A/N -- The last three chapters will be up tomorrrow. Thanks to all who have reviewed.

Chapter Nineteen –

The room was cavernous, the decorations going on for what seemed like miles. To Hoshi, it looked as though the entire planet was crammed into the arena to celebrate Enterprise's return and an end to the Xindi conflict. Only a month had passed since they had returned. Most of the crew had taken extended vacations as Enterprise underwent repairs.

Sitting at a long table, she sipped her wine and ran her hand down the length of her sash. Unlike the male members of Starfleet, she was able to opt out of the traditional Starfleet dress uniform and wear her own dress. The sash of navy blue and gold was the only thing that marked her as a member of Starfleet.

"Ensign Sato?"

She tried not to cringe, but it was difficult. Between the politicians and the brass, she was sick of the praise and good wishes. At this point her head was ready to explode. Whether it was from the wine or her condition, she didn't know. According to Phlox, she still had a few more treatments left. "Yes?" she replied, moving to get up.

"Oh, don't trouble yourself," a man in a tuxedo stated loudly and sat down across from her. "I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment."

Even with her sensitive hearing, she could barely hear him over the loud buzz of the crowd.

"I'm from the University of Tranquility and was wondering –"

"I have to go," Hoshi interrupted abruptly. The man across from her was from one of the most prestigious Lunar universities, obviously hell bent on offering her a teaching position. She knocked her chair back as she stood up and walked away.

Pushing the heavy door open, she walked out into the night, oblivious of the garden path she was on. She just needed to get away. The noise was too much. The future…

She just didn't want to think about it. So many people had died already. She had fulfilled her role in history. That's what Doctor Phlox had told her after Major Hayes and the MACO's had rescued her. She still wasn't sure how the temporal tag had worked, but it had. Their Xindi allies and Enterprise were able to track the weapon through the vortex.

She remembered bits and pieces of her brief time with Commander Dolim and the parasites. The way he gloated…his certainty his species would prevail. Somehow she had managed to overcome the first round of parasites, and had programmed an extra layer of encryption. After they had found out she was resisting the parasites, she remembered little else.

Snippets of Malcolm's voice coaxing her into consciousness had been her next recollection. His voice had been laced with guilt as though he had known along of her role in the Xindi conflict.

Finding herself at the edge of the garden and realizing the noise of the party had dissipated, Hoshi stopped. The breeze of the cool night air danced across her skin and the sound of crickets soothed her. She took the sash off and threw it to the ground. It was highly unlikely she would return to Starfleet.

The UT was perfected and there was nothing to keep her on Enterprise.

"Hoshi?"

So focused on the calming sound of the crickets, she hadn't heard the footsteps that followed hers. She turned, not really needing to. She could tell by the timber of his voice. It was Malcolm. She had been avoiding him ever since they had gotten back. Resisting the urge to jump in the bushes and hide, Hoshi straightened as she got ready to face him and answer the questions she knew he had.

Malcolm could tell she was anything but pleased to see him. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was frowning. Even frowning, she was beautiful. Her long, black dress was only a shade blacker than her hair. Her sash was on the ground, and he bent over to pick it up. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she answered, feeling her lips break into a fraudulent smile.

Her inflection gave her emotional state away. They had all suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder in one form or another, but Hoshi's recovery had been tenuous at the best of times since Major Hayes had rescued her.

He would never forget those events…the shaky alliance with the Xindi and their return to Earth. He had lost Corporal Hawkins during their intelligence-gathering foray into the sphere. That was one of the most difficult things he had ever done, telling Major Hayes that Hawkins had died on the mission. He hadn't been prepared for the words that soon followed.

Hoshi had been taken.

After they had made love, they had never had the chance to talk. They were literally swept up in the events. They had said nothing after waking, making love in the shower and parting ways at her door.

Even after she had been recovered and the weapon destroyed, there had been no time to talk. She had played a crucial role in disarming the weapon and her health had suffered as a result of it.

Somehow, Hoshi had managed to keep it together through the difficult journey home. Once they had gotten back to their own time, she had collapsed, having a relapse of some kind that Doctor Phlox had treated with his usual patience and skill. That was when he had found out about the Doctor's involvement in Hoshi's mystery.

Phlox had been reluctant to answer his questions, but he did provide some answers. He had confirmed what Hoshi had told him already. She had been poisoned shortly before originally arriving on Enterprise, and Phlox had found the antidote. But there were still so many unanswered questions – questions Hoshi still hadn't answered.

She seemed so fragile, even now. "You ran out. I wanted to make sure you were okay," Malcolm stated softly.

Hoshi could hear the lingering questions in his statement. "I'm fine, Lieutenant."

"Lieutenant?" Malcolm's voice betrayed his surprise over her cold, professional tone. Resisting the urge to grab and shake her, he took a step forward. "Isn't it a little late for ranks, Hoshi?" he questioned harshly.

Her eyes widened but she didn't step back. She wasn't going to let him bully her anymore or cater to his guilt.

"It's time you stop running."

His words struck a nerve long ignored inside her. She had been running. She'd been running ever since he had pushed his way into her apartment and kidnapped her. He had changed her perceptions and her life.

"It's time for you to tell me what happened."

"Time?" she scoffed softly. "I have no concept of time anymore, Malcolm. I feel disjointed, like I'm not even here. All my life, I've known who I am and what I was doing. I've been a linguist all my life. My ability has always defined me."

He didn't move and barely breathed as he felt the answers he sought within his grasp.

"They needed to kill me. They needed to ensure my…gift, not be used against them," she sniffled. "But you wouldn't let them kill me. You came back in time to save me…to try and prevent me from accepting the position on Enterprise."

Looking up into the sky, Hoshi took a deep cleansing breath, and continued. "You told me I was a catalyst – someone who would change the course of events. It wasn't until after the first Xindi attack that I found out what I was supposed to do." She wiped the tears away, but more fell in their place. "Imagine being told you were responsible for the death of billions. The talent that has defined you all your life will be used against everybody you've ever known and loved. I was abducted by the Reptilians and forced to decipher the Aquatics' code."

"But we found you," Malcolm whispered shakily. "We stopped them. You're safe now. I –"

"That's just it, Malcolm," Hoshi confided. "You didn't stop them. Enterprise wasn't able to track the weapon through the subspace corridor. I was tagged with a temporal beacon."

Her words hung in the clear, night air, echoing deep within him. It explained a crucial moment shortly after she had been taken. Schematics for a tag tracker appeared on his console, but the technology was way beyond Enterprise's capabilities. He had informed the Captain, who turned the plans over to the Xindi council. He had known!

Watching the subtle expressions cross over his face, Hoshi sighed. "T'Pol hypothesized that the Reptilians would have found another way to crack the Aquatics' code and deploy the weapon against Earth if they didn't force me to do it. They tagged me –"

"I used you," Malcolm muttered slowly. The strategy was sound and the tactician in him knew it.

"You were in no position to make that decision."

"I knew all along what would happen to you and I did nothing to stop it."

"You were ill," she sobbed. "You pleaded with me to return to the future with you, but I couldn't. I…I don't even know if you survived."

He shook his head, almost becoming entrapped in the endless guilt that threatened to consume him. As gently as possible, Malcolm grabbed Hoshi and pulled her into his arms. "Hoshi," his voice soothed.

He was solid and warm, and she melted against him.

"You're fine, luv," he whispered against her hair. "You're safe. I'm here." He rubbed her shoulders, trying to keep the chill away from her skin, and realizing then that he would do anything for her. He loved this woman.

His touch was like fire, arousing yet repelling at the same time. His lips found hers, the faintest of touches, searching for forgiveness. Pulling away, Malcolm sighed.

Looking into his eyes, Hoshi saw the questions and uncertainty – and the guilt.

He wiped her tears away. "Hoshi, I –"

"Don't," her whispered voice silenced him.

Guilt was a powerful motivator and she didn't need any more in her life.

"I love you," he declared past her attempts to silence him. Taking her hand in his, he kissed it. "I want to –"

"Don't," she pleaded and pulled her hand free.

Malcolm attempted to capture her hand, but she stepped away. "Hoshi?"

"I don't," her voice rasped, raw with conflict. She continued to back away from him.

"Hoshi?"

Holding her hands up for him to stop, Hoshi wiped the remains of tears away, took a shuddering breath, and looked him in the eyes. "I don't love you."

He stared at her as she walked away, knowing her parting words were a lie.

TBC --