Journey to Mordor (By SUV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings besides owning a copy of the DVDs and books. So do not even think about suing me! I'll sue you first! I only claim rights to the idea of this story and my plot lines. And I own Tess. Emily, Dolly, and Kate are all being used with permission. And I borrowed the Suburban from my Aunt Debbie.

Chapter Twenty-six: Gollum

"Moo!" said Emily, sound asleep. She had been talking in her sleep lately. And she'd been waking Tess and Dolly up. "Moo!"

Emily suddenly got up and headed for the door. Tess and Dolly followed her out the door and watched her walk off heading away from Rohan.

"Where on Middle-earth is she going?" asked Dolly, confused.

Tess shrugged and led the way to the SUV. Tess climbed in the passenger seat while Dolly climbed in the driver's seat. Dolly started the engine and slowly followed Emily.

"Moo! Moo! Moo!" said Emily as she began to sleep-run instead of sleepwalk. "Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo!"

Many hours later, they finally stopped as Emily came upon some thing else. A creature, lurking ahead. Dolly killed the engine and the two hopped out of the SUV and tracked Emily on foot. Emily went to the creature, which was strange looking and seemed to have many issues. Emily woke up to see the creature and poked it.

"What are you?" she asked the slimly, flesh colored creature.

"Gollum, gollum," replied the creature.

"What's your name?"

"Smeagol. Gollum, gollum."

"Why are you here?"

"The precious. We wants my precious backs. The hobbitses took it from us, and we wants it. We wants it, gollum, gollum."

"What hobbitses?"

"The fat one and the one with the frilly aprons. Gollum, gollum."

"Sam and Frodo?"

"Yessssss," hissed the creature.

"Cool! Moo!" said Emily as she poked the creature again. And again and again. Finally, the creature got so pissed off at Emily, that it turned around and bit Emily's right-handed pinky finger off.

"Moo!" cried Emily.

Emily shot a flame from her flame-thrower at the creature who shrieked and ran off in the woods. Dolly and Tess headed back to the SUV and Dolly started it once more. Suddenly, the SUV rolled down the hill and ran over Emily. "Moo!" she cried as the SUV flattened her. Tess screamed and hopped out of the SUV and rushed to the flat body of Emily.

Suddenly, a misty form of Emily rose from the flattened body, crying, "Moo!"

"What is that?" asked Dolly, poking the misty form.

"Moo!" cried Emily as she poked Dolly in the ribs. "I am a ghost! Wee!"

"Valar!" yelled Tess and then followed it with a string of cuss words in Elvish and common tongue. Lots of colorful language.

"Um. I think we may have a problem," said Dolly as she pointed to the path, which they had come down. "Which way is Rohan?"

"Um, that's a good question. And I have no freakin' clue which way we came. And damn it! I left my maps in my bag which is still in my room at Rohan!"

"Moo!" said Emily. "We are lost! Moo!"

"Oh, Valar, where's a map or a navigationally challenged Ranger when you need one?" said Tess as she sat down on the ground.

"Moo!"

Author's Notes:

Sorry that it's so short! But my original idea didn't work caused it was straying too much from the original story line but maybe I'll work it in later. If not, oh well, it will join the many discarded chapters and ideas that I have. And I'm sorry about the delay but my family and homework have descended on me this week and weekend and have kept me from posting. I will try to post within the next two days if it is at all possible for me. I get home late and I'm tired when I do get home.

Reviewers!

A Darker Side of Light – I really have tried to stay close to the original story but it's been hard for me because I'm trying to remember every single detail of the movies in my head because I have no reference while I write this. I'm normally writing on the bus on my way to school and I can't fit my books in my back pack and I can't watch the movies either. But if things seem odd well I changed things anyways, but I do try hard. And I'm glad that you liked your part because I worked really hard on that part of the chapter for you.

Ari Moon – Thank you and I'm moving to the loony bin soon! Ahh! And my mum says it's a good thing cause she's been thinking about sending me to one for years.

Laer4572 – Yes, poor Kate. She tried at least. And yes, someone needs to stand up to Frodo!

Dark Borg Drone – I hate that feeling. And here's some more story mellon nin.

Hanna M – I didn't even know what a Mary Sue was until you posted this review! I had to ask my friend and I'm sorry if it seems like that to you but humor is in very short supply at 5:30 am when I'm writing this while half asleep and if you haven't notice, no one in my story is perfect. They all have problems! I'll try to put more humor in because I've noticed that's its not really funny anymore.

musical geek – Yes, Denethor finally got what was coming to him! Thank you and I had a good birthday. I got the Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition and enough money to buy the Two Towers Extended Edition!

Jak – We are getting back to you! I promise! Sorry about the breadsticks, again.

legolasina – A new person! Glad that you like the story and one of my friends is Emily, and behaves just like that! Her big complaint was that she didn't say moo enough in the story, which has been fixed.

TrekieGreenieShannaraElfofME - Glad you still like it and here comes some more! Yay!