Disclaimers: Don't own this stuff – Rockstar and MTV Networks does.

This product doesn't actually exist – I just made it up.

Max Payne & Co. present The Real World will return shortly after a word from our sponsors...

(We see Max Payne walking along.)

Max: I am Max Payne. Like an Oklahoma dust devil, I always encounter pain in my line of work...

(As Max continues walking, we see Vinnie hit Max upside the head with a baseball bat.)

Max: (ignoring Vinnie) so when I come home, I need something strong to dull it...

(Max walks by Mona, who pistol-whips him)

Max: (ignoring Mona) That's why after a long day on the job that flows like one river into another...

(Max passes Winterson, who shoots him in the back.)

Max: (ignoring Winterson) I reach for a bottle of Payne-Killer Whiskey...

(Max now passes Mike, who throws a Molotov cocktail at him. He matter-of- factly sidesteps to avoid it. His pants leg catches fire, but he quickly stomps out the fire.)

Max: Payne-Killer Whiskey is good stuff – it tastes sweet as honey going down. And, it will kill any pain you can think of...

(We see both Annie and Kaufman fire at Max. Both of Max's ears are grazed from the gunfire.)

Max: So after a hard day, reach for a hard dose... of Payne-Killer Whiskey...

(Max finally passes by Vladimir, who shoots him in the head.)

Max: Uh oh. In this case, I'd probably better make it two.