'Just walk away' she told herself. Her breath came in short gasps as though she was oxygen starved. Her heart beat steadily but it thumped with such force against her ribs she thought it would burst out of her chest. 'Just turn around and walk away' that small voice in her head told her 'you can't do anything be standing here...it wont turn time back and it wont make things better.' Damn right but she couldn't move it's like she was fixed on the spot. Everyone had already left...even his best friend and his dad. She was alone standing there the tears just beneath the surface waiting patiently to erupt when she was ready to let them flow. "It's not your fault" she told herself now out loud. But she couldn't leave. She felt like if she left this time no pride and no strength could keep her hear from breaking. She felt like it was her fault.
Dark gray clouds floated through the sky. The wind was becoming colder by the second. She shivered and pulled her black shawl tighter over her shaking shoulders. Too many flashbacks, too many regrets, and too much pain. Why was she still here. Why couldn't she walk away from him like she always did. But she felt that if she walked away this time she would lose all contact with him. And she had too many words that she never said and now needed desperately to say.
Sure all they had been doing for the last few months, it seemed, was fighting. But she never thought he would do this. Voices rang through her head. Meaningless phrases by themselves but all in all they built an intense picture in front of her eyes. After three years together it ended so suddenly.
It seemed like neither of them knew if they really loved the other. Or maybe that was just her. Maybe he loved her all along and conscious of it. She however forced her feelings to the back of her existence. To that storage place that she rarely ever accessed. Proud, independent, and egoistic by nature she would never let her feelings overrun her common sense or her material craving. Or her greed for popularity, fame, status, and possession...money included. She thought she was willing to sacrifice anything for those things. No morals and no boundaries. As in anything is fair play, anything works. Now she realized she was wrong. But she too late. One of his decisions too late.
He wasn't easy to crack though. He took all blows like a man. And she couldn't appreciate that in the last few months. Taking it for insults or something else as equally stupid. She remembered all of a sudden that time almost a year ago when he had called her almost crying to say he would have to cancel that night date. When she asked angrily why he told her that his mother was killed in a car accident and he wasn't in the mood as she probably understood. She did but what id she do? She almost got mad. She said coldly that fine they wont go out that night and hung up on him. She could have comforted him. Could have come over and talked about it with him. So why didn't she? Why wasn't she there for him when he needed her? Now she felt utterly disgusted wit herself. But again it was too late to do anything.
She had never imagined, though, that he would do something like this. That he would pull the trigger and end it all. She wasn't afraid of anything anymore. Except, tears ran down her cheeks as they over flouted her eyes, that it was too late to say she loved him. But it couldn't hurt. An it just might be her only way to walk away from this place and place a period at the end of the sentence that began with his love and ended with his suicide. "I love you" she whispered. Her words were picked up by a cold gust of wind and the dissolved in the wind's "woosh" and then it was silent again. The silence was eerie. There was a rustle in a nearby clutch of trees. She looked up to see a faint shadow, or was that only her imagination? He was watching her. Not that's non cense! She sighed and turning around she slowly started to walk away.