A/N: Only one more chapter after this one so hang in there! The way Rikku is feeling at this point is captured brilliantly in the song by Warren Zevon called 'Splendid Isolation'. I was listening to it the whole time thinking how perfect it fit with this chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 19: Splendid Isolation

'Don't want to wake up with no one beside me

Don't want to take up with nobody new

Don't want nobody coming by without calling first

Don't want nothing to do with you'

Her apartment is dark. The shades are drawn denying the sun's entrance into her home as she lies on her corduroy sofa curled up into a ball. Rikku holds a matching throw pillow to her chest as she stares at the Sphere Vision screen thoughtlessly. There is a wet spot on the cushion from her tears; Rikku doesn't bother to wipe her face with her hands or tissues, preferring not to make any movements at all. It seems the sting of rejection and foolishness she feels renders her paralyzed reducing her to the heap she's become since this morning. The thoughts that did make their way through her mind were unintelligible; fragments of a puzzle that was missing too many pieces. The most legible words that circled her mind were Baralai, Paine, back together, and fool.

A fool. That's what she feels like. Rikku rolls over to her other side and faces the back of the couch. She stares at the contours of it, trying to focus on the ribbed pattern hoping it takes her mind off of this morning. Rikku sighs in frustration and realizes it's going to take more than that to dissipate these feelings. They were there to stay and for how long? She wasn't sure. Rikku just knows they suck and wants them to go away.

The comm. Sphere continues to ring every hour on the hour without hesitation into the evening. The message is the same. Baralai is trying to reach her, but to no avail.

"He can keep calling." She says in disgust. "I'm absi-posi not answering that sphere." Rikku rolls back over to her original position and grips the pillow tighter as she grows angrier. He just won't take the hint. "Darn, he's persistent."

"Rikku, please call me. As I mentioned I have something I'd like to tell you. Ok. Talk to you later, bye."

-Click-

"You're still not home...oh well, please call me when you get in ok? Bye."

Each message gets more concerned and desperate.

"Rikku, is something wrong? Please call me and let me know you're ok. This isn't like you. Um, bye."

-Click-

It is the last message that finally zaps Rikku out of her vegetable like state.

"Ok, I've been trying to reach you for about four hours now and I'm really worried so I'm coming over."

No. She doesn't want to see him. What for? So he could tell her that he had gotten back together with Paine? The thought is unbearable; she couldn't stick around to have him explain to her what she already knows. Rikku flies off the couch and scrambles about her living room trying to find her boots knocking papers and items all about. Reaching under her island table, she pricks her finger on a stray nail, causing blood to flow out of it on impact.

"Owie! That smarts!" she groans, and looks around frantically for paper towels. Rikku realizes she's out of them and grabs the closest thing to her, one of her blue headbands. At this rate, the blood won't cease and she practically soaks the fabric wiping her cut clean. Rikku is amazed that it's bleeding so badly for such a small wound, but eventually she gets a handle on it and continues to tear her apartment apart for her shoes throwing the saturated bandana in her room on the floor. Finally she finds her boots in the kitchen by the door and snatches them up proceeding to exit the apartment, leaving a trail of tiny blood spots on the floor and doorway. She knows it's going to stain if she leaves it so she tries to wipe the door's surface off with her hand. Much to her dismay it ends up leaving an even worse smear than there already was. Rikku decides just to leave it there and reasons to herself she'll tend to it later. She also doesn't lock the door; there was no time for either as he was probably at least on the ferry to Luca by now.

As she makes her way to her parking lot, Rikku decides not to take her hover, opting to let him think she was home giving her more time to get to where she was going. The perfect location comes into her head as she walks; there was only one place she wants to be at this point. Somewhere she could blend right in with a crowd of anonymous people and he would never find her.

While the sun sets in front of her, Rikku strolls down the outskirts of the Mi'hen figuring he'd be less inclined to see her on his way to her apartment. Dirt dances beneath her feet, rocks she kicks out of her path scatter into patches of grass and bushes she passes by. It was a little chilly since the sun was taking its leave and carrying its heat along with it so Rikku folds her arms into her chest and shivers slightly. She curses herself for the attire she's wearing: a maroon sweater and white skirt that goes to about half the length of her thighs, not covering much. Her hair is still down and its blowing everywhere: in her face, up in the air and behind her all in no particular order.

"Bad idea to wear a skirt today." She grumbles, as she rubs her hands together for warmth. The old path was very unkempt, grass wasn't mowed and the trees weren't pruned, pinecones and dead leaves covered the ground. None of it captures her attention though, she is lost in thought, mostly about Baralai and how stupid she was for believing he could actually have feelings for her.

"What was I thinking?" she ponders, as she feels the swells beginning to form in her eyes yet again. Rikku brushes the tears off her cheeks, the blood from her finger blends with them making her appear as if she applied too much rouge. "Our goals were crystal clear. I guess it worked for him. I was stupid to think he'd change his feelings over to me just like that." Her gaze meets up with the sky as the stars began to appear one after the other. They seem like hazy puffs to her since her tears cloud her vision. She thanks Spira that at least it wasn't going to rain again. "One good thing to come out of this rotten day." She says between sniffles.

As she walks along, the thoughts of the times she and Baralai spent together scroll through her mind like old home movies. From the moment they met, she had a feeling that they would be really good friends, always there for each other when times got rough, neither letting the other be alone for any reason at all. Her favorite night was the one they spent in front of the fire in his study, just talking about their lives and Paine and Gippal. Then there was the pact to keep each other from falling in love ever again. Except now she has broken that contract and the realization hits her that she and Baralai were really never meant to be anything more than that- just friends. Now that he was back with Paine she really didn't have anyone anymore. She could probably still maintain a friendship with Baralai but it would be too hard for her to handle seeing him happy with someone else and she would never have the chance to heal. Going back to Gippal wasn't an option for her either; any feelings she'd had for him were probably just rebound at this point. She knew how she felt towards Baralai was genuine this time and not the other way around.

"What of Gippal anyway?" she questions herself, as if in some way the answer would just reveal itself from nowhere. "I know for a fact he still loves her, I wonder how he's doing? Maybe now he'll get and idea of how Baralai and I felt when he and Paine decided to dump us." It would have been great she thinks to see Gippal suffer for once, but his pending grief does nothing to make her situation any better. She was still left with a void, one that was painfully obvious to her she wasn't going to fill any time soon. The healing process has to start all over again; she has been tossed to the bottom and is forced to climb up by herself this time. Thinking about this causes the tears she managed to stifle come back even stronger. Rikku takes a moment to regain her composure and continues down the Mi'hen when she stops crying.

"That's it." She proclaims, her fists to her sides in agitation. "I'm never falling for anyone ever again! I just can't handle the heartache anymore." Rikku throws her hands up to the sky and descends the steps to the plaza where she reaches her destination: the rusty bench and railing that look over the water where she and Gippal had broken up weeks ago. Leaning against the railing's all too familiar cold, unrelenting manifold she stares out into the sea; the moon reflects off the surface, detailing every little wave that curls and disappears into nothing. Standing on that old spot for a while proves to be somewhat therapeutic for Rikku. Even though this place marks the ending of everything important to her she feels amazingly at peace with it all, and she is able to smile for the first time all day.

"I'll be all right." She reasons, her eyes still to the endless sea before her. "I'm not going to let this bother me anymore. I should just cut my losses and go back home." She turns around, the wind blows her hair from her face and she ascends the stairs returning to the old Mi'hen trail. "When Baralai gets there I'll just congratulate him and move on with my life, simple as that. At least one of us is happy and that's good enough for me." She nods to the air in approval and starts her journey back to the apartment. "Ok!" she says, picking up her pace, inhaling the night's crisp air, "Now when I tell him, all I have left to do is sound like I actually mean it and everything will be terrific."