Christmas was never a fun time. The holidays rolled around with cold weather and no snow, totally opposite the typical, old-style, perfect Christmases. A soft, snowy white blanket covering the streets with gently falling snow and no wind to make it a blizzard.
The reality of the near twenty-second century was even bigger commercialism for people hocking sales weeks before Halloween hit, but thankfully kept to the backs of stores until Thanksgiving rolled around.
She never liked this holiday much. It was so chalked full of family togetherness that it made her want to gag. It was safe to say she didn't celebrate it, and loathed the twenty-fifth for part of what it stood for. It reminded her of all she didn't have.
It was times like these when she wanted to work and study right through the holidays...except classes ended on the twenty-second and she had been all but bored out of her mind for a day now. With nothing to do during but sleep in and try to find ways to buy her next semester's books - not to mention have to put up with Sam humming Jingle Bells - she was going to hurt something.
The extra sleep was a blessing because at least she could regain some and get that little bit of laziness in before classes started up on the seventh.
She heaved a sigh and stretched out on the couch, ignoring Sam's puttering. Eleven a.m. and the girl HAD to get an energy boost to waste.
Moving the furniture around every cold and warm season seemed to be a habit, mostly since they got to use the fireplace that way. Sam found a few ways to put everything so they could make temporary use of it when the sporadic urge called to them.
"Up."
She sighed. "Just move the thing. I don't wanna." Dark green closed.
A blonde brow ticked. "One day off and already you're a couch potato." Hands propped on Sam's hips. "If you're not going to help me move, go in the kitchen and start on lunch or something."
An eye peeked open almost in irritation before she rolled onto the floor instead of sitting up and stood. She was forced to walk the long way through the other living room with the recliner blocking the arch.
She stopped in the kitchen, but didn't feel like doing any cooking. She just didn't want to do ANYTHING right now, or today at all. That was quite shocking considering how hardworking she normally was. But, a girl needed a day off every once in a while didn't she?
Teeth nibbled on her lip. If she couldn't study, couldn't go to work for another six or seven hours, couldn't fall back asleep for a nap, she could do with some time outside. Anticipation hit at the only spot that sounded appealing. She hadn't been there since fall, it was time to go and see if she could find anything with no crowds to spoil it.
A small smile broke through. Going there would help her to get out of the Christmas funk and think of something else for a while.
She bypassed her friend and headed upstairs. If she was going outside, she needed warmer clothes. Today only got to the forties - a typical winter. A pair of pants went over the boxers and a sweatshirt over the t-shirt. Bare feet hopped the carpeted steps to the bottom and grabbed house keys off the table by the front door before striding to the kitchen again. "I'm going out."
"What?! OW!"
A muted thump was heard with cursing following it. She used that split second of the girl's pain to make a hasty retreat without question and unchained the lock. The wind nipped her nose a little and she suddenly wished to've brought gloves. Leaning back in the seat, she pulled both sleeves down as far as they'd go before putting her hands on the handlebars to make a turn.
The ride went fast, mostly due to her hurry to get there. By the time the near journey was finished, she had to stop to rub her hands for better warmth. A quick latch with her trusty chain and she gave the beach a look. Not a soul was in attendance. A genuine smile appeared as hands rubbed her face to warm it up.
She was wishing for those shoes when toes encountered sand. A small yelp at the coldness - even with the sun shining down - did no good to warm it. But it took too long to go back just for sneakers and she was already here. She could tough it out for an hour or two. By then, it would probably be assumed she would HAVE to return to get some feeling back in her poor feet.
Until then she was going to milk the solitude and feeling of nature for all it was worth. Out here - as always - the real world melted away. It was so easy to pretend her life didn't exist and she was a blank slate.
After a while, she opted to take her sandals off and let the sand numb her toes. It soon got to the point where the cold lessened and feel rose. She always liked that feel, especially digging her toes in the sand. A serenity assaulted her as she listened to the waves and watched the sparkles flitter across the water from the sun.
Time stretched and warped. The waves were slow in their pursuit to reach the sand and it helped to make things seem like they went slower to her senses. Perfect time to think and deal with nothing.
~*~*~
A car pulled up in front of the sidewalk and was put into park. A single door slammed shut in the general noise of the neighborhood. 'Sure is quiet for a city...' Not even a minute later a lithe hand pulled open the screen door and knocked against wood.
There was something that sounded almost like a yell of pain inside and it took another minute before the door pulled open.
Sam stood rubbing her head with an eye squeezed shut. Blue blinked a few times in surprise before she smiled. "Hey! Haven't seen you since Halloween. Come in, come in!"
He smiled and nodded. A hand gripped his backpack and swung it next to one of the pillars, as was quickly becoming custom whenever he brought his bag. "What EXACTLY happened to you before you answered the door?"
The hand rubbing Sam's head paused and consciously dropped. With a bashful smile, Sam laughed. "Ah...I'm...rearranging the living room if you can't see." A hand waved to the open sliding doors. "I was trying to push the tv closer to the wall and looked over automatically when you knocked."
He grimaced. "Sorry about that..." He muttered, trying not to smile.
"And I'm sorry to report Inaki, but K's not here."
Brown blinked in surprise. He was so SURE she'd be here today! She even mentioned she didn't intend on going to her mother's for part of Christmas until tomorrow night. He didn't really know what to answer, but a scowl seemed to do it for him and show his disappointment.
Sam walked up and patted his arm. A thought suddenly struck. She saw which way K left and had a good notion of where she was. Getting the two to not miss each other in passing would be the trick. "But I have an idea of where she might be. Do you know where the beach is around here?"
"You know I don't live here." He kidded, grinning.
Sam's heart fluttered and she almost threw every matchmaker plan down the toilet right there with that grin. GOD what she wouldn't give to be her best friend! With Inaki single - if she was kept up to date - she could've said to hell with waiting halfway through her senior year or near the end till she dated and snagged him herself! "Well then, I can give you directions...it's not too hard to find..."
~*~*~
Somewhere in her empty mind and comfortable position, the rumbling of a car engine near the parking lot sounded and she blinked.
She frowned. After who knew how long of sitting in the sand - after doing a small, half-hearted search and finding nothing - just watching the afternoon pass, someone had to come and ruin it. 'Go away! This is MY spot right now!'
She wanted to be greedy. She wanted to order the person not to go down the steps leading to the beach so she could have the surf to herself until she felt the need to return home. But a voice called her name and she was sent into a panic.
'No! Not now! I can't deal with THAT now!'
Being here put her in an introspective mood, one she didn't share with a lot of people, as it somewhat housed views of THAT side of her mind. She never liked to be here with friends or relatives who wanted to talk and always made herself unapproachable to any stranger on the beach who thought a friendly conversation was a good idea. This was a side she didn't show to ANYONE, because it was her more philosophic side...and had some strange views of the world - what little she had.
The only thing she gave away was the hardworking, congenial aspect and nothing else. None of it she deemed worthy to let into light.
Footsteps stopped behind her, but she didn't remove arms from around her legs. Part was from cold, the rest the inability to move. How in WORLD did -
'Sam...' Green closed. In that instant, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, forcing away everything except for the well-known front.
"You look deep in thought."
Her lips pressed together briefly before she purposely smiled, eyes still on the sky. "No...just enjoying the view. I haven't been out here since I wrote to you about it."
"Find any shells?"
That he remembered something so long ago, and mentioned once, made her feel a little better to be in his company. "Nope, but then I didn't search that long either. I kind of got sidetracked by the gorgeous view."
"Yea...it is rather nice isn't it?"
By the wistful tone of his voice, she could tell she had a compatible person who held the same love for the current view as she did. That warmed her heart a little. "So how come you decided to come all the way out here?"
"You answered my letter, are you telling me you forgot AGAIN?"
She smiled at the playful jab, shaking her head. "No. But I hate to disappoint you. I'm not a big Christmas family-get-together fan. I really think you wasted your money on me."
"Nonsense!" He grinned and opened the strings to his bag, grabbing a relatively small package. "I hope you like them, and if you don't, just say you do for my sake." She smiled again and reached out to take it. She purposely avoided touching his hand, blushing still, and looked at the palm-sized square in confusion. "You have to OPEN it to see what it is. X-ray vision doesn't work through my type of wrapping paper." Unconsciously, an elbow shot out and got him in the ribs. He gave a small yelp of surprise and playfully glared at her. "Sure, sure...be mean to Santa Claus when he's delivering presents. And here I thought you were a good girl."
With as close as Inaki was sitting, and the sly grin he gave, that innocent sentence didn't help the sudden dirty imagination that cropped up. She blushed again and moved her other hand from the sweatshirt to pull the wrapping off instead of fidget like she wanted. Opening one end gave her the answer without even having to tear everything apart.
Dark brown furrowed. "This is..."
He shifted against the cold sand a little nervously. "Like I said, if you don't like them, pretend you do for my sake."
She heard of some of these names on the radio at work in both jobs and thought them okay in passing. She didn't know what to think in owning the cds though. "Goo Goo Dolls, Michael Jackson, Aerosmith, and Evansense? No, Evanscene? Evan -"
"It's EV-AN-ES-CENCE." He mused. "I thought since you mostly listen to techno, female singers, instrumental, or rap, that you could get some rock and alternative in your veins." He had been brazen in that decision. K listened to four different types of music and they were mostly similar in musical pattern or beat. Though he was wondering how someone like Kalie Himmen could like rap. She was too nice for that. He leaned back on the sand and stared at the sky, feeling his face tinge a little. "Broaden your horizons a little. Who knows, maybe you'll like it?"
She stared at the artists' names on the cd cases, not really seeing them. Her mind was a tumult of thought. This was quite interesting. Totally unexpected and she didn't really know how to react. Not in this place, and not with this man. "Well...all I can say is I'll give them a try. I mean, classes are out till January and all I've got is work." Reflective green went back to the view. "It's going to be strange till I take classes again." Her lips turned to a smirk. "I'm going to be bored out of my mind with no studying to fill my day."
He humorously snorted, but didn't answer back with more small talk.
The lapping reminded him of the last time he went to one of the beaches in this city. That was a strict testosterone visit without a single familiar estrogen face in sight. But being here with K...like this...felt nice. There was no need to populate the air with useless chatter, the way she was sitting and the look on her face told him he didn't have to and probably shouldn't.
Ever since they just sat there mere feet away from the line of wet sand, she had the growing urge to thank him in some way. For some reason, she was having the worst of times getting that out. She always had a problem with those two words, mostly because they involved someone doing something for her. It never failed to embarrass her on some level, having to thank someone for doing what she so easily could've done.
She never really got presents in her life for holidays of any kind. She didn't expect them, having grown up a simple person. Just like during her birthday, the thoughtfulness and originality put into buying her something never failed to freeze her intelligence. Fingers twisted and fidgeted as she stared at the tip of her knees. She couldn't feel Inaki's eyes, but that didn't mean he wasn't looking at her. Green snuck the briefest of peeks to her left, breathing a mental sigh of relief at finding those dark eyes aligned with his position that mimicked hers.
Her lips pressed together in indecision. She expressed the honesty in not needing to get her anything...did that mean she still had to say something? Yes...it was polite if nothing else. She didn't want Inaki to think her rude.
Feeling her face heat up self-consciously, she looked to the sand on her right, head ducking. "Ah...thank you...for the cds..."
Brown blinked and looked her way, finding a nervous smile on her face. He smiled and nodded, though he doubted she could see. "You're welcome." He quietly answered, getting her to look over. Her smile widened a little bit before she looked in front and all was quiet again.
They sat like that for the longest time, him with a half empty head, until the right side of his body self-consciously pricked at the girl's close presence. They were only inches apart, but it felt like her skin hovered mere centimeters over his...the feeling was hard to describe. Brown snuck a peek through his bangs, taking in her even face. Thick lashes were lowered halfway, but the barest of smiles were on her face. Her posture was hunched, but comfortable-looking.
He wondered what was on her mind. He'd never been to a beach in the winter before - this first time sure was nice with the current company. He felt like he didn't HAVE to say anything and yet sitting here said more than he ever could. It was one of those content silences where you could be quiet all day long and have the time of your life with a person. He loved those...for that kind of quiet was rare with the number of people he was around.
But wondering what she was thinking about burned on his tongue until he had to fight himself to keep from asking. He didn't want this pleasant mood to end, even if he'd have to head home within the next few hours.
Just as she'd manage to blank her mind again to the point of where she was before, thinking it could be okay if they just sat there and she didn't reveal anything vocally, that presumption was broken.
"So...how you been the past few days?"
Green blinked and cast a split-second look his way before focusing on the sparkles of water. She gave a half-hearted shrug. "It hasn't been THAT many days since I replied. College got out and I'll be able to check my final grades when they come in the mail. I'll be a little nervous until then, but I'm not overly worried. I have work to keep me busy."
He looked to the sand a little uneasy. That wasn't really the answer he was looking for. "No...I mean...how've you BEEN these past few days?"
Her brain made the connection and her jaw clenched. Fingers tightened inside the safety of her sleeves, nails digging into her palms. The little bit of pain was a welcome diversion, even if she became incredibly agitated. She didn't answer, just harshly swallowed and looked to the sand on her right to ignore him. Bangs hid some of her eyes and she was thankful for the mass.
This time she KNEW she held his gaze.
He watched her more openly than the last few times, and couldn't help the confusion that swept him at her response. It was like she all but physically shied away from him. But why? He was just asking how she was doing, how she was holding up during the holidays. All he knew was she didn't like them, but how much he was unsure. Part of that question was deliberate to bring up everything he left buried. Now that he was face to face, she couldn't ignore it that easily without giving away SOMETHING...
She wanted to take another deep breath to bury everything that rose, but didn't want to seem too suspicious. If she did that, he'd think she was mad, or upset. Funny how it was a combination of both. She hoped he wouldn't start in with asking of her past. Green shuttered closed before anger could be seen in her eyes. She was pretty good at smoothing her face and keeping it away, but the eyes weren't something you could control. Emotions spouted out as easily as the ocean lapped against the sand.
Why did this have to happen NOW? She was already stressed and upset with the holidays...why did he have to bring up everything she hated and feared? Sure he didn't know, but her pleading for him to forget it would be a pretty damn good indication to drop it!
Melancholy hit, as it always did when she thought of her life, and she couldn't get rid of it. Just like her past, it plagued her in accompaniment to the truth that all the bad things actually happened and couldn't be locked away in some fairy tale nightmare that never occurred. Try as she might...she could NEVER escape.
Teeth bit her lip and hair flowed around her face when it drooped a little more. She was thankful for letting it grow out in the winter for warmth, as it shaded a good portion of her face. She didn't want to answer him, COULDN'T answer him, so she kept silent.
This transformation shocked him and wide eyes dumbly blinked. He suddenly had the worst sense of déjà vu at sitting next to a girl that he used to date only months ago. Why was he suddenly reminded of Cameron at a time like this? 'Perhaps,' He retorted, 'because K is acting exactly like Cameron right now!'
The hunched posture, inability to meet his eyes, and silence were the worst three strikes that said more about K's emotions than if she actually opened her mouth. "K...what's going on?" He whispered, feeling his nerves pull taunt. Like someone stretching a rubber band.
At the concerned sound of his voice, her eyes squeezed shut. She tried to keep her nose from burning, a telltale sign that tears were going to form any second. 'I am NOT crying in front of him!!' She screamed. The whole time they knew each other, every time Inaki hurt her in the beginning she never cried. She never let it get her down because if she did, she would compare it to other guys she knew and would lead her down the spiral to the bottom of the shit pile. She always thought being strong was the only way to get past whatever reminded her of what she ignored. As long as she was alone, she could be as strong as she liked...but in front of people was a different story.
It was like she was frozen in time and couldn't move or speak. Words froze on her tongue, even if her mind was in normal order. Thoughts kept coming, but it was like she was mute and had no way to communicate with anyone. She just couldn't get the words out.
His mouth pressed to a tight line. He feared to move as well at whatever was woven around them. They were both in suspended animation of tension and expectation. The words to speak were on the tip of his tongue, though he also feared to speak for a different reason. It felt like he was forbidden, though it was necessary to alleviate the mood.
It took an act of will to get over that uncertainty. "K...I'm sorry if I upset you... I - I didn't mean to..." He sighed and looked away. He was lying. "Maybe I did." He quietly negated, looking to jean-covered knees. "I want to know about you. I can't stand wondering what happened to you and worry that something horrible went on. I've thought of drugs, death, pro...prostitution -" His face flamed and he quickly looked away.
She didn't notice, but mentally snorted. Those things were worse than what she'd gone through, but to her they were still earth shattering. It wasn't every day the rug was swept out from under your feet and everything you ever knew was gone in a matter of a month. Surely death was something that could apply to some of her more recent situations if they happened. So it couldn't unless it involved someone else.
The silence loomed again; more uncomfortable than the last...but this time she was supposed to say something. Either bad or reassurance that it was nothing like that. She felt self-conscious sitting so close to him and wanted to shy away, but couldn't get her body to budge. She was all but theoretically frozen where she sat.
Teeth bit her lip so harshly she felt she was going to draw blood. The little overgrowth to her nails dug into her hands once again as she berated herself. 'Suck it up! Just do like you always do to ignore it!' She couldn't very well tell him anything, but she had to calm herself down.
Except - after a minute of that - she made the mistake of sneaking a peek and finding wondering, concerned brown concentrated on her.
Everything wiped from her mind except fear and worry about being seen. Tears stung her eyes and green quickly looked to her knees. She couldn't meet his eyes. She couldn't show him anything she was internally going through, but the question to ask was...how much did he just see?
Unacceptable! She was NOT going to go through this again with people and let them walk out of her life because she said too much and creeped them out! It wasn't like she could very well defend herself for speaking the truth about part of her mind...there WAS nothing to defend!
Her muscles bunched to move, but still being frozen, it took a few tries before she surprised Inaki by swiveling away and standing. A quick dust to get the sand off and she hurriedly walked over for her sandals.
He blinked, too stunned to move, before he jumped to his feet and tried to catch up. "O - oi!" Longer legs helped, even over uneven sand, and he grabbed K's arm as she was standing with sandals in hand. "Why are you leaving?!"
The motion of grab-and-pull spun her around and off-balanced her. The hand dropped the shoes and pressed against him as his shot to her forearm to help steady her. Green widened and her heart double-timed. This was that little fantasy she cooked up in the bathroom...and now it was happening?
Yet at this moment, she wanted to be very far away from Inaki.
Tears popped up and her vision swam. Green hastily darted to the sand off to one side. Her jaw clenched again.
"I didn't mean to nearly make you fall...but why the hell are you taking off??" He asked, trying to keep concern and irritation down. If not for knowing she was a nice person, he would've thought she was snubbing him. "I only asked a simple question. In the reasonable way of thinking, I don't think it's too much to ask for." He tried to meet her eyes, but just like his bangs, hers kept those eyes hidden from view. She was hiding something by that and he only knew because he tended to do that as well sometimes. "Kalie...will you look at me? Please?" He gently asked, letting his grip wane a bit.
She blinked even faster - the ground looking like it was going through a strobe light - in effort to keep her eyes blurry. She did not want them to clear! She HAD to hold this in! She remained in position to give him prime view of the crown of her head...effectively denying his request.
She had to get away from here!! She was letting go of too much! She had to get him to let go so she could make a dash for her bike and pedal like her life depended on it. Her mouth opened a little to produce words, but they remained restricted to her mind. It took a few tries and mental ordering. "P...pl..."
'Syllables are NOT going to communicate what you want moron!'
She didn't want to wrench her arms from his grip as that would tell him she was angry or the like. There was not one bit of anger she could direct at him. Right now, it was all self-directed.
"P...Please...let go...of me Inaki..."
It didn't have any hidden meaning in it, and after a stunned second of hearing how timid and dejected her voice was, his hands dropped by themselves. He took a small, single step back and looked at her a little amazed.
Her head still remained bowed, but she felt guilty like none other. Her hands fisted again and she welcomed the pain. 'Run...run now!' Her eyes squeezed shut and tears ran down her skin, burning tracks. She quickly blinked and bent to retrieve her sandals, fighting to wipe them away before he saw. But he might see the action and know. She tried to keep her head as far down as possible, but her bangs didn't go past her brows and didn't shelter them. She took a few timid steps back, unsure of what to do, before her limbs pulled her to move again. She was only frozen once before taking off in a run as if she was being chased.
His mind had shut down a little since her words and nothing came to get her to stop. He couldn't move anything except his eyes as he watched her run up the steps. Brown remained locked on her figure, seeing her from the waist up as she mounted the bike and wiped at her cheeks.
His jaw clenched.
After a minute or two, he flopped back to the ground, as if his legs lost the will to stand.
Wide brown stared at the sand as he tried to pull thoughts into being and make any sense of what just happened. The only thing he could understand was...she ran. She ran like the hounds of hell were on her heels! She was so scared of telling him about her past that she'd physically dismiss and ignore it that badly...
His head slowly shook, eyes edging closed. He felt sorry for her right then and there. She ran away from her life, which was something she shouldn't do. She should deal with it; running solved nothing. He knew that from when he was a child.
He flopped onto the sand and solemn brown looked to the sky. Hands idly moved and rested on his chest.
He had been somewhat like her, like Cam, and a few other shy girls he dated. He was more reserved as a child, feeling as if he was different than other kids...and not just because he was Japanese either. There always seemed something he personally found odd about himself. He was lucky to've met the guys in school and get out of that mindset. They helped him more than they knew when they initially goaded him into his first dare that clinched the musketeers group and future dares. Which was why he tried to help those he dated to get over that. He knew some of what it WAS like on a small level, what it was like NOW. Now was so much better than then...
That was why - right then and there - that he vowed he was going to get to the bottom of whatever it was Kalie was hiding from him and help her as much as he could.