CHAPTER 4... Fuck or treat bitch – CARROTS OF THE WOMB
charlie was strolling into the woods ...sassily. all of the sudden!... a dragon jumped out of the sky and bit his magical horn (you know what we mean)...BIT OFF ...NO MORE PENIS FOR YOU!
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"damn" said charlie sassily "that hurt"
"capitalize your pro-nouns bitch!" the dragon hissed and he swirled off majestically into the wild blue yonder....
"He is so right" Charlie thought to him self in a sassy manor. "Well... I can't go on with out a penis...uh I mean magical horn. I should grow a new one."
And for the next hour and a half he did...try that is to grow a penis.
He failed.
Just then ...VOLDEMORT walked by with his pants down, free as a bird that man!...So Charlie decided to get sassy.
"Why aren't you out killing ...babies"
"Because I'd rather make some...with you..." Voldy pounced.
"I have no receptacle for your penis...I mean magical horn, but I'd be happy to take it from you grab" Charlie accidentally said that last part out loud... "I'm just too sassy"
And so Charlie grabbed... and escaped with Voldy's penis (and DNA)... we mean magical horn...sassily
"Penis?" Voldemort looked down lonesomely. He shed a single tear of blood "my first day as a woman and it's already that time of the month." And he shuffled off to steal some chocolate and vote for John Kerry...only juvenile delinquent's vote Kerry, them and EVIL wizards with out penii. Evil wizards get two...they are privilaged like cats with their lives...but Voldemort umm lost his other one when he tried to kill harry...DUH
"Wait," pondered Lady Godiva Lili, "does that mean his vagina is his eye?"
"Well," sassed Lady Vienna Sky, "Maybe Voldemort isn't that well versed in the art of female anatomy."
Now Voldemort looks like Bob Dylan.
"Dirty, DIRTY old man," muttered Lady Bernadette Gray Eyes. Molly. GASP. NOW SHE KNOWS HER OWN NAME.
"Bitch jawbreaker," was Lady Fritza Sunflower's only response.
"We're cool," stated Lady Vienna. She needs the reassurance every once in a while.
BACK TO STORY
So then Charlie found his sister...you know which one we are talking about ..Jeannie
Robin Williams appeared out of a lamp "Beeeeeee aggressive."
okay!
Charles approached Ginny with his pants down and his new magical horn exposed.
"You know now that I have Voldemort's DNA ..among other things..heh...it wouldn't be incest if you touched my magical horn..." He winked sassily.
Ginny looked doubtful
"It will grant all your Halloween wishes come true." Charlie reasoned with sass.
"True-dat" Ginny sassed herself...oooo kinky "I have a jawbreaker in my mouth and I don't know why!" Ginny exclaimed
"That's not a jawbreaker...Thats my ...MAGICAL HORN!"
"Oooooh that's why it's taking so long to chew." Ginny Realized with sass.
SEX
more SEX
"Whew! I haven't been laid like that since...the chamber of secrets. And that hunk of burning love Tom Farmer..i mean Riddle.
"Say what?!" Charlie sassed his love mate...no longer his sister (that would be sick). "You rolled in the hay with HIM, you tossed the salad with HIM, you ...you did the horizontal tango with HIM...loved between the sheets?" (you learn these things on Oprah)
"WHAT are you talking about????"
"SEX" Charlie squealed.
"Oh yes that," Ginny grinned off hand, "Why do you think I was down there so long passed out on the cold floor?"
"You were dead?"
"Close, near dead exhausted from wild SEX."
Charlie accepted this with a nod. He stood up along with Ginny and they both frolicked into the wild blue yonder to join the dragon... sassily.
To our wonderful (and not so wonderful) reviewers:
Chocolate Teddy Bear: (Wonderful) Can I eat you?
Sk8er-gal89: (Wonderful) No need to censor yourself around us. fucKing, see?
Phorpus: (Not so Wonderful (Bastard)) Where the fuck ARE you? Hey, hey, were we the ones who discouraged you from continuing your story? Because if one of us was... tee hee. May I call you Porpus from now on? You unsuspecting fucktard.
Mimi: (GAG YOU) Yeah you really suck.
TextualDeath: (WONDERFUL) Thank you for clarifying for Porpus his stupidity. I think your name should be SexualDeath.
Scifidoublefeature: (Wonder...) You give great compliments. But your analogies don't make sense.
Mary Jane Smith: (say wha?) It's in the damn title: Confusing and slightly Disturbing.
I don't quite remember: (same as above) Yay, now we can use the insults we receive on You! What are you on?