Title: Lost Chances
Jag doesn't belong to me, please don't sue me. I have no $.
This is the sequel to THE FINAL DANCE. The FF wouldn't leave my head until I wrote it down. Thanks to all of you who review on the last FF, helped a lot. I hope you like it. Reviews are once again welcomed.
I never thought our dance would end like this.
One minute we were arguing, her last words were that she loved me, and me getting into my car, following her until I saw the car hit her car.
I got out of my car, and took her out of hers, but it was too late.
She died in my arms, and all I could do was sit on the pavement with her in my arms and cry her name over and over. At some point there were some people looking around, someone must have called the police because they made the people back away from the crash. The paramedics came, but it was too late. They saw blood on my shirt and thought I was hurt, I told them it wasn't my blood, it was Sarah's blood. I didn't care what was going around me. She was gone, my Sarah was gone.The officers took the driver that had hit Mac's car. Witness told the police what they saw.
I couldn't say anything, my Marine was gone and never coming back.We had so many chances and we lost them. I cried because she was gone. I cried for the future that was taken away from us. I cried for the daughter with big brown eyes and the little boy with bright blue eyes we weren't going to have.
Sturgis arrived and helped the paramedics take her away from me. Funny he had to do that now, since he was in charge until we got a new Jag. I saw the ambulance that had Mac's body inside drive away. Sturgis took me to my car, and drove me home. As we were driving home, I remember what Mac had said to me.
"Yea, I'm in love with you. If you don't believe me ask Sturgis, I let it slip one time, years ago"
As he was driving me home I asked him.
"Why did you never tell me she was in love with me?"
Sturgis's face was covered with sorrow as he answered me,
"She made me promise not to tell you. I couldn't, maybe I should have, but we had just started working together and she made me promise Harm. I couldn't go back on my word."
"I thought we had forever, but now she's gone."
We into my apartment, I felt so empty.
"Are you going to be okay?" he asked me.
"As I'll ever be." Okay????? The love of my life is death; of course I won't be ok! I knew he felt hopeless, but Sturgis was always more calmed that I ever was.
"I'll take care of everything. I'll check on you later." With that he left. He was going to take care of everything; I don't think I could've done anything at this moment.
I looked around the apartment. So many memories were stored here. I felt like someone had ripped the heart out of me. I never felt like this, not even when Diane died. My future looked so bleak without her. Everywhere I looked there was something that reminded me of her. Suddenly I felt suffocated. I went into my bedroom and changed. I grabbed my keys and realized someone must have been with Sturgis because he drove my car home. I went to the park and started running. I wanted to escape all this pain. I ran until I was ready to drop.
I went home and when I opened the door, I found Mattie and Jen waiting for me. They were both crying in the couch. Jen got up first, gave me a hug and murmured something that sounded like an 'I'm sorry' she then left the apartment.
Mattie followed and hugged me. We stayed like that for a few minutes.
"I know how much you loved her. I'm so sorry Harm." With that she left too.
I had forgotten that I had told Mattie that I love Mac. I didn't say the actual words, but she understood what I meant.
I wanted to get drunk until I didn't feel anything. Yet I knew that if Mac saw me, she would be disappointed of me.
I went to sit in the couch, not bothering to turn on the lights when night fell. I guess everything cut up with me because I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again it was morning again.
I was hoping everything was a bad dream. But when I went into the bathroom, the sight of my bloodied uniform confirmed the hard truth. That was her blood.
She was gone, and never coming back.
The knocking in my door took me from my thoughts. I went to open the door.
Sturgis had come with Bud. Bud's eyes were kind of red; he told me how sorry he and Harriet were. He said she wanted to come but she was too upset. Sturgis came to tell me to stay home today; there wasn't much to do at Jag. They had taken care of everything, the funeral....her funeral was arranged for tomorrow.
He had called the admiral to let him know, and he was taking the first flight to Washington. He was arriving today. They had also called Chloe and they were coming as well. Bud told me he had called Chloe too, and she was coming for the funeral and was arriving later today. I nodded and said thanks. They left and told me if there was anything I needed, I should call. I said thanks again and closed the door when they left.
I thought it was kind of weird that everyone was giving me their condolences. Had everyone noticed how much in love with her I was?
The phone brought me back from my thoughts.
"Rabb."
"Harm?" It was my mother.
"Hey mom." I answered.
"Honey, how are you? Sturgis told me about Mac." She said with a sad voice.
"Fine as I can be mom." I told her. Why does everyone keep asking how I am? Mac is gone, she's never coming back....how do they expect me to be?
"I'm so sorry honey. I know how much you love her."
"I never told her mom" I couldn't help the tremble in my voice.
"She knew Harm." She told me trying to comfort me.
"No mom, she didn't know. We were in Jag's parking lot when we started arguing. She asked for time, and told her I didn't know how much I would wait for her to make up her mind, and she told me that she was in love with me, and the she left. I got into my car and stared following her. I was a few cars behind her when I saw the car hit her. I ran from my car to hers. I took her out, but I was too late mom, she died in my arms. I saved her life so many times before, but this time I couldn't do anything. She was taken from me, and all I could do is hug her dead body and cry. I didn't tell her I love her mom. I didn't tell her how much I love her." After telling her that, I couldn't help the tears that fell.
"Oh, Harm. It's ok sweetie. She knew Harm." She talked to me trying to comfort me. After a while I convinced her I was going to be ok. She and Frank were coming for the funeral tomorrow.
Everything seemed so surreal to me. I was hoping to wake up and arrive at the office, and Mac make fun of me because I was late. I knew it wouldn't happen, she died in my arms. I felt her last breath. I saw her breath in and breathe out, but she didn't after that, she didn't inhale after that. I had her in my arms, and I was so useless, I couldn't stop death from taking her away from me.
I sat there thinking in all the things I didn't do. I didn't get to kiss her after that last Christmas. I thought we had forever. Had I known that she was going to be taken away from me, I would have done so many different things. Maybe if I didn't held back for so long, she would be with me today.
I never got the chance to make her mine, as only a man can. To know each other as only a man and a woman can.
I never got the chance to explore her body, or find her tattoo.
I never got the chance to hear her scream my name in passion.
I never got the chance to see her eyes in the heat of passion; to hold her in my arms after the storm had passed. Or to wake up with her, and make her mine again.
Yet the thing that hurts me the most is that she died without hearing how much I love her. I never said the words. I was so scared of saying them before, and now she's gone and can't hear them anymore.
Now I'm here at her funeral. Everything still feels so surreal to me, I wonder if it'll ever stop. A lot of people came to say their goodbyes. Admiral Chegwidden is standing next to me. He shares the same expression as most of the people here. The SECNAV came to give his condolences; he said Mac was a great lawyer, and a much greater Marine.
Mattie is quietly sitting next to Jen. Harriet is sitting next to Chloe, trying to console her with her grandmother's help. Bud and Sturgis are talking, both with sad expressions in their faces. Mom and Frank came too.
Webb came with his mother. I think he was kind of hurt that everyone gave their condolences to me. He was apart from everyone, wearing dark glasses, but if you looked closed enough, you could see the tears falling.
Everyone is gone now. The admiral told me that he was going to be in Washington for a few days. That if I needed anything I should call him. Bud, Harriet and Sturgis told me the same. Mom and Frank said that they would wait at home for me. They wanted to stay with me, but I told them I needed some time alone with Mac.
The only ones left are now Webb and I. He came and stood in front of what was left of Mac. She is just ashes now inside a vase. He told me...
"From all the men that loved Sarah Mackenzie, you are the one that never got a chance with her. Ironically, you were the only one she ever really loved. Nonetheless, you get to keep her forever now. Even if it's only ashes. What are you going to do now?" he asked
"It would be selfish of me to keep her in my apartment in that vase. The SECNAV gave me two weeks of leave. I'm going to take her with me and see what happens in those two weeks."
"Good Luck. I'll see you around." He said leaving. His mother waiting at the door.
"Bye Webb." I said.
I grabbed Mac's vase and left. I had one stop to do. I needed to go see the other person I loved the most and left me too.
"Hello Dad." I said, standing in front of the wall. Touching his name with my finger, and
my other hand holding Mac's vase.
"Today is a really sad day for me. Mac...Sarah, she died dad. We had her funeral today.
I never told her how much I love her. I hope she is with you. Please take care of her for me, until I join you both." I said softly to him.
"I'm going to be away for a few days, but as soon as I'm back, I'll come and visit you. Bye Dad...I love you." I traced his name with my finger once more and left.
2 DAYS LATER...
I had to leave the house. Mom and Frank went home after I told them I needed some time alone. Tom stayed in my apartment to look after Mattie until I go back.
My first stop was to see Mac's uncle. He was grateful that I went to see him. He told me Mac had told him much about me. He couldn't help the tears when he saw Mac's vase. He told me Mac was all he had. I left with promises that I would come and visit him again.
I took the road and put the music up. Mac's vase inside my backpack in the next seat.
I drove only stopping to sleep a few hours. I finally reached my destination.
Red Rock Mesa.
I got off the car and got ready to go up. Checking that Mac's vase was safe enough inside the backpack, I started my journey.
5 HOURS LATER...
I finally reached the top where Mac took me 'hostage.' Our first case together.
I walked around looking remembering that day. I was still seeing Diane in Mac, but she quickly showed me who she was. The only thing she had common with Diane was the way she looked, and how kind they both were. Mac was much more stronger than Diane. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind around me. I love Diane, but Mac was everything I ever wanted in a woman, she was the love of my life...and as corny as it sound...she was my soul mate. Too bad we lost so much time and now she's gone.
Now standing at the cliff of the mountain, I take off my backpack and take out Mac's Vase. I hold it and I look at it...
"Mac, I'm sorry we lost so much time. Now you're gone from me. I'm going to miss you so much ninja-girl. I love you so much. It's so easy to say the words now, but you aren't here to hear them...I know you didn't want to be buried, so I am bringing you to the place where you found your peace. I love you Sarah." With that I opened her vase and let the wind take her ashes away...
"Good Bye Sarah....I love you."
30 YEARS LATER...
"Hey Mac. Harm has come to join you. You should know that he didn't stop thinking of you until his last day. A lot of women tried to get his attention, but there was no one for him except you. My father, Tom, had an accident a year after you died, so the court let me stay with Harm. He helped me so much. His last wish was that he wanted me to come here and bring him to you, so you guys could be together. So I bring his ashes now." Said Mattie opening Harm's vase.
"Bye Dad." Said Mattie letting Harm's ashes be taken by the wind, just as Mac's ashes had been flown away 30 years before.
UNKNOWN PLACE
"I love you" said the dark haired woman.
"I love you too" said the tall man as they both embraced.
THE END
I hope you like the FF, in its own twisted way. It was on my head for so long, I had to write it out. I am currently working on the happy ending. Let me know if you guys want to read it. Reviews are welcomed. Thanks for reading... Jackia : -)