Disclamer: I own nothing, don't sue! :)
Rating: PG-13 for some content and themes.
Summary: "I was the weak player on the team, but it never mattered, until that day. Until the day I ruined Ginny's life." Ginny is possessed by Voldermort and Ron blames himself. Is there any way he and Harry and Hermione can save her before it's too late? Sequel to "A Crack in the Door" and "The Broken Door" (But you don't have to read the other two to understand this) R/H and H/G angst/drama
A/N: Ok, so this is the next part of my 'Brave Girl' series. It's a sequel to 'A Crack in the Door' and takes place the same time as 'The Broken Door' does. It is not necessary to read either of these stories to understand this one, but I would suggest them if you like this one!
Laying by the Door
"Occlumency," Harry whispered once in our common room, Hermione and I leaned forward the four of our heads almost touching.
"You mean like the mind control stuff?" I asked and then my eyes widened and I looked over at Ginny "Have you been having problems with-"?
"No," She cut in, "Not now at least, it's more of an 'in case' sort of thing."
"And you're teaching her?" Hermione asked Harry skeptically.
"Yeah," Harry said slowly, anticipating the disapproving look he was about to get.
"And did a teacher or-"
"No one told us to do it, we thought- I thought, it might be a good idea," He explained.
"And I agree, I mean, just because it's not happened since my first year doesn't mean it won't start," Ginny's voice shook slightly as she said the last bit and I frowned.
"Well, did you talk to Dumbledore about it, maybe it would be better if-"Hermione started but stopped, as Harry shook his head, no.
"I mentioned it to Lupin but..." Harry trailed off, and then turned and looked at Ginny seriously. "Ginny, it was just a suggestion, and if you don't want to do it anymore... I mean I think you're getting better, but for all I know I could be making it worse-"
"Making it worse?" I asked sharply.
"Well, I don't think I-"
"But you don't know," Hermione broke in, "And that's what's making me reluctant about all this, I don't know if it's such a good idea Harry."
"I think it is, you guys don't know what it's like, only Harry and I do, and I don't want it to happen again and if this might stop it-"
"What if it makes it worse, what if it opens your brain more instead of closing it?" I put in. "You're getting physically hurt enough, Gin'. And we don't know how the connection works, he might not go after your brain, or-"
"So you're saying just stop doing it all together and hope that nothing happens?" Ginny asked exasperatedly.
And that is what I convinced her to do. Just stop, hope nothing would happen. Harry and Ginny stopped the occlumency classes and all was well, or at least it was supposed to be, we all went on pretending it had never happened, walking away from it like it was a dirty secret, and maybe it was, in a way.
Everything was fine until that day. The day they found Luna's body, cold and silent, lying in that twisted position in the middle of the hall. Ginny was crying, already in the common room, knowing Dumbledore was going to send us there. She looked so small wrapped up in the corner.
"I did it." She whispered over and over again, the words running into each other, as Harry, Hermione and I crowded around her. At some point it crossed my mind that I should be comforting her, telling her it was ok, not her fault- her eyes caught mine, round and wet with tears and in that look something I always knew seemed too clear, too obvious.
I couldn't stand being there with all the accusing faces of my peers, not anymore. It was my fault. That much was obvious. That much I knew.
I'd never been the smart one of the group, not even mediocre, really, just dumb, the stupid one. I had been the nosy one butting into Harry and Ginny's practice sessions, and the one who'd forced them to stop the sessions. Harry and Hermione always put up with me, Ginny too, I suppose, and none of it had really mattered, I was just there, something to fill in empty space, I knew it and as much as I tried to mask it, they knew it too, I was the weak player on the team, but it never mattered, until that day. Until the day I ruined Ginny's life.
Harry locked her in that old abandoned room, down in the dungeons, I know she told him to do it, but I was furious with him when I found out.
"And you rather she go to Azkaban?" He had asked, tersely. I used to sit in the hall next to that door, I would sit and see if I could hear Ginny, I don't know what I wanted to hear, maybe something that would reassure me that she was fine, maybe something to trick me into believing I wasn't a total screw-up. The only thing I did ever hear was that muttering; right after Harry locked her in. It almost sounded like she was going insane, like she had already lost her mind to him.
"I'm a brave girl, a brave girl," Like the hum of a bee, constant. I never said anything to her through the wall; what could I have said? "I'm sorry," sounded too simple, I needed something more, something stronger, but nothing ever came. I was silent.
Most nights Hermione would force me to bed finding me in that empty hall and just taking my hand and pulling me away, she'd bite her bottom lip her eyes round and sad.
I didn't sleep much; Harry didn't either, though he never mentioned it to me. I could hear him rolling over sighing, sometimes on quiet nights, when it didn't rain, and it wasn't windy if I laid still enough I could hear him crying it made me feel sick and I'd hold my breath as silent tears streamed down my own face.
I tried to forget, as bad as that sounds, somewhere in the back of my head I figured that if I could just forget it all then maybe I could go on living, and then I'd put on my sweater and smell her scent on it (She always liked to borrow my sweaters) and I'd feel ill. I would pull the tapestries around me and wish I was locked in that room instead of her. I should have been locked in that room; it was my fault, after all. It's always my fault. If I didn't make them stop those lessons bloody you-know-who, Voldermort, wouldn't have been able to take over her mind. She could have fought back, she could have taken control.
We made it seem like Ginny had run for it after Luna's death. We all knew it was better this way though no one said it. If they found out she was in that room the dementors would come, they decorated my nightmares for weeks after it happened, gaunt and gliding I could hear Ginny's last breath, those were the nights I woke up choking, gasping for my own breath, sometimes so hard that I'd get sick all over myself but be to tired to even get up.
Hermione had snipped off a lock of Ginny's hair before Harry had taken her to her prison and She and I draped a strand over a tree branch here, or dropped one in a tuft of grass there. If I didn't think about the fact that they were strands of her hair I was ok. I convinced a house elf to magic some food through to her once a day at least.
"Just until things get a bit better." Hermione had reassured me, squeezing my hand, and I wanted to believe it so bad, I needed to believe, but I couldn't. I knew things weren't going to get better, not until Voldermort died. I took it upon myself to make sure he died, make sure he did before she did. But as the days lingered on and more and more bodies were found miraculously dead- I was hopeless, so hopeless.
Everything was happening too fast, and I was moving in slow motion, my body seemed to ache every time I moved. I couldn't talk anymore, every word scraped my throat like a knife but even if it hadn't, I had no one to talk to anyways, Hermione tried every so often, but mostly just stared, her eyes frozen in time as the rest of her moved so fast I couldn't process her actions. Harry was gone, totally lost from his body, as if whatever it was that made him Harry had floated away, abandoned him, leaving us with only his earthly body, tattered and bruised.
I stopped caring about everything, skipping classes to lie in front of that door, my body, too paralyzed to move. One day Hermione literally started dragging me away. "Snape's getting suspicious, all the teachers are getting suspicious. Ron, you have to leave, you have to pretend she's not in there."
"It doesn't matter," I told her "No one can open the door except Harry, remember we put that spell on it."
"Ron...We're talking about highly trained wizards here. Even if they can't open the door, they could just have a dementor guard the door, that would be even worse."
"Dumbledore would never let one of them in Hogwarts. Remember our third year, he freaked when they were on the quidditch field"
"Things are a lot different from 3 years ago."
And she was right, things were a lot different. I never returned to that door. I used to be late for potions because I would take the long way around so that I wouldn't have to pass that door. Snape would take 10 points from gryffindor. I probably lost us hundreds of points that year, but it didn't really matter. Not after everything that had happened, nothing mattered.
It happened when we least expected it, we were alone, the three of us, Harry, Hermione and I, they had set up all the obstacles possible, Hogwarts had been bombarded and at last all the pieces of the puzzle fit. We were going to the Riddle House.
I was focused, a kind of heat boiling inside of me, a reason for living, and maybe for dying. I was going to do it, going to get Voldermort for what he had done to my sister. I was running dementors swept in all around us, finally choosing the side Dumbledore had said they would all along, and there her face was, crying: "I did it, I did it," Over and over again but it just fueled me even more, he had to die.
Everything seemed to be in a blur around me, at last I was going faster then everything else, at last I was going to win. I was fighting with one of his death eaters when I realized Harry was gone. I knew then that I had lost my chance. I killed that death eater, it was a girl, and her yell rang nastily in my ears but I didn't care, it didn't matter. I started running, looking for them, just stunning everyone in my way I had to be there, I had to help, I had to make up for it, for all of the stupid things I'd done, for everything.
You could feel it when Voldermort finally died; it was like one big burden had been lifted off the world.
I fell to my knees, Harry had done it, he did it himself, he hadn't needed my help or Hermione's or Dumbledore's or anyone's. For a split second I thought I was going to be ill but then it didn't really matter who killed him, not anymore. I fell against the ground shaking and maybe crying, a loud yell, maybe a scream seemed to float in the air, it wasn't until the sound was gone that I realized that I had screamed along with it. I was trying to pull myself up off the ground when I felt it, the heat of someone's breath against the back of my neck. I turned just in time to see Lucious Malfoy curse me.
"Ron?" the voice was loud, too loud, and a cry, "Oh, thank God you're ok!" Hermione fell to my side wrapping her arms around my chest. Pain surged through my body and I flinched. "Oh, sorry," She whispered her face so close to mine that I could smell the shampoo she used for her hair, her arms loosened and she helped me sit up. "I was so... So scared." She bit her lip again; a little red mark seemed to grow along the body edge of her lip where her teeth liked to sit.
"What... Where...?" I mumbled slowly trying to find the words in my mind that seemed to be hiding.
"You're in Saint Mungo's Ron, Malfoy cursed you." Hermione explained quickly.
"Harry..."
"He's here to, he hasn't woken up yet though. But his healer says he'll be fine."
"Gin... Ginny?" My voice cracked as I said her name, Hermione's eyes started to water. I threw the blankets off my legs, wrenching my body out of the bed and searching the room for my regular clothes.
"Ron, you're not supposed to leave for another two days," Hermione pointed out, but she wasn't fighting to keep me there. "Harry's the only one who can get her out, you know that. Remember that spell we put on the door so that no one could get her out but him? I've already tried myself. We'll just have to wait till Harry wakes up."
So that's what we did. We waited for what seemed like forever. Sitting in his room, Hermione reading books and I, I would just sit there regretting everything I had ever done. Never helping the team, always screwing it up, always getting myself in trouble so that they would have to come save me. For all I knew Voldermort might have been dead and gone years sooner if I hadn't been there to muck everything up. No one of course would ever blame me for any of these things; I was part of the trio, even if I was the weak link...
We left at 5:30 to get something to eat, I was so hungry but everything I ate just made me more nauseas. When we got back to Saint Mungo's we found out that Harry had woken up, and we'd be able to see him in an hour.
"A whole hour, honestly!" Hermione exclaimed, sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs cracking open another book. I sat down next to her, letting my thoughts run freely through my mind.
"Think we should have been there... when he woke up?" I asked slowly, Hermione made a little noise in the back of her throat, not looking at me, or even putting her book down, but her eyes stopped moving, just staring off, big and velvety with tears.
Tears started to well up in my eyes just watching her. "Never mind, it was a dumb question," I whispered. Why did I have to make everything so depressing again? This was good news... Right? I thought about Ginny, and my stomach flipped over.
Hermione jumped when a witch came in and told us we could finally see him. I looked over at her swallowing nervously, watching her take a deep breath.
"Ok," she breathed grasping my hand in her own and setting her book down. We walked awkwardly down the sickly clean white halls to Harry's room, speeding up and then slowing way down.
Harry looked so strange when we walked in, like he was in a daze, his eyes were slightly glazed over and his skin was so translucent looking, the dark veins under his eyes seemed black and he was shaking, so thin, the first thought that came to my mind was that old skeleton, the one of my great, great uncle, who had mysteriously "Disappeared" when I was seven, until Fred and George found his skeleton three years later underneath my aunt Ethel's bed. It made me feel ill, and for a second I thought I was going to pass out, like my whole body was disconnected, numb, the only part with any feeling was my hand still interlocked in Hermione's.
"Do you think... could she still be alive?" I mumbled, my body shuddering as tears slowly leaked out of my eyes. Harry wrenched a hand through his hair, forcing it through all the snarls and caked blood. No one had to ask who "she" was.
"Ginny," He said quietly at first, but then it got louder, a medi-witch ran over and tried to calm him. "Ginny," he was yelling until he started to cough. He fell to the floor and Hermione started sobbing, her fingers digging into my chest, she pressed her face into my shoulder and I could feel her hot wet tears soaking into my shirt.
"Mr. Potter, you have to- you're not recovered- you must-"The medi-witch was forcing him to the ground. A medi-wizard ran in and ushered Hermione and I out the door.
Later that night Hermione and I returned to Harry's room. It was pitch black and no one was up except the occasional guard making sure that none of the injured got out and none of the people who injured them got in. Hermione peered around the corner to make sure that no one was coming then quietly raced over to Harry's door and muttered "Alohomora." softly under her breath.
"Harry," Hermione's voice hissed through the darkness, he turned slowly squinting his eyes to see our outlines "We- we can't open the door. We- I think, that spell... Only you can open it Harry."
"Dumbledore," he said softly. Hermione looked over at me, I could see the pain surge through her eyes.
"He's... Well we thought you knew... Harry, Dumbledore is gone..." The word echoed through the room as Harry slowly sat up in his bed.
"Help me get out of here."
Hermione had brought along Harry's invisibility cloak and we all crouched beneath it though it was much to small for three grown people, and standing upright, you could still see our legs, from our knees down. "Can't very well let anyone out who wants out either though," Hermione explained to Harry, as he looked around at all the security milling around. "Hard to tell who was on which side, and even some of the ones that were on the dark side, well they could have been forced or possessed," Hermione stopped abruptly at that word. Breathing in deeply I tried not to think about Ginny. Just think about getting out of here I told myself knowing that if I let myself think about her I might start crying again.
The grass was stained red from all the blood when we finally got to the Hogwarts grounds. Piles of stone and rock lay in heaps from the missing walls, and a foul scent seemed to waft every time the wind blew. We soon found out the reason for the stench as we walked toward the broken castle. Dead bodies were piled everywhere. Some were so small and fragile they must have been first years I was gawking, trying to force my eyes away from a particularly small red-haired body, when I saw the guard.
"Duck!" I hissed pulling Harry and Hermione to the ground, laying spread over the two of them. I stretched the cloak over us trying to make it cover everything. Hermione shifted trying to flip over and elbowing me in the side "Ah, bloody..."
"Sorry," Hermione whispered holding still. I heard footsteps pass us and didn't throw off the cloak until I couldn't hear them anymore. We kept walking carefully, slowly, looking out for any movement. Hermione was the first to stop abruptly, I was about to ask why when I heard it too: The breathing, ragged and harsh. We all dropped to the ground yanking the cloak over ourselves. It was hard to keep quite as we were all gagging violently from the stench.
"Maybe we were just hearing things-" I started, the words muffled through my hand covering my mouth.
"All of us, hearing things? At exactly the same time?" Hermione replied choking on the dense air. We stayed there in that little huddle a while longer, scanning the area for what could have made the noise. But the only thing we could see were the piles of dead bodies. So pale, ivory, and their eyes so blank.
We pulled the cloak off slowly, careful to not make very much noise. "Potter?" The speaker choked on the word only to fall into a fit of coughing laughter.
"Over here," I barked leaning over the pile of crumbled stone only to see a face so pale, so pale that you could see the blue veins showing through were there wasn't caked blood. Hermione rolled a large stone away skillfully with her wand, only to let out a strangled yelp at the sight of the remains of a crushed body. The face took in a sharp breath with shock when she did this. I could see the pain in his eyes but felt no sympathy once I recognized the face.
"She's dead," He hissed, a broken smile shining manically across his face, and I wanted to hit him so badly, to cause him all the pain he had caused me, to let him know what it felt like. "I came back to get her, we all knew she was in there, but she's dead-"He coughed loudly and dark red liquid spurted from his mouth spraying his face and chest.
"Malfoy?" I croaked out as the silvery eyes rolled around in their sockets of the torn face.
"Only he could..." He stopped his eyes refocusing for a second, "Save her but she said..." he coughed again his body shaking, "No.... Because of you..." His eyes darkened glaring at Harry, "She didn't have to die. But you killed-"His voice caught in his throat as he coughed violently his eyes growing darker and darker and then he was still, and silent and cold. Harry jumped down and grabbed him, as though trying to get more information from him. Harry shook him and blood splattered the front of his robes.
"Harry," Hermione cried, putting her hand on his shoulder. My head reeled, my body throbbing.
"It's a lie!" I was yelling, but the words were coming out as sobs, I pulled Harry off the ground. "He wouldn't have let her live, Harry! He was evil, he would have used her and killed her..." My voice cut off leaving just hollow cries from somewhere deep in my lungs. "If only Hermione and I hadn't made you stop the lessons... If only I hadn't made you... if I had minded my own business...." I said letting it all sink in. I had finally said it out loud. Hermione's eyes caught mine, big and round and sad, and I knew what she was going to do, she was going to tell me it wasn't my fault but I wasn't going to let her. It had to be said, I wasn't going to mask it anymore. I turned away from her and we were all silent for a second. Hermione walked over and hugged me, and I wanted to push her away so badly, but I couldn't.
It was only after a while that we noticed Harry was walking away. Slowly at first but then gaining speed. It looked almost as though he was in a trance. Hermione and I watched at first, stunned at his weird behavior. "Hey! This is a high security area! No trespassing!" Someone was yelling at him, but he just stunned them carelessly. Hermione started running after him, and I was following her, and it fit... I was always the one in the back.
When Hermione and I finally got there, to that old, ugly door, Harry was just laying there next to her. His body molded against her cold fragile body, so small and pale. She was the skinniest I had ever seen her and the paleness of her skin just enhanced the red of her hair that was so messy. I just stood there for a while, taking it all in and at the same time wishing I could tear my eyes away, I pulled my hand out of Hermione's and I could feel her looking at me, but I didn't look back, couldn't look back. Seeing my little sister for the first time in what seemed like years, was painful, all to painful when I realize that it was my fault she was this way, and it seemed like the last sliver of hope I had left was gone, faded away like the pink in her cheeks.
I finally pulled my eyes away, and started pushing the door, shutting it most of the way, leaving it just a crack open, I sank down, leaning against it and I waited, what for, I have no clue. I just sat there next to that big door like I used to. Hoping to hear something, something to reassure me that it wasn't my fault. I leaned my head next to the molding and thought for a second I heard the muttering again.
"I'm a brave girl, a brave girl."
A/N Continued: Please review! If you had problems understanding this I would suggest reading 'The Crack in the Door' which is the first part of this series. Once again, please review! Criticism is welcome! :)