Chapter five: Never buy magic books on Ebay

"Jonathan?"

The boy was hanging there helplessly, tied to a pole with a thick rope. He looked at them dully when they appeared before him, terribly surprised looks on both of their faces.
"Hiya, fellows." His voice was so small it wouldn't even have frightened a mouse.
"Jonathan, what happened?" Warren looked at him with a strange mix of disgust and interest.
"The ritual... I failed, I just... it was beyond my talent, trying to summon... Khan." He had difficulty getting the words out just right, and other stopped just to breathe.
"Andy, go get him some water, why don't you," Warren said. He was eager to know how this had happened, and at the speed Jonathan was talking now, they'd be finished some time around next Christmas – if they were lucky.
Andrew nodded. "Okay, Warren." He ran up the stairs again, steps light as if he was floating on clouds. He was like that sometimes. By the time he'd got down again, Warren had almost succeeded in getting all the ropes off Jonathan. Looking a bit stressed, he literally ripped apart the next small bit of rope. Carefully, he grabbed a strong hold around Jonathan's waist and lifted him down, slowly, so the boy wouldn't hurt all too much.

Andrew felt a sudden sting inside him. They were so close to one another now, so damned close... Warren with his arms around Jonathan's body, and Jonathan with his hands around Warren's neck.
This is ridiculous. I've got to stop thinking like this, there's something wrong with my head, yeah, that's it... I'm sick! I have a terrible, terrible concussion, and I'll be well in a while... Andrew's thoughts wandered feverishly back and forth, and he didn't know what was real anymore, and what was just his imagination. Didn't Warren look very content with having Jonathan in his arms, or was that just his fantasy running wild, taking his senses over completely? Andrew hoped for the latter.

When Warren had laid Jonathan down on the floor, he was eager to question his companion about exactly what had happened.
"So you tried to summon Khan," he concluded, looking impatiently at him.
Jonathan lifted the bottle of Evian Andrew had brought to his mouth, and drank. Then, he sighed, apparently revived slightly by the cold liquid. "Yeah. I tried. At least thirty times, I think..."
"And it didn't work?" Andrew asked.
Jonathan gave him an irritated glance. "Well, obviously it didn't. You think I'd be laying here, almost out cold, if I'd been given the power of Khan, the greatest spirit-master ever?"
"S-sorry," Andrew stuttered. "I just... no, go on."
"Yeah, go on, Jonathan. Don't mind him." Warren didn't even look at Andrew.
Again, something stung inside him. Stupid concussion!, thought Andrew to himself.
"Okay. So... I think there must have been something wrong with the book, because no matter how many times I tried, and no matter how sure I was that I'd succeeded, I always got either no ghost at all or the wrong one. And finally, I really went off the chart... and I got poltergeists."
"Poltergeists?" Andrew looked lost.
"Malicious spirits. They're only out to harm and ridicule people," Warren retorted.
"Exactly, Warren." Jonathan smiled vaguely. "I guess your time with me hasn't been entirely wasted – you've actually learnt something!"
"Yeah." Warren smiled back.

This time, Andrew's heart ached so much he thought it was going to break. This is crazy! You can't get a concussion in your heart, right? He felt so confused, he didn't know what to do with himself. Instead, he just sat there and did nothing at all. Just stared at Warren, and wondered if he'd notice if he just went upstairs and buried himself alive or something. He didn't try, though.

"So where did you get this book, anyway?" Warren asked. "We could probably punish the one you bought it from. Seems to me like he's done a number on you. I sure hope you didn't pay too much."
Jonathan blushed. "Well... you see, that might actually be a problem, the whole revenge thing."
"Why do you reckon?"
"Because... I got it on Ebay."

Warren said nothing for a while. He just sat there, eyes fixated on Jonathan. Then, he started laughing so hard Andrew thought he might burst.
"On... on Ebay? That's... he he he... that's just... ah, fuck it..."
"What's so funny?" Jonathan looked a bit uneasy, and no wonder – he'd just admitted to a huge mistake in front of the given leader of the gang.
"Well, Johnny boy, it's funny because that's just such a typical thing for you to do! Buy a magic book off the Internet... I mean, how are you supposed to control that you're getting what you paid for?"
"Ah, shut up Warren! It's not like I could go to the Magic Box or something! You know the Scoobies run that now."
"Did it ever occur to you that you can shape-shift? At least I hope you're powerful enough to do that."
"Of course I am! It's just... well, things always go wrong when we encounter the Slayer and her friends, us being her arch nemesis...es. So I thought..."
Warren stopped him with a wave of his hand. "I know what you thought. It's all right. A human mistake, I suppose. Just consult me next time, okay?"
Jonathan nodded. "Yeah."

Still chuckling somewhat, Warren stood up nimbly, grabbed Jonathan's hand and dragged him up from the floor.
"So I guess you've learnt your lesson now... partner?"
Jonathan smiled, blushing slightly. "Yes. Never buy magic books on Ebay."
"Never. You remember that."

---

When Andrew went to bed that night, his head was filled with things he didn't want there, his body was filled with feelings he didn't want either, and he had to fight the urge to go lie down beside Warren instead.

This is all wrong, he thought to himself for the fiftieth time that day. Wrong, you hear? You stop this right now, okay?

It's impossible.

No, you listen here! Four words: never... going... to... happen!

I don't care. As long as I'm around him, it's all right.

No! Stop it! Kill these emotions before they take you over! They'll only bring you heartache and pain!

I still don't care. Shut up so I can fall asleep, and maybe dream about him.

And on it went, this pointless discussion in his head, with himself.
People are always irrational when they're...

When they're what? In love? Is this love?
Am I in love?
No, he realised. I'm not in love, by definition. At least I don't think I am.
But I'm most definitely crashing.

Crashing into him.