Author's Note: This is a one part DJ fic. Please feel free to leave feedback, I'm anxious what DJ fans will think :)
Reflections on my wedding day.........
When I used to dream of my wedding day, I thought about me in a flowing white dress, my family and friends gathered around me as my father gives me away, kissing me wistfully as we're at the alter and my future husband is waiting. He is sad that his baby girl was grown up, yet happy that there was someone who would take care of me forever, loving me as much as he does. When I finally got engaged, three years after we started dating, it was the most amazing time. I couldn't stop glowing or over-exaggerating with my hands, showing off my amazing diamond ring to everyone and anyone I encountered. My sister, Bessie, finally had to tell me, "stop talking with your damn hands, we see the ring!" This was three months after we got engaged and I told anything and anyone that I ran into that I was getting married. Bessie was fed up, but I would still look at it from time to time in wonder, amazed that we were finally here.
It wasn't long after Gale's wedding and my break up with Pacey that I got engaged to another man, my best friend and soulmate. The entire thing was a bit on the fly. At Christmas we got back together and we had only been a couple for a few months when he asked me. I could tell he was nervous and a bit hesitant about what I might say and at first I was a bit tempted to say that we should wait. Reunited for only three months and now marriage? Was it too fast? That's what I thought, until I looked at the ring and the look in his eyes and I knew, part of me just knew that this was it, that this is what I wanted, what I ran from and now what I was ready to embrace forever. So I said yes, and that was it, I officially had a smile plastered to my face for months, him too. My friend Audrey even told me that I would need Botox prior to the wedding to prevent permanent smile and laugh lines, and joked that as a wedding gift she would buy me either a tummy tuck after our first of inevitably many children (we had the procreation part down very well) or a face lift if I kept my excessive smiling up much longer. She thought we were crazy too, but offered her support nonetheless.
We were only engaged for a few months when we set the date, June of 2009, which was almost a year away, but seemed like an eternity. Part of me still wanted that fantasy wedding, but another part of me wanted to get it over with now! I wanted the wedding but I wanted to be a wife, his wife more. Both of us sacrificed so much in our history together that I could sacrifice the big wedding for him, just to call him mine and feel that diamond band join my engagement ring, symbolizing that we were now officially together. So we began planning, sorry I began planning the wedding. He wasn't into plans and told me he didn't care what happened as long as we got married. At first it was very sweet, he just wanted me to have a nice day and he was going to go along with it because all he wanted was me. A year before the wedding that was cute, me up to my eyes in dresses, plans, churches, reception sites, caterers, etc. It was great, until about oh six months before the wedding when work was becoming more demanding, Dawson was traveling more so he could take some time off after the wedding for an extended honeymoon and the plans wouldn't end. Gale and Bessie helped, but they also had their own lives. Trips back to Capeside were more frequent from New York, where both of us were now living, although for the last three weeks Dawson was traveling non-stop. Calls came in day and nearly night, asking questions, calling people back, going to see samples and make final selections, signing more and more checks to pay for and reserve things. Wedding dress fitting, fights with bridesmaids about dresses and hairstyles and jewelry. It wasn't starting to become fun anymore, it was becoming stifling and the lack of help or response from my husband-to-be was beginning to make me go crazy.
On a final trip to Capeside, where we were meeting with the pastor to talk about the ceremony, now only a few weeks away, I was exhausted and emotionally drained. My face was pale, eyes exhausted and body barely passing along. Everyone would say I needed more sleep, as my stomach was in a constant state of anxiety. Dawson would tease me, say I was losing too much weight from worrying and that everything would work out, but it just wasn't working out. I was making myself sick between wedding plans and work. Something had to give or I needed serious help, and neither seemed to be a reality at this point. I kept telling myself that if I just made lists and did one thing at a time that it would all work out. But honestly, I was having a hard time believing it. My bachelorette party was coming up and I wasn't looking forward to it, more things to worry about, less time to get them done.
Three weeks before the wedding everything came to a head. Gale informed me that the flowers weren't going to be ready and that my order was messed up in processing, which also meant my bouquets were not going to be what I wanted. Trying to keep it together, I asked Dawson if he could call someone about making other arrangements and he told me he couldn't that he was being sent now back to California for a week and a half, putting us dangerously close to the wedding and making it nearly impossible now for him to arrange the final tux fittings for him and the groomsmen. When he asked if I could take care of that for him, I freaked out. Officially 100 FREAKED out. I don't really remembering throwing my dinner roll angrily at his head, bouncing off his forehead in shock, or yelling, but from what I was told afterwards, my use of several expletives in one sentence was great. Gale tried to calm me down but I couldn't and just broke down crying.
"I can't do this anymore, I think we need to postpone the wedding," I sobbed, trying to get myself under control.
"We can't postpone the wedding, I go right back into production on the show," Dawson exclaimed, still a bit stunned at my aim with the dinner roll.
"Joey you're doing fine, this will all be great," he said, rubbing his head.
"No you don't know what it's been like, plans day in and out and trying to get work done too, I can't do everything on my own Dawson, this is supposed to be our day," I screamed.
"You should have told me sooner Joey, I can't help you now, I have to go out of town," he said, Gale shooting him a nasty look.
"Fine, then the wedding's just called off," I screamed, getting up and rushing out of his house, anxious to just get away for a bit.
That night when I got back to the B&B, I was too exhausted to tell Bessie what happened. I fell asleep on my bed and slept for nearly two days straight, finally feeling a bit of relief and alleviating my exhaustion. Dawson apparently called numerous times and stopped over at the B&B, telling a horrified Bessie and my dad what happened. He felt guilty for making me do this all on my own, when it was our day, and not just mine. Bessie said he wanted to talk about this and see what we could do, but honestly, I just needed some time by myself. I still wanted to marry him, more than anything, but I just couldn't get anything and everything done in time. Too much was going on, too much of my work had already been neglected.
A few days later when I tried to call Dawson and apologize for the way I acted, I was told he was busy and couldn't speak to me right now. Couldn't speak to me? He left meetings or shoots when I called and now he couldn't "speak to me?" I was crushed, he really believed I didn't want to marry him and that I was ready to throw all of this away after we worked so hard for so long to get this back together. Defeated, I went back to New York after I was told he was traveling again and wouldn't be back until right before the wedding. I called to postpone my dress and other arrangements, since it was apparently obvious that we weren't getting married anytime soon, and the women informed me that Dawson had already contacted them and "made the necessary arrangements." I had no idea what that meant until later on, but I'm sure glad he beat me to it.
After a week and a half, Dawson didn't return to New York and still wouldn't take my calls. Now I was really devastated and almost worried that I would never see him again. I still wore my ring and loved him so much, but without him speaking to me, there wasn't much more I could do. A day before I was supposed to be married, Bessie called me and said Dawson was in Capeside and she "highly recommended that I get my butt down there to try and talk to him." She didn't have to tell me twice, I jumped in my car and drove as fast as I could there, dropping things at the B&B. No one was at the Leery home when I stopped by so I returned to Bessie, defeated and slept unhappily that night.
"Okay Joey time to get up, you have a big day," Bessie chirped the next morning, what was supposed to be my wedding day.
"Bessie please, you know what today was supposed to be, I just want to sit here and be miserable, please," I groaned, covering my head with the covers.
"Nope, sorry, you're getting married today, and we have to get you showered and ready to go," she said, pulling two hanging bags out of my closet and she stripped the covers from my head.
"Bessie I'm not getting married today, you know that," I started, rubbing my eyes furiously when I saw what she was wearing. "That's your bridesmaid dress, what are you doing with it."
"Well if I'm standing up in your wedding I have to be wearing it, somehow I doubt a robe and pajamas would look good in pictures," she said with a smile, pulling the cover off the bag to reveal my wedding dress, which I had my final fitting for prior to my little breakdown.
"What are you doing with that, I never picked it up," I gasped, seeing the fine beading and satin.
"I know, Dawson did, now you have to shower now, hair and makeup is shortly and the girls are arriving over here soon," she said, tossing me my robe to change into as I walked into the bathroom in a daze.
Sure enough, when I walked out there was Audrey, Bessie, Andie and Sari, a colleague from work, all fussing about the B&B with their dresses as I sat down in the chair, Henri, Audrey's hairdresser began fussing with me.
"Her dress is strapless so I want to see an elegant bun in her hair to fasten the veil or one at the base of her neck," Audrey said, kissing my cheek.
"I don't understand what's going on," I stammered, feeling a bit confused.
"After your little breakdown, your fiancé felt bad for making you do everything on your own so he planned the rest of the wedding and made the rest of the arrangements," Bessie said, helping Andie put clips in her hair.
"What? He did everything?" I gasped. "We didn't finalize anything really, everything was falling apart."
"I know, it was a mess I'll tell you, but yes he fixed everything and made any changes," Bessie smiled.
"So we're getting married?" I gasped, the potential reality really setting in.
"Yes," Audrey squealed, holding my hands.
"But he's not speaking to me," I said, feeling a bit choked up.
"Well he didn't want to ruin the surprise but trust me honey, he's been doing this night and day for weeks, he wants to get married," Audrey laughed, seeing me start to cry. "Okay no crying just yet, we're already running late."
The rest of the preparation was a blur. Getting into the dress, which fit like a glove, finalizing my hair and make up, taking pictures with the photographer and taking a moment with Bessie and my dad, who delivered a letter my mom wrote me before she died specifically instructing me to read it on my wedding day.
Arriving at the church, I still was in a state of disbelief. Guests filed into the church, the limo that said JUST MARRIED was in front and I could see Gale greeting guests. She held me tightly when I got out of the car, my father escorting me by the arm.
"I'm so sorry for what happened," I said, trying not to cry again.
"It's okay honey, you had to tell him how you felt and in the end, it all worked out," she breathed, kissing my cheek and holding me tight. Sitting in the bride's room of the church, waiting patiently for the ceremony to begin, I began to feel the nerves kicking in. For over a year I planned and waited for this and now, it was finally here, despite not knowing if it would actually happen or if my fiancé still loved me.
"Joey," my father said softly, breaking my state. "It's time honey." With a slight cough to hold back his own emotion, he took my arm and walked me to the back of the church, where we both waited nervously for the doors to open. I saw Audrey, Andie and Sari walk down the aisle, seeing Dawson and his groomsmen at the front of the church, him looking just a nervous as me.
When the music started, two attendants opened the doors, causing me to take a sharp intake of breath as we began to walk down the aisle. This was the first time in nearly two weeks that Dawson and I had seen each other, and I nearly broke into a run when we were halfway down the aisle, me nearly crying and him also choked up. I could tell he wanted to pull me aside and say something, as did I, but when I was delivered to him and the pastor, I turned and saw my father tearfully hand me to him, smiling knowingly as he finally let his baby girl go to someone else.
As the pastor began speaking, I couldn't stop looking at him, holding his hand tightly, trying to tell him how much I loved him and how glad I was that despite everything in the last few weeks, I'm so glad we're here. We said traditional vows, lighting an eternity candle and listening to the choir sing and friends read passages about enduring and everlasting love.
"I know pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss your bride," the pastor finally said, causing me to break down a bit as Dawson wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the mouth, feeling a shiver run down my spine. As everyone clapped I pulled him close to me, resting our foreheads together, whispering to each other.
"I love you so much," I sobbed. "I missed you, I'm so sorry."
"I love you too," he said, tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry you had to do this alone, I wish I would have helped you more."
"You did this, you did all of this," I said, kissing him again.
"I wanted to show you that I was serious about us being together, that I wanted this," he said, letting me wipe tears from his eyes.
"I want this too," I said, kissing him again as we began our walk down the aisle, everyone still clapping and congratulating us.
The reception was at Leery's Fresh Fish on the docks. Soft white lights adorning the walls and tables, which were also illuminated by candles. Everyone chatted animatedly during dinner and entertained themselves as we cleared some room for dancing. Our first dance was emotional as well, holding each other so tight I felt it a bit hard to breathe. Jack did a great groomsmen toast and Audrey rather graphically gave me one as well, causing both to blush a bit and slightly violating the "girl talk" rule, but it was fun. Everyone was in good spirits.
Now ten years after we married I still look at those pictures and remember back to that day. We're still as happy and youthful as we were then, which I say thanks in part to how much we love each other and our two children keeping us on our toes. They are so amazing, a blend of both of us and they are so spirited and stubborn that it makes me laugh just to think about it. I love them so much and now I can't even imagine not being married to Dawson or having our kids. This year for our anniversary we're renewing our vows, as we agreed to do every ten years. After all this time and all of our disagreements and fights, to know that he still loves me as much as he did then and wanting to renew our pledge to one another for everyone to see, shows me yet again how lucky I am. Thanks to two kids, I can't fit into my size four wedding dress anymore, but what I've picked out to wear is just fine. My daughter is helping me prepare for my "big day" as is my son helping Dawson, but this time, it almost feels a bit more special as we prepare to renew our vows. Our children and family will be the only ones present, but it feels as though I'm getting married for the first time again. We've grown and changed a bit as we've gotten older, but one thing hasn't changed and I will pledge at every 10-year renewal we have, I love my husband, he is my soulmate and he completes me. And I know he'll say the same thing.
The End