Need Not
By: Breezi
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following characters. They are the property of the brilliant author J.K. Rowling. The lyrics are from a song by the wonderful Vienna Teng. She's fabulous and I recommend her to everyone.
Author's Note: This is my first stab at a Harry Potter fic, not to mention a song fic, so please review and let me know what you think.
Lily Evans was the Head Girl at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She took care of everything that anybody needed at Hogwarts. The go to girl as it would seem. For the good students that is. She was always present whenever one of them needed a good lecture as well. There were four pebbles in her shoe, one in particular. James Potter and his ragtag band of buddies calling themselves, the Marauders.
The one who survives
By making the lives
Of others worth while
But in her seventh year at Hogwarts, Lily had begun having feelings that were, to say the least, disconcerting. Things were happening all around her that she felt powerless to control, let alone stop.
She's coming apart
Right before my eyes
It all started when James attentions, which had always been centered on her, had shifted to a cute fifth year named Tamera. Sirius and Peter were both incredibly fond of her, and even Remus, who had always been close to Lily, was enjoying Tamera constant tagging along with the Marauders on their adventures.
Though she would never admit it, Lily had actually enjoyed receiving James's affections. He always made her feel special.
She fought back the tears that were building in her eyes and concentrated on the duties that lay before her.
The one who depends
On the services she renders
To those who come knocking
No one knew that she cried herself to sleep every night. She knew that she could never be like Tamera. She could never be that adventurous. James knew she was a goody goody and would never dream of inviting her along to raid Filch's office or sneak into Hogsmeade like he did with Tamera.
It was the price she paid to be the top of her year. The best student currently at Hogwarts, she understood that she couldn't afford the little luxuries such as fun...or a life. Especially not a life with James.
She's seeing too clearly what she can't be
What understanding defines
No. She was the Head Girl at Hogwarts. She didn't need to have anyone for a companion. She didn't need a boyfriend. She certainly didn't need James Potter. Even if her did look at her with those amazing hazel eyes that seemed to sparkle with a knowledge of a world she had no idea about and an offer to take her there. Even if he smiled with a mischievous smirk that oozed appeal and charm. Even if she wanted to run to him, to confess everything to him.
She says I need not to need
Or else love with intuition
Someone reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
She could not be weak. She was Lily Evans. She was strong. So why did her knees go weak when James looked at her? Why did she get butterflies in her stomach when he spoke to her...even when he spoke in that arrogant voice that she secretly loved? Why could he make her feel so vulnerable?
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
Now I feel like I'm the flower
Trying to bloom in the snow
Lily crept into her room right after dinner. The sun was quickly disappearing behind the horizon, and she wondered how she had managed the energy to finish the day. She was so tired. She slid the red velvet drapes back and crawled into the soft feather mattress. Images of James and Tamera cuddling and giggling at the Gryfindor table were still too fresh in her mind, and new tears dripped down her cheeks.
She turns out the light
Anticipates nightfall
Tenderly around her
She wanted to lose herself in sleep. To forget about Tamera and James and all her responsibilities. She wanted to dream. She wanted to dream about a world where she was outgoing and witty and not so introverted. She wanted to dream of a world where she wasn't just going through the motions. She wanted to dream of a world where she was alive.
She watches the dusk
The words won't come
When she woke up the next morning, she was refreshed. Her energy had returned. She would live through another day. She dressed and, with her head held high, she walked down to great hall for breakfast and didn't flinch when she caught sight of James snogging with Tamera.
She carries the act
So convincingly the fact is
Sometimes she believes that
She smiled brightly at her fellow Gryfindors and sat down. As she bit down on a piece of toast, she felt someone sit down next to her. When she looked over, she met the deep brown eyes of Sirius Black. Her smile didn't falter.
That she can be happy the way things are
Be happy with the things she's done
"You want him, don't you?" Sirius said.
Maybe he was smarter than she gave him credit for. "I don't know what you're talking about, Black."
Sirius grinned. "Look at him over there with Tamera. Isn't the sight killing you? You can admit to me, cause I already know it's true."
No. Maybe it was true, but there was no way that Black could know that. Nobody was allowed to know her weakness, especially since that weakness happened to be James Potter.
"He doesn't really care about her, you know?" Sirius said, almost tenderly, "She reminds him of you. That's the only way she even got him to notice her. If you want perfect honesty, it's because she has the same color hair as you."
Lily looked him dead in the eye and saw the truth there.
I need not to need
Or else love with intuition
Someone reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
"Lily," Lily was shocked when he called her by her first name, he never did that, "James wants you. You're what he's always wanted, you're what he still wants."
"Why are you telling me this?" Lilly asked.
"Because I have to listen to him whine every sodding night and I sick of it."
There was the Sirius everyone knew and loved. But, James, her, it was too much to take in. At that exact moment, she looked over at James and caught him looking right back at her. Then Tamera kissed his neck and it was too much for her to handle.
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
Now I feel like I'm the flower
Trying to bloom in the snow
She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn't let herself break down in front of the entire student body. She shoved back from the table and tore out of the room. James leapt to his feet. "EVANS!" he called after her, then turned narrowed eyes on his best friend. "What in the bloody hell did you say to her, Padfoot?"
Tamera sat confused at the table. "Why don't you go ask her, you wank?"
With one last glare at Sirius, he chased after the girl of his dreams.
Reach out
Hold back
Where is safety
Lily burst into her room and collapsed onto her bed in a fit of tears. James was everything she wanted. He could take her into his world, his arms, and hold her there. If only he would.
Reach out
Hold back
Where is the one who can change me
James raced through the halls, charging his way toward Lily's bed chamber, where he knew she'd be.
Where is the one
The one
Lily just wanted to be warm. She wanted to not feel numb and hollow anymore. She wanted to feel as though someone cared about her. She wanted to love and to be loved.
Reach out
Hold back
Where is safety
James could make her feel loved. But where was he now? Where was he when she really needed him?
Reach out
Hold back
Where is the one who can save me
James entered Lily's bedroom door and looked at her frail figure lying on the bed. Her shoulders shaking from the pain she was going through. He was going to kill Sirius for whatever he said.
"Lily?" he said softly.
Where is the one
The one
Lily bolted upright in her bed and looked at James. Where had he come from?
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." James said, "What did Sirius say? Do you want me to hurt him?"
She smiled slightly, "No. No. It wasn't Sirius's fault."
"Then tell me who it was, I'll kill them." James said protectively.
Lily thought very hard about everything she had been through so far that year. Everything that had hurt her and drained her energy and debated over whether or not to just put an end to it right then and there with James. He managed in that singular moment to appeal to everything feminine in her.
I need not to need
Or else love with intuition
Someone reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
"I don't like your girlfriend." She blurted before she could help herself.
James looked confused. "What? Tamera? What don't you like about Tamera?"
Lily swallowed the lump that was quickly rising in her throat. It was now or never and never was an awfully long time. She looked down at her hands, not being able to bring herself to meet his eyes, "She's not me."
James pretty eyes widened and he absently ran his hand through his already rumpled hair. "What are you saying, Evans?"
Lily smiled. "You know, I liked the way it sounded when you called me Lily."
"Lily." James said, the corners of his mouth turning upward. Lily beamed.
"I never thought you liked me."
"You were right." Lily said, James's face fell, "James Potter, I think I love you."
James pulled her against him, she felt so tiny and delicate, just like a flower. He did what he had wanted to do since first year and kissed her lips. It started gently, but years of hunger took their toll and it soon turned into a rough impassioned kiss. Finally, Lily and James both had what they needed, each other.
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
Now I feel like I'm the flower
Trying to bloom in the snow
Oh yeah, and Sirius scored a date with Tamera...but that only lasted like a month.
THE END
Author's Note: Please review and tell me what you think. Liked it, hated it, mildly appreciated it...anything. Constructive criticism is always welcome.