, Dolly was poked, waking her up. She didn't say anything but glared at Tess before returning to sleep.

Afterwards, Frodo and Sam were targeted as were Gimli and Boromir. Then, finally Kate, Legolas and Aragorn were poked. Everyone had a similar reaction. Some cursed, others didn't, but they each glared at another person near them. All in all, everyone was very angered though by the poking.

Once they had all been poked, Merry, Pippin and Emily started to light the marshmallows on fire before tossing them at people. Soon the air was thick with flying, flaming marshmallows. Everyone awoke and had different reactions to the marshmallows heading for them.

"Hey!" yelled Kate, ducking.

"NOT THE HAIR!!!!! AHHH!!!!!" cried Legolas.

"Shut the hell up blondie! It's only a bloody wig for Christ's sake!" shouted Dolly at Legolas as she avoided several marshmallows.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"God damn it!" cursed Tess.

Aragorn wore in Elvish, Gimli in Dwarvish, as Tess continued to swear in common tongue. Everyone else just yelled.

"What do you think you are doing? I'm a lord of Gondor!" screamed Boromir as he ducked several marshmallows aimed at his head.

"Please don't hurt my frilly pink apron!" cried Frodo as he clutched the wretched thing in his hands and Sam stood behind him, trying to calm him down.

"Mr. Frodo, are you all right?" asked Sam.

Laughs erupted from the three attackers. Finally they ran out of ammo and everyone caught up to them and cornered them in the bushes.

"We might as well getting moving," said Dolly, trying to remain calm and keep herself from strangling the two Hobbits and Emily.

"What on Middle-earth were you three thinking?" questioned Tess, hands on her hips, glaring at the three.

"We were bored," offered Pippin and Merry and Emily nodded.

"And that justifies torturing us?!" shouted Kate. "Oh poor Legolas and his hair!"

"He's fine, he's just a big sissy!" said Dolly with a wave as she stalked off back towards the Suburban.

"Oh will you shut up?!"

"Why don't you make me?"

"Now you've done it!"

Kate knocks Dolly over and the two got into a major fight over how sissy Legolas is. Everyone else watching, each cheering on one of the girls. Finally, a truce was called due to the number of injuries that occurred.

[Author's Notes:

Sorry about the long wait! I really meant to post before I left, but the trip was a surprise and I didn't have the time to write it. Anyways, this chapter was actually written in a Suburban while I was being poked and tortured by my four cousins during long car rides. The next chapter will hopefully be posted by Wednesday, August 18th, if all goes well and I get more good ideas. This chapter took forever for me to type due to soreness in my arm, which came from a blood test this morning.

Reviewers!

A Darker Side of Light - Yeah, my friends and I like to set marshmallows on fire. It's a load of fun. Well, unfortunately we can't jump to Gondor, but when we get there, I'll be sure to add you in along with your protesting and a band of protesters.

Krista123 – Yeah, you probably would get along with her. But yeah, she is pretty extreme.

musical geek – Glad you like it!

Jak – Yeah the books are good, but you might have an easier time understanding them if you see the movies before you read them. Then it might help you read the books. And maybe the SUV can run over everyone's favorite slimeball—Wormtongue. Maybe…

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME – Helm's Deep is a really cool battle as is the Battle of Pelenor Fields. The action is just awesome!

Ari Moon – Well I did give her a flame-thrower and yeah, it was a bad idea, wasn't it? (in response to an e-mailed review)]