I own nothing from the OC

Title: Lost in Blue

Settling in hadn't been too difficult. She worked at Manny's restaurant running the register, seating customers, whatever she could do to help. Her money was pretty tight. Since Ryan had contributed much more than she to their savings account, she had left the lion's share for him and mailed him the passbook. Again she faced the Family Services tribunal, only this time she was alone. There was just no other way now but things would change.. she would make damned certain they changed. What she missed the most was her car but she knew if she had tried to drive all the way to Atlanta, she would still be on the roadside waiting for help. No way would her little clunker have made that trip. Manny's restaurant was very popular and whether she was there or at home there was always laughter and fun. That helped stave off the lonely empty feeling that had become so much a part of her.

The lunch crowd had just left and the dining room was full of the clatter of cleanup and preparation for the next wave. A good looking guy that she recognized as a regular was waiting to be seated. Quickly she made her way to where he stood.

"Eating alone today?" she asked as she approached.

"Yep all by myself unless you have time to join me," he replied, flashing an inviting smile.

It had become more apparent each time this guy came in, that in spite of her obvious condition, he was nurturing a growing interest in her. Jesus wept... blonde hair and blue eyes! Screw that.. She was here to forget blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Hey, wish I could," she laughed. Leading him to a small table and giving him a menu, she left him with a businesslike smile and an "enjoy your meal".

Before she could get back to what she had been doing Manny waved her down with the phone. "Theresa, it's your mom," Manny called.

"Hi Ma. What a surprise. How are you?"

"I'm fine.. How are you and the baby?"

"We're both good.. better than good," she laughed. Smiling she stroked the swell of her belly. "I found a midwife I really like. She says this baby is huge as if I don't already know that. Won't be long before I can't see my feet! Oh and I started home classes so I can get my diploma. I plan on registering at one of the technical colleges for dental hygienist. It will take 2 years but I can get tuition assistance and it is a very good paying career."

Hearing the smile in her daughter's voice made Eva smile.

"Theresa that is wonderful. I am very proud of you."

Both women fell quiet and an uncomfortable silence took the phone line.

"What's wrong, Ma. Why did you call?"

"Ryan came to pick up his things.... he wanted to speak to you."

Theresa sucked in her breath and expelled it on one burst." What did you tell him?"

"I told him you didn't have a phone. He left his number and asked for you to call."

"Ma, I'm not going to call him. You didn't say anything did you?"

"Of course not! I told you I would help you. I have told everyone you lost the baby. I have lied to help you but it isn't my decision whether you call Ryan or not, it's yours, so I called to give you the message and the number." Anger loomed in her voice.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that.. I'm just.. you know... "

Eva's voice softened. "Yes, I know. It's a hard thing you are doing. Have you made any decision yet?"

"Ma, I think I made my decision long ago I just didn't realize it. I can't give this baby up. It's part of me. I don't care who the father is, in fact I'm not even gonna have the test done. I can make a good life out here. Maybe you could come live with us.."

Eva sighed into the phone. "I love you and support whatever you decide. We will talk more later. I have to take Mrs. Gomez to the doctor and I should be leaving. "

"Thanks Ma. I'll talk to you soon."

There, she had finally said it. It was out in the open and she could quite dancing around the issue. She was keeping this baby!

Her relationship with Ryan had been too complicated to be defined. One day it was one thing and the next something different. Like the time with Sissy George. Sissy George was one of those 'early bloomers' and all the boys drooled after her. Theresa didn't understand what the big deal was. Sissy was a stupid cow! She had zero personality and you couldn't even carry on a conversation with her. One day while Arturo was busy ogling Sissy, she shared her opinion of Sissy with her brother. Arturo looked at her like she was from another planet.

"Theresa, sometimes you can be so dense. Talking is not Sissy's strong point", he said with a laugh. That had been her introduction to the fact that boys were like dogs when it came to girls, no brains required.

She had known her feelings for Ryan were changing. He was more than just a friend. When he was close she felt a little breathless; when he looked at her with those blue eyes she felt a strange fluttery feeling in her stomach. She didn't know what to do with or about the things she felt. Ryan didn't seem to feel any different.

Ryan at fifteen had physically changed. One of his mom's boyfriends had given him a job helping out on his construction sights. No longer was Ryan a ninety-pound weakling. His arms and chest bulged with newly formed muscles and he carried himself like a young Adonis. Girls that before had ignored the smaller kid now found him very interesting, especially Sissy. Theresa would stand and watch while Sissy fawned over Ryan, standing close, nonchalantly rubbing her ample breasts against Ryan, in seemingly innocent situations. Theresa looked down at her own meager chest and wondered when "breasts" would find her chest. It wasn't long before Sissy and Ryan were an item.

Theresa and Ryan usually hung with their brothers and their brother's friends. For a time she continued to show up at the gatherings and parties but the feeling she no longer belonged kept growing and growing so she finally stopped going. There was just so much of "Sissy draped over Ryan" she could stand to witness. Instead she knocked around by herself, stayed at home reading and watching movies. She sorta enjoyed the solitude but it hurt that no one seemed to even notice she was no longer around.

She arrived home from the store one afternoon to find Ryan slumped on the porch steps. Seeing her, a lopsided grin spread across his face. "Hey, where the hell have you been hiding? I haven't seen you in forever."

A biting retort was poised on the tip of her tongue but she bit it back and replied in a calm even tone.

"I just got tired of all the crap for a while and have been chillin' out at home. Why?"

Secretly she hoped he was about to tell her how much he had missed being with her and that Sissy was long gone.

"Well, we got a pool tournament going tonight and I'm screwed without my partner. Any chance you could show up?"

So that was it... he needed a fucking pool partner. While it was true she and Ryan were almost unbeatable as a team and under normal circumstance she would be more than ready to go play, this time it just hit her all wrong and it pissed her off.

"What? You fucking ignore me for weeks while you crawl all over that piece of shit Sissy, that would drop her pants for any guy that waves his dick at her and now you show up here asking "good old Theresa" to play pool and help you win. Fuck you and her! Have Sissy be your partner...in fact shove her up your ass sideways." All of the hurt, jealousy and anger she had held in had just spewed out in massive swell and she herself was amazed by how vehemently she had spoken.

Ryan stood in front of her wearing his "stupid cow" expression, his mouth opened to speak.. then he closed it again. He seemed to be completely at a loss for words. While he was trying to decide how to react to her speech, she walked past him and into the house, closing the door firmly behind her. Boys could be so stupid!

She made it a point to be "unavailable" for the next week. In fact no one even saw her. She haunted the library, stayed after school to help with stuff, anything she could do to be hidden. She was confused by what she felt and desperately needed time and space to sort it out. Arriving home particularly late one evening, she tripped over Ryan sitting on the porch steps in the dark. Jumping up he caught her before she went headfirst into the door.

"Atwood, what are you doing lurking on my porch?"

"I need to talk to you."

"So talk..."

"Can we go somewhere else.. the park maybe?"

She couldn't see his face clearly for the shadows but she heard the sadness in his voice.

"What's wrong? she queried."

"Let's go, ok?"

She sat her bags down and followed him off the porch. She was completely taken back when he reached out for her hand as they walked. She timidly returned the pressureof his hand and was rewarded when he held on tighter. They walked silently, hands swinging gently between them.

The park was deserted. They found themselves largely in the dark because half of the lights had been broken or were burned out and had never been

replaced. Making their way across the park they found the swing sets.

"Get in, I'll push," he grinned.

"Not on your life... the last time you pushed me I ended up in a mud puddle," she laughed. "Let's just sit."

They sat in silence for a long minute.

"Atwood, did you show up on my porch so we could go swing?"

Ryan snickered. "Not really but it sorta turned out good. I just needed to talk to you."

The silence continued.

Finally, in frustration Theresa broke the quiet. "About?"

Ryan sighed. "Us.. and what I did."

"Oh, this should be good", she quipped. He caught her sarcasm and gave her a sad smile.

"Theresa, I'm sorry. I never intended to hurt you especially over someone like Sissy. She's just a girl. You're a lot more to me than that. "

"Ryan, just what am I to you? I thought I knew but after the last few weeks I guess I was wrong."

He got up from his swing and came to stand in front of her. Taking both of her hands in his, he pulled her up to stand facing him. He looked into her eyes and haltingly began speaking.

"Theresa.. you are my rock, my anchor, you keep me from getting lost in all of this. You keep me strong and together. You hold me up when I am too sad or weak to stand on my own. I need you." As he spoke he searched her eyes for a hint of her thoughts. What he saw was the glistening of tears as they glided down her face.

In all the years she had known him, this was the longest speech she had ever heard him make and right there and then she knew she loved him... would always love him. No matter what might happen her heart would forever belong to Ryan Atwood.

That night, after her mother was sound asleep and Theresa helped him climb into her window, he had taken her into his arms and a new dimension to their relationship had unfolded. The earth had not moved nor was it anything like she had read in love novels. They were awkward and nervous.. timid and needful. In time these things would vanish and their loving would become lustful and satisfying but there would only be one" first time" and it was enough to be together, holding each other tight into the night.

She had thought about that night many times when Ryan had disappeared to Newport. He had left her without so much as a backward glance.