Trying to escape the loneliness that accompanied avoiding Kirsten, a loneliness that he had been suffering from for about a week now, Sandy stumbled across Seth playing video games by himself.
"Hey," he took a tentative seat next to him. "Feel like getting your ass kicked?" He picked up a controller and Seth smirked.
"I don't think you realize who you're talking to."
"Hey, I can take you. Any day. Try me." They both engaged themselves in a halfhearted game and Seth exited the match triumphantly.
"I like how 'getting my ass kicked' shows up in the form of your player getting karate chopped to death. That's funny. That's quite ironic."
"Aha! The sense of humor returns! I was beginning to worry," Sandy smiled kindly, setting down his controller as he saw the perfect segue into a serious conversation. "You haven't been yourself lately, Seth."
"I'm fine."
"Are you? I'm not. In fact, I'm not fine at all. This whole Ryan thing...I don't know. I didn't expect it do be this hard." He was clearly dramatizing to get Seth to open up, and Seth surprised him and took the initiative.
"Me either," he agreed. "I don't know. It wasn't like he even talked that much when he was here. You wouldn't think you'd notice the absence as much." Sandy laughed.
"I know exactly what you mean, kid." Seth, suddenly quiet again, shrugged dismissively.
"It's fine." He was apparently closed for discussion. "Rematch?" Sandy's player was hit by a tractor driven by Seth's player. "Hey, Dad?" Sandy glanced at him hopefully, expecting another admission of feeling. "What's going on with you and Mom?" His heart sank and his mind raced as he tried to figure out how to reply.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not retarded, Dad. You've been sleeping in the pool house for over a week. Whenever Mom sees you she makes a point to storm out of the room. And the silence alone is enough of a tip-off. Usually there's more sexual innuendo and perverted banter than 'The Real World.' It's repulsive. And I haven't vomited in, like, a week."
"That obvious, huh?"
"Ridiculously."
"Your mother and I just...hit a rough patch."
"Why?"
"Not important."
"Yes it is! My parents aren't talking! I could be very negatively effected by this as an adult. It could show up in the form of kleptomania or necrophilia or asexuality or really bad songwriting or returning to my mental state as it was when I was ten to escape the painful memories of my parents' estrangement. Dad, this is totally important."
"It's private stuff, Seth."
"Unless it has anything to do with...intercourse—which is actually a lot more revolting of a word than 'sex', so I don't know why I chose that...whatever. Nothing is too private. In a way, because there are only three of us, I'm kind of married to you guys, too. Oh, God. Wait. Gross. I'm really just...nothing's sounding the way I want it to."
"No, you know what? You're right. Seth, your mom and I are fighting because she got pregnant with my child when we were in college and she ad an abortion and she never told me." This came out in a single, angry breath. He knew this was a controversial statement, but Seth looked too shocked. He appeared to be looking over Sandy's left shoulder, right at the...fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. It would happen this way, that the one spontaneously inappropriate moment he had would be heard completely by Kirsten. She looked appalled, perhaps angrier than he had ever seen her, and also very hurt. Her expression was killing him.
"Seth?" she said softly, always putting him first. "Could you give us a minute, honey?" Seth nodded quickly and scampered away. Sandy was left alone in a small space with this dangerous creature. She had this unbelievable stare that she only used in very serious situations. He was pretty sure that it was burning a hole through him.
"I'm sorry, Kirsten. That was...so out of line."
"Mom, if you wanted to say 'ya think?', this would definitely be the time to do it. I totally wouldn't even make fun of you. Mainly because I'm afraid of your evil serpent glare. But still. I wouldn't—"Seth, reemerged into the room, was silenced by the very stare he spoke up.
"Seth, we're going to need more than a minute."
"Yeah. Some divorce settlements take years," Kirsten snapped. Seth, looking quite frightened, left the room. Kirsten neared Sandy, her voice biting and harsh. "You're damn right that was out of line, Sandy."
"I was angry."
"I don't care. There is no way that saying something like that to our son will ever be acceptable. I can't believe this. You think I wanted Seth to know about this?"
"You told me that you told him!"
"I told him I'd had an abortion, I didn't say with who!"
"Well...I think that was inappropriate on your behalf," he said lamely, knowing he sounded ridiculous. She perched on the edge of the couch.
"It was a lose-lose situation, Sandy. If I had told you that I was pregnant and we decided to keep it...we would have fallen apart. And because I didn't tell you, we're falling apart now." He softened and sat down next to her.
"We're not falling apart," he scoffed kindly, putting a hand on her knee.
"Look at us...we're becoming a dysfunctional family," she said matter- of-factly. "Ryan left us and Seth is depressed and I've been keeping a huge secret from you and now we're fighting." He studied her then carefully twined his fingers through hers.
"Let's eliminate one of those. The latter sounds like the most likely possibility." He kissed her hand. "I'm sorry I've been so insensitive. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll say it all night if that's what it takes."
"No. Please don't apologize to me. You're not allowed to apologize to me. I don't want to be let off the hook."
"You deserve it."
"In absolutely no way, shape, or form do I deserve it."
"Yes, you do."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do."
"No, I don't." He was quiet for a minute, then spat out a quick,
"Yesyoudo. I win." She couldn't help but smile. "Don't try to argue with me, Kirsten. You can't argue with the master." He put an arm around her and pulled her closer. "I've been thinking a lot about this. And I'm been trying to shed some light on it."
"Yeah? What'd you come up with?"
"We wouldn't have had Seth," he said simply.
"I tell myself that every day," she smiled sadly.
"This was obviously really hard for you. Telling me. I appreciate how difficult it was and I understand why it took you so long," he sounded as though he'd been practicing this. "I wish I could have been there for you."
"You were," she whispered. "In the front of my mind, the entire time." He leaned back into the couch and she curled up against him. "I guess we should probably tackle some of the other problems plaguing the Cohen household?" she said wearily.
"You want to take Ryan or Seth?"
"I'll take Seth."
"Okay. That's presumably the easier of the two...so help me with a plan for Ryan?" She sighed and nodded.
"What the hell are we supposed to do?"
"We could try to talk him into getting Teresa to move in here."
"I don't want another kid living here, Sandy," she said quietly. He looked a little surprised.
"I didn't know that. You were always so nice to her..."
"I hate to be...uncharitable, but...we have a life established here. We have everything worked out finally and it works well. And this is how I felt before Ryan came, but...he was really having a hard time. He didn't have a family. Teresa does have a family and a perfectly good home. There's no reason for her to raise a child in our pool house when she could be doing it in her own house with the help of her family."
"But Ryan..."
"That's why I think we need to just talk to him. Maybe...get him a car so he can drive to Chino whenever he needs to. He's only seventeen, Sandy. We're allowed to make him come home."
"But willingness is the question. And I'm not sure I'm willing."
"We have to give our kids some stability. Seth just lost his best friend and Ryan's about to lose what's left of his childhood." Sandy nodded but suddenly looked excited.
"You know, I know we're working on Ryan here...but I just got an idea for Seth." She looked at him expectantly. "There's a big comic book convention in L.A. this weekend. I bet he'd love to go." But Kirsten was already vigorously shaking her head.
"No. No, no, no. Absolutely not. I refuse to spend the weekend in a dirty warehouse with a bunch of horny teenage boys fawning over cardboard cutouts of anatomically incorrect female superheroes. And I refuse to see that side of Seth." He laughed and shrugged.
"Fine. But I can't think of anywhere that would make him happier this weekend."
"I could take him shopping! To one of those skateboard stores! He could get some new shoes!"
"Hmm...new shoes or a weekend full of his favorite things in the entire world?" Sandy pretended to weigh the options with his hands.
"It's not fair! The last time I went to one of those things with him these filthy men kept calling me Betty and asking me where...Vanessa? Virginia?"
"Veronica?"
"Yeah! They kept asking me where Veronica was and laughing. And five people touched my ass. Not just brushed against it, either, like, cupped their hand..." she shuddered. "And a teenager in dirty sweatpants and one of those t-shirts with the tuxedos painted on the front grabbed my boobs—actually grabbed them—and then ran away. I've told you this before, Sandy, It's hell." He was laughing and she swatted at him.
"Hey, you're the one who asked for Seth, okay?"
"Hey," he took a tentative seat next to him. "Feel like getting your ass kicked?" He picked up a controller and Seth smirked.
"I don't think you realize who you're talking to."
"Hey, I can take you. Any day. Try me." They both engaged themselves in a halfhearted game and Seth exited the match triumphantly.
"I like how 'getting my ass kicked' shows up in the form of your player getting karate chopped to death. That's funny. That's quite ironic."
"Aha! The sense of humor returns! I was beginning to worry," Sandy smiled kindly, setting down his controller as he saw the perfect segue into a serious conversation. "You haven't been yourself lately, Seth."
"I'm fine."
"Are you? I'm not. In fact, I'm not fine at all. This whole Ryan thing...I don't know. I didn't expect it do be this hard." He was clearly dramatizing to get Seth to open up, and Seth surprised him and took the initiative.
"Me either," he agreed. "I don't know. It wasn't like he even talked that much when he was here. You wouldn't think you'd notice the absence as much." Sandy laughed.
"I know exactly what you mean, kid." Seth, suddenly quiet again, shrugged dismissively.
"It's fine." He was apparently closed for discussion. "Rematch?" Sandy's player was hit by a tractor driven by Seth's player. "Hey, Dad?" Sandy glanced at him hopefully, expecting another admission of feeling. "What's going on with you and Mom?" His heart sank and his mind raced as he tried to figure out how to reply.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not retarded, Dad. You've been sleeping in the pool house for over a week. Whenever Mom sees you she makes a point to storm out of the room. And the silence alone is enough of a tip-off. Usually there's more sexual innuendo and perverted banter than 'The Real World.' It's repulsive. And I haven't vomited in, like, a week."
"That obvious, huh?"
"Ridiculously."
"Your mother and I just...hit a rough patch."
"Why?"
"Not important."
"Yes it is! My parents aren't talking! I could be very negatively effected by this as an adult. It could show up in the form of kleptomania or necrophilia or asexuality or really bad songwriting or returning to my mental state as it was when I was ten to escape the painful memories of my parents' estrangement. Dad, this is totally important."
"It's private stuff, Seth."
"Unless it has anything to do with...intercourse—which is actually a lot more revolting of a word than 'sex', so I don't know why I chose that...whatever. Nothing is too private. In a way, because there are only three of us, I'm kind of married to you guys, too. Oh, God. Wait. Gross. I'm really just...nothing's sounding the way I want it to."
"No, you know what? You're right. Seth, your mom and I are fighting because she got pregnant with my child when we were in college and she ad an abortion and she never told me." This came out in a single, angry breath. He knew this was a controversial statement, but Seth looked too shocked. He appeared to be looking over Sandy's left shoulder, right at the...fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. It would happen this way, that the one spontaneously inappropriate moment he had would be heard completely by Kirsten. She looked appalled, perhaps angrier than he had ever seen her, and also very hurt. Her expression was killing him.
"Seth?" she said softly, always putting him first. "Could you give us a minute, honey?" Seth nodded quickly and scampered away. Sandy was left alone in a small space with this dangerous creature. She had this unbelievable stare that she only used in very serious situations. He was pretty sure that it was burning a hole through him.
"I'm sorry, Kirsten. That was...so out of line."
"Mom, if you wanted to say 'ya think?', this would definitely be the time to do it. I totally wouldn't even make fun of you. Mainly because I'm afraid of your evil serpent glare. But still. I wouldn't—"Seth, reemerged into the room, was silenced by the very stare he spoke up.
"Seth, we're going to need more than a minute."
"Yeah. Some divorce settlements take years," Kirsten snapped. Seth, looking quite frightened, left the room. Kirsten neared Sandy, her voice biting and harsh. "You're damn right that was out of line, Sandy."
"I was angry."
"I don't care. There is no way that saying something like that to our son will ever be acceptable. I can't believe this. You think I wanted Seth to know about this?"
"You told me that you told him!"
"I told him I'd had an abortion, I didn't say with who!"
"Well...I think that was inappropriate on your behalf," he said lamely, knowing he sounded ridiculous. She perched on the edge of the couch.
"It was a lose-lose situation, Sandy. If I had told you that I was pregnant and we decided to keep it...we would have fallen apart. And because I didn't tell you, we're falling apart now." He softened and sat down next to her.
"We're not falling apart," he scoffed kindly, putting a hand on her knee.
"Look at us...we're becoming a dysfunctional family," she said matter- of-factly. "Ryan left us and Seth is depressed and I've been keeping a huge secret from you and now we're fighting." He studied her then carefully twined his fingers through hers.
"Let's eliminate one of those. The latter sounds like the most likely possibility." He kissed her hand. "I'm sorry I've been so insensitive. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll say it all night if that's what it takes."
"No. Please don't apologize to me. You're not allowed to apologize to me. I don't want to be let off the hook."
"You deserve it."
"In absolutely no way, shape, or form do I deserve it."
"Yes, you do."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do."
"No, I don't." He was quiet for a minute, then spat out a quick,
"Yesyoudo. I win." She couldn't help but smile. "Don't try to argue with me, Kirsten. You can't argue with the master." He put an arm around her and pulled her closer. "I've been thinking a lot about this. And I'm been trying to shed some light on it."
"Yeah? What'd you come up with?"
"We wouldn't have had Seth," he said simply.
"I tell myself that every day," she smiled sadly.
"This was obviously really hard for you. Telling me. I appreciate how difficult it was and I understand why it took you so long," he sounded as though he'd been practicing this. "I wish I could have been there for you."
"You were," she whispered. "In the front of my mind, the entire time." He leaned back into the couch and she curled up against him. "I guess we should probably tackle some of the other problems plaguing the Cohen household?" she said wearily.
"You want to take Ryan or Seth?"
"I'll take Seth."
"Okay. That's presumably the easier of the two...so help me with a plan for Ryan?" She sighed and nodded.
"What the hell are we supposed to do?"
"We could try to talk him into getting Teresa to move in here."
"I don't want another kid living here, Sandy," she said quietly. He looked a little surprised.
"I didn't know that. You were always so nice to her..."
"I hate to be...uncharitable, but...we have a life established here. We have everything worked out finally and it works well. And this is how I felt before Ryan came, but...he was really having a hard time. He didn't have a family. Teresa does have a family and a perfectly good home. There's no reason for her to raise a child in our pool house when she could be doing it in her own house with the help of her family."
"But Ryan..."
"That's why I think we need to just talk to him. Maybe...get him a car so he can drive to Chino whenever he needs to. He's only seventeen, Sandy. We're allowed to make him come home."
"But willingness is the question. And I'm not sure I'm willing."
"We have to give our kids some stability. Seth just lost his best friend and Ryan's about to lose what's left of his childhood." Sandy nodded but suddenly looked excited.
"You know, I know we're working on Ryan here...but I just got an idea for Seth." She looked at him expectantly. "There's a big comic book convention in L.A. this weekend. I bet he'd love to go." But Kirsten was already vigorously shaking her head.
"No. No, no, no. Absolutely not. I refuse to spend the weekend in a dirty warehouse with a bunch of horny teenage boys fawning over cardboard cutouts of anatomically incorrect female superheroes. And I refuse to see that side of Seth." He laughed and shrugged.
"Fine. But I can't think of anywhere that would make him happier this weekend."
"I could take him shopping! To one of those skateboard stores! He could get some new shoes!"
"Hmm...new shoes or a weekend full of his favorite things in the entire world?" Sandy pretended to weigh the options with his hands.
"It's not fair! The last time I went to one of those things with him these filthy men kept calling me Betty and asking me where...Vanessa? Virginia?"
"Veronica?"
"Yeah! They kept asking me where Veronica was and laughing. And five people touched my ass. Not just brushed against it, either, like, cupped their hand..." she shuddered. "And a teenager in dirty sweatpants and one of those t-shirts with the tuxedos painted on the front grabbed my boobs—actually grabbed them—and then ran away. I've told you this before, Sandy, It's hell." He was laughing and she swatted at him.
"Hey, you're the one who asked for Seth, okay?"