My head is throbbing. The shouting I hear doesn't help. I think it's Bosco, sounds like him. Why is he shouting at me? Where am I? I will my eyes to open, and thankfully they do, my vision in blurry but I think I see a white ceiling above me. I hear the slow beating of my heart on the monitor to my left. I think I'm in a hospital and there's a strange man standing next to me, holding a syringe. Bosco hates needles, and right now, seeing that needle, I hate them too. I can't think. Everything's hazy, why am I here? Some more shouting and that needle is getting closer to me. Get it away, I don't need whatever he's gonna inject into me.
"She's awake!" It's definitely Bosco, I think he's shouting at this man next to me. The man doesn't seem to notice, he's lowering the needle, bringing it closer to me. Get away, didn't you hear Bosco? I'm awake. I open my mouth to tell him but no words come out. I move my hand to knock that needle away, but I realize my hand is still limp at my side. I can't move, I can't be paralyzed can I? No, I'm not. It's fatigue, a bad case of it. I hope.
No, I feel the tip of the needle on my skin. Bosco's suddenly above me, knocking the needle from the man's hand. As my vision starts to clear I realize the man is a doctor. Why did Bosco prevent him from helping me? No, Bosco would never do that. This man must be trying to hurt me.
"Faith." Bosco's voice is gentle, his fingers lightly touching my cheek. I force myself to look at him; it's getting easier to focus. I see tears in his eyes, but he's smiling down at me. My blink a few times, my vision starting to clear. As I look into Bosco's eyes, I see everything I need to know. In one quick rush I remember everything, chasing Mercado, seeing him pointing a gun at Bosco, shoving Bosco to the side, hitting the ground hard, my baby. Oh, my God, my baby! I move to sit up, but Bosco holds me down, "relax, Faith. Don't move."
I shake my head the best I can, my hand going to rest on my lower abdomen. Bosco knows what I'm talking about; he nods and looks back at me.
"Everything's going to be okay." Bosco tells me, and I believe him. But then the doctor next to me comes into view.
"Officer Yokas, I'm Dr. Macmillan. Although the swelling in the area of your uterus has lessened, it's not a guarantee that we can operate and at the same time save the life of your child." As he tells me this I can see the anger in Bosco's eyes as he looks across of me and at the doctor. That's why Bosco stopped the doctor, he was trying to kill my baby. Our baby. Swelling? I'm fine, there's nothing wrong. If there is I don't care, I can't lose this baby.
"Wait," Bosco interrupts, "the swelling went down? You didn't say that before."
"I didn't?"
"No. If the swelling's gone down, why operate?"
"Because there's a better chance of recovery, with fewer complications. If we can operate then there's a guarantee that she will be okay, if we don't; we're gambling with possible hemorrhaging. I thought this was explained to you earlier."
Bosco shakes his head, "it wasn't—so what you're saying is that there's a chance that you can save Faith and her baby?"
"What I'm saying is that," the doctor seems frustrated, "if we don't operate, there's a better chance of you losing them both."
I watch Bosco close his eyes, the last bit of hope he had left diminishing; I've never seen him so defeated like this before. As I look at him, the worst sort of guilt comes over me. I caused this. I caused this pain, this war he's waging inside of himself. He knows I'm pregnant, he thinks he's the father. That's why this is hitting him so hard. I know he loved this child the minute he found out I was pregnant. But how is that fair to him?
For a week now, all I've been thinking about is how unfair this is to Bosco. It was one night that we had, one night, and the outcome was this baby. I can't ask him to drop everything and be a father. I don't think he's ready for that, or at least he's not ready for that with me. Especially after seeing him with Grace. I see the smiles he tries to hide from me when she comes around. I think she makes him happy, genuinely happy, for the first time in a long time, he's got a relationship that he wants to make work. Grace is good for him, how can I ask him to give her up? How can I ask him to chose? I don't have it in me.
"If you chose not to operate, then we'll have to wait it out and hope for the best." The doctor explains, "but I strongly advise the surgery."
"It's your choice, Faith." Bosco tells me. I feel his hand slip through my fingers, his eyes never leaving mine. I don't know what I'd do right now if he wasn't here. He's been my main source of strength since Fred left. But I still have this sinking feeling in my gut, telling me to stop being selfish and let him live his own life. I've been a burden to him for too long now, I owe him so much more than that.
"I'm keeping this baby." I say, hoping I made the right decision. But then again there wasn't really a choice for me. It's this baby or nothing. I see the disappointment on the doctor's face as he looks at me. After a few seconds he nods, mostly to himself.
"Very well. We'll see how things turn out. In about an hour or so we have to take you up for more scans. Let's hope for the best." The doctor gives me a confidant smile and walks out of the room. My eyes follow him to the door where I see Sully walking away with Proctor. Bosco and I are left in silence. He's staring down at the floor, I'm trying not to stare down at our joined hands.
I have to break this silence, I open my mouth to speak, but Bosco speaks first.
"Faith," he says, looking back at me, "—I don't want you doing anything like this again." I can't say this surprises me. I did take those bullets without even thinking it could harm my baby. I protected him without thinking of the consequences. I don't blame him for being angry, but can he really blame me for caring about him?
"Bosco, I—."
A knock on the door to the room interrupts me as I look to see Lieu standing in the doorway to the room. He smiles when he sees me.
"How we doing?" Lieu asks walking up to my bedside, opposite of Bosco.
"Fantastic," I say, getting a small chuckle out of Lieu.
"Sorry to do this, Faith," Lieu starts, putting his hand on Bosco's shoulder, "but I need to borrow Boscorelli for a few minutes. Is that okay?"
"Of course, sir." I reply. Can I really say 'no'? Bosco flashes me a weak smile before following Lieu out of the room and down the hall. So many things have been running through my mind all at once. I'm glad to get a moment peace alone to try and clear my thoughts.
"I won't let anything happen to you" I hear myself whisper as I touch my lower abdomen lightly, a smile playing on my lips. I close my eyes and lean my head back against my pillow, letting out a tired breath. A few minutes pass before I'm pulled back to reality from the sound of approaching footsteps.
When I open my eyes, I see Cruz standing at the foot of my bed. But that's not what surprises me. The small vase of a dozen yellow roses grasped in both her hands is what really gets to me. This woman never ceases to amaze me.
"Hey," she greets, lifting her chin in acknowledgement.
"Hey," I reply. My voice is still a little scratchy and my dry throat doesn't help it much.
"Um—," she glances down at the roses in her hand and then looks back up at me, "I just—I brought you these." She moves awkwardly to the counter and puts the vase there before turning back to face me.
"Thanks."
Cruz nods, "I thought I'd stop by—ya know—see how ya doin'."
"I'm fine." What surprises me most as I'm talking to her, is that there's really no anger in my voice. I guess I'm still getting used to the fact that I don't hate her the way I did before. I've grown to actually tolerate her, and that's a big step up from how things used to be between us. The silence in the room is starting to get uncomfortable. It was a nice gesture bringing the flowers and everything but I know that's not the only reason she's here. I can tell she wants to say something but she's finding it hard to get it out at the moment. Her eyes are still downcast; it's like she's ashamed to look at me. It's something very un-Cruz-like. She's the epitome of arrogance, her eyes are what she uses to make people bend to her will. She never breaks eye contact when she's being challenged. She can stare down just about anyone, that's why I'm having difficulty understanding why she's not looking at me right now. I like to think I'm pretty good at reading people, but when it comes to Cruz, I tend to find myself clueless.
As I look at her, I notice something different about her, physically.
"What happened to your face?" I ask, referring to the area around her eye that's turning a slight black and blue color. Cruz touches her cheek.
"You should ask Bosco's girl." She answers.
"Grace, hit you?" I can't believe it. Way to go, Grace. If only I thought of that a year ago. Oh, wait, I did think of that. I just never got around to doing it.
"Got me when I wasn't lookin'." Cruz continues, her eyes finally meeting mine. I can't help the smile on my face, but instead of getting angry, Cruz smiles back, "don't look too happy about it."
I laugh, "no. I'm just surprised that's all."
"So was I," Cruz says, pulling up a chair and sitting next to my bed. Things seem to be getting a bit more comfortable. "Gotta hand it to her though. For a skinny white chick, she knows how to throw a punch."
There's a sudden sharp pain in my stomach and my hands come up to hold it. Cruz is on her feet in a second, a worried expression on her face.
"You alright, Yokas? I'll go call the doctor." She moves to leave but I grab her by the wrist, pulling her back. She looks at me bewildered and I shake my head. I can't let the doctor know about this, he'll operate if I do. Besides, the pain's going away.
"It's fine," I gasp, "just a cramp." Cruz seems unsure as she looks at me. But she soon gives in and sits back down in the chair.
"I should've been there." She tells me, her eyes downcast again. This time I can't look away from her. She's saying she's sorry without actually saying she's 'sorry.' I don't know if that really makes any sense, but right now I don't care. She actually feels guilty about what happened. If that's the way she apologizes, it's good enough for me.
"It's wasn't your fault, Cruz." I tell her.
"You're part of my team. I shouldn't have left the two of you without back up."
"Yeah, well. Things happen, it's part of the job. It doesn't matter anyway, it happened too fast for back up to do any good." I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth. I'm actually trying to ease her guilt. I guess for this rare occasion of sorry-Cruz, I'll make an exception. "I don't blame you."
"Can't say the same fo' yo' partner." I barely hear her as she talks under her breath. It's true though. Bosco does blame a lot on her. It's gonna take him a very long time if ever for him to forgive her for anything.
Another knock on the door, and I look to see Grace standing there, a potted plant in her hand. She smiles when she sees me. I'm a little surprised that she even remembered my name let alone come here and bring me something. She probably figured out by now that yes, her boyfriend is my best friend and if you want to be on his good side, you have to stay on mine as well. Cruz found out the hard way what it's like to try and come between me and Bosco.
"Hi, Faith!" Grace perks, but her eyes soon fall on Cruz, and she frowns. "Does Maurice know she's here?" Her question is directed toward me, but her eyes are still on Cruz.
"Why, you gonna run and tell him?" Cruz counters, standing up from her chair.
"Oh, please, I obviously don't need him to fight my battles." Grace says referring to Cruz's bruised cheek. She rounds over to the other side of my bed, opposite Cruz and sets the plant by sink in my room.
"Thanks." I tell her, but I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable with these two women on either side of me. Especially when they clearly despise one another. Now I know what Bosco used to feel like when he got caught in the middle of my many battles with Cruz.
"You're done here, right? Because he is gonna be back soon." Grace throws at Cruz. This girl has a mouth, but I think she shouldn't come off this strong. She did hit Cruz, and if Cruz wanted to she could file charges for assaulting a Police Officer. And that would only anger Bosco even more. I wonder if Grace's hatred for Cruz stems from her finding out that Bosco and Cruz used to be together. I don't know the reason, but the hatred is apparent.
"Why are even here?" Grace pushes the subject and I remain silent, not wanting to be involved. I really don't need this right now.
"I could as you the same thing." Cruz replies, crossing her arms over her chest. As they continue their childish banter, my mind drifts to Bosco again. The more I think about it the less I'm convinced that we can make this situation work. I mean, what am I even expecting out of this? Are we really doing to be one big happy family? Is Bosco really gonna love me the way he's gonna love this child? So many doubts are hitting me all at once and this shouting now happening around me, is making things 10 times worst.
"What the hell are you two doing?" Bosco barks, looking pissed as he makes his way into the room. Thank God. Get these two out of here. He looks from both Grace and Cruz and ends up turning to face Cruz, "what the hell are you doing here?"
"I—," Cruz glances nervously at me.
"She came by to drop those off." I cut in, gesturing at the roses on the counter. Bosco doesn't even look at them, he just remains glaring at Cruz.
"I bet she did—," Bosco says, "but making peace with Faith isn't gonna save your ass this time Cruz. You're going straight to IAB. I bet they can dig up a lotta dirt on you, eh?"
"Whatever." Cruz says and makes a quick exit.
"Maurice." Grace utters, making her way around the bed to him, "I just wanted to check up on Faith for you." Oh, now it's confirmed why she came to visit. She did it to impress Bosco, should've guessed. As mad as he was at her and Cruz walking in here, it seems to melt away when he watches her smile at him. He can't help himself and he smiles back.
"Thanks. But I really need to speak to Faith alone for a minute. I'll talk to you outside." He tells her. Grace nods, smiles at me, then exits the room too. Again, I'm left in silence, but this time at least Bosco's here.
"Sorry bout that." He apologizes, "I guess now we know to not put those two in the same room together." He takes a seat next to my bed again and smiles down at me. "How you feeling?"
"Better—what was this thing about IAB?"
"Lieu thinks IAB will be the best way to deal with Cruz. She left two of her Officers in the field without back up. Lieu's not going to let this one slide." Bosco explains. He stops himself and takes a deep breath. Here it comes, the thing that's been building up inside of him, he's about to let it out. "Faith—why didn't you tell me about his baby?"
I tear my eyes away from him. "I don't know." He goes silent. I can't do this to him. This is not fair, he doesn't deserve this, I'll only cause him more problems, more complications. Does his complicated life really need one more complication? This baby is gonna change everything, it's gonna be the biggest responsibility he's ever had. I don't think he's ready for it. I guess I'd feel a lot less guilty if he didn't have someone. And right now, he's got Grace. I don't know how, but they seem to work, they look like they can be happy. He's never gonna be able to find out if he's stuck raising a kid with me. I feel tears begin to form in my eyes, I finally realize that this baby is just asking too much from him. He's already done enough.
"Faith—."
"Bosco, I have to tell you something about this baby." I manage to say at the same time choking back my tears. I know I'll regret this later, but right now it seems like the best thing to do, even if I will be lying to him. If I care about Bosco, I'd let him live his own life. This way, I'll never be a burden to him again.
"What, is something wrong? Did the doctor—?"
"It's not yours, Boz. The baby's not yours."
I let the last part of my deceit leave my lips and close my eyes as the tears begin to fall.