A/N: Okay, this was put together last minute and also 1:00 a.m. I will most likely make another Hermione chapter but I just had to start somehwere and so decided to start with Hermione.
And sorry if there are symbols and stuff. I tried to get rid of all of them but I'm not sure if I got all of them. Sorry for the inconvince.
Happy readings! and don't forget to review! they are always helpful and useful!
Hermione
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I watched you from afar.
I remember the time I had despised you with all my being.
You represented everything I had hated.
You had always taunted the two people that mattered most to me at Hogwarts.
You had taunted what I am.
I had never felt this way about anyone.
The hatred in my heart was like a black disease. Every single time I saw you I, it grew and grew. Every word spoken from your filthy mouth made it darker and darker. I lost control of myself slowly. I thought I was going to go mad.
But the way you looked at me...it made me proud. I knew you knew the way I felt for you. I knew my feelings were known to you and I didn't care that you hated me back for it.
I knew what you felt when Harry beat you at a Quidditch match. I always knew he was that bit better than you, that much faster than you, that much quicker than you and always the first to get to the snitch. My whole being had little parties at your failure.
How you were always second to me in our class. How it must have felt for you to be underneath a mudblood. You know what they always say...'second place is the first place to lose.' I loved that I knew I was better at something than you.
I had loved it when Ron had gotten a higher mark than you on one of the Potions test.
I love when you fail. It's like a mini party for me to see you torture yourself at letting a bloody muggle lover Gryffindor beat you at something.
The way you looked perfect; your flawless silver blonde hair that fell over your broad shoulders. How could you look so much like your father? Your eyes cold grey. I was disgusted at how many girls had thrown themselves on you as if you were some kind of sex god. You had no right to that much attention by so many beautiful decent girls. So many times I wanted to scratch your face out and ruin that smirk off your face.
I hated the way you talked to me. You talk to me as if I was beneath you. No matter how better in school I was you never let that hinder the way you thought of me. I knew I was better but your words always got to me. I know you never knew and you will never know the feelings I got at what you said to me. No one will ever know the way you made me feel. You made me feel like nothing, like I was thin air and nothing stood in front of you. This just made me despise you even more! I hated you! Do you hear me...I hate you and I still hate, you know! I HATE YOU!
You know nothing else but yourself! And I hate you for it!
I had hated the fact that Professor McGonagall had put us together for our 7th year project assignment. I had dreaded what it would do to me. The effect you had on me when I had hardly see you and now that I had to talk and spend more time with you was mind boggling! I was horrified that I'd come out of this project a zombie, my brain washed away with your impure thoughts.
I had talked to Harry and Ron. They weren't much help as they were busy with their own businesses---girls, school, the project which they were partners, Quidditch. I seemed to be lost from their plans.
As I had thought it would be, the first meeting was horrific. We got nothing done. You couldn't help but make remarks of me and what I am or about my friends. Of course I'd defend them. I wouldn't allow anyone to make fun of my friends, the ones I loved.
I had hoped our meetings would get better but I was wrong. They just got worse and worse. The remarks got colder and harsher, my defenses were as strong! However, all this bickering was tiring...tiring from the inside out, eating away at me.
Finally, I gave up. I sat there taking all your comments and taunts. I just sat there fighting the urge to gauge your eyes out. And with another day gone by with no work done but I felt as if I had won. Though I had not said anything, I felt I had won something.
The next time we met you didn't say much and it became less and less frequent and the silence just grew and grew.
We worked together in silence. With our own books in hand sitting side by side reading our material and jotting notes down here and there. We had only to share our notes to find out what the other had read that day.
The silence was good...it was good though only for a few weeks. Slowly it just got awkward. We met practically everyday knowing that this was very important to the both of us. I would watch you at times as your head hung over the book and your hair fell over your shoulder. Your eyes scanning the book as you studied each word. I had never noticed how much you studied. It didn't surprise me then that you were second in class.
One day I got the courage to do what I wanted to do in awhile. I thought we needed to do this.
"Malfoy," I said with caution. You didn't move at first and I wondered if you heard me call your name. But you lifted your face finally and looked at him with a bit of irritation.
"We need to talk."
"I don't see the need to," you said and what seemed to be a first you said it not in a cold or harsh voice but just plain.
"We need to talk. We're partners and we need to talk about the project or it isn't going to work. I know this grade is important to you so if you want to do your best we had better start talking and planning."
You just stared at me. Your gaze was intimidating; it was as if you were studying me. It took all my will strength not to look away.
"Let's just put our differences aside for a few hours a day so we can get this over with," I said again.
You seemed to agree because you didn't protest. You just went back to reading. The rest of that time you didn't say another word and I didn't know what else to say.
But the next time we met you caught me by surprise. Instead of opening a book as usual you took out a folder of parchment and handed it to me. Of course I took it and looked at you curiously.
You simply said. "Those are some ideas." With that you took out the book and started to read as I started to read your notes.
They were surprising. I was very much impressed at the detail and good ideas that you had come up with.
"Malfoy, these are great!" is all I could say.
You didn't say anything and I didn't push it further.
The next time we met you surprised me even more. You had asked for your notes and so I gave them to you. You turned to the first page...pointed at it and started to talk.
At first I thought you were talking to yourself but as I found out soon enough, you were talking to me. I had never had a conversation with you before and it was strange.
It got easier and more familiar to me as we met more often. But outside the library walls you went back to your cold self. I had hoped that the time we spent together would seep into our normal lives but you let no evidence of that.
Finally the due date of the project came. Our presentation was absolute best. I had no doubt that we got top marks for our work. We made a perfect group and everyone was surprised. I couldn't help but feel good at the work we did and showed everyone that we could work together.
I saw you later on at the library by yourself. I worked up my courage and walked over to you. I had meant to sit down...
"Granger, the project is over we have no need to continue any contact or communication,"you had said to me in a cool voice.
I was hurt. You don't know how much it hurt. I thought after all the time we had spent together maybe we could spend time after the project. I was wrong. I walked to my normal area and sat there watching you behind my book. You looked so content as if nothing had happened. I wondered to myself why I couldn't do that. Why I felt so miserable not being around you. I missed the silent company of yours. I studied you from afar.
I lay on my back staring at the ceiling. All I could think of was you. Why?! Why did it have to be you?!
I screamed! I screamed my heart out!
No! It can't be possible!
I stare at you from across the Gryffindor table at meal times. I see you so carefree with your Slytherin mates. You look happy and content with them why can't you feel that way around me?! Am I that horrible?! What have I done wrong?! I can't help what I am and how I was born!
Nooo! No! No!
I yell my soul out!
I pass you in the hallways and yet you pay no heed to me. As if I was nothing...I could be just wall. I probably could've paraded naked down the halls and you would still not see me.
Why?! Why does it have to be you?! I won't admit it! I wouldn't admit it! I can't admit it!
It's just not possible. I hate you! I HATE you! I'm supposed to hate you!
I lay in bed thinking of all the time we had spent together in the library! You were so close. The way you reached in front of me to point at something or show me something. I could smell your cologne so sweet to my nose. Your hand brushing over mine as you took a quill from me.
NOOO! No! NO!
This was eating me from the inside out. I couldn't take it anymore.
I walked into the library to find refuge but instead I found you. The way you looked just made me sick. How could you not know?! Why are you allowed to live a normal life?!
I walked to you.
You just glanced at me and then went right back to your book as if I was not there. Without thinking I slammed the book shut in front of you. You looked at me appalled and for a few seconds I was amused at the look you gave me. However, I pushed it out of my mind. I grabbed your arm and pulled you up. You stared at me as if I was crazy and I probably was out of my mind.
"MAFLOY!" I screamed.
You were taken aback, I could tell.
"Why are you doing this to me?!"
Again you looked appalled. "I haven't said a word to you!"
Had I stopped to think, I would've realized that you had not said one word to me since the time at the library after our presentation but I wasn't thinking. I just had to let this out.
"Why?! Why can't I get you out of my head?! Why do you haunt my dreams at night and my thoughts during the day?! Why do you torture me this way?! I'd rather put up with your taunts! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" I felt tears rolling down my face.
"No, you don't," you said blandly.
I had wanted to punch your face. You were still calm. The calmness just freaked me out! And I wanted to punch you. I wanted you to feel pain. I wanted you to show some kind of emotion! I wanted to kiss you!
It was as if you read my mind.
I felt your hand behind my elbows as you pulled me close. I felt your lips on mine and I parted mine welcoming it.
I melted. How could a kiss feel this vibrant and alive?
You pulled away after awhile. You had a face expression I had never seen in my life before. You were smiling.
A simple smile.
I put my arms around you and hugged you tightly afraid if I let you go you'd never come back.
But I knew. I knew from the start that you would never show your feelings publicly. I knew but I didn't care. We never talked about it but it was always assumed. It didn't matter to me though; as long as we were together.
I remember those moments we had together as if they were yesterday but here I am a year later.
I had never hated you more in my life than I had before.
I HATE you!
How could you do this to me?
I feel warm tears fall on my cheek.
I look down at your face, so smooth and flawless.
How could you do this to me?
I let my finger trace the fine features of your face. Your eyes closed. You never seemed so at peace with yourself than ever before.
Our love had grown over the months we had together. I didn't mind hiding it either because I knew at some point you would declare our love. I would wait. Wait for eternity.
But look what you've done!
I hate you for this and I'll hate you for the rest of my life!
As you lay in my arms, I hold you tightly. Maybe if I hold you tight enough you can't leave me. I kiss your lips. Those lips so familiar and yet there's nothing behind it. I close my eyes hoping this is a dream but when I open them you still lye there in my arms. You're body so limp. You lips are turning blue, the flush pinkness from our cheeks are escaping.
I WON'T let you go! I WON'T!
How could you just leave me like that? How can you be so selfish as to not take me with you?
I had expected you here, to stand next to your master. You were his right hand and I knew you'd be here.
But why?
I hold you close. You're body is getting cold. Take some of my body heat. You're mine and I won't let anyone take you away from me! You're all mine!
And I hate you! I hate you for doing this to me! Making me live as you go on! I HATE YOU!!!
And yet...
"Draco Malfoy, I love you!"
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