Chapter Sixteen - How good it could be

My face must have shown something, or maybe it was because I stopped fighting him, but he loosened his grip on my hands and looked at me intensely.

" What is it ? " he asked, " Did I hurt you ? "

I shook my head and smiled at him. " Not at all. " I whispered.

" Good, " he smiled, regaining his position.

Then he dropped his head to mine and kissed me lightly, just barely brushing his lips against mine.

Then he pulled back. " I know we've already been over this but I have to know for sure. " he began. " This time there is no holding back. I want all of you, or none of you, decide now. "

" I love you. " I answered, without the slightest hesitation.

" I love you, too. " he whispered, as he again bent his head, this time to my throat.

Once again, here I was completely helpless with him, not just holding me down, but coming towards my neck, and still I felt absolutely no fear.

His mouth descended to my neck and I felt his tongue snake out and gently lick at my throat. He raised his head back to look at my face. I just stared back at him with expectant eyes.

Then he pushed the envelope even further and I started a bit as his vampire visage took over. Then he lowered his head again and once again tentatively licked at my throat.

Still I didn't move, didn't stir. My heartbeat continued its steady pulse, not jumping or speeding, just beating.

He looked back at me and his human face was back in place.

" Was that supposed to be some kind of test ? " I asked, a slow smile spread across my face.

" It was. " he answered, quietly, easing his hands from around my wrists.

" Did I pass ? "

He sat back, resting his weight on his heals as he straddled me. " You told me once that you would never trust me. " he said in way of an answer.

I reached out and stroked his cheek. " I was wrong. " I told him. " About a lot of things. "

" I'm sorry. " he whispered, leaning his head into my hand. " I had to know. "

" I understand. "

" When you stopped fighting me, I thought you realized I had you pinned and it scared you. " he explained.

" No, " I answered, sitting up on my elbows. " I realized that I wasn't. "

He stared down at me for a long while. I scooted my lower half from under him and sat up, putting my arms around his shoulder and drawing him closer to me.

" Now, It's your turn to trust me. " I said, quietly. " You have to believe me when I tell you I love you. "

He leaned into me and I again noticed the warmth coming from him.

" I want to. " he answered, finally. " I want to believe you more than anything else. I want to trust that you know what your saying, but it's hard. We've been through so much. "

His arms were around me now, holding me against him.

" What can I do to convince you ? "

" I don't know. Maybe nothing. Maybe I just need some time to see that you aren't just confused. " he said, dragging me into his lap as he sat back and pulled his legs from underneath him.

Now I noticed his breath against my cheek and I couldn't contain my curiosity any further. " Why are you warm ? "

" What ?" he asked, startled by the abrupt change of subject.

" Why are you so warm ? You aren't usually. " I explained.

" Oh, " he commented offhandedly. " Slayer blood stays with you for a long time. It's just an after effect. "

" Oh, " I answered. Then something else occurred to me. " Does that mean you can still sense me like back in the cave ? "

His brow furrowed for a second. " Not really, not as strongly I mean. " he tried to explain. " I can sense where you are still, but I can't feel what you're feeling or hear what your thinking anymore. "

I looked away. So much for that, I thought. I was hoping he could feel how much I loved him through the bond we shared earlier but that idea was gone. Unless...

I grabbed the sleeve of my shirt and pulled it up.

" Feed from me again. " I told him, holding my arm out to him.

He looked at me like I had truly lost my mind. " What ? "

" I want you to feed from me again. " I answered.

" Buffy,... " he began, shaking his head in dismissal.

" Spike, " I interrupted him. " I want us to start out this time with both of us having no doubts about where we stand with the other. I want you to know exactly how I feel about you with no questions. This is the only way you'll be sure of that. "

He continued to look at me like I was crazy but there was an understanding in his eyes as well. I watched as several different emotions played on his face.

" Are you completely sure about this ? " he asked, after a long minute.

I offered him my arm again and nodded. " Completely sure. " I answered.

He took my arm and to my surprise tucked it back to my side. " Not like that. Let me show you how good we can be together. " he murmured against my cheek, making me shudder.

" I seem to remember things being pretty good between us. " I whispered.

" You never let me even get close. " he answered.

Then he gathered me to him and laid me easily against the bed. I watched him as he lowered his head to me and kissed me deeply, hungrily. His hands grazed my sides as they slid their way up to my shoulders. Mine fell to this waist, trying to pull him into me. He complied and stretched his length along my side, pressing himself into me.

His tongue slid against mine as he pushed past my lips, and began to explore the dark recesses of my mouth. I opened my mouth to him, allowing him entrance and savoring the taste of him.

His hands moved to my shirt and he pulled back long enough to lift it deftly over my head and discard it behind us. I shuddered again as the cool air hit my skin, but his lips were on mine again and before I knew it I wasn't cold at all anymore.

His fingers racked against my skin in long, leisurely strokes as they played across my stomach.

He moved his mouth from my lips and blazed a fiery trail of kisses down my neck and over my shoulders. Then just as his hand reached up to cup my breast in his palm, his head fell and he took my nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue and pulling at it softly with his teeth.

I groaned and threw my head back against the mattress, reveling in the sensation he was causing within me. Never had I allowed him the soft caresses or the gently kisses that he was slowly torturing me with now. But this time was different. This time I was laid out before him and he was worshipping me with his mouth and hands like I was a gift from the Heavens sent for him to adore. I briefly remembered the image of me that I had seen from him and I shivered as I thought about it.

He continued his assault of my senses, his mouth playing over of skin, leaving a trail of fire in it's wake.

I reached out and let my hands moved over his back, awestruck at the tautness of his muscles as they rippled with his every movement. His body was over me now, covering me in his warmth. The weight was comforting.

He moved away for a moment as he made short work of divesting us both of the remaining barriers of our clothing.

When he returned he started at my legs and took his time returning to my throat as his tongue and hands played against every inch of my flesh.

And when he came back to me, his body was on fire, his skin so hot it almost burned me.

I grabbed him and pulled his mouth down to mine. I kissed him greedily. My hands clutching his shoulders, holding him against me, trying to make my body contact as much of his as I could.

Now I understood what he had meant. Now I knew how good it could have been between us. Once again, I regretted my selfish need to keep him at arms length.

Then he was positioned above me and with a deep, strangled groan from deep in his chest he sank into me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, meeting him thrust for thrust, still holding to him. The pace he sat was slow and easy. I rode it with him, letting him take control.

I cried out as he plunged deeply into me and swiveled his hips in a circular motion. I gasped again and again as I felt the tide of fulfillment starting in my stomach and beginning to arc through my body like lightning.

Then a hoarse cry came from him and his body went completely rigid, pulling me along with him in his explosion and just as I was plummeting over the edge, I saw yellow eyes gleaming back at me and he sunk his fangs deeply into my neck.