Elizabeth woke up in a daze. She really didn't know how much time has passed. She grabbed the clock, looked at it closely. 9:00 am. She got up, pulling on a robe and slippers, and crept tentatively down to the living room.
Robert was gone. The couch was neat; the blanket was neatly folded on the edge. Almost as if no one had been there at all. Elizabeth shivered, turned away. She went upstairs and took a shower, got dressed, got herself ready for the day. She came downstairs, made a cup of coffee, drank it slowly, staring into the cup between sips.
She walked back into the living room and drew in her breath sharply. He was sitting on the sofa.
"Hi," he said.
She smiled uneasily. "You could make more noise, when you come in here."
"Sorry," he said. He stared at her. "You look a bit pale."
"As do you," she said.
He smiled. "Yeah, well."
"I'm glad you're still here," she said. "The rest helped?"
"Yes," he said. "I had a really good rest, and then I left, and then came back here."
"Oh," she said. "Yes, I wondered where you'd gone. That is - I saw that you had gone. I didn't know if you'd be coming back."
He looked down for a moment, then looked back up at her. "I had to get something - something that I thought maybe you should see."
"Oh?"
"Yes. The thing is, Lizzie - I wanted to see you, yesterday, but then I didn't know what I wanted to say. Well, no, that's not right. I knew what I wanted to say, but it wasn't coming out. I couldn't get it to come out right. So I thought - maybe there was another way, that I could let you know how I was feeling?"
"Yes?" she said nervously.
"If you're interested, of course," he said hastily. "If you want me to leave - just say so."
"Such politeness," Elizabeth said, smiling in spite of herself. "Why did I never see this before? When you were alive, I mean."
He looked offended.
"I rarely saw it before," she corrected.
"Fair enough," he said.
"Anyway, I don't want you to leave," she said. "I'm sorry for the joke. I thought that was clear to you - that I wanted you to stay."
He shrugged. "I know this isn't easy for you, having me here," he said. "Anyway, I wanted to tell you how I was feeling, but I couldn't find the words, so I thought of another way. I went back to my house early this morning and found something." He reached down and brought out a small leather-bound book from under a couch cushion. "Lizzie, there are things in here that I've never shared with anyone -- never wanted to before. I didn't think it was relevant. Now I'm dead and it doesn't matter anymore. Although it also matters more than anything. Do you understand?"
"Not really," she said. "Maybe. This book - you want me to read it?"
He hesitated for a long moment. "Yeah," he finally said. "I don't know if it's right, but I feel that maybe, possibly, it is." He got to his feet. "You're off today?"
"Yes," she said.
"Where's your daughter?"
"I worked late last night, so my nanny kept Ella at her house so she could get some sleep," Elizabeth said. She looked uncomfortably toward the door. "She's bringing her over here in a little while actually."
"Well, don't worry, she wouldn't be able to see me," he said.
"She wouldn't?"
He smiled. "No," he said. "Only you-"
"Oh, only I can," she said, understanding. The skin on her arms pricked a little bit and she rubbed them.
"I'm going out though, anyway," he said. "I'll leave you to - well, you know. Do your stuff. Read the thing-" he gave a backwards glance toward the sofa - "when you're ready."
"Okay," she said, nodding. "Where will you go?"
He smiled. "Oh, I don't know," he said. "Maybe I'll go give Kerry Weaver a hard time. Without letting her know who's giving her a hard time. Just a little invisible fun."
"Robert," she said, and laughed a little. "You wouldn't do that, would you?"
"Well, I've got to find some way to occupy my time," he said good-naturedly. He walked to the door, turned back, and smiled at her. "Have fun."
"When will you be back?" she said.
"Later."
She nodded and looked down. When she looked back up again, he was gone. Elizabeth sat down on the couch in a daze. A short while later, Kris arrived. They talked for a moment and then Kris left, and Ella fell asleep in Elizabeth's arms. Elizabeth gently put her to bed for a nap.
Elizabeth got a glass of water and went back into the living room. She sat down on the couch, and slowly pulled the journal out from under the couch pillow. She ran her fingers over the cover, feeling the fine leather, the word "Journal" delicately stitched into it. After a moment she opened it, saw the name "Robert Romano" written in very small letters on the first page. Almost as if he was afraid to claim the book. His phone number was written underneath. Elizabeth smiled to herself. Cute, she thought. She remembered doing that with her schoolgirl diaries, writing down her number so that the book could be returned to her if it got lost somehow.
Her smile faded. This is wrong, she thought. Reading someone else's journal seemed very wrong, even if he had given her permission to do it. Conflicting thoughts ran through her mind. I can't do it. But he asked you to. I can't. Come on already.
Elizabeth sighed and looked down at the book. I'll read the first entry, and then I'll just look at certain pages, she decided. I'll just flip through it and see what I land on, if anything. It still seemed wrong, but she took a few sips of water to calm her queasiness, and started to read.
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Robert was gone. The couch was neat; the blanket was neatly folded on the edge. Almost as if no one had been there at all. Elizabeth shivered, turned away. She went upstairs and took a shower, got dressed, got herself ready for the day. She came downstairs, made a cup of coffee, drank it slowly, staring into the cup between sips.
She walked back into the living room and drew in her breath sharply. He was sitting on the sofa.
"Hi," he said.
She smiled uneasily. "You could make more noise, when you come in here."
"Sorry," he said. He stared at her. "You look a bit pale."
"As do you," she said.
He smiled. "Yeah, well."
"I'm glad you're still here," she said. "The rest helped?"
"Yes," he said. "I had a really good rest, and then I left, and then came back here."
"Oh," she said. "Yes, I wondered where you'd gone. That is - I saw that you had gone. I didn't know if you'd be coming back."
He looked down for a moment, then looked back up at her. "I had to get something - something that I thought maybe you should see."
"Oh?"
"Yes. The thing is, Lizzie - I wanted to see you, yesterday, but then I didn't know what I wanted to say. Well, no, that's not right. I knew what I wanted to say, but it wasn't coming out. I couldn't get it to come out right. So I thought - maybe there was another way, that I could let you know how I was feeling?"
"Yes?" she said nervously.
"If you're interested, of course," he said hastily. "If you want me to leave - just say so."
"Such politeness," Elizabeth said, smiling in spite of herself. "Why did I never see this before? When you were alive, I mean."
He looked offended.
"I rarely saw it before," she corrected.
"Fair enough," he said.
"Anyway, I don't want you to leave," she said. "I'm sorry for the joke. I thought that was clear to you - that I wanted you to stay."
He shrugged. "I know this isn't easy for you, having me here," he said. "Anyway, I wanted to tell you how I was feeling, but I couldn't find the words, so I thought of another way. I went back to my house early this morning and found something." He reached down and brought out a small leather-bound book from under a couch cushion. "Lizzie, there are things in here that I've never shared with anyone -- never wanted to before. I didn't think it was relevant. Now I'm dead and it doesn't matter anymore. Although it also matters more than anything. Do you understand?"
"Not really," she said. "Maybe. This book - you want me to read it?"
He hesitated for a long moment. "Yeah," he finally said. "I don't know if it's right, but I feel that maybe, possibly, it is." He got to his feet. "You're off today?"
"Yes," she said.
"Where's your daughter?"
"I worked late last night, so my nanny kept Ella at her house so she could get some sleep," Elizabeth said. She looked uncomfortably toward the door. "She's bringing her over here in a little while actually."
"Well, don't worry, she wouldn't be able to see me," he said.
"She wouldn't?"
He smiled. "No," he said. "Only you-"
"Oh, only I can," she said, understanding. The skin on her arms pricked a little bit and she rubbed them.
"I'm going out though, anyway," he said. "I'll leave you to - well, you know. Do your stuff. Read the thing-" he gave a backwards glance toward the sofa - "when you're ready."
"Okay," she said, nodding. "Where will you go?"
He smiled. "Oh, I don't know," he said. "Maybe I'll go give Kerry Weaver a hard time. Without letting her know who's giving her a hard time. Just a little invisible fun."
"Robert," she said, and laughed a little. "You wouldn't do that, would you?"
"Well, I've got to find some way to occupy my time," he said good-naturedly. He walked to the door, turned back, and smiled at her. "Have fun."
"When will you be back?" she said.
"Later."
She nodded and looked down. When she looked back up again, he was gone. Elizabeth sat down on the couch in a daze. A short while later, Kris arrived. They talked for a moment and then Kris left, and Ella fell asleep in Elizabeth's arms. Elizabeth gently put her to bed for a nap.
Elizabeth got a glass of water and went back into the living room. She sat down on the couch, and slowly pulled the journal out from under the couch pillow. She ran her fingers over the cover, feeling the fine leather, the word "Journal" delicately stitched into it. After a moment she opened it, saw the name "Robert Romano" written in very small letters on the first page. Almost as if he was afraid to claim the book. His phone number was written underneath. Elizabeth smiled to herself. Cute, she thought. She remembered doing that with her schoolgirl diaries, writing down her number so that the book could be returned to her if it got lost somehow.
Her smile faded. This is wrong, she thought. Reading someone else's journal seemed very wrong, even if he had given her permission to do it. Conflicting thoughts ran through her mind. I can't do it. But he asked you to. I can't. Come on already.
Elizabeth sighed and looked down at the book. I'll read the first entry, and then I'll just look at certain pages, she decided. I'll just flip through it and see what I land on, if anything. It still seemed wrong, but she took a few sips of water to calm her queasiness, and started to read.
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