This fic was written for Hallowe'en 2003, just after Tom Chandler committed suicide, but since I only became a member of this site this year, it's taken me til now to add it. Cast your minds back and see if you can recapture the moment...
oOo
Andrew Monroe stood outside his office, staring into space. He barely recognised what he had come back to; the newly-painted walls, the new names and faces...where did the old days go? A couple of PCs he didn't recognise strolled past him giggling and flirting, ignoring him completely. Another pair of lovers ready to go home, he thought. That certainly didn't seem to be unusual now. But as they turned the corner, the young lad's face seemed vaguely familiar to Monroe, and it took him a moment to remember who it was. Luke Ashton. So, he came back, he thought. There was a time when he'd have been the first to know about new recruits and the return of old faces. He shook his head sadly, walked off down the corridor towards the stairs, and was so absorbed up in his thoughts that he almost collided with Sam Harker as he turned the corner.
"Sorry, Sir!" Sam jumped. "Didn't see you there. I was just, uh, thinking."
Monroe smiled. "No harm done. Nice to see you again, Sam. Are any of the others here yet?"
"A few," Sam indicated the stairs. "I thought there'd have been more by now, but I guess not everyone wanted to spend too long...well, you know."
"I do, Sam," Monroe nodded as Sam smiled and walked off. "I do."
Up in CID, the only light came from two individual lamps on opposite sides of the room where Mickey Webb and Danny Glaze were finishing off some last-minute paperwork. Beside Mickey, Kate Spears was perching lightly on a desk, gazing thoughtfully out of the window through the blind. She smiled as she spotted a small group of children skipping excitedly around in various costumes; a witch, a devil and three ghosts. An older girl, a big sister, presumably, followed behind carrying a pumpkin lantern which glowed, lighting their path. Her happy expression turned to one of sadness as she glanced back at Mickey as he typed away, yawning occasionally. She reached out for the cord to pull the blind shut but stopped before her hand could grasp it. She gave a weak, faintly hysterical laugh and wiped her eyes on her sleeve as reality made itself all too abundant.
"You alright, Kate?"
She looked up suddenly. It was Paul Riley; he must have come in without her noticing. She nodded, smiling faintly, then turned back to the window.
He wandered over and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hard, isn't it? Harder for you than for me, I know, but we're all here, we're all looking out for each other. You gotta remember that. We all understand. You want to come down with us for a while?"
"No, thanks," she smiled. "Maybe later, I just need to be alone for a while. But thanks, Paul, I appreciate it."
He nodded his understanding and left the room quietly. Kate watched him go, and noticed that Debbie McAllister's desk was still deserted, the paperwork left unfinished and dust gathering on the computer. Curious, she walked over and spotted the scan picture of her baby in an open drawer. She must have got another copy, Kate thought.
"What were you thinking, Deb?" Kate said aloud. "To see me being used and then let the same thing happen to you? You must have been crazy! He said he loved you...me...how could we ever have believed that he meant it?.
"Still, he's not gonna be bothering either of us again...you've got another chance; a new start, but me..." A single tear fell from her eye onto her cheek; she closed her eyes and turned away. "Never again."
Sam Harker reached the main entrance just as Di Worrell ran up to the door and entered the building. "Sam!" she grinned. "I'm not that late, am I? Had stuff to do."
"Nah," Sam shrugged. It's only eleven o'clock; plenty of time yet. I'm looking for Cass, I can't find her anywhere. She's supposed to be here!"
"She'll be here somewhere," Di nodded reassuringly. "Tried the canteen?"
"Yup, no sign."
"The CAD room?"
Sam paused. "Di, you're a legend!" he called back as he sped off.
Di shook her head and laughed as the door opened behind her and June Ackland hurried in, unbuttoning her winter coat and pulling off a pair of gloves. Behind her, two women, one of middle age, the other around thirty followed in, and looked around, as if they didn't recognise where they were. Walking past Di, who was sure she'd seen the other two women before somewhere, June spoke briefly to Robbie Cryer on the front desk and hurried off into Custody.
"Excuse me?"
Wrapped up in her own thoughts, Di jumped as one of the women turned to her. "I don't think we've met, have we?"
"Um, no, I don't think so," Di replied, trying not to sound too taken aback. I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were..."
"That's ok," the other smiled. "Not many people will recognise us, specially not me. We were here...a long time ago. Things have changed."
"You can say that again!," Di exclaimed. "It's changed since I was here, and that was only six months ago. You do both seem awfully familiar though, maybe I'd recognise your names...?"
The older women smiled and shook her hand. "I'm Jo Morgan, this is Viv Martella."
Di gasped. "Oh god! Of course! Wow, I've heard so much about you both! You...you saved Sergeant Ackland's life, didn't you?"
Jo blushed a little. "Well, it was a long time ago, and it didn't really go the way anybody expected. Viv and I never met while we were here, but seeing as we had similar, um, circumstances, we were introduced by a mutual friend."
Viv sat down suddenly and put a hand over her eyes. "Sorry," she murmured. "I didn't realise this would bring back so many memories. I hardly recognise this place any more. I know things have to change, but..."
Jo sat beside her and put an arm round her. "Take your time," she smiled, sympathetically. "We're all supposed to meet at 3:00, I think, but if you don't want to go in, I'm sure..."
"I can do it," Viv stood, dry-eyed. "It'll do everyone good to lay old ghosts to rest." She stopped suddenly and looked at Jo and Di who exchanged glances, uncertain of how to react. After a moment of awkward silence, all three burst out laughing at the same time. Jo and Di patted Viv on the back as, still chuckling, they rose and passed through the door into the main body of the station.
A lone figure lingered at the main entrance to Sun Hill Station, oblivious to the chilly wind swirling around her, sweeping the heavy grey clouds across the night sky. She wasn't sure she should have come here at all; she'd never felt welcome before, so why should things be different now? She'd just be rejected again; there was no point putting herself through all this for a second time...
She was on the verge of turning around and going back where she belonged, when she heard footsteps behind her. Suddenly afraid, she spun round and came face to face with Derek Conway.
"Sir! I, um..."
"Hello, Rosie," he said gently. "Having second thoughts?"
"Yes, Sir," she nodded. "I'm sorry, this was such a bad idea, I should never have come. I'll go, I know I'm not welcome..."
"No, Rosie. You are welcome. And it's Derek now, remember? Yes, you may have caused a bit of a stir, but quite rightly, nobody blames you for that. The only person we blame for that is him. And rest assured he won't be with us tonight."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. He may have had his share of injustice but it was made it clear to him that he was not to come tonight. Of course the Superintendent certainly won't be attending either."
"No, of course not," Rosie said quietly, "It just feels like one big shake up after another. It's , you know? It used to be normal, secure, but now...now I don't think they know what normal is."
Conway nodded; she had said exactly what he had been thinking. "See? You feel exactly the same as everyone else. They won't condemn you, Rosie. Come on, I'll go in with you. We're supposed to all meet in the canteen at...3:00 I think."
Rosie smiled and nodded her agreement. "Thanks, Sir. Lead the way."
Cass was bored; night shift in CAD wasn't exactly the highlight of the week. Nick Klein had gone to get a coffee, and June and Gina were probably having a heated argument somewhere. She looked at the clock. Nearly 3am, a good four hours before the end of the shift. She didn't mind shift work, it was part of the job, but that was when she was out doing things with other people, not sitting alone in a stuffy office waiting for someone to call 999.
"You're not alone, Cass."
Kneeling beside her, Sam Harker only just managed to hold back the tears as he gazed fondly at her, all too aware that his presence meant nothing to her. She just yawned and half-heartedly read through the article about last week's 'incident' about Chandler for the fifth time.
"Why can't you hear me, Cass," Sam whispered. "You're right next to me, I'm here...why can't there be a way...? I never told you. I had the chance for so long, why did I never tell you the truth, that..."
Nick Klein burst into the room; he was trying not to drop two cups of coffee and two blueberry muffins after skidding slightly on the floor outside.
"Here we go," he said cheerfully, passing Cass her coffee and muffin. "Caffeine as ordered, that should keep us awake another few hours."
As Nick and Cass lapsed into gossip, Sam smiled sadly and left the room.
As the canteen began to fill, Derek Conway became a little nervous about giving a speech for perhaps the first time ever. So many old friends, so many colleagues relying on him to keep a clear head and say what they all needed to hear. But this was no normal speech, no normal circumstances. Looking around, he saw faces he had not seen for years, and others it seemed only yesterday he had held conversations with. He spotted Ben Hayward and Paul Riley talking; there was Cathy Marshall who had joined in with Jo, Viv and Di...and goodness, he thought, that must be Ken Melvin and Nick Ramsey. They were a bit before his time, but he knew who they were. John Boulton wasn't around, as far as he could see, but that hardly surprised him. Andrew Monroe and Kate Spears had arrived now, followed by Sam Harker who kept looking at his watch and seemed anxious that he should be somewhere else, but struck up a conversation with Rosie. There were less than twenty people in the room, and yet it seemed like so many more; so many huge personalities and wonderful lives...all cut short.
The chatter gradually died down, and Conway cleared his throat to begin.
"Ladies and gentlemen..."
As he paused for breath, John Boulton came running in and stopped suddenly, casually strolling the last few yards, feigning nonchalance as he heard stifled giggles from around the room.
"Sorry, Sir, got caught up," John mumbled, slightly embarrassed at interrupting.
Conway smiled and began again.
"Ladies and gentlemen. This isn't going to be one of my long-winded speeches like in the old days, I know how much they bored you all."
A ripple of quiet laughter spread around the room.
"But I am no longer your superior officer. As much as I would like it to be so, I am no longer Chief Inspector Conway. Indeed I feel honoured that it is me you elected to address this meeting, and hope very much that nobody feels that I've undermined anyone by accepting."
"Of course not," Monroe said aloud, and there were murmurs of agreement around the room. "You're the man!" Boulton quipped, prompting another gentle wave of laughter from the crowd.
"Thankyou, Andrew, John," Conway smiled. "There is not much that I can say that you do not all know very well already. Before me I see some wonderful, dedicated officers whose lives on this earth were tragically cut short well before their time. But also I see beyond the uniforms, beyond the job. Mothers, fathers, husbands, wives. All individuals who took on this job despite knowing its dangers to uphold the law and bring those who break it to justice. It is such a tragedy, such a terrible, terrible tragedy that we have all paid the ultimate price for simply doing our jobs.
As you all know, there has been yet another death in Sun Hill this week, which was unexpected to say the least. I can understand that on this subject we all have different viewpoints and feelings, therefore I shall not dwell on this for too long. Suffice to say that any death at Sun Hill is a tragic loss, and it will no doubt take our friends and colleagues some time to adjust to the latest addition to the death toll. They cannot know what the future holds as we do, and all we can do for them after tonight is over, is leave them to do their duties and offer them our thoughts and prayers as they continue the fight against crime in which we, sadly, can no longer participate.
May I take this opportunity to thank you all for coming tonight and wish you all the very best for whatever the future holds. Dawn will be at approximately 6:05am this morning, so use the time we have left wisely. I'm sure we shall see each other around. Thankyou."
He stepped down, and a heartfelt applause echoed around the silent canteen.
"Want another coffee?" Nick Klein yawned as he opened the door to the CAD room for the fifth time that night.
"Thanks, Nick," Cass smiled, suppressing a yawn herself.
As he made his way down to the coffee machine, a young man ran past Nick, his eyes burning with tears that rebelliously spilled out onto his cheeks as a thousand thoughts span around in his mind. He stopped as, once again, he approached the CAD room door, and slipped through the door silently.
She was here, alone. Thankyou, he thought.
She seemed less distracted now; more thoughtful as she gazed at the clock on the wall, strangely drawn to it as if there was something she should be doing, but she couldn't for the life of her think what it was.
Sam perched weightlessly on the chair next to her, abandoning all efforts to keep the tears held back. "I don't have much time, Cass," he sobbed. "And I know you can't hear me, but you know I love you, don't you? I always have, and I always will, I just wish things could have been...different, somehow." He glanced fearfully at the clock; 3 minutes to go.
"Oh god, Cass...there are so many things I wish I could say to you now. You mean more to me than anything else in the world. There is nothing I wouldn't do to stay here with you and protect you...but..." His voice wavered. "I can't."
Another glance at the clock told him there was less than one minute left.
He took a deep breath and regained his composure as far as he could. Just remember I love you, yeah, and I'll be always be with you, no matter what."
All over the station, things were coming to a standstill. Kate had returned to her position on Mickey's desk and gazed fondly at him as the faintest traces of sunlight trickled in though a gap in the window blind.
Monroe and Conway stood together outside Monroe's old office which now bore the name 'Gina Gold' on the door. They spoke no words as they stared fixedly on the clock; the minute hand rapidly working its way up to twelve.
Di, Jo, Viv, Rosie and Cathy remained in the canteen, sitting around a table, exchanging sad smiles here and there but not speaking a word.
Whether alone, in pairs or small groups, the thoughts and feelings among Sun Hill's departed in the last few moments was the same. Once more, Halloween would be over and they would be gone, back to some immaterial place where they would no longer affect or be affected by the world they had come to know as home. Sun Hill would carry on as usual, never knowing what had gone on tonight or what the future would hold, and there was nothing they could do about it.
It was a time for silent reflection, remembrance and new hope for their friends and colleagues as slowly, a church clock could be heard tolling six from somewhere nearby.
A light rain began to fall, and the fourteen figures gently faded away into the rays of sunlight as, outside, a rainbow appeared from behind a cloud and a single white feather drifted down from the sky. The new day started and the birds began to sing.