Disclaimers: I don't own this stuff. Rockstar owns MP2, MTV owns The Real World.
This stuff is fiction. Any similarities are coincidental.
And now, Episode XVI of Max Payne & Co. present...
The Real World
(We see the group giving the intro from jail, wearing prison jumpsuits.)
Max: This is the story...
Mona: of seven inmates...
Mike: picked to live in a jail cell...
Annie: and have their lives taped.
Vinnie: Find out what happens...
Lisa: when people stop being model prisoners...
Kaufman: and start being real...
All: The Real World: Riker's Island.
(Central Booking, Manhattan, early evening)
(We see the cops booking the group members, each at various stages in the process. We first see a young cop fingerprinting Max, and making a mess of it.)
Max: (sighing) No, no, no. You're making a mess like a dog with IBS. Here, lemme show you. (Max proceeds to roll his fingers across the ink and across the cards himself.)
(Meanwhile, we see Mona's and Lisa's mug shots being taken. Mona is taking it all in stride, and is even posing for them, like a model. Lisa, however, is quite embarrassed. Meanwhile, Vinnie is talking on the phone, using his phone call.)
Vinnie: A.J.? It's me, Vinnie. Listen, I, ah, may have to break our date for tomorrow night... Well, I'm in jail... I didn't do squat! A buncha idiots in suits said we impeded an official government operation, but that's a buncha crap... Look, A.J., I just need ya to do me one favor... I need you to call my lawyer... Yeah, here's the number...
(Meanwhile, in a small interrogation room, a Killer Suit is questioning Kaufman.)
Killer Suit: (slowly, over-enunciating a bit) I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can, Mr. Kaufman. We've had our eye on you and your roommates for quite some time.
Kaufman: Bummer.
Killer Suit: It seems you and your friends have been participating in activities that can be considered subversive and dangerous. (holds up a videotape) Exhibit A.
(The Killer Suit puts in the videotape. It is the tape of Max and Mona's show, "In the Kitchen with Max and Mona." He pauses the tape on the part where Mona is holding up the C4.)
Killer Suit: There. See? Using a public access station to teach people how to make dangerous explosives right under our noses. Now, Exhibit B.
(Killer Suit fast forwards the tape to "Kaufman's Poetry Corner," then pauses it just after Kaufman finishes the poem.) Killer Suit: "But once within the wood, we paused/Like gnomes that hid us from the moon, /Ready to run to hiding new/With laughter when she found us soon?" I know you're little game, Mr. Kaufman. You're encouraging the masses to hide in the woods and form their own little camps – training grounds for domestic terrorists.
Kaufman: I don't reckon so.
Killer Suit: Well, here's Exhibit C. (fast forwards tape to Lisa's show, and stops it at the ending teaser) So you're little friend Lisa is planning to use her "tarot cards" (does quotation mark sign with fingers) to peer into official government activities.
Kaufman: No.
Killer Suit: (sitting down, across from Kaufman) Listen... I like you, and I don't want to put you in jail. And I'm sure you don't want to go to jail. So... I'm going to give you and your friends a chance to redeem yourselves. (hands Kaufman a piece of expensive paper) And this... is all you have to do.
(The Killer Suit gets up to leave. As he is exiting the room...)
Killer Suit: Take some time to think it over. Discuss it with your friends. Maybe you can talk some sense into them. (stares at him for a second) I'm sure you and your friends will do the right thing.
(The Killer Suit leaves. We hear him outside telling the guard to take Kaufman to his cell. The guard comes in and does so.)
Kaufman: (confessional) They can't keep us here. We have free speech rights.
(Men's Section, Riker's Island, later)
(We see Max and Kaufman sharing one cell, with Vinnie and Mike sharing an adjoining cell. Mona, Lisa, and Annie are in the women's section, so we don't see them as of now.)
Max: So what did they ask you, Kaufman?
Kaufman: Nothing. They showed me a tape, and gave me this. (hands the piece of paper to Max, who promptly reads it)
Max: Good god, the nerve of these people. They take the President hostage, and we're in jail. Now they want us to do this? No way, no how.
Mike: Max, please get us out of here. I hate it here. One of the criminals asked me to be his date for the prison hoe-down.
Vinnie: Yeah, big guy too. Bigger than three of yas. I had to tell him I was Mike's fiancé to get him to leave him alone.
Mike: (snarling) I ain't getting married to you, or to anyone of the inmates here. I like the cowgirls, not other cowboys.
Vinnie: (sarcastic) Awww, boo-hoo. I'm crushed.
Mike: But even worse, if I get convicted of this crime, I'll get deported for sure. It means I go back to Russia. No more country music, no more cowboy hats, no chance of me living on the prairie. (sobs) And I'll never see Annie again.
(Vinnie puts his hand on Mike's shoulder)
Vinnie: C'mon, Mike. Buck up. We'll get outta this somehow.
Max: Vinnie's right. We'll find a way out like a canary from a gilded cage. And we'll do it without agreeing to Horne's demands for us.
(We now see Winterson, with a couple of other cops walking down the corridor. As she walks down the hall, we hear hooting and hollering from the inmates.)
Winterson: (walking) Hey Max.
(Realizing who she just saw, she does a double take and remains frozen in shock.)
Winterson: Max? Vinnie? Mike? Kaufman? What the hell!?
Max: Winterson. You've gotta help us.
Winterson: What did you guys do to get in here?
Vinnie: We didn't do s(bleep)t. We're in here cause of some personal s(bleep)t against us.
Max: What Vinnie means to say is that a bunch of guys in suits kicked in our door and arrested all of us. Mona, Annie, and Lisa too.
Mike: It happened after we went to see the MTV Executive Producer. She was mad at us for going on the public access station, and for throwing the party. We went to talk to her, and then we were watching TV.
Vinnie: There was a special report on the news. Apparently this Horne broad's more than just a TV Exec. She also dabbles in taking the President hostage.
Winterson: Hmmm, I heard about that.
Max: So can you help us?
Winterson: I don't know what I can do, since this seems to be out of our jurisdiction. But I'll ask around. See who these suits are.
Max: Thanks.
(Winterson leaves. Meanwhile, in the women's section...)
Lisa: God, I can't believe we're in here. My husband's soooo gonna be mad at me.
Annie: Why? We didn't do nothing wrong.
Mona: Well, Lisa's husband tends to go to great lengths to keep up appearances.
Annie: I just hope the guys are okay. Especially Mike.
Mona: Mike'll be okay. He's a tough guy.
Lisa: (sobs) Oh god, I'm so scared. They got some scary looking women around here.
Mona: (hugs Lisa) Don't worry, sis. We'll get through this. I know it.
Annie: That's right, Lisa. There's gotta be a way out for us.
Guard: (OC) LOCKDOWN!
(We hear the closing of cell gates and the clanking of locks. The lights dim.)
(A short while later...)
(The camera pans to show Mona and Annie sleeping, while Lisa's eyes are wide open with fear. We then dissolve to another camera panning across the guys, all sleeping. Suddenly, at the end of the corridor...)
BOOM!!!
(We see an explosion, then we hear gunshots and people dying. However, because of the smoke, we cannot see exactly what is going on here.)
Guard: (OC, over loudspeaker) Armed perps in the lockup. Officer down. Need immediate... (gunshot) Arrrrgh!
MTV Announcer: Uh-oh. What's going on here? Who's doing all the shooting? Could they be coming for the gang? Stay tuned and find out, on our next episode of The Real World...
As always, please R&R. Let me know how I'm doing :-)