Fields of Gold

Chapter 5: Learning to Love You

By miakatama86

Author's Note: I'm sorry that I haven't updated sooner, even though it hasn't been that long since I last updated. I feel badly that I haven't written in two days because of all the work that I've had to do lately. College is rough, no da! I really love it, though. I wish that I could find out what my grades are right now, but I can't... Oh, well, I'd rather write instead of worrying about my grades, since I know that they are good, anyway! I've been bursting at the seams with new ideas for this little story of mine. It's so cool that I have so much inspiration for it. If any of you are still reading my story for Gundam Wing, please be reminded that that piece of work has been put on hold indefinitely. Sorry, but, unlike for this one, I have no inspiration for that story. I will probably end it, anyway. By the way, I'm typing this note before I write the chapter, so it may already be gone, you know? Or it may even be updated before this one! Who knows? Thank you for all the wonderful reviews that you guys wrote! They're such a good form of encouragement. Please keep it up! And hopefully this chapter will have less usage of the word "very." My kudos to Kawaii Youko because her stories are great, and she always reviews! And thank you for the consecutive reviews, Lizfels. They are greatly appreciated! Lyrics are in italics! Oh, and someone please tell me whether you think I went a little too morbid in chapter four? Onegai! I've been a little worried about that... And are you averse to angst in this story? I mean, I did put it in the drama genre... Anyway, I will be sad without reviews! You guys wouldn't want me sad, would you? Don't even bother answering that! O.o;;; Well, on with the retarded disclaimer!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or have any affiliations with Watase Yuu or any others that were involved in its creation for either the manga or the anime. But no one can take away the fact that I got to meet Nuriko's seiyuu, Sakamoto Chika, which was like so awesome! Anime conventions rule!

After Taka had finished spinning me around in his apparent joy that I had agreed to be close friends with him, he walked me into the room, successfully colliding with the unforgiving door frame and bruising both of us in the process. "Ano...Taka...maybe you should have waited until you weren't so dizzy...?" I suggested, eliciting a melodious laugh from his throat that warmed me all over. Oh, to be with him again was so wonderful, even if I wasn't quite ready to accept him as my lover from the book. He slowly walked me back to the bed, still wobbling a bit but more steady this time. When he deposited me in the hospital bed, his handling of me was even gentler than that of Tamahome, like he was afraid I would break in his exceptionally powerful grasp. Oh, yeah...he'd said something about that before, didn't he? That I was too weak for him to hold me right now... I'm sure he's aching to do it, but I know he would never put my health in jeopardy. How honorable...

With painstakingly careful movements, Taka pulled the covers over my body, noting with worry my pallid skin and the coldness of my hands and feet. He suddenly placed his calloused hand upon my forehead and said, "I guess a fever takes the warmth from your extremities, doesn't it? I should have remembered that from class... I'm gonna keep a real close watch on you, Miaka..." What was making him so paranoid? He hadn't been like this yesterday. Did something happen to cause this strange behavior of his? It made me uncomfortable, just thinking of the possibilities. Something was wrong, terribly wrong, and I had to find out what! But my golden opportunity to ask him was ruined as Taka stared with alarm at the vital monitor, allowing himself to transform into a slightly spastic version of his usual self as he announced loudly, "I'll ask the nurses to bring you some aspirin to bring down your temperature! It's not healthy for it to be up that high...!" Before I could glance at the monitor myself, he had disappeared in search of assistance.

When I actually did take a good look at it, I nearly blew a gasket. Only 100 degrees Fahrenheit?! That's not high enough to get all worried like that! He couldn't have been thinking logically when he'd looked for himself... Or maybe he can't read or has bad eyesight...! Wait a second! How can he be in high school if he can't read?! "Oh, how could I end up with a reincarnation of Tamahome who freaking can't read?! I so don't need that...!" I cried, much to the entertainment of my mother as she walked in the room, giggling over my antics.

"Miaka-chan, you need to be resting, not getting worked up over some silly reincarnation hallucinations. Would you please do that for you mother?" she asked hopefully after her laughter had died down. What is wrong with everybody that is making them overly concerned about me? What could have possibly happened...? Before I could finish formulating this last question in my mind, my mother began to answer it. "Miaka, I have some very bad news to tell you..."

"I knew it...! What have you guys been keeping from me...?! Taka's been on pins and needles about something...and I want to know what it is!" I exclaimed, feeling my energy take its leave of me as the words escaped from my mouth. As much as I hated it, Taka was right about one thing: I was much too weak for the emotional stress that had been wrought so suddenly in my body and mind. Upon hearing my agitated voice, I heard Taka's footsteps quickening through the corridor, and, within several seconds, he was in the room, one hand tightly holding mine and his other arm wrapped loosely about my slight frame. Somehow, his touch gave me the strength I needed to withstand the sudden loss of energy, and I braced myself for whatever bombshell of information my mother had for me.

"I know that Keisuke told you not to say a word about this, Taka, but I don't feel like I can justify being dishonest with my daughter. Miaka, Keisuke is...very sick right now... He's coughing up what looks like blood, and he's having a hard time breathing again, saying that his lungs are on fire and 'hurt like hell' whenever he takes any air in... Oh, Miaka...!" my mother exclaimed, throwing herself at me in a tight, trembling embrace as Taka looked on in sheer terror at the lack of care she used while holding me. His large hand cupped my okaa-san's shoulder with the utmost tenderness, silently reminding her of my ill health and quite noticeable frailty as he soothed her with it in gentle motions back and forth. Soon, she released me and looked into my eyes again as I discovered the trepidation in her own. "Gomen ne, Miaka... I don't know what came over me... I know you're in no condition to handle something like this!"

"Okaa-san...don't worry so much...Keisuke's stronger than you think. He'll be okay..." I replied, hoping my words offered some type of consolation to my traumatized mother. She shouldn't have had to worry about both her children being in the hospital at the same time; it wasn't fair to her, and it was more of a burden than any parent should have to bear. "I think Keisuke has pneumonia...like he did when he was seven... His difficulty breathing is very...characteristic of that...and that stuff that looks like blood is probably sputum..."

It hurt so much to say those words to her; they seemed to become caught in my desert-dry throat and nearly refused to come out. Hopefully, the idea that the substance from his coughs was most likely not blood would pacify her somewhat because he wasn't bleeding internally. Unfortunately, pneumonia is just as deadly. My brother, an indispensable part of my world, could easily die of complications from a disease he'd conquered once before! The illness had done a number on his poor lungs, leaving him weak and unable to handle heavy physical activity. "Keisuke-chan...!" I whispered forcefully, clutching pale, skinny hands to my rapidly beating heart. Again, Taka carefully wrapped both of his gentle, yet astoundingly strong arms around me. His touch filled my heart with such calm, a peace that even Keisuke could not give me when I was upset, and I marveled at how easily Taka was worming his way into my broken heart. How much time would have to pass before I fell head-over-heels in love with him...?

Yui sprinted into the room, nearly toppling my mother onto me in the process, for which she apologized profusely. "You called me, Mrs. Yuuki, and I got here...as fast as I could...! I'm so sorry...about Keisuke-chan!" she said, panting to catch her breath. So Mom had called Yui-chan, ne? Maybe she would be able to help my mother deal with this, or better yet, both of us. Taka was no substitute for a best friend in this hour of dire need. Tetsuya, who must have been with her, bolted into the room only seconds after, looking around for his boyhood companion, the one who still owed him money for that age-old gambling spree on the pachinko slots.

"Tetsuya-san...ano...Keisuke's not here... He's still in intensive...care..." I told him, my voice growing weaker the more I used it. I needed rest; I'm sure my whole body testified to that fact, and Taka quickly guided my friends and family members out of the room with next to no trouble. He had no doubt sensed my exhaustion and had taken immediate action. Would Tamahome have been able to do that? No, he would have noticed the tiredness from my mannerisms, but he would never have been able to rid the room of all other occupants so efficiently. In fact, he probably wouldn't have succeeded in emptying the room at all. Tamahome had always been socially awkward. "Keisuke-chan...ooohhh... He really needs them there...with him...doesn't he?" I asked him, pausing in the middle in a moan as I became dizzy and hoping my quiet voice reached his ears.

Taka's eyes never left the door as he answered me in a melancholy tone, saying, "Yes...but it would have been nice if they hadn't just run in here like bulls in a china shop. They should have thought about your well-being, as well as your brother's. I'm not saying that he is any less important than you, but you need adequate rest to get well, especially considering the stress you've been under lately..." He soon trailed off, unable to say anymore as he trudged his way to a chair, nearly collapsing into it as he sat down quietly, utterly exhausted after the last thirty-six hours that had commenced. In only one day, I had met the reincarnation of Tamahome, and both my brother and I had lost consciousness and were trying to recuperate in Keisuke's university's hospital. What an interesting day and a half we'd had! Taka seemed to be dealing with it pretty well, except that his eyes had dark, puffy circles under them, not to mention the loss of hue in his usually tanned-looking skin. He blinked the sleep away from his tired eyes incessantly, and his disheveled appearance testified that this ordeal hadn't been easy for him, either.

Seemingly having read my mind, he said, "Don't worry so much, Miaka-chan. I'll get some rest as you sleep, alright? I have no intention of being hospitalized myself. What good would I be to you in one of these old beds, trying to get well?" After he finished, he chuckled at his half-joke, almost putting me at ease, but he was unable to convince me that sleeping by my bedside was healthy. He looked bad, like he'd been through an emotional hell, which I knew to be true in and of itself. The worry I had for Keisuke was so much worse than being stuck in this hospital room, unable to even stand without Taka's assistance. How much worse was it for him, having to see me like this, knowing that he loved me as his eternal soul mate and not a sister?

"Go home, Tamahome... You need to sleep in your...own bed...and in your own room...! It isn't good...for you to be cooped up here... Get some sleep...freshen up a little...and come back here when...you feel better... Like you said...you're no good exhausted...like this..." I admonished him, failing to notice the incensed glare that he sent me until I finished my little spiel, making me wonder what on earth had angered him to the point that his usually kind eyes were hurling daggers at my face. Tamahome had been so unpredictable sometimes, and it seemed at the moment that the trait had been bestowed upon Taka as well.

Without warning, his powerful form was hovering over mine, and he didn't take his eyes off me as he demanded, "How long has it been since you last ate?" His voice was eerily subdued, as if he were keeping the tides of rage at bay, and his gaze was deep and probing, boring into the depths of my soul. "I don't understand your logic, Miaka. I mean, you haven't eaten a thing since we first met, and God only knows how long you've gone without anything in your stomach before that...! What gives you the right to tell me anything about taking care of myself when things get bad? Did you forget that Keisuke told me everything about how you got hospitalized before? That he told me about your not eating or sleeping properly after losing Tamahome?! God, Miaka! Do you have any idea how worried I am about you?! I hate to tell you, but your condition isn't much better than your brother's, and you could die just as easily as he!"

When I averted my gaze from his, he seized my shoulders, shaking them vigorously, and demanded, "Are you listening to anything I'm saying?! Miaka, I'm just concerned for your health, and you've got to hear me out! Do you understand me?!" What had gotten into him?! He was normally so gentle and understanding... I would never have expected him to...hurt me... But here he was, shaking me so hard that I felt my brain sloshing around my cranium and his hands gripping me with such force that my arms were already beginning to bruise. This rage he possessed...was being directed towards me...and that frightened me. Would Taka lose his temper again, resorting to more drastic measures next time? I couldn't chance it...could I? Plus, Keisuke would kill him if he found out about this. Maybe I'd be protecting him by letting him go. But it was so hard...as if my heart were already being torn in two...

"Don't touch me...!" I yelled in the most formidable tone I could muster, my voice sounding hoarser and more strained than I intended. He only looked at me, not budging an inch, surprise more than evident in his expression and appearing to be in a stupor. The sound of a palm connecting with someone's cheek rang throughout the tiny room, and there sat my suitor, rubbing his face where a slight redness was gathering in the shape of my tiny, white hand that had been there only a fraction of a second before. "You have no...right...to talk, Taka!!! You don't know...what I've been through...nor will you EVER know now! Get out of here...!" He stared at me in complete and utter shock, still holding his hand over the angry mark now adorning his face. Didn't he know when to take the hint?! "GET OUT!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, which was the volume of normal speech for any healthy person.

Suddenly, those warm, comforting arms seized my rail-thin body again, and his hands stroked both my hair and my back as he cringed at the numerous bones jutting into him. There was no way to get out of his grasp; the strength of his embrace, although extremely controlled and gentle, was more than I could even hope to resist in my condition. "Please...don't push me away, Miaka..." he whispered almost inaudibly, making me strain to hear him. His voice held the hopelessness of a heart that had been shattered beyond recognition, and its hollow quality was an echo of the emptiness his body now possessed without a soul to dwell within its confines. "I'm so sorry... I just...want you to get well so badly...and all this worrying is...driving me insane... What could I ever do to convince you to let me stay...? I don't deserve you...at all... I'm nowhere near worthy..."

"You're right, Taka... You don't..." I answered, feeling the pain well up inside of me as I rejected him so coldly. I never thought anything could be so hard... But as his lanky figure retreated from the room, I realized that not only had he taken his body, his spirit, and his memories; he had even taken my own soul with him, leaving me an empty carcass of regret and sorrow.