Disclaimers: Okay, once again, I don't own Max Payne, the Real World, or
anything having to do with either of the two, or any of the song lyrics
that might show up here, so don't sue.
This is fiction, not fact. Any similarities are purely coincidental... yadda, yadda, yadda....
And now, episode two of Max Payne & Co. present
The Real World
Max: This is the story of seven large and dangerous animals packed into a small cage like sardines, fighting to survive amidst a sea of mindless...
Director: Hey! We talked about this, Max. Stick to the script for the intro, please.
Max: All right, fine. This is the story...
Mike: ... of seven strangers...
Mona: ... picked to live in a house...
Annie: ... and have their lives taped.
Vladimir: Find out what happens...
Vinnie: ... when people stop being polite...
Winterson: ... and start being real....
All: The Real World: New York.
The House, Manhattan, Morning
(We see Max, making pancakes in the kitchen for the gang. Winterson shows up momentarily.)
Max: Oh, hey Winterson. Pancakes?
Winterson: Sure, thanks Max.
Max: Is anyone else up yet?
Winterson: Uhh, no, not that I know of.
Max: Okay. (Looks around) Winterson, you don't like Mona, do you?
Winterson: (confessional) I didn't want to diss Max's girl to his face, but that girl's a hoochie. It's not like she keeps it a secret or anything. Just look at what she's trying to do with Vlad.
Winterson: Mona? She's... okay. What makes you think I don't like her?
Max: Well, every time I turn around, you're either glaring or smirking at her.
Winterson: Max, come on. Look at her. Doesn't she seem to be giving a little too much attention to all the guys?
Max: (confessional) I haven't noticed anything about Mona regarding the guys. But then, when beauty is staring you straight in the face, you're blind to everything around you.
Max: Not really. I mean, she was a little friendly with me, and maybe Vlad, at the club last night, but I think she's just having fun.
Winterson: I think she's had "fun" with a lot more guys than just you and Vlad.
Max: Winterson, why do you all of a sudden care so much about...?
Mona: (walking in) Hey guys.
Max: ... what team A-Rod chooses to play for? Hey Mona. Have some pancakes.
Mona: Thanks, Max. Hey, Winterson. Great night last night, wasn't it?
Winterson: Yeah, I guess so.
(Vladimir and Vinnie show up)
Max: What's up guys? Grab some pancakes.
Vladimir: Thanks, Max.
Vinnie: Yeah, thanks, Payne.
(Mike and Annie come down, a little haggard looking, but contented)
Max: Hey guys. Hurry up and grab some pancakes, before they run out.
Annie: Oh, thanks, Max.
Mona: You guys look like you had a busy night last night.
Mike: Oh, yes, we stay up late listening to tunes.
Vladimir: Sure, Mike, "tunes." (Does quotation mark sign with fingers.)
Mike: No, really. We have fun listening to Country & Western tunes, right, Annie?
Annie: Yeah, I gotta say, you got some trippin' music, Mike. Oh, we didn't keep you awake, did we Vinnie?
Vinnie: Nah, you guys are okay.
Vinnie: (confessional) That stinkin' j(bleep)k-off cowboy played that country s(bleep)t till 4 in the morning. And he's got Annie hooked on it, which means they're probably gonna end up hooking up instead of me. Maybe I should try hooking up with Mona. She's roomin' wit' Max, but she gives attention to the other guys. I think I can get her to like me.
Vinnie: So Mona, did ya have fun at the club last night?
Mona: Uh huh. Did you?
Vinnie: Sure did. Fun night. Hope we can have more like it.
Mona: Uhh, yeah, me too.
Mona: (confessional) Okay, Vinnie seems to be getting a little friendly with me. Not that I mind it so much, but it's so sudden. He's a nice guy, even if he does like Captain Baseball Bat Boy a little too much. I might think about giving him a whirl.
Max: Hurry up and eat and get dressed. I got a surprise lined up for us, but if we don't hurry, we'll miss it.
Vladimir: Where are we going, Max?
(B.B.'s Skydiving Academy, later that morning)
(We see mixed reactions from the group as they enter.)
Vinnie: Are you freakin' crazy, Payne? Ain't no way I'm goin' up there. I hate heights!
Max: Come on, Vinnie. Have you even tried skydiving before? No? Then how do you know you hate it?
Vinnie: Well, I've never tried arsenic either, but that doesn't mean I'm going to.
Winterson: I don't know, Max. This seems a bit... much.
Mona: I think it'll be fun. I'm willing to give it a try.
Winterson: I bet there's a lot of things you're willing to try.
Mona: What?
Winterson: Nothing, Mona.
Vladimir: I'm with Mona. I think we'll all have fun doing this.
(Winterson glares at Vladimir)
Vladimir: (confessional) What did I do? I just pointed out that I was in agreement with Mona regarding this, and Winterson gives me the evil eye. What's up with that?
(Enter the skydiving instructor. It's B.B., from Max Payne 1.)
B.B.: Hi. I'm B.B., and I'll be giving you your skydiving lesson for today. Since I don't know what kind of experience any of you have had skydiving, I'm going to start everyone from ground zero. We'll start with an overview of the equipment you'll be using and some jumping basics, and hopefully we'll all get to jump out of an airplane by this afternoon.
(We see the gang sitting in a small classroom, trying on all the skydiving equipment, and practicing basic jumping techniques on the ground. We then see the gang up in an airplane about to make their first real jump.)
B.B.: (shouting to be heard above the plane and the wind) Okay. Everybody comfy?
(Most of the gang is a little nervous, but holding up okay. Max is okay, and Vladimir is, surprisingly, very calm and cool. Vinnie is about to puke his guts up.)
B.B.: Okay. We're almost over the drop zone. We'll each jump out one at a time. I'll jump out last and meet you guys on the ground. Who wants to go first?
(Everyone looks at each other. After a little while...)
Max: All right. I'll do it first.
(Max goes to the open door and gets in position.)
B.B.: Okay, Maxey – can I call you Maxey? – remember, one, two, three, jump. Count to twenty, and then pull the ripcord.
Max: Okay. One... two... three... jump!!
(Max jumps out of the plane. After twenty counts, he pulls the ripcord and his parachute opens. He slowly descends to the ground far below, amidst cheers from the rest of the gang, still on board.)
B.B.: Okay. Who's next?
(Vladimir steps up to the doorway. He almost immediately does the three- count, jumps, and then pulls the ripcord. It's all done very matter-of- factly, as if he has done this many times before.)
Everyone: (to each other) Wow... did you see that... awesome...
B.B.: Next?
(Mona jumps, then Winterson, then Mike, then Annie. Finally we get to Vinnie, who is still looking sick to his stomach.)
B.B.: Okay, Vinnie. I guess you're the last one. You okay?
Vinnie: Ahhh, I'm not sure I can do this.
B.B.: Sure you can. You just gotta jump. It's easy.
Vinnie: Easy for you to say! You ain't about to puke!
B.B.: Okay. If you don't want to jump, that's fine. But I think you should know something.
Vinnie: What?
B.B.: I am... a homosexual.
(Vinnie shrieks and runs to the door. He doesn't even count to three, but jumps right out and pulls the ripcord. The chute opens and he slowly descends to the ground below.)
(Meanwhile, on the ground...)
Mona: So, I wonder if Vinnie jumped?
Max: Nah, he probably chickened out like a squirrel in front of a...
(Splat!!! Puke comes down from the sky and lands right on Max's head. Everyone either grosses out or laughs.)
Max: Ahh, s(bleep)t, my coat.
Mike: Ha, ha, ha! It rain puke. Ha, ha, ha!
Max: (confessional) That coat was my Excalibur, and now it's covered in vomit.
(Vinnie soon afterward lands on the ground. He has a small trickle of vomit at the corner of his mouth.)
Vladimir: Vinnie. You jumped. Good for you.
Vinnie: Yeah, whatever. I just lost my pancakes up there.
Winterson: (snickering) I think Max found them. Or rather, they found Max.
Max: Yeah, real funny, guys. My coat's ruined.
Vinnie: Sorry, Payne. I couldn't help it up there.
(B.B. soon arrives on the ground and goes over to meet the group.)
B.B.: All right. Great job today, guys. All of you did really well. You okay, Vinnie? I saw you blow chow on the way down.
Vinnie: (cautious around B.B.) Yeah, I'm... fine.
B.B.: Look, Vinnie, I'm not really gay. I just said that to get you to jump. Incidentally, you did especially well today, Vlad. Have you done this before?
Vladimir: Yes. I was a paratrooper in the Russian Army. This is child's play for me.
B.B.: Oh, I see. Well, good job today, everyone. Hope you guys come back and do this again.
Everyone: Thank you!
Max: (confessional) It was great today, jumping. Well, except for Vinnie puking on me. But today was a day we all got to defy death, and win.
Mona: (confessional) This was really cool. I got a real thrill jumping. Having the group with me really helped me get past my initial fears.
Vinnie: (confessional) I still hate heights. And I puked my guts up. But maybe it'll be worth it having had Mona see me do this. Oh s(bleep)t, Mona saw me lose my breakfast! Ah, man. I hope this doesn't screw up any chance I have with her.
Winterson: (confessional) I was scared at first. But seeing Vlad jump kinda made me forget that fear and jump after him. Plus, he looked kinda cute in his skydiving gear.
Mike: (confessional) Ha, ha, ha! It rain puke on Max. Very funny. I like skydiving. It was fun... Ha, ha, ha! It rain puke on Max.
Annie: (confessional) Yeah, it was good. Fo real. Loved skydiving with the crew, especially Mike.
(The house, early that evening)
Mona: Well, we've still got a lot of evening left. What should we do tonight?
Max: My mind's a freshly wiped slate. I've got nothing.
Winterson: We could go out clubbing again.
Mike: Hey, I know a place. It fun. We all go.
Annie: What kind of place, Mike?
Mike: Well...
(Barry's Pub & Grill, Karaoke Night)
(The gang enters. They have mixed feelings about the place.)
Mike: All right! Karaoke Night! I love Karaoke!
Max: I don't know about this, Mike. Karaoke never was my scene.
Vinnie: Ah, come on, Payne. We did your thing.
Max: I don't want to hear a bunch of drunks murdering my favorite songs.
Winterson: I'm with Max. I'm not much up for this either.
Vladimir: Come on, Winterson. Maybe you'll like it. You tried Max's thing and liked it.
Mona: (feigning seductiveness) Come on, Max. Stay. For me.
Max: (confessional) The light touch of a woman can make an honest man write bad checks. I couldn't win in this one.
Max: Ohh, all right. I'll stay with you guys.
Vladimir: And you, Winterson?
Winterson: All right, but you owe me, Vlad.
Mike: All right. I start this show.
(Mike goes up to the karaoke machine and begins to sing. He sings Brooks & Dunn's "Boot Scootin' Boogie.")
Mike: â«Out in the country past the city limit sign, well there's a honky-tonk near the county line. The joint starts jumpin' every night when the sun goes down. They got whiskey, women, music, and smoke. It's where all the cowboy folk go to boot scoot boogie.
I got a good job, I work hard for my money. When it's quittin' time, I hit the door running. I fire up my pick-up truck, and let the horses run. I go flyin' down that highway to that hideaway, stuck out in the woods to do the boot scoot boogie.
Yeah, heel toe, do si do, come on baby let's go DANCIN' ohhh, cadillac black jack baby meet me out back we're gonna, boogie. Oh, get down, turn around, go to town, boot scoot boogie.
Bartender asks me, "Say son, what'll it be?" "I want a shot o' that redhead yonder looking at me." The dance floor's hoppin, and it's hotter than the fourth of July. I see outlaws, inlaws, crooks and straights, all out makin' it shake doin' the boot scootin' boogie.
Yeah, heel toe, do si do, come on baby let's go DANCIN' ohhh, cadillac black jack baby meet me out back we're gonna, boogie. Oh, get down, turn around, go to town, boot scoot boogie.â«
(Mike finishes his song and sits back down with the group. They all give him pats on the back, high-fives, and other "job-well-done's.")
Mike: Hey Annie. Why don't you sing?
Annie: Aww, come on, Mike. I can't sing.
Mike: Come on. I can't either, and I sing, for you.
Annie: (confessional) I didn't wanna go up there and sing, but once again, Mike talked me into it.
Annie: Oh, okay, Mike.
(Everyone claps as Annie goes up on stage. She sings Missy Elliot's "Work It" (A/N: This is the radio version.))
Annie: â« DJ please, pick up your phone I'm on the request line This is a Missy Elliott one time exclusive (C'mon, c'mon)
If it's worth it, let me work it I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} If you got a big {*elephant noise*} let me search ya To find out how hard I gotta work ya {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*}
I'd like to get to know ya, so I can show ya Put the pussy on ya, like I told ya Gimme all your numbers so I can phone ya Your girl acting stink than call me ov-ah Not on the bed, lay me on your sofa Call before you come, I need to shave my cho-cha You do or you don't or you will or you won't cha Go downtown and eat it like a vul-cha See my hips and my tips don'tcha See my ass and my lips don'tcha Lost a few pounds in my waist for ya This the kinda beat that go rat-tat-ta Ra-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta Sex me so good I say blah-blah-blah Work it! I need a glass of wat-ah Boy oh boy it's good to know ya
If it's worth it, let me work it I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} If you got a big {*elephant noise*} let me search ya To find out how hard I gotta work ya {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*}
If you're a fly gal, get your nails done Get a pedicure, get your hair did Boy lift it up, let's make a toast-ah Let's get drunk, its gon bring us clos-ah Don't I look like a Halle Berry post-ah? See dem Belvedere playin tricks on ya Girlfriend wanna be like me nev-ah You won't find a bitch that's even bett-ah I make it hot as Las Vegas weath-ah Listen up close while I take you backwards {*"Watch the way Missy like to take it backwards" - backwards*} I'm not a prostitute but I can give you whatchu want I love your braids and your mouth full of funk Love the way my ass go ba- bump ba-bump bump Keep your eyes on my ba-bump ba-bump bump And think you can handle this ga-donk ga-donk donk Take my thong off and my ass go boom Cut the lights on so you see what I can do
If it's worth it, let me work it I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} If you got a big {*elephant noise*} let me search ya To find out how hard I gotta work ya {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*}
Boys, boys, all type of boys Black, white, Puerto Rican, Chinese boys Wan tan taya taya tang-a-tang, wan tan taya taya tang-a-tang Girls, girls, get that cash If its 9 to 5 or shakin ya ass Ain't no shame ladies, do your thang Just make sure you ahead of tha game
Just cause I got a lot of fame sup-ah Prince couldn't get me change my name papa Kunta Kinte, enslave a game, no sir Picture black sayin, "Oh yessuh massa" Picture Lil' Kim dating a pastor Minute man, big men can outlast ya Who is the best? I don't have to ask ya When I come out, you won't even matt-ah Why you act dumb like ughhh, duh So you act dumb like ughhh, duh And the drummer boy go pa-rum pa-pum pum Give ya some some some of this Cinnabon
If it's worth it, let me work it I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} If you got a big {*elephant noise*} let me search ya To find out how hard I gotta work ya {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} To my fellas, ooooh Good God, I like the way you work that To my ladies, woo You sure know how to work that, good Godâ«
(Annie finishes, amidst hooting and hollering from the guys. Mona and Winterson are a bit dumbfounded.)
Mike: Well, who's next?
Mona: What the hell, I'll go.
(Mona goes up on stage. She sings Madonna's "Dress You Up." She dances and moves her body while she sings.)
Mona: â« You've got style, that's what all the girls say
Satin sheets and luxuries so fine
All your suits are custom made in London
But I've got something that you'll really like
Gonna dress you up in my love
All over, all over
Gonna dress you up in my love
All over your body
Feel the silky touch of my caresses
They will keep you looking so brand new
Let me cover you with velvet kisses
I'll create a look that's made for you
Gonna dress you up in my love
All over, all over
Gonna dress you up in my love
All over your body
Gonna dress you up in my love, in my love
All over your body, all over your body
In my love
All over, all over
From your head down to your toesâ«
(Mona finishes. All the guys are wowing at her performance. Vladimir is awe-struck, until Winterson smacks him hard on the arm.)
Vladimir: Ow, what was that for?
Winterson: (sarcastically) There was a fly on your arm.
Mike: Next victim?
(Silence from the group.)
Mike: Just kidding. So, who goes next?
Vinnie: I guess I'll go.
Vinnie: (confessional) I'm really gonna impress Mona with this one.
(Vinnie goes up on stage. First he adjusts his windbreaker, and the small gold chain around his neck. He then sings 50 Cent's "P.I.M.P" (A/N: Again, the radio version.))
Vinnie: â« I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
Now shorty she in da club, she's dancing for dollars She got a thing for that Gucci, that Fendi, that Prada That BCBG, Burberry, Dolce and Gabbana She's feeding fools fantasies they pay her cuz they want her I spit a little G-man and my game got her A hour later had her ass up in the Ramada Them trick -- in they ear saying they think about her I got the -- by the bar tryin to get a drink up out her She like my style, she like my smile, she like the way I talk She from the country, then she like me cuz I'm from New York I ain't that -- trying to holla cuz I want some -- I'm that -- trying to holla cuz I want some bread I could care less how she perform while she in the bed -- that try catch a date and come and play the kid Look baby this is simple you can't see, you -- me you -- with a P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me (woo) But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I'm by my money you see, girl you can holla at me If you -- with me, I'm a P-I-M-P Not what you see on TV, no Cadillac, no breezy Head full of hair -- I'm a P-I-M-P Come get money with me, if you curious to see How it feels to be with a P-I-M-P Roll in the Benz with me, you could watch some TV From the backseat of my V, I'm a P-I-M-P Girl we could pop some champagne, and we could have a ball We could toast to the good life, girl we could have it all We could really splurge girl, and tempt the mall If ever you need someone, I'm the one you should call I be there to pick you up if ever you should fall If you got problems I could solve them, they big or they small Dat other -- you be with ain't about -- I'm your friend, your father, your confidant
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
Shorty I told you fools before, I stay with the twos I keep a Benz, some rims, and some jewels I holla at a -- till I got a -- confused She got on payless, me I got on gator shoes I'm shopping for Chinchillas, in the summer they cheaper Man this --, you could have her when I'm done I ain't gonna keep her Man -- come and go, every -- and pimp they know They say mystique but you ain't gotta keep it on the low -- tutor me how you strippin in the street Put my other -- down you get your -- beat Now lick my bottom --, you always come up with my bread The last -- she was with put stitches in her head Get your -- outta pocket I put a charge on the -- Cuz I need 4 TVs and they Mgs for a 6 -- make the pimp rich, I ain't payin Catch a -- trick
I don't know what you heard about me (yea) But she can't get a dollar out of me (woo) No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me (yea) No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P (yea)â«
In Hollywood they say there's no business like show business In the hood they say there's no business like hoe business You know See I talk a little fast, but if you listen real fast I ain't gotta slow down for you to catch up Ha Ha Yea
(Vinnie finishes. Everyone is trying to hide their giggling.)
Annie: (confessional) Oh my god, Vinnie a rapper? That was so hilarious.
Annie: Nice job, Eminem.
Vinnie: Straight up. I'm da shizzle, my nizzle. Whaddaya say, girls? Wanna kick it in my crib?
Mona: What the hell did you just say?
Annie: I think that's a white girl's way of sayin' "no thanks," Vinnie.
Vinnie: Oh. (sits down, dejected once again)
Mike: All right. Who's next?
(Winterson steps up to the challenge. She goes up and sings No Doubt's "Just a Girl.") Winterson: â«Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little ol' me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh... I've had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things
I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear
'Cause I'm just a girl,
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night
I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes
I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh... I've had it up to here!
Oh... am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some
I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to
Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to here.â« (Winterson finishes and sits down. The guys are giggling, because this wasn't what they were expecting.)
Max: (confessional) Wow. Not what I was expecting. If there's one thing Winterson isn't, it's girlish. She was completely out of her element here.
Vladimir: (confessional) She was cute. Very cute. And she looked like she had finally loosened up a bit.
Vladimir: Very cute, Winterson.
Winterson: Thanks, Vlad. (Smirks at Mona.)
Mona: All right, Winterson, what's that supposed to mean?
Winterson: What do you think it means?
Mike: (quickly jumping in) Okay. Who's next?
Vladimir: I'll go. I'll slow it down a bit for you, ladies.
(Mona and Winterson quickly return to watching as Vladimir makes his way up to the stage. He fixes his duds a bit, then smoothly sings Gregory Abbott's "Shake You Down.")
Vladimir: â« Oooow Oooow Yeaaaaaah
Girl, I've been watching you From so far across the floor now baby That's nothing new I've watched you So many times before now baby I see that look in your eyes And what it's telling me And you know, oooh girl that I'm not shy I'm glad you picked up on my telepathy (now baby)
You read my mind (You know you read) Girl I wanna shake you down I can give you all the loving you need Come on let me take you down We'll go all the way to heavenâ«
(While Vladimir is singing, Winterson is grooving in her seat and is clearly getting in the mood. So is Mona.)
Vladimir: (still singing) â«Ooooh I've been missing you And the way you make me feel inside What can I do? I can tell you've got your pride now baby Come to me (well well) let me ease your mind I've got the remedy, yes I do So give me just a little time
You read my mind (You know you read) Girl I wanna shake you down I can give you all the loving you need Come on let me take you down We'll go all the way to heaven
(mmhm) I can't stop thinking of the things we do The way you call me baby when I'm holding you I shake and I shiver when I know your near Then you whisper in my ear (oh baby)
You read my mind (You know you read) Girl I wanna shake you down I can give you all the loving you need Come on let me take you down We'll go all the way to heaven
You read my mind (You know you read) Girl I wanna shake you down I can give you all the loving you need Come on let me take you down We'll go all the way to heavenâ«
(Vladimir finishes and sits with the rest of the group. Winterson, aroused, is clinging to him, seduced by his performance.)
Winterson: (confessional) Wow. That was awesome. That guy is sooo smooth. I hope he takes me tonight with all his manly might.
Winterson: Hey Vlad, you wanna shake me down tonight?
Vladimir: (coolly) Yeah, sure, baby.
Mike: All right. I guess it's your turn, Max.
Max: Uhh, I don't know. Singing's not my thing... Well, all right, but only because everyone else did it.
(Everyone claps as Max finally goes up on stage. He sings Nazareth's "Love Hurts.")
Max: â« Love hurts, Love scars, Love wounds and mars Any heart not tough or strong enough To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain Love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts
I'm young, I know, But even so I know a thing or two - I learned from you I really learned a lot, really learned a lot Love is like a flame It burns you when it's hot Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts
Some fools speak of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness Some fools fool themselves, I guess They're not foolin' me I know it isn't true I know it isn't true Love is just a lie meant to make you blue Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts Ooo-oo Love hurts
I know it isn't true I know it isn't true Love is just a lie meant to make you blue Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts Ooo-oo, Love hurts Ooo-oo
(Max finishes and sits with the gang. They cheer as he sits.)
Mona: Wow, that was great, Max.
Max: Thanks, Mona.
Mona: (confessional) Wow. Max was great. It sounded like he was pouring his heart out there. I like that in a man. Although Vlad was pretty smooth too. How I'd love to hook up with both of them at the same time...
MTV Announcer: On the next episode of the Real World... the group experiences a slight change... And will the feud between Mona and Winterson finally come to a head?... Stay tuned.
Okay, I know it was a little long, but I hope you guys liked it anyway. PLEASE R&R!!!
This is fiction, not fact. Any similarities are purely coincidental... yadda, yadda, yadda....
And now, episode two of Max Payne & Co. present
The Real World
Max: This is the story of seven large and dangerous animals packed into a small cage like sardines, fighting to survive amidst a sea of mindless...
Director: Hey! We talked about this, Max. Stick to the script for the intro, please.
Max: All right, fine. This is the story...
Mike: ... of seven strangers...
Mona: ... picked to live in a house...
Annie: ... and have their lives taped.
Vladimir: Find out what happens...
Vinnie: ... when people stop being polite...
Winterson: ... and start being real....
All: The Real World: New York.
The House, Manhattan, Morning
(We see Max, making pancakes in the kitchen for the gang. Winterson shows up momentarily.)
Max: Oh, hey Winterson. Pancakes?
Winterson: Sure, thanks Max.
Max: Is anyone else up yet?
Winterson: Uhh, no, not that I know of.
Max: Okay. (Looks around) Winterson, you don't like Mona, do you?
Winterson: (confessional) I didn't want to diss Max's girl to his face, but that girl's a hoochie. It's not like she keeps it a secret or anything. Just look at what she's trying to do with Vlad.
Winterson: Mona? She's... okay. What makes you think I don't like her?
Max: Well, every time I turn around, you're either glaring or smirking at her.
Winterson: Max, come on. Look at her. Doesn't she seem to be giving a little too much attention to all the guys?
Max: (confessional) I haven't noticed anything about Mona regarding the guys. But then, when beauty is staring you straight in the face, you're blind to everything around you.
Max: Not really. I mean, she was a little friendly with me, and maybe Vlad, at the club last night, but I think she's just having fun.
Winterson: I think she's had "fun" with a lot more guys than just you and Vlad.
Max: Winterson, why do you all of a sudden care so much about...?
Mona: (walking in) Hey guys.
Max: ... what team A-Rod chooses to play for? Hey Mona. Have some pancakes.
Mona: Thanks, Max. Hey, Winterson. Great night last night, wasn't it?
Winterson: Yeah, I guess so.
(Vladimir and Vinnie show up)
Max: What's up guys? Grab some pancakes.
Vladimir: Thanks, Max.
Vinnie: Yeah, thanks, Payne.
(Mike and Annie come down, a little haggard looking, but contented)
Max: Hey guys. Hurry up and grab some pancakes, before they run out.
Annie: Oh, thanks, Max.
Mona: You guys look like you had a busy night last night.
Mike: Oh, yes, we stay up late listening to tunes.
Vladimir: Sure, Mike, "tunes." (Does quotation mark sign with fingers.)
Mike: No, really. We have fun listening to Country & Western tunes, right, Annie?
Annie: Yeah, I gotta say, you got some trippin' music, Mike. Oh, we didn't keep you awake, did we Vinnie?
Vinnie: Nah, you guys are okay.
Vinnie: (confessional) That stinkin' j(bleep)k-off cowboy played that country s(bleep)t till 4 in the morning. And he's got Annie hooked on it, which means they're probably gonna end up hooking up instead of me. Maybe I should try hooking up with Mona. She's roomin' wit' Max, but she gives attention to the other guys. I think I can get her to like me.
Vinnie: So Mona, did ya have fun at the club last night?
Mona: Uh huh. Did you?
Vinnie: Sure did. Fun night. Hope we can have more like it.
Mona: Uhh, yeah, me too.
Mona: (confessional) Okay, Vinnie seems to be getting a little friendly with me. Not that I mind it so much, but it's so sudden. He's a nice guy, even if he does like Captain Baseball Bat Boy a little too much. I might think about giving him a whirl.
Max: Hurry up and eat and get dressed. I got a surprise lined up for us, but if we don't hurry, we'll miss it.
Vladimir: Where are we going, Max?
(B.B.'s Skydiving Academy, later that morning)
(We see mixed reactions from the group as they enter.)
Vinnie: Are you freakin' crazy, Payne? Ain't no way I'm goin' up there. I hate heights!
Max: Come on, Vinnie. Have you even tried skydiving before? No? Then how do you know you hate it?
Vinnie: Well, I've never tried arsenic either, but that doesn't mean I'm going to.
Winterson: I don't know, Max. This seems a bit... much.
Mona: I think it'll be fun. I'm willing to give it a try.
Winterson: I bet there's a lot of things you're willing to try.
Mona: What?
Winterson: Nothing, Mona.
Vladimir: I'm with Mona. I think we'll all have fun doing this.
(Winterson glares at Vladimir)
Vladimir: (confessional) What did I do? I just pointed out that I was in agreement with Mona regarding this, and Winterson gives me the evil eye. What's up with that?
(Enter the skydiving instructor. It's B.B., from Max Payne 1.)
B.B.: Hi. I'm B.B., and I'll be giving you your skydiving lesson for today. Since I don't know what kind of experience any of you have had skydiving, I'm going to start everyone from ground zero. We'll start with an overview of the equipment you'll be using and some jumping basics, and hopefully we'll all get to jump out of an airplane by this afternoon.
(We see the gang sitting in a small classroom, trying on all the skydiving equipment, and practicing basic jumping techniques on the ground. We then see the gang up in an airplane about to make their first real jump.)
B.B.: (shouting to be heard above the plane and the wind) Okay. Everybody comfy?
(Most of the gang is a little nervous, but holding up okay. Max is okay, and Vladimir is, surprisingly, very calm and cool. Vinnie is about to puke his guts up.)
B.B.: Okay. We're almost over the drop zone. We'll each jump out one at a time. I'll jump out last and meet you guys on the ground. Who wants to go first?
(Everyone looks at each other. After a little while...)
Max: All right. I'll do it first.
(Max goes to the open door and gets in position.)
B.B.: Okay, Maxey – can I call you Maxey? – remember, one, two, three, jump. Count to twenty, and then pull the ripcord.
Max: Okay. One... two... three... jump!!
(Max jumps out of the plane. After twenty counts, he pulls the ripcord and his parachute opens. He slowly descends to the ground far below, amidst cheers from the rest of the gang, still on board.)
B.B.: Okay. Who's next?
(Vladimir steps up to the doorway. He almost immediately does the three- count, jumps, and then pulls the ripcord. It's all done very matter-of- factly, as if he has done this many times before.)
Everyone: (to each other) Wow... did you see that... awesome...
B.B.: Next?
(Mona jumps, then Winterson, then Mike, then Annie. Finally we get to Vinnie, who is still looking sick to his stomach.)
B.B.: Okay, Vinnie. I guess you're the last one. You okay?
Vinnie: Ahhh, I'm not sure I can do this.
B.B.: Sure you can. You just gotta jump. It's easy.
Vinnie: Easy for you to say! You ain't about to puke!
B.B.: Okay. If you don't want to jump, that's fine. But I think you should know something.
Vinnie: What?
B.B.: I am... a homosexual.
(Vinnie shrieks and runs to the door. He doesn't even count to three, but jumps right out and pulls the ripcord. The chute opens and he slowly descends to the ground below.)
(Meanwhile, on the ground...)
Mona: So, I wonder if Vinnie jumped?
Max: Nah, he probably chickened out like a squirrel in front of a...
(Splat!!! Puke comes down from the sky and lands right on Max's head. Everyone either grosses out or laughs.)
Max: Ahh, s(bleep)t, my coat.
Mike: Ha, ha, ha! It rain puke. Ha, ha, ha!
Max: (confessional) That coat was my Excalibur, and now it's covered in vomit.
(Vinnie soon afterward lands on the ground. He has a small trickle of vomit at the corner of his mouth.)
Vladimir: Vinnie. You jumped. Good for you.
Vinnie: Yeah, whatever. I just lost my pancakes up there.
Winterson: (snickering) I think Max found them. Or rather, they found Max.
Max: Yeah, real funny, guys. My coat's ruined.
Vinnie: Sorry, Payne. I couldn't help it up there.
(B.B. soon arrives on the ground and goes over to meet the group.)
B.B.: All right. Great job today, guys. All of you did really well. You okay, Vinnie? I saw you blow chow on the way down.
Vinnie: (cautious around B.B.) Yeah, I'm... fine.
B.B.: Look, Vinnie, I'm not really gay. I just said that to get you to jump. Incidentally, you did especially well today, Vlad. Have you done this before?
Vladimir: Yes. I was a paratrooper in the Russian Army. This is child's play for me.
B.B.: Oh, I see. Well, good job today, everyone. Hope you guys come back and do this again.
Everyone: Thank you!
Max: (confessional) It was great today, jumping. Well, except for Vinnie puking on me. But today was a day we all got to defy death, and win.
Mona: (confessional) This was really cool. I got a real thrill jumping. Having the group with me really helped me get past my initial fears.
Vinnie: (confessional) I still hate heights. And I puked my guts up. But maybe it'll be worth it having had Mona see me do this. Oh s(bleep)t, Mona saw me lose my breakfast! Ah, man. I hope this doesn't screw up any chance I have with her.
Winterson: (confessional) I was scared at first. But seeing Vlad jump kinda made me forget that fear and jump after him. Plus, he looked kinda cute in his skydiving gear.
Mike: (confessional) Ha, ha, ha! It rain puke on Max. Very funny. I like skydiving. It was fun... Ha, ha, ha! It rain puke on Max.
Annie: (confessional) Yeah, it was good. Fo real. Loved skydiving with the crew, especially Mike.
(The house, early that evening)
Mona: Well, we've still got a lot of evening left. What should we do tonight?
Max: My mind's a freshly wiped slate. I've got nothing.
Winterson: We could go out clubbing again.
Mike: Hey, I know a place. It fun. We all go.
Annie: What kind of place, Mike?
Mike: Well...
(Barry's Pub & Grill, Karaoke Night)
(The gang enters. They have mixed feelings about the place.)
Mike: All right! Karaoke Night! I love Karaoke!
Max: I don't know about this, Mike. Karaoke never was my scene.
Vinnie: Ah, come on, Payne. We did your thing.
Max: I don't want to hear a bunch of drunks murdering my favorite songs.
Winterson: I'm with Max. I'm not much up for this either.
Vladimir: Come on, Winterson. Maybe you'll like it. You tried Max's thing and liked it.
Mona: (feigning seductiveness) Come on, Max. Stay. For me.
Max: (confessional) The light touch of a woman can make an honest man write bad checks. I couldn't win in this one.
Max: Ohh, all right. I'll stay with you guys.
Vladimir: And you, Winterson?
Winterson: All right, but you owe me, Vlad.
Mike: All right. I start this show.
(Mike goes up to the karaoke machine and begins to sing. He sings Brooks & Dunn's "Boot Scootin' Boogie.")
Mike: â«Out in the country past the city limit sign, well there's a honky-tonk near the county line. The joint starts jumpin' every night when the sun goes down. They got whiskey, women, music, and smoke. It's where all the cowboy folk go to boot scoot boogie.
I got a good job, I work hard for my money. When it's quittin' time, I hit the door running. I fire up my pick-up truck, and let the horses run. I go flyin' down that highway to that hideaway, stuck out in the woods to do the boot scoot boogie.
Yeah, heel toe, do si do, come on baby let's go DANCIN' ohhh, cadillac black jack baby meet me out back we're gonna, boogie. Oh, get down, turn around, go to town, boot scoot boogie.
Bartender asks me, "Say son, what'll it be?" "I want a shot o' that redhead yonder looking at me." The dance floor's hoppin, and it's hotter than the fourth of July. I see outlaws, inlaws, crooks and straights, all out makin' it shake doin' the boot scootin' boogie.
Yeah, heel toe, do si do, come on baby let's go DANCIN' ohhh, cadillac black jack baby meet me out back we're gonna, boogie. Oh, get down, turn around, go to town, boot scoot boogie.â«
(Mike finishes his song and sits back down with the group. They all give him pats on the back, high-fives, and other "job-well-done's.")
Mike: Hey Annie. Why don't you sing?
Annie: Aww, come on, Mike. I can't sing.
Mike: Come on. I can't either, and I sing, for you.
Annie: (confessional) I didn't wanna go up there and sing, but once again, Mike talked me into it.
Annie: Oh, okay, Mike.
(Everyone claps as Annie goes up on stage. She sings Missy Elliot's "Work It" (A/N: This is the radio version.))
Annie: â« DJ please, pick up your phone I'm on the request line This is a Missy Elliott one time exclusive (C'mon, c'mon)
If it's worth it, let me work it I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} If you got a big {*elephant noise*} let me search ya To find out how hard I gotta work ya {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*}
I'd like to get to know ya, so I can show ya Put the pussy on ya, like I told ya Gimme all your numbers so I can phone ya Your girl acting stink than call me ov-ah Not on the bed, lay me on your sofa Call before you come, I need to shave my cho-cha You do or you don't or you will or you won't cha Go downtown and eat it like a vul-cha See my hips and my tips don'tcha See my ass and my lips don'tcha Lost a few pounds in my waist for ya This the kinda beat that go rat-tat-ta Ra-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta Sex me so good I say blah-blah-blah Work it! I need a glass of wat-ah Boy oh boy it's good to know ya
If it's worth it, let me work it I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} If you got a big {*elephant noise*} let me search ya To find out how hard I gotta work ya {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*}
If you're a fly gal, get your nails done Get a pedicure, get your hair did Boy lift it up, let's make a toast-ah Let's get drunk, its gon bring us clos-ah Don't I look like a Halle Berry post-ah? See dem Belvedere playin tricks on ya Girlfriend wanna be like me nev-ah You won't find a bitch that's even bett-ah I make it hot as Las Vegas weath-ah Listen up close while I take you backwards {*"Watch the way Missy like to take it backwards" - backwards*} I'm not a prostitute but I can give you whatchu want I love your braids and your mouth full of funk Love the way my ass go ba- bump ba-bump bump Keep your eyes on my ba-bump ba-bump bump And think you can handle this ga-donk ga-donk donk Take my thong off and my ass go boom Cut the lights on so you see what I can do
If it's worth it, let me work it I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} If you got a big {*elephant noise*} let me search ya To find out how hard I gotta work ya {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*}
Boys, boys, all type of boys Black, white, Puerto Rican, Chinese boys Wan tan taya taya tang-a-tang, wan tan taya taya tang-a-tang Girls, girls, get that cash If its 9 to 5 or shakin ya ass Ain't no shame ladies, do your thang Just make sure you ahead of tha game
Just cause I got a lot of fame sup-ah Prince couldn't get me change my name papa Kunta Kinte, enslave a game, no sir Picture black sayin, "Oh yessuh massa" Picture Lil' Kim dating a pastor Minute man, big men can outlast ya Who is the best? I don't have to ask ya When I come out, you won't even matt-ah Why you act dumb like ughhh, duh So you act dumb like ughhh, duh And the drummer boy go pa-rum pa-pum pum Give ya some some some of this Cinnabon
If it's worth it, let me work it I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} If you got a big {*elephant noise*} let me search ya To find out how hard I gotta work ya {*"I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" - backwards 2X*} To my fellas, ooooh Good God, I like the way you work that To my ladies, woo You sure know how to work that, good Godâ«
(Annie finishes, amidst hooting and hollering from the guys. Mona and Winterson are a bit dumbfounded.)
Mike: Well, who's next?
Mona: What the hell, I'll go.
(Mona goes up on stage. She sings Madonna's "Dress You Up." She dances and moves her body while she sings.)
Mona: â« You've got style, that's what all the girls say
Satin sheets and luxuries so fine
All your suits are custom made in London
But I've got something that you'll really like
Gonna dress you up in my love
All over, all over
Gonna dress you up in my love
All over your body
Feel the silky touch of my caresses
They will keep you looking so brand new
Let me cover you with velvet kisses
I'll create a look that's made for you
Gonna dress you up in my love
All over, all over
Gonna dress you up in my love
All over your body
Gonna dress you up in my love, in my love
All over your body, all over your body
In my love
All over, all over
From your head down to your toesâ«
(Mona finishes. All the guys are wowing at her performance. Vladimir is awe-struck, until Winterson smacks him hard on the arm.)
Vladimir: Ow, what was that for?
Winterson: (sarcastically) There was a fly on your arm.
Mike: Next victim?
(Silence from the group.)
Mike: Just kidding. So, who goes next?
Vinnie: I guess I'll go.
Vinnie: (confessional) I'm really gonna impress Mona with this one.
(Vinnie goes up on stage. First he adjusts his windbreaker, and the small gold chain around his neck. He then sings 50 Cent's "P.I.M.P" (A/N: Again, the radio version.))
Vinnie: â« I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
Now shorty she in da club, she's dancing for dollars She got a thing for that Gucci, that Fendi, that Prada That BCBG, Burberry, Dolce and Gabbana She's feeding fools fantasies they pay her cuz they want her I spit a little G-man and my game got her A hour later had her ass up in the Ramada Them trick -- in they ear saying they think about her I got the -- by the bar tryin to get a drink up out her She like my style, she like my smile, she like the way I talk She from the country, then she like me cuz I'm from New York I ain't that -- trying to holla cuz I want some -- I'm that -- trying to holla cuz I want some bread I could care less how she perform while she in the bed -- that try catch a date and come and play the kid Look baby this is simple you can't see, you -- me you -- with a P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me (woo) But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I'm by my money you see, girl you can holla at me If you -- with me, I'm a P-I-M-P Not what you see on TV, no Cadillac, no breezy Head full of hair -- I'm a P-I-M-P Come get money with me, if you curious to see How it feels to be with a P-I-M-P Roll in the Benz with me, you could watch some TV From the backseat of my V, I'm a P-I-M-P Girl we could pop some champagne, and we could have a ball We could toast to the good life, girl we could have it all We could really splurge girl, and tempt the mall If ever you need someone, I'm the one you should call I be there to pick you up if ever you should fall If you got problems I could solve them, they big or they small Dat other -- you be with ain't about -- I'm your friend, your father, your confidant
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
Shorty I told you fools before, I stay with the twos I keep a Benz, some rims, and some jewels I holla at a -- till I got a -- confused She got on payless, me I got on gator shoes I'm shopping for Chinchillas, in the summer they cheaper Man this --, you could have her when I'm done I ain't gonna keep her Man -- come and go, every -- and pimp they know They say mystique but you ain't gotta keep it on the low -- tutor me how you strippin in the street Put my other -- down you get your -- beat Now lick my bottom --, you always come up with my bread The last -- she was with put stitches in her head Get your -- outta pocket I put a charge on the -- Cuz I need 4 TVs and they Mgs for a 6 -- make the pimp rich, I ain't payin Catch a -- trick
I don't know what you heard about me (yea) But she can't get a dollar out of me (woo) No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P
I don't know what you heard about me But she can't get a dollar out of me (yea) No Cadillac, no perms you can't see That I'm a -- P-I-M-P (yea)â«
In Hollywood they say there's no business like show business In the hood they say there's no business like hoe business You know See I talk a little fast, but if you listen real fast I ain't gotta slow down for you to catch up Ha Ha Yea
(Vinnie finishes. Everyone is trying to hide their giggling.)
Annie: (confessional) Oh my god, Vinnie a rapper? That was so hilarious.
Annie: Nice job, Eminem.
Vinnie: Straight up. I'm da shizzle, my nizzle. Whaddaya say, girls? Wanna kick it in my crib?
Mona: What the hell did you just say?
Annie: I think that's a white girl's way of sayin' "no thanks," Vinnie.
Vinnie: Oh. (sits down, dejected once again)
Mike: All right. Who's next?
(Winterson steps up to the challenge. She goes up and sings No Doubt's "Just a Girl.") Winterson: â«Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little ol' me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh... I've had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things
I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear
'Cause I'm just a girl,
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night
I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes
I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh... I've had it up to here!
Oh... am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some
I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to
Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to here.â« (Winterson finishes and sits down. The guys are giggling, because this wasn't what they were expecting.)
Max: (confessional) Wow. Not what I was expecting. If there's one thing Winterson isn't, it's girlish. She was completely out of her element here.
Vladimir: (confessional) She was cute. Very cute. And she looked like she had finally loosened up a bit.
Vladimir: Very cute, Winterson.
Winterson: Thanks, Vlad. (Smirks at Mona.)
Mona: All right, Winterson, what's that supposed to mean?
Winterson: What do you think it means?
Mike: (quickly jumping in) Okay. Who's next?
Vladimir: I'll go. I'll slow it down a bit for you, ladies.
(Mona and Winterson quickly return to watching as Vladimir makes his way up to the stage. He fixes his duds a bit, then smoothly sings Gregory Abbott's "Shake You Down.")
Vladimir: â« Oooow Oooow Yeaaaaaah
Girl, I've been watching you From so far across the floor now baby That's nothing new I've watched you So many times before now baby I see that look in your eyes And what it's telling me And you know, oooh girl that I'm not shy I'm glad you picked up on my telepathy (now baby)
You read my mind (You know you read) Girl I wanna shake you down I can give you all the loving you need Come on let me take you down We'll go all the way to heavenâ«
(While Vladimir is singing, Winterson is grooving in her seat and is clearly getting in the mood. So is Mona.)
Vladimir: (still singing) â«Ooooh I've been missing you And the way you make me feel inside What can I do? I can tell you've got your pride now baby Come to me (well well) let me ease your mind I've got the remedy, yes I do So give me just a little time
You read my mind (You know you read) Girl I wanna shake you down I can give you all the loving you need Come on let me take you down We'll go all the way to heaven
(mmhm) I can't stop thinking of the things we do The way you call me baby when I'm holding you I shake and I shiver when I know your near Then you whisper in my ear (oh baby)
You read my mind (You know you read) Girl I wanna shake you down I can give you all the loving you need Come on let me take you down We'll go all the way to heaven
You read my mind (You know you read) Girl I wanna shake you down I can give you all the loving you need Come on let me take you down We'll go all the way to heavenâ«
(Vladimir finishes and sits with the rest of the group. Winterson, aroused, is clinging to him, seduced by his performance.)
Winterson: (confessional) Wow. That was awesome. That guy is sooo smooth. I hope he takes me tonight with all his manly might.
Winterson: Hey Vlad, you wanna shake me down tonight?
Vladimir: (coolly) Yeah, sure, baby.
Mike: All right. I guess it's your turn, Max.
Max: Uhh, I don't know. Singing's not my thing... Well, all right, but only because everyone else did it.
(Everyone claps as Max finally goes up on stage. He sings Nazareth's "Love Hurts.")
Max: â« Love hurts, Love scars, Love wounds and mars Any heart not tough or strong enough To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain Love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts
I'm young, I know, But even so I know a thing or two - I learned from you I really learned a lot, really learned a lot Love is like a flame It burns you when it's hot Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts
Some fools speak of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness Some fools fool themselves, I guess They're not foolin' me I know it isn't true I know it isn't true Love is just a lie meant to make you blue Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts Ooo-oo Love hurts
I know it isn't true I know it isn't true Love is just a lie meant to make you blue Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts Ooo-oo, Love hurts Ooo-oo
(Max finishes and sits with the gang. They cheer as he sits.)
Mona: Wow, that was great, Max.
Max: Thanks, Mona.
Mona: (confessional) Wow. Max was great. It sounded like he was pouring his heart out there. I like that in a man. Although Vlad was pretty smooth too. How I'd love to hook up with both of them at the same time...
MTV Announcer: On the next episode of the Real World... the group experiences a slight change... And will the feud between Mona and Winterson finally come to a head?... Stay tuned.
Okay, I know it was a little long, but I hope you guys liked it anyway. PLEASE R&R!!!