Chapter 20
Squall hesitantly tapped her on the shoulder, reluctant to wake her from her peaceful slumber.
"She looks just like an angel," he thought, watching her continue to sleep. "That's what she is to me, an angel. She saved me, and now it's my turn to save her."
He shook her more forcefully this time, wanting to ensure that she would actually awaken.
"What is it?" she mumbled groggily, wiping the sleep from her eyes.
"We have to go now. Come on, get dressed," he replied softly.
"Go? Go where?" she asked, suddenly waking up. "I don't want to go back."
"Who said anything about going back? Remember, I told you last night, we're going to go far away."
"I'm sorry, I…I just dreamt that you took me back there…to Garden. I'm not sure what happened, all I can remember was that it was bad, it was really, really bad."
"It's alright, we're not going back there." He placed both of his arms around her, doing his best to comfort her.
"So where are we going?"
"I don't know where. Just as long as it's far away, we'll be alright."
She nodded, agreeing with his plan.
"Yes, somewhere far away," she thought. "Somewhere where nobody knows who we are. Somewhere where we can leave our troubles far behind us. Somewhere where we can be together without having to constantly be on our guard. Yes, that's where I want to be."
"Come on, we'll miss the train if we don't hurry."
"Do we have to go right now? I'm sick of running away. Can we not just stay here together a little longer?" she pleaded.
"I'm sorry. I've been thinking, and I've realised we have to leave now. They know I'm still here, and they'll come for me. I can't let them get to you."
"They saw you last night?"
"Yes," he replied, hanging his head low. "I never intended that to happen. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Did you ever intend to run away from your life to be with a woman you've only just met? No of course you didn't. These things happen. They can't be predicted, you can't plan for them. The only thing you can do is to make the best of the situation you find yourself in."
"Why do I never find myself in an easy situation?" he asked, wistfully.
"Because then, life would be boring," she replied. "Now come on, let's go before they find us."
"Hey, Selphie, are you alright?" enquired Irvine, who had just found her sat perched on a wall near to the main entrance. "It's not like you to look all glum and depressed."
"Sorry," she replied, gloomily.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice suddenly taking on a more serious tone.
"Just thinking." She didn't seem to be willing to share any more with him, and Irvine was reluctant to push for more information than she was willing to give. However, he wasn't about to leave her when she was feeling so down.
"She really needs someone now. We've always relied on her to cheer her up when we're feeling sad, well, now it's my chance to return the favour. But what do I do? I'm not used to being in this situation. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I only make her more upset? Dammit, why can't I just be more supportive of her? I want to, I really do, but…but I'm afraid…afraid of saying the wrong thing. Pitiful, that's what I am. I can't even do one thing right for her. Well, if I just sit here in silence, it's not like I could say anything wrong. I know it's not going to make her feel better, but it's all I can do."
They sat in silence for several minutes, evoking curious glances from many passers-by. Evidently, it was not just Irvine who thought Selphie's behaviour was odd.
"Do you ever have doubts about all this?" Selphie asked, finally shattering the silence.
"What?" asked Irvine, shocked that she had finally decided to share her worries with him.
"Do you ever think that maybe we're not actually doing the right thing?"
"What could we possibly be doing wrong?"
"I just don't know whether we should be searching for Squall. I mean, if he doesn't want to be found, then should we really go after him?" She sighed, feeling as if sharing this information had lifted a huge weight from her chest.
"Sometimes," he admitted. "But only for a moment."
"What changes your mind?"
"The fact that this was all such a big misunderstanding, and Squall needs to know that we know that, if you see what I mean, before he can make the decision to stay away for ever," he explained. "He probably feels betrayed by Garden, and to a certain extent, he was, but he needs to know that he's still welcome back home, and that he's not the one who was at fault."
"You mean we should just find him and tell him that it was all Quistis' fault. I'm sure he'd buy that," she said, sarcastically.
"No, we wouldn't say that, because that's not the truth. Sure, Quistis was at fault for casting doubt upon Rinoa's credibility, but Cid was also at fault for listening to her before he could check her story out, and…and I think that it was partly my fault too."
"How do you figure that?" She looked up from the ground, their eyes meeting for the first time during the whole conversation. She noticed the sadness that developed within them when she asked this question.
"I…" he paused, unsure of how to continue. "I'm sorry, this is really difficult for me to talk about."
"Please, Irvine, you can talk to me." Selphie had never before seen this insecure and fearful side of Irvine, and was suddenly concerned for her friend's safety. "Maybe he's not as arrogant and self-assured as he seems. Maybe that was all just a front, and this is the real Irvine. Maybe I've really misjudged him."
"Well," he continued, "I knew just how she felt when she realised that she could never be with Squall. You said that she had always hoped that Squall would grow to like her, but when Rinoa came onto the scene, it was so obvious that she and Squall were right for one another, and that just made the whole of Quistis' world collapse in on itself. I recognised the signs, and I should have spoken to her. People in Squall's situation don't mean to cause the harm that they do, I know, but the fact remains that the other person does feel hurt. Maybe of she's have had somebody to talk to who had gone through the same thing, she might have faced up to her fears of never being with Squall instead of trying to run away. What she did was malicious, I can't deny that, but I understand why she did it better than anyone else could. If I'd only have talked to her, maybe this could have been avoided." He sighed, not wanting to look Selphie in the eye, especially as he had just poured his heart out to her. She looked at him in disbelief.
"Did I really do this to him?" she thought. "I was so cold towards him, I just wanted to forget that he had feelings for me because that would make life difficult. I was so willing to run away from the situation that I never really faced up to how I feel about him, I just hoped that it would all be forgotten. That was the worst possible thing to do, I know that now. He must have felt so hurt and rejected, and that wasn't my intention at all. I didn't mean to reject him, I just didn't want anything to become complicated. I just assumed that, with time, he would forget that he ever even had feelings for me, and then we could continue to be friends. I thought that becoming involved with another SeeD would make my life at Garden so much more difficult. There would be the constant fear that he wouldn't return of a mission, and working with him would have been impossible…I think. Oh, who am I kidding, I just wanted to take the easy way out, but I was mistaken, it wasn't the easy option. It's a miracle that there wasn't a repeat of the Squall and Quistis situation. If he was any less of a person then I know something bad would have happened and that we wouldn't be friends now. I really did underestimate his character. I was just so unwilling to accept the fact that I might want to be with this guy, that I didn't see what was really there, right in front of my face. I should tell him. I owe him an apology."
"I'd better go," he muttered, obviously embarrassed by his revelations. The fact that Selphie had remained silent had only made things more awkward.
"No," she replied, forcefully. "I… I don't want you to. I need to apologise. Irvine, I'm so, so sorry."
"For what?" he asked, puzzled.
"For everything." She looked down at the ground, feeling ashamed about her actions. Irvine wasn't sure if she was sorry about the way that she had inadvertently treated him, or for having doubts over their mission, so he felt he would be on much safer grounds if he changed the subject.
"Shall we go and find Squall?"
"Sure, we need to talk to him," she replied. "And I need to talk to you," she thought to herself. "It would hurt to know that you had forgotten all about me, now that I've decided to stop running."
"Come on, we'll find him together," he said, offering her his hand.
"Together," Selphie affirmed, taking up the offer of both the company, and the hand.
"Am I really doing the right thing? I mean, I'm taking Squall away from his home, away from his life. Before I came along he didn't have a care in the world. It would have been better for him if he hadn't have listened to me when I told him Caraway planned to attack Garden. He would never have got involved with me, he would never have turned his back on them, and he wouldn't be in this situation now."
"Rinoa?" Squall's voice interrupted her solitary thoughts, making her realise just how little she regretted everything that had happened.
"Yes?"
"I wouldn't change anything that happened," he told her, softly, sensing her doubts over what they were about to do. This made her smile, and briefly forget her apprehension. "Everything will be fine."
"What of Caraway comes after us?"'
"Let him come. I won't let him take you away from me."
"I know," she replied. "I trust you." Squall's heart warmed at these words that he had never before heard. She was the first person who had ever trusted him, and she was the first person that he had ever trusted. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" she asked, before heading to the booth to purchase their tickets. He didn't even need to think about his reply.
"Yes. I'm ready."
Thanks to:
Keiry
Angelofthelions
Trekken46
Freakker
Mariko
Omnitoad
Fuyu no Yuki
Almicene
Rinoa Leonhart1
Renegade Seraph
Rinoa Heartilly-Leonhart
Mecha-Griever
GX