Disclaimers: Don't own any of this stuff – Rockstar & MTV does.
This stuff is fictitious. Any similarities... well, you know...
Well, you've been patient, so here's part two of Episode V of Max Payne & Co. present...
The Real World
(We see the gang as we left them, surrounding Vinnie & Kaufman, pressing Vinnie about Mike's murder. Vinnie is looking around nervously, thinking about what to say.)
Vladimir: Well, Vinnie, we're still waiting.
Vinnie: I'm tellin' you guys, you're making a mistake.
Annie: You're the one who made the mistake, Vinnie. Did you really think that we weren't going to find out about this?
Vinnie: Look, Annie. About Mike...
Max: Vinnie, you're caught. So are you, Kaufman.
Kaufman: Darn.
Max: We know you knew Mike from before – you're funeral speech gave it away – so you've gotta know something about this.
Winterson: Max, we'll deal with Kaufman later. Right now, I want a full confession from you, Vinnie.
Mona: Yeah, and no fooling around this time.
(Suddenly we hear the door opening from downstairs, followed by a familiar voice.)
Familiar Voice: (in Russian accent) What!? I thought we were fooling around!
(The gang rushes down to find...)
Everybody: Mike!!... Oh my god!!... You're alive!!
Mike: (smiling) What? You act like I was dead or something.
(Annie rushes over and embraces Mike tightly, then all of a sudden backs off and smacks him hard on the arm.)
Annie: Mike, what the hell!? We all thought you were dead!
Mike: You were supposed to think that. We play joke on you guys. Very funny, eh?
Mona: What? This was all a joke? That's sick! And who's "we?"
Mike: Me, Vinnie, Kaufman, MTV Producer...
Vladimir: What? The producer was in on this?
Mike: Right. It was producer's idea. He say it, uh, "shake things up a bit."
Winterson: He did this just to mess with us.
Mike: He say it make good show. He give Vinnie gun to fire into wall, and give me cheap copies of my CDs to break and scatter around room, as well as cheap stereo to smash and switch with my stereo. Then he give me money to hide out at Ritz hotel – very nice, may I add. Then he bring in Kaufman from cleaning crew to temporarily replace me. He even get Carl from crime lab at police station to help.
Annie: (to Vinnie and Kaufman) So you guys knew Mike was alive this whole time?
Kaufman: Mmm-hmmm.
Vinnie: Yeah. That's what I was trying to hint at with you guys. I didn't want to give away the joke before it was time.
Mike: You should be happy Annie.
Annie: Why, Mike?
Mike: Because... (goes over and stands by Vinnie) working on this bring Vinnie and me closer together. We were able to put aside our differences, and now we're friends. Right, Vinnie?
Vinnie: That's right, Mike.
(MTV Producer comes up to join cast.)
MTV Producer: Okay, great job you guys. You really did a great job pulling this off. And thanks to all the rest of you for being such good sports about this.
Max: Yeah, sure. Just don't give us spastic colon again. We'd appreciate it a lot.
MTV Producer: Yeah, okay. But still, our ratings are at an all time high. Our viewers were really hanging on the edges of their seats waiting to find out what happened with Mike. (to Mike) It seems you've got a real fan base out there.
Mike: Right on.
MTV Producer: Well, Kaufman, thanks for filling in for Mike, but he's back, so... we don't really need you on here now.
Kaufman: Darn. I'm gonna miss you guys.
Mona: (to MTV Producer) Wait. Could Kaufman still... hang out with us? I mean, yeah, I know only seven people are supposed to live here, but if we were to go out, could we still bring Kaufman along?
MTV Producer: Sure, I don't see why not. That is, if Kaufman would be interested.
Kaufman: Okay.
MTV Producer: Then, I guess feel free to invite him to any of your social gatherings at any time.
Mona: Thanks. And thank you, Kaufman.
Max: I still want a rematch at dominoes, Kaufman.
Kaufman: Okay, Max.
MTV Producer: Well, bye for now. Again, good job, you guys. Let's go, Kaufman. The cleaning crew sure has missed having you around.
Kaufman: (with a blank expression) Can't wait to see my friends again.
(MTV Producer and Kaufman leave.)
Mike: Well, I go down to get my things and bring them up. (to Annie) Then we, how did you say, "listen to my Country & Western CD collection once again?"
Annie: (smiling) I'd love that so much, Mike.
Vinnie: Hey Mike, you need any help bringin' you're stuff up?
Mike: No thank you, Vinnie. I don't have much to carry. But I appreciate it.
Vinnie: (smiling) Any time, Mike.
(Mike and Annie go downstairs, talking.)
Mona: Oh, Vinnie. I'm so sorry I thought so badly about you. Can you ever forgive me?
Vladimir: Yes, me too, Vinnie.
Max: Sorry I rushed to judgment, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Sure, you guys. All's forgiven. In fact, (lowers voice to a whisper) I think we should all take Mike out to celebrate his return.
Mona: Okay.
Winterson: Sure, that sounds cool.
Max: Sure. It'll be like the prodigal son.
Vinnie: Uhh, sure, Payne.
Vladimir: Where should we take him, Vinnie?
Vinnie: I got an idea.
(B.J.'s Honky-Tonk, Lower East Side, evening)
(We see the gang, including Kaufman, getting out of the van. They are all dressed in Western wear, blue jeans, boots, etc. Mike has a paper bag over his head, and the gang leads him to the front door of the bar.)
Winterson: Okay, Mike. You can remove the bag.
(Mike removes the bag and sees the sign. He is pleasantly surprised.)
Mike: Heyy, a real Country and Western hangout. This is great. Thanks, guys.
Vinnie: Sure, no problem, Mike. Happy to do it for you, just like we're happy to see you back.
Mike: Thanks, Vinnie.
(The gang goes up to the door and pays to get in. Vinnie pays Mike's way in. They go in and quickly find a seat next to the dance floor, where many people are line-dancing. We hear the Bellamy Brothers' "Redneck Girl" playing.)
Mona: (shouting to be heard above the music) Okay, Mike. We're gonna buy you the first two drinks, but after that, you're on your own. Is that cool?
Mike: Sure. Thanks gang, for bringing me here. I think I'll have two Coors.
Mona: Okay. What does everyone else want?
Max: I'll have a Bud.
Vladimir: I'll have a Jack & Coke.
Winterson: I think I'll have a Bud.
Annie: I'll have a Coors.
Vinnie: Hey Mona, get me a Captain & Coke, will ya?
Kaufman: Coors.
Mona: Okay. Be right back.
(Mona goes over to the bartender, a big macho cowboy-type.)
Bartender: Well, howdy, little lady. What'll it be?
Mona: Four Coors, two Buds, a Jack & Coke, a Captain & Coke, and a Corona for me.
Bartender: One moment, ma'am.
(Bartender goes over to grab the drinks. He returns in a few minutes.)
Bartender: Here ya go, little lady. That'll be $29.75.
(Mona pays the bartender, then gets the tray full of the drinks.)
Bartender: Thank you, ma'am.
(Mona returns to the gang with the drinks.)
Everybody: (at random) Thanks, Mona...
Mike: Thanks, Mona.
(Toby Keith's "Should Have Been a Cowboy" starts to play. Many dancers begin to two-step with each other.)
Mike: All right! I love this song. Let's dance, Annie.
Annie: (smiling) Sure, Mike.
(The two go out on the dance floor.)
Winterson: Let's dance, Vlad.
Vladimir: Well, uh, can I have some of my drink first?
Winterson: No! I wanna dance now.
Vladimir: (sighs) All right. (Vladimir and Winterson join Mike and Annie on the floor.)
Mona: Well, who's gonna dance with me?
Max: Let's go, Mona.
Mona: Cool.
(Mona starts to walk off with Max. Vinnie looks dejected by this, while Kaufman doesn't seem to care. However, Mona notices Vinnie, and remembers how she wrongly thought of him when the gang thought Mike was dead.)
Mona: On second thought, maybe we can dance later, Max. Vinnie, would you like to dance with me?
(Vinnie is so surprised by Mona's offer that he is barely unable to speak.)
Vinnie: Uhh, umm,...
Kaufman: I think that's a "yes." (nods at Vinnie.)
Mona: Okay, then. Let's go, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Uhhh... okay.
(Mona takes Vinnie by the hand and leads him to join the rest of the gang on the dance floor. They begin to two-step to the song. Meanwhile, Max sits next to Kaufman, dejectedly.)
Max: (confessional) What happened here? Mona threw me aside like a used paper towel, for Vinnie? I was a purebred race dog being passed up by a potential owner for a brown mongrel.
Max: (to Kaufman) Mona rejected me. I can't believe it.
Kaufman: Better luck next time.
Kaufman: (confessional) Nobody asked me to dance with them. I'm hurt.
(Meanwhile, Mike and Annie are still dancing together, and staring into each other's eyes.)
Annie: So, Mike, after we get home, you wanna listen to some more tunes? Maybe something a little slower?
Mike: Sure thing, little missy. (Annie giggles in response.)
(Meanwhile, while Vladimir and Winterson are dancing...)
Winterson: So, cowboy, wanna share a saddle tonight?
Vladimir: I don't know, Winterson. I'm going to be awfully tired.
Winterson: Excuse me?
Vladimir: I mean, uh, sure, baby. Love to.
Winterson: That's better.
(Meanwhile, while Vinnie and Mona are dancing...)
Mona: So, Vinnie, you having fun?
Vinnie: It's okay. Not really my kind of music, but, ah, dancin' wit' you makes it fun.
Mona: (smiles) Thanks, Vinnie.
Mona: (confessional) I hope Vinnie knows that I'm just dancing with him to make up for my false accusations toward him. I hope he doesn't read too much into this.
Vinnie: (confessional) She likes me! All right! She likes me! I hope we get to, ah, like each other a lot more later. A lot more...
(Soon Tim McGraw's "Indian Outlaw" begins to play. Everybody line dances once again. Mona quickly runs up to Mike.)
Mona: Uh, Mike, we'd like to stay out and dance, but we don't know how to line dance. Could you, uhh, teach us?
Mike: Sure. I'd love to. I teach everyone.
(Mona runs over and grabs Max and Kaufman. They go up and join Mike, who teaches the entire gang how to line dance. The others move clumsily at first, but it is not long before they learn it. Soon they are moving just like everyone else on the floor.)
Mike: Heyy, isn't this fun?
Annie: Fo sure.
Mona: Yeah, I'm liking it.
Vinnie: Yeah, it's kinda cool, I guess.
Max: Once again, Mike, another door to a new world opened for us. Thanks.
Mike: Ummm, you're welcome.
Max: Hey Mona, can I store my boots under you're bed tonight?
Vinnie: (not noticing Max's offer) Hey Mona, wanna look at those Captain Baseball Bat Boy trading cards I said I'd show ya?
Mona: (not noticing Vinnie) Sure, Max. Love to.
(Vinnie goes over to the table and sits down. Once again, he is dejected. He drinks his Captain & Coke.)
Vinnie: (confessional) Ah, s(bleep)t. Mona's back with Max. I thought she was starting to like me. It's like I was just a pity dance or something. Ah, s(bleep)t, I ain't gettin' any action around here. Mona's with Max, Annie's with Mike again, Winterson's with Vlad; who am I supposed to hook up with? Kaufman? I'm beginning to think that that's gonna be my only choice. I gotta find a broad and fast!
Vladimir: (confessional) Well, I guess I have to give Winterson some lovin' again. It's getting to be a full-time job for me. I'm beginning to feel jaded. It's like she never lets me have my own time.
Winterson: (confessional) I've got a surprise waiting for Vlad. It's gonna bring us sooo much closer together. A lot closer...
MTV Announcer: What does Winterson have planned for Vlad?... And will Vinnie ever get lucky?... Find out, on the next episode of The Real World...
Well, hope this was worth the wait. As always, R&R's are more than welcome!
This stuff is fictitious. Any similarities... well, you know...
Well, you've been patient, so here's part two of Episode V of Max Payne & Co. present...
The Real World
(We see the gang as we left them, surrounding Vinnie & Kaufman, pressing Vinnie about Mike's murder. Vinnie is looking around nervously, thinking about what to say.)
Vladimir: Well, Vinnie, we're still waiting.
Vinnie: I'm tellin' you guys, you're making a mistake.
Annie: You're the one who made the mistake, Vinnie. Did you really think that we weren't going to find out about this?
Vinnie: Look, Annie. About Mike...
Max: Vinnie, you're caught. So are you, Kaufman.
Kaufman: Darn.
Max: We know you knew Mike from before – you're funeral speech gave it away – so you've gotta know something about this.
Winterson: Max, we'll deal with Kaufman later. Right now, I want a full confession from you, Vinnie.
Mona: Yeah, and no fooling around this time.
(Suddenly we hear the door opening from downstairs, followed by a familiar voice.)
Familiar Voice: (in Russian accent) What!? I thought we were fooling around!
(The gang rushes down to find...)
Everybody: Mike!!... Oh my god!!... You're alive!!
Mike: (smiling) What? You act like I was dead or something.
(Annie rushes over and embraces Mike tightly, then all of a sudden backs off and smacks him hard on the arm.)
Annie: Mike, what the hell!? We all thought you were dead!
Mike: You were supposed to think that. We play joke on you guys. Very funny, eh?
Mona: What? This was all a joke? That's sick! And who's "we?"
Mike: Me, Vinnie, Kaufman, MTV Producer...
Vladimir: What? The producer was in on this?
Mike: Right. It was producer's idea. He say it, uh, "shake things up a bit."
Winterson: He did this just to mess with us.
Mike: He say it make good show. He give Vinnie gun to fire into wall, and give me cheap copies of my CDs to break and scatter around room, as well as cheap stereo to smash and switch with my stereo. Then he give me money to hide out at Ritz hotel – very nice, may I add. Then he bring in Kaufman from cleaning crew to temporarily replace me. He even get Carl from crime lab at police station to help.
Annie: (to Vinnie and Kaufman) So you guys knew Mike was alive this whole time?
Kaufman: Mmm-hmmm.
Vinnie: Yeah. That's what I was trying to hint at with you guys. I didn't want to give away the joke before it was time.
Mike: You should be happy Annie.
Annie: Why, Mike?
Mike: Because... (goes over and stands by Vinnie) working on this bring Vinnie and me closer together. We were able to put aside our differences, and now we're friends. Right, Vinnie?
Vinnie: That's right, Mike.
(MTV Producer comes up to join cast.)
MTV Producer: Okay, great job you guys. You really did a great job pulling this off. And thanks to all the rest of you for being such good sports about this.
Max: Yeah, sure. Just don't give us spastic colon again. We'd appreciate it a lot.
MTV Producer: Yeah, okay. But still, our ratings are at an all time high. Our viewers were really hanging on the edges of their seats waiting to find out what happened with Mike. (to Mike) It seems you've got a real fan base out there.
Mike: Right on.
MTV Producer: Well, Kaufman, thanks for filling in for Mike, but he's back, so... we don't really need you on here now.
Kaufman: Darn. I'm gonna miss you guys.
Mona: (to MTV Producer) Wait. Could Kaufman still... hang out with us? I mean, yeah, I know only seven people are supposed to live here, but if we were to go out, could we still bring Kaufman along?
MTV Producer: Sure, I don't see why not. That is, if Kaufman would be interested.
Kaufman: Okay.
MTV Producer: Then, I guess feel free to invite him to any of your social gatherings at any time.
Mona: Thanks. And thank you, Kaufman.
Max: I still want a rematch at dominoes, Kaufman.
Kaufman: Okay, Max.
MTV Producer: Well, bye for now. Again, good job, you guys. Let's go, Kaufman. The cleaning crew sure has missed having you around.
Kaufman: (with a blank expression) Can't wait to see my friends again.
(MTV Producer and Kaufman leave.)
Mike: Well, I go down to get my things and bring them up. (to Annie) Then we, how did you say, "listen to my Country & Western CD collection once again?"
Annie: (smiling) I'd love that so much, Mike.
Vinnie: Hey Mike, you need any help bringin' you're stuff up?
Mike: No thank you, Vinnie. I don't have much to carry. But I appreciate it.
Vinnie: (smiling) Any time, Mike.
(Mike and Annie go downstairs, talking.)
Mona: Oh, Vinnie. I'm so sorry I thought so badly about you. Can you ever forgive me?
Vladimir: Yes, me too, Vinnie.
Max: Sorry I rushed to judgment, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Sure, you guys. All's forgiven. In fact, (lowers voice to a whisper) I think we should all take Mike out to celebrate his return.
Mona: Okay.
Winterson: Sure, that sounds cool.
Max: Sure. It'll be like the prodigal son.
Vinnie: Uhh, sure, Payne.
Vladimir: Where should we take him, Vinnie?
Vinnie: I got an idea.
(B.J.'s Honky-Tonk, Lower East Side, evening)
(We see the gang, including Kaufman, getting out of the van. They are all dressed in Western wear, blue jeans, boots, etc. Mike has a paper bag over his head, and the gang leads him to the front door of the bar.)
Winterson: Okay, Mike. You can remove the bag.
(Mike removes the bag and sees the sign. He is pleasantly surprised.)
Mike: Heyy, a real Country and Western hangout. This is great. Thanks, guys.
Vinnie: Sure, no problem, Mike. Happy to do it for you, just like we're happy to see you back.
Mike: Thanks, Vinnie.
(The gang goes up to the door and pays to get in. Vinnie pays Mike's way in. They go in and quickly find a seat next to the dance floor, where many people are line-dancing. We hear the Bellamy Brothers' "Redneck Girl" playing.)
Mona: (shouting to be heard above the music) Okay, Mike. We're gonna buy you the first two drinks, but after that, you're on your own. Is that cool?
Mike: Sure. Thanks gang, for bringing me here. I think I'll have two Coors.
Mona: Okay. What does everyone else want?
Max: I'll have a Bud.
Vladimir: I'll have a Jack & Coke.
Winterson: I think I'll have a Bud.
Annie: I'll have a Coors.
Vinnie: Hey Mona, get me a Captain & Coke, will ya?
Kaufman: Coors.
Mona: Okay. Be right back.
(Mona goes over to the bartender, a big macho cowboy-type.)
Bartender: Well, howdy, little lady. What'll it be?
Mona: Four Coors, two Buds, a Jack & Coke, a Captain & Coke, and a Corona for me.
Bartender: One moment, ma'am.
(Bartender goes over to grab the drinks. He returns in a few minutes.)
Bartender: Here ya go, little lady. That'll be $29.75.
(Mona pays the bartender, then gets the tray full of the drinks.)
Bartender: Thank you, ma'am.
(Mona returns to the gang with the drinks.)
Everybody: (at random) Thanks, Mona...
Mike: Thanks, Mona.
(Toby Keith's "Should Have Been a Cowboy" starts to play. Many dancers begin to two-step with each other.)
Mike: All right! I love this song. Let's dance, Annie.
Annie: (smiling) Sure, Mike.
(The two go out on the dance floor.)
Winterson: Let's dance, Vlad.
Vladimir: Well, uh, can I have some of my drink first?
Winterson: No! I wanna dance now.
Vladimir: (sighs) All right. (Vladimir and Winterson join Mike and Annie on the floor.)
Mona: Well, who's gonna dance with me?
Max: Let's go, Mona.
Mona: Cool.
(Mona starts to walk off with Max. Vinnie looks dejected by this, while Kaufman doesn't seem to care. However, Mona notices Vinnie, and remembers how she wrongly thought of him when the gang thought Mike was dead.)
Mona: On second thought, maybe we can dance later, Max. Vinnie, would you like to dance with me?
(Vinnie is so surprised by Mona's offer that he is barely unable to speak.)
Vinnie: Uhh, umm,...
Kaufman: I think that's a "yes." (nods at Vinnie.)
Mona: Okay, then. Let's go, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Uhhh... okay.
(Mona takes Vinnie by the hand and leads him to join the rest of the gang on the dance floor. They begin to two-step to the song. Meanwhile, Max sits next to Kaufman, dejectedly.)
Max: (confessional) What happened here? Mona threw me aside like a used paper towel, for Vinnie? I was a purebred race dog being passed up by a potential owner for a brown mongrel.
Max: (to Kaufman) Mona rejected me. I can't believe it.
Kaufman: Better luck next time.
Kaufman: (confessional) Nobody asked me to dance with them. I'm hurt.
(Meanwhile, Mike and Annie are still dancing together, and staring into each other's eyes.)
Annie: So, Mike, after we get home, you wanna listen to some more tunes? Maybe something a little slower?
Mike: Sure thing, little missy. (Annie giggles in response.)
(Meanwhile, while Vladimir and Winterson are dancing...)
Winterson: So, cowboy, wanna share a saddle tonight?
Vladimir: I don't know, Winterson. I'm going to be awfully tired.
Winterson: Excuse me?
Vladimir: I mean, uh, sure, baby. Love to.
Winterson: That's better.
(Meanwhile, while Vinnie and Mona are dancing...)
Mona: So, Vinnie, you having fun?
Vinnie: It's okay. Not really my kind of music, but, ah, dancin' wit' you makes it fun.
Mona: (smiles) Thanks, Vinnie.
Mona: (confessional) I hope Vinnie knows that I'm just dancing with him to make up for my false accusations toward him. I hope he doesn't read too much into this.
Vinnie: (confessional) She likes me! All right! She likes me! I hope we get to, ah, like each other a lot more later. A lot more...
(Soon Tim McGraw's "Indian Outlaw" begins to play. Everybody line dances once again. Mona quickly runs up to Mike.)
Mona: Uh, Mike, we'd like to stay out and dance, but we don't know how to line dance. Could you, uhh, teach us?
Mike: Sure. I'd love to. I teach everyone.
(Mona runs over and grabs Max and Kaufman. They go up and join Mike, who teaches the entire gang how to line dance. The others move clumsily at first, but it is not long before they learn it. Soon they are moving just like everyone else on the floor.)
Mike: Heyy, isn't this fun?
Annie: Fo sure.
Mona: Yeah, I'm liking it.
Vinnie: Yeah, it's kinda cool, I guess.
Max: Once again, Mike, another door to a new world opened for us. Thanks.
Mike: Ummm, you're welcome.
Max: Hey Mona, can I store my boots under you're bed tonight?
Vinnie: (not noticing Max's offer) Hey Mona, wanna look at those Captain Baseball Bat Boy trading cards I said I'd show ya?
Mona: (not noticing Vinnie) Sure, Max. Love to.
(Vinnie goes over to the table and sits down. Once again, he is dejected. He drinks his Captain & Coke.)
Vinnie: (confessional) Ah, s(bleep)t. Mona's back with Max. I thought she was starting to like me. It's like I was just a pity dance or something. Ah, s(bleep)t, I ain't gettin' any action around here. Mona's with Max, Annie's with Mike again, Winterson's with Vlad; who am I supposed to hook up with? Kaufman? I'm beginning to think that that's gonna be my only choice. I gotta find a broad and fast!
Vladimir: (confessional) Well, I guess I have to give Winterson some lovin' again. It's getting to be a full-time job for me. I'm beginning to feel jaded. It's like she never lets me have my own time.
Winterson: (confessional) I've got a surprise waiting for Vlad. It's gonna bring us sooo much closer together. A lot closer...
MTV Announcer: What does Winterson have planned for Vlad?... And will Vinnie ever get lucky?... Find out, on the next episode of The Real World...
Well, hope this was worth the wait. As always, R&R's are more than welcome!