"Magomusume! Where's that lazy brother of yours??"
Jayden paused, hands elbow deep in soap suds, and craned her neck to see in the family room as far as it would go. Her grandmother's irritated eyes looked back.
"I have no clue obaasan. Maybe he went to finish the rest of the lunch hour in his room."
A sigh softly came from the low-set table on the other side of Jayden. Brown swung over to find her parents sitting with their great grandmother over tea. "That boy has been like that for over two weeks now." Kristine muttered. "I'm worried for him."
A hand rested on her shoulder, giving a small squeeze. "Inaki was fond of the girl Kristine...give him some more time. After all...it's only been twenty days."
Kristine's head nodded; though it didn't lessen her concern any. "Hai, hai... You're right. I just...worry about him is all..."
Omo smiled at his wife and gave another squeeze. He let her words die and turned back to his tea.
"Magomusume...stop that and go find your brother." Mamorah ordered. The aged woman almost marched in from the family room with a broom and a dust rag limply resting over her shoulder. "We've still got half the house to clean."
Jayden complied, letting her fingers drip a little before going for a towel. She didn't say a word about her grandmother's mood, for the woman didn't seem to fully understand why Inaki was still so down in the dumps. As much as the woman loved her grandson, she suggested he go find himself another girl - one more suited for him this time - and stop moping over one he would never have again.
As crass as her grandmother had just been regarding Inaki, Mamorah just wanted her kin to be happy...and sometimes didn't apply the most tact.
Jayden gave a small nod to her oya and hiosobo before exiting the eating area/kitchen, slinging the towel over a shoulder as she went.
She understood what Inaki was going through more than anyone. Privy to information and fights over the past months gained her an inside track, but not one she was sure she wanted. Being so worried over Inaki's constant, silent, and brooding behavior, she wished she knew as little as her okaasan did. She was the most apt to be able to do something, but there was nothing to be done and that left her rather frustrated.
A shoulder leaned against the door in silence, seeing her ototo resting against the window on her bed. She didn't take offense to that, seeing the blank, unblinking look on his face.
A pair of cordless headphones was strapped around his ears. In the quiet, she could hear a little bit of the music radiating from the foam pads in his ears and a brow rose.
Whatever ototo was listening to, he apparently wanted it loud enough to shut the world out.
Again.
She fought a sigh and took a few steps in the room, seeing she didn't gain his attention. Either his mind was wandering more than she thought, or he was ignoring her.
Finally, he blinked, but didn't look away. Dull eyes stared outside and down the street of the wide window, not seeing anything. He was too caught up in the music, having escaped to the privacy of his room to listen to it.
Lunch was a quiet effort, but he could feel the tension of his changed mood on his family. He knew they were curious about his emotional state and worried over it, as he was normally friendlier than this around them...even Jayden.
It was nice to have a holiday come so he didn't have to work today. Their Japanese labor day arrived and all oriental stores closed. Except obaasan, okaasan, and ojiisan got it in their heads that the place should be given a thorough cleaning and any small home projects finished while everyone was around.
He didn't really have a choice in the matter...but he didn't mind. It helped him put his energy into something so he could forget for a while.
Working at the store helped keep him occupied and his mind from wandering too much. But time in the back room was the hardest because his mind and the quiet were a deadly mix. What if's and whys were always going through his head...along with the desire to see Cam.
He missed her; he wasn't going to lie to himself. They hadn't seen each other, and there was nothing to exchange that each had given the other over time and were returning. He was alone again and it sucked. Not even his family could really help the sting of wanting to be with someone who made him happy. His friends tried their best to cheer him up and suggested he casual date if he was in need of company. He didn't expect them to understand...
Casual dating wasn't permanent. His friends always returned home before the night was out. His family was his present. He was looking for something toward the future.
Why he never knew. All he felt when it came to finding the one - as he told Cameron - was this burning drive. It was as if there was a single girl out there specifically for him and he had to find her. Her life was slipping away with every passing day and he was missing it. That someone special was living life without him.
Brown lowered to the windowsill and landed on his palm-sized cd player when there was a small buzzing in his ears as the track changed.
Hitori de wa, tooi ashita wo (When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away)
Yoake no mama de, koesou de (And I must go over still into the darkness of dawn)
Butsukatteikya kokeru omoi yo (If I try to play it straight, it will no doubt fail)
Konya mo mata, sure chigai (And tonight it won't go well between us again)
Sanzan sugite doryoku no ato mo (You can't see all of my hard efforts, because it's only result)
Naku naru kekka, only no tsuna watari (Is that it makes no sense. It really is a tightrope)
Yaru dake son suru yona, mainichi wa (More effort, more damage--this is my daily life)
Sha ni kamaeteta hou koso, raku ni naru (Taking a cynical attitude may give me some comfort)
Music seemed the best way to go. If he couldn't overcome these feelings, he would ride through them. Being a musical person, he knew lyrics and melodies represented a part of a person's soul when they were written and certain emotions were incorporated to give the song a distinct feel whether slow or fast.
Atsukute, tsurai jibun wo kakushite, mijikai toki wo ikiteru (Hiding myself, heated and irritated; living only a short time)
One of the ear buds was taken from his ear and he yelped in surprise, vision jerking into the room. He blinked. "Nee-chan."
The music came a little better the closer it was and Jayden recognized the song. Brown narrowed. Her ototo was trying to self-pity himself to death right now. As much as she understood the need for being depressed - as she sometimes was in her relationship - ototo needed to get out of this slump to see how badly he was torturing himself.
"Inaki...obaasan wants us all to get back to work."
He nearly grimaced at the subtle command in Jayden's tone. She was more precisely telling HIM to get back to work. To stop loafing around. At least she didn't make mention to the music he had in his player.
"Fine." A hand held out for his bud and was immediately returned. He shut the player off for now, resolving to turn it back on to muddle his brain when he got back to work. He had the dojo to clean and polish next if he was right.
The whole house woke with the morning - WAY too early for him - and after a quick breakfast, got down to work. Hisobosan was scheduled to make lunch, but after that, the elderly woman was to take it easy. They tried to get his hisofusan to do the same, but he was too stubborn and kept insisting he should at least sweep the dirt off the engawa at least.
Otousan and ojiisan were going through all the major appliances in the house to give them a good cleaning and fix any that needed it. The women were cleaning up the downstairs rooms, and they had him clean his inside practice area since he was the only one who used that.
After orders were given, everyone paired off or split up and headed to different sections of the house.
With a bucket of sudsy water and enough rags to choke a horse, he headed into the dojo and quickly bowed to the flags before setting everything aside. When he finished and the wood dried, he had to fish around the storage closet in the house for a wood strengthener liquid. A few rags went in his belt loops, as they did when he was at work, and the bucket was drug into the back of the small place. It was about the size of a double-car garage, but it would take him some time. He intended on doing a good job.
A hand grabbed the small player out of his back pocket and passed a few tracks.
I feel this, this tension inside of me
Pressure is presently pushing down on me
The first time it starts with just you and I
Repeating myself but you don't hear me
I can see what you see
But is it worth it to me?
The same old conversation over and over and over
I'm just sick and tired of all those lies you tell me
You say those same things to me over and over and over
It's safe to say you surprise
I see right through you this time
But I keep telling you it's over, it's over, it's over
He paused in his cleaning. Nearly one entire wall was scrubbed - rather harshly at that - to shine. Brown gravitated to the general spot where Cameron stood and ultimately kneeled. It was burned quite clearly in his memory. Not only that...but it hadn't been that long ago.
She changed him...for the better when he asked her out...and for the worse when he broke up with her. He would not get over her easily. She had her faults, that was a given, but so did he. Perhaps if he never flirted with that girl so long ago, Cam would've never started the whole thing that lead to this. Maybe their fights wouldn't have been so bad, and he might've been able to date a girl for over a year for once.
His head shook. Dwelling on it as he'd done did not help any. Cameron was gone she wasn't going to come back.
You've taken these things that belong to me
Twisted so tightly and torn so carefully
The last time it ends with just you and I
Alone in a room with these torn bed sheets
I can see what you see and it ain't worth it to me
The same old conversation over and over and over
I'm just sick and tired of all those lies you tell me
You say those same things to me over and over and over
It's safe to say you surprise
I see right through you this time
But I keep telling you it's over, it's over, it's over
~*~*~
The sun was just starting to set by the time he finished rubbing the ending coat of the wax-like solution on the entry porch. Just as he turned to grab more of the liquid on his rag for a wipe on the pillar holding the porch roof up, he spotted his father slowly ambling over. A hand wiped on the last clean rag he had as he quickly hit the pause button on the current song he had going.
"Hai otousan?" He asked, keeping at it. He was almost done and if they were having dinner, he would hope it could wait an extra ten, maybe fifteen minutes.
Omo stopped and looked at the gleaming wood. He gave a nod of appreciation. "You did a very good job musuko." He commented, smiling a little.
He smiled back in acknowledgement. "Is it dinner already? I admit, I got a little too into my work here."
There was a thoughtful look on his face that Omo didn't miss. The tinge of wistfulness and sorrow mixed in told Omo his son didn't get that into his work without consequence of forcing himself into it. Without warning, a hand snatched the relatively clean rag out of his belt loop and set it over the small porch. Omo sat down and ignored his son's stunned look, staring at the sky. "I hear you've had a rough month."
The hand scrubbing the beam paused. Brown slowly closed as his body tensed. "Did nee-chan tell you?"
"I had a good idea that Saturday morning."
His jaw clenched in shame. That feeling would never leave him and he doubted it ever would. "Gomen otousan. I never could keep Blitz-san under control..." A hand on his leg stopped him. Brown looked down into aged brown. After a silent, unknown communication, he kneeled on the porch, still meeting his father's eyes. "Otousan...?"
Omo gave a small smile. "You've already apologized Inaki, there is no need to keep repeating yourself."
He finally looked away, a rueful glare hitting the boards. "I feel highly responsible for it all. I wasn't verbally forgiven for that..."
"Because there was nothing to forgive."
His head shook. "I wish I could believe that...but I should've broken up with Blitz-san a long time ago. I should've known she wouldn't change and stopped being so jealous."
Omo's hand reached out and gave his shoulder a single pat that said more than words could've. "You had feelings for her. You were hoping she would see you for who you were, and not your reputation."
Inaki nodded, but his face heated in embarrassment. He learned of sex in school and on his own, his parents never gave him the talk. It was a little unnerving for two grown men - not to mention family - talking about such an act.
"But that never happened. You should find it in your heart to forgive yourself for both your shortcomings and let yourself move on."
A smile slowly eased on his face. "Did nee-chan or okaasan come out here to ask you to talk to me?"
Omo gave a wry grin. "Actually it was hiosobosan. She wanted you to cheer up and being your otousan, I was elected to have a man-to-man chat." He winked.
Inaki's smile widened. He didn't spend that much time with his father as he could've. Even though time passed and parenting was on more equal leveling with the gender...in this old-fashioned household, the women were still more apt to raise the child.
He worked well with his father; they had that silent communication at work that was good together. But private moments like these weren't that much. He was an independent youth and Yamoi Omo was a responsible business patron in their store. He spent a lot of time there, working to take over his father's chores.
"Hisobosan is one sharp onna." He muttered, standing again. He went for the last spots to finish up, his mood lightening a little with his father here. "Even for being eighty."
"Just don't tell her age to her face musuko. She may be old, but she can still knock you down."
He snickered and Omo gave a wry grin. "That onna isn't old, she's ancient."
"To you maybe."
"Hai, hai... But she still has rather good eyes for someone her age."
Omo stood and draped the rag over his son's shoulder before stretching. "Kimi wa tadashii desu...and she's very wise too. That's why I figured I'd take it upon myself to listen to her when she suggested cheering you up." The happy mood slipped a little with what loomed over his life and his smile dimmed a notch. Brown refused to look at his father and focused on the wood as he scrubbed. Omo was no fool and knew his son well. A hand clapped him once on the back. "If you insist on dwelling over a girl in your past Inaki, you'll never grow as a man. Since you started dating it seemed you were searching for something. None of the family have questioned you and always supported you in almost everything you wanted for yourself."
"Except cutting my hair."
"Yes, except that. And if you don't want the women yelling at you again, you'll let it grow out." Omo smiled. Omo's hair was in a thin braid down the middle of his back, as was common for all the men in the family. Those of older age didn't have so much and braided what they could, or went without. "Anyway...I was making a point. I'm not telling you to get over this girl right away. It seemed you harbored great affection for her in the time you knew each other. But that was your past. Leave the past there so you can look forward. Take two steps forward, not backward musuko."
He nodded, his father's words striking a cord. He valued any of his family's advice, and he valued his father's even more because of the lack of time they spent together. "Boku shitteiru..."
"Maa...I'm going to see if the women or the elders have anything else for me to do. I think I smell Sukiyaki from the kitchen."
His mouth started watering. It'd definitely been hours since lunch, though the exact time was unknown. It was safe to say he was getting very hungry. "I take it that's to celebrate the house being cleaned?"
"There always IS a reward the women provide by everyone buckling down and applying heavy elbow grease to the grounds."
He grinned and dropped the rag in the now empty bucket with the others. "Koko o boku owarimashita desu." He left the rags and took a step back to appreciate his hard work. "Nice - I like."
"I agree musuko. Now...Sukiyaki normally has a plethora of extra things with it. Shall we go taste-test some of their cooking to make sure it's thoroughly done?"
An evil grin sprouted and he snatched the bucket off the porch. "Otousan, you're positively evil... It's no doubt that I'm your son."
Omo laughed as the two headed for the back door. "Damn straight you are! No son of mine is going to live their life without getting their feet dirty!"
He chuckled and shook his head. His father had a bizarre sense of humor, but he appreciated it for what it was worth.
~*~*~
He flopped onto his bed with a happy sigh. A hand patted his stomach. "I will never get tired of saying this. I appreciate the way you cook nee-chan."
Jayden smirked and went to the closet. Dinner was lot better all around. Everyone was tired, but spirits were high with all the work they'd got done. Now they wouldn't have to worry about repeating this same chore until NEXT labor day.
Jayden was grateful for her father going out and talking with Inaki. Whatever otousan said worked on even a small level. Inaki didn't seem to be his general sarcastic self, but his mood lifted a degree. Stepping out of the long closet with a nightgown over an arm, she stopped and gave Inaki's mattress a soft kick.
"Oi...what'd you want?" He mumbled, half asleep. Such good food - his stomach was wearing him down by trying to handle it all. A nap sounded so nice after all the emotional turmoil recently.
"I'm going to take a shower. You don't need to use the bathroom, do you?"
"Iko."
With a nod, Jayden headed for the door, but paused in the archway. "Ah...I forgot. You got a letter while you were busy outside." With that, she shut the door to give him privacy.
He smiled a little and shuffled off the mattress. He snatched the letter off the desk - wondering how he could've missed it - and plopped back down on his futon.
Inaki,
I'm so sorry to hear about you and your girlfriend. I can't somehow feel that part of your breakup was my fault. If I hadn't invited you down here, maybe you'd still be going out with Cameron. I hope you don't hate me for what happened. I can't help but feel guilty over the whole thing...even though you didn't tell me much. But, it's none of my place to ask
So how are you doing now? Good I hope. I remember you mentioning you disliked being single, so I can only wish you're hanging in there. Trust me, it's not easy, but if you find something to occupy yourself...it helps ease the pain.
On a lighter note...you intend on spending your Thanksgiving with the family? Do you celebrate that? I remember your religion too, and I got curious one day and looked. I see you would have a holiday on the twenty-third...unless this reaches you after that.
Me though...I don't really celebrate holidays, but I'm using the time off to visit my mother and spend it with her. We don't do much, as it's just us two, but we make our dinner together. I'm doing that on the twenty-seventh. Coffee Works is only closed that day, but the Hyatt isn't and I made sure to get that off. Friday and Saturday I'll be back in Miami...though I won't have classes.
The other two days I'll be spending with Sam's family. They sort of worked out a system - something they told me to stop feeling guilty about. Instead of having their meal on Thursday, they're having it on Friday so I can eat with them. I don't think they know how much that means to me, but I assume they do...
Geez...all I do is babble whenever I write, don't I? I never seem to make sense...at least rereading whatever I write when I stop and figure what else I want to add. You need to kick me of that habit!
So what do you intend on doing now with your life? Dig yourself into work? I can't exactly say you'll have much of a social life if you do that. And you know I speak from experience. I don't want to sound overly sympathetic and say I know how you feel...but I do. I've had bad breakups before - though I don't know how bad yours was - and they're rather discouraging on a few things. The only advice I can give, though I don't know if you want it, is to keep your chin up and look to tomorrow. Think of your future and it'll help get you through today.
That sounded really corny didn't it? Sorry for that...but I've told that to myself a few times and it's worked, so I just thought I'd pass on the advice.
I don't know if I'll get your letter before the holiday rolls around, but I wish you have a happy holiday. If you celebrate it, try to find something you're thankful for. I have something I'm thankful for this year......that's you...being my friend.
Hoping for the best,
K
November 15, 2097
He heaved a sigh and let his head fall back to his pillow. Why did K have to remind him of everything he wanted to forget right now?
A hand put the paper over his face as brown stared at the words, letting them blur. He hoped she didn't pity or feel sorry for him...he HATED other people's pity. He didn't need it...didn't WANT it!
The hand clenched in irritation and the paper crinkled.
He sighed again and let it flutter to his chest. The appendage dropped to the bed and his eyes closed wearily. What he wouldn't give to just forget this past month...
He listened to the shower close by and let it wash away all his thoughts with the sound. He rested for a bit until a hand picked the letter up, a thought coming to him. Did he just get a snippet of K's past??
Brown scanned the single sheet and widened a little. He DID! Over breakups nonetheless! He snorted a little in disbelief and reread the whole thing again. He couldn't believe it! K finally gave him a small glimpse into her past? 'She mentioned breakups...as in plural...as in she dated more than one guy!'
He'd never figured she dated PERIOD. With as shy as she was toward him - and people in general - she didn't seem well-versed in social life...
He wondered if he could get any details for once if he asked. Would K have known him long enough to tell him something about herself? His lips pressed together. 'Worth a shot...' Feeling renewed, even for a little bit, he slid off the futon and headed for the desk.
**I am a BEGINNER Japanese learner...so if these are not 100% correct...please let me know if you care to do so. I only have a web page to learn from, a dictionary, and a few months experience to work with.**
Translations: Kimi wa tadashii desu-You're correct (Also just politely saying 'correct') Boku shitteiru-I know Maa-Well Iko-Go
Koko o boku owarimashita desu-I'm finished here/Finished here
Sukiyaki-Slices of beef with soy sauce, sugar, sake, and other ingredients. Raw eggs are served on the side as dip.
Song 1-- Series: Rurouni Kenshin Singer: Yoake Mae Title: Heart of Swords Song 2-- Band: Default Title: Sick and Tired