Title: When I Must Leave You
Rating: PG cause Spike swears
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, Spike and Dawn both belong to Joss, the poem is by Helen Steiner Rice, and belongs to whoever owns the copyright. Sue if you want, I'm a poor college student, you won't get much.
Pairing: Spike/Dawn fluff, nothing graphic
A/N: This is my first posted fanfic for Buffy, I hope you all like it. P.S. I didn't actually get to see the last episode cause the cable company screwed me over, all I know is what I gleaned from watching the final season of Angel. This isn't beta'd, any mistakes are mine, I hope you enjoy!
Dawn couldn't believe he was gone. It didn't matter that he'd died to save the world, Spike had left her. Abandoned her, left her helpless, like he'd promised he wouldn't. She sat helplessly in the middle of his old crypt. She had come here every night, once Buffy fell asleep. She would come and sit on the couch that still held his shape. She would curl up in his bed, with sheets that still held his scent.
It seemed to Dawn that no one else seemed to be affected by his death. Buffy had moved on without even a sniffle, and the rest of the Scooby's were totally oblivious to her distress. Dawn drifted through the days in a fog. She built up a façade of normalness, but inside she was ice cold. Nothing would bring back the warmth he caused. Spike had been important to her, more important than anyone knew.
One day, during her listless browsing, she found a trapdoor to a room under Spike's bedroom. It looked like a study, with books packing shelves and papers strewn across the top of a desk. Placed in the center of the desk was a dried red rose and two pieces of paper, one folded, the other open for anyone to see. Her curiosity engaged, Dawn lowered herself in and curled up in the desk chair. She picked up the unfolded paper and read it slowly.
If anyone's reading this, it means I haven't survived the big fight. Maybe no one did ant the world's gone to hell, who knows. Anyway, divide up my stuff as you see fit, the book jockey'll want most of the ol' tomes. An' he's welcome to em, the ponce. Two special requests though, and no comments from One-eye. Make sure the rose and the folded note go to the Lil Bit. Don't read the note either, it's for her eyes only. If you do, I'll come back and haunt the unlivin' daylights outta you. So, give Platelet the rose and the note, and keep this place clean would ya? I know it's not much, but it was me home, an I wouldn't want it to go to waste. Maybe the Lil Bit'll want it someday. Now I'm just bleedin ramblin'. Tell the Bit I'm sorry I broke my promise, and make sure she doesn't pull a Buffy and close down. Wouldn't want that to happen to a nice girl like her. Oh bloody hell, I'm startin to sound like a bloody poof.
Dawn had tears running down her cheeks, but a slight smile hovered on her lips. Spike had left his crypt to her! And had left her a separate note! Her beloved Spike had thought of her before he died. Slowly, Dawn reached for the rose. She carefully caressed the dry petals, and brought it to her nose, amazed to find it still smelled wonderful. Folding the general letter away, she picked up her note and went back upstairs. She tucked herself into his bed and slowly opened it.
Dearest Dawn,
Sorry I broke my promise to you. I didn't mean to, or at least I hope I didn't. Anyway, cause I know you love poetry so much, and I know you're probably curled on my bed right now reading this. Caught ya, didn't I?
Dawn laughed, her first real laugh in months.
I came across this poem a few years ago, and thought it was kind of nancy. But if I know you as well as I know I do, you're dragging yourself on some guilt trip that is totally not necessary. It wasn't your fault pet, whatever it was. So read this and I hope it makes you feel better.
When I must leave you for a little while
Please do not grieve and shed wild tears
And hug your sorrow to you through the years,
But start out bravely with a gallant smile;
And for my sake and in my name
Live on and do all things the same,
Feed not your loneliness on empty days
But fill each waking hour in useful ways,
Reach out your hand in comfort and in cheer
And I in turn will comfort you and hold you near,
And never, never be afraid to die
For I am waiting for you in the sky!
Try not to miss me too much, eh? I was the Big Bad after all. Now stop crying and go play outside like a normal girl. Live your life Bit, you deserve it more than anyone I know. I love you pet, always have.
Spike
Dawn didn't realize she was crying until she saw water drops on the page. She laughed while wiping her tears away. She laughed at herself, at the loss of her innocence, and she laughed because she was alive. The sun warmed her face as she stepped outside. A smile of pure delight lit up her pale features. She knew, wherever Spike had ended up, he would always watch over her. Always.
FIN