Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

Chapter Sixteen: Rangers

"Sam, I'm bored," complained Frodo. "Can I bounce things off of the back of your head please?"

"Sure, Mr. Frodo, go right a head."

"Okay!" said Frodo suddenly perked up. Then he started tossing rocks at the back of Sam's head. But they weren't bouncing off of it. And Frodo was getting very pissed off at that. So he started throwing them harder at Sam. Suddenly Sam fell over. Frodo had just thrown a particularly large rock at his head and it had knocked poor naive Sam out.

"Sam! Sam! Wake up you fat lug! Sam! Get up!" he cried as he poked Sam repeatedly in the arm. But it wasn't working. Gollum was just off somewhere, doing Valar knows what. Probably talking to himself again.

Suddenly a group of Rangers came out of nowhere and grabbed the unconscious Sam and crazed Frodo. Since Frodo was being so noisy, one of the Rangers, the only girl, grabbed a rock and knocked him on the back of the head with it. He fell silent.

The Rangers took them to their place and were very interested in finding out about the Hobbits. Two of the Rangers, the leader and the girl were on hand to question the Hobbits once they awoke. The Hobbits' hands were unbounded and they sat down as the two Rangers walked in. The girl seemed to be having trouble focusing on anything but the Ranger that she came with.

The man spoke first. He reminded the Hobbits slightly of Boromir of Gondor. "My men are saying that you are Orc spies. Are you? If not, who are you?"

"Spies? Us? Are you mad?" said Sam in disbelief.

"Oh, he's not mad, that'd be his father," said the girl.

"Mary, shh!"

"Sorry…" said the girl called Mary sincerely.

"Who are you two if you are not spies?"

"We are two Hobbits from the Shire. My name is Frodo and this big lug's name is Sam. We have no other companions."

"Hum," said the man.

"Well, we had other companions, but they are all gone now," said Frodo as he launched into a long-winded tale about the Fellowship.

"Can I make him shut up, please?" begged Mary, fingering her sword.

"Not yet!"

Mary looked upset that her companion wouldn't let her kill the Hobbits. She didn't like them and desperately wanted to make the one shut up for good. But she wasn't about to challenge the leader. If he said to wait, then she would wait.

"…and Boromir of Gondor," said Frodo and he caught the Ranger's attention.

"You knew Boromir?" he asked.

"Yes, we were friends."

"It will hurt you then to learn that he is dead."

"Dead?"

"I'd hoped you'd tell me. Boromir was my brother. I am Faramir."

"Nice to meet you Faramir!" said the Hobbit joyfully.

Mary looked at Faramir, hopeful that he'd let her hurt the Hobbit now. He nodded and Mary drew her sword and began to chase Frodo around yelling at him.

"You hurt my Faramir's feelings! I will kill you now!"

"Ahhh!!!!! Save me Sam!!!! Save me from this lunatic!!!!"

Sam just sat down and watched, amused. "No Mr. Frodo, I think I'll just stay out of this one and watch."

After a few minutes, Frodo was at the mercy of Mary and her sword. She had decided not to kill him but to teach him a lesson. And the lesson was to not bore people when a quick couple of words could do the trick. And that it would save you from upsetting people and then being chased around by a crazy person with a weapon. It would keep you from getting on the bad side of people who have short tempers.

So she let him go so she could find out where Faramir had gone to and see if she could help him with anything.

[Author's Notes:

Sorry that I didn't post yesterday. I really meant to and the chapter was ready but I couldn't get on the computer because I had a really bad headache and was in too much pain to try to figure out how the computer worked and try to read. So I will post twice today so that I don't fall behind. So later today I'll post a quick chapter dealing with Merry, Pippin, Emily, and Kate before tomorrow's post to end the cliffy that I left on Saturday. So next update: Later today, Monday, August 30th.

Reviewers!

(Chapter 13 and/or 14)

Krista123 – Yep, lucky day! Action yea!

A Darker Side of Light – I didn't know that I was consistent with the posting! I thought I was pretty crazy with all my trips and stuff. Guess not lately that is. Hopefully it will stay that way with school starting tomorrow. Advantage to long bus rides—more time to write stuff down. Sorry I cut your chapter short but you'll pop in and out a lot. And maybe you'll end up with Faramir instead of Eowyn. Maybe…

A Darker Side of Light - I can't get my hands back on a copy of TTT Extended Edition so I'm pissed off at the moment but I might add more later on when I can. I asked for it for my b-day (which is next week! Ya!) and if I get it I'll see about changing some things in the story and maybe writing an extended version of my story (is that allowed?). Glad you like my writing and this chapter is for you mellon-nin.

Ari Moon – 50 is a very lucky number for me! And no the spiders are not coming for me! They already came a while back and are now coming for you, mellon-nin!

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfME – Welcome!

Dark Borg Drone – Glad you like! More is on the way!

(Chapter 15)

Ari Moon – I didn't plan on it being such a big cliffy, I wasn't even going to have a cliffy there, I was going to have it revealed in that chapter but it just didn't fit in, so it'll be addressed in chapter eighteen, coming tomorrow. Glad you like it anyways. And stay happy!

A Darker Side of Light – Had to have them fighting, I just couldn't miss the opportunity! Yep and you'll be hanging around a lot in this story. If there is Faramir, there will be you. A lot of you will be seen in Part III I think. At this point, that is. Freaks rule!

Sarah – Glad that it made you laugh, that was my goal. My friend Kate helped me originate the idea of Gandalf smoking pot and Frodo wearing a pink frilly apron along with them and Sam being gay last year. It was all because of a sugar high and the fact that trials were starting to get to us. It's a long story.

Dark Borg Drone – I know I'm evil and I'm glad that you have realized it. Most people who know me have known for years. I'm only evil when I write though, except that I have a tendency to bit people's heads off when I pissed off. It has to be the red hair.

Krista123 – I hate my cliffy too but I promise that I'll post the end to the cliffy tomorrow. If I get up early enough I'll do it before I go to school. If not I'll post it tomorrow evening. I'm still working out the loose ends of the solution to the cliffy, but I know what'll happen.