Suffice to say, it had NOT been a good week. When he wasn't in a foul mood or working his ass off in the back room to try and divert his mind, he kept running the last scenario in his head. He kept hearing her voice in his mind...that broken, pleading voice. It twisted his heart without fail every time he thought of that or their time on the beach. He had never felt so helpless and frustrated in his life - and there had been plenty of opportunities for that!
Aggravation got him some curious stares, but he refused to talk about this. Every bit of advice so far had been about more than curiosity or stupid assumptions that had NO bearing on the issue!
Liking Kalie...how exactly did they come up with THAT one??
She was cute; he admitted that the first time he laid eyes on her. He wasn't going to lie about THAT obvious fact. Yes there were qualities that attracted him to her, the shy factor and the mystery he couldn't pull away from. He seemed to have a thing for shy girls, but that was also an ethnic deal. Well...maybe a norm for every girl but Jayden... She was so outgoing and ruthless she dwarfed him at times!
One of the worst and most angering thoughts he kept going over was there was no solution he had about this. A whole week of wracking his head and not really able to come up with more than what he kept defending...it was torture. He didn't understand THAT either. Yea he could just easily give up, but something about K told him not to. He wasn't allowing it and he had no clue why he was being pushy to the point of harassment - which he was pretty sure he was AT by now.
The past problem aside, she was a great person. No doubt about the smarts - save for math, responsible, funny, sarcastic, creative, congenial...and plenty other he couldn't think off the top of his head. That was a pretty good start to begin with though.
He heaved a sigh and stared at one of the cardboard boxes he had to unload before his shift was over. He SO didn't want to be here right now. There was that futile hope, just like the past few days, that work would help him concentrate on something else for a while. Well it DID...until he saw a color on a label that reminded him of K's eyes.
He glared at the box, wishing he could send it and everything in the damn store up in flames. No...best not to harm his source of revenue. A good couple dozen hits on the trusty bag would do perfectly though. Except physical exertion got him no closer to a goal than it did before either. It seemed nothing he could do was going to get him the epiphany he needed to sort this out and find a way to push harder or drop it all together.
Perhaps if he did as Sam and the guys suggested and actually find out WHY he wanted to know so bad...but he'd done that ever since it was first brought up! Convinced that general curiosity was it just didn't seem to be the answer. Now that he had thrown the shit to the fan and upset the previous balance of friendship, he finally had to wonder just what the hell was going through his mind to think he could do this just to know.
He heaved a sigh and shifted on his feet. Arms crossed in sudden procrastination. He wanted to leave. He wanted to get far away from here and go to his spot and think with no one to get involved and offer him anymore damn advice.
His lips pursed as a finger tapped against a bicep. If he did this and told obaasan what he wanted to do, he didn't think she'd mind if he left. It'd been an hour and he did quite a bit until seeing that rather beautiful shade of green -
After all the times of mentally slapping himself, a hand rose in irritation and swiped himself across the face. It didn't really help, but the sting on cheek and palm pulled him back to the outside world and reminded him he was at work at least.
After deciding to quickly finish up, he grabbed the box and hoisted it to rest on his shoulder so he could open the back door. It was still winter and rather cold for January, so the back door needed to be open. Even if he did even lifting and whatnot to keep warm. Cold never really bothered him. For some reason, he could withstand the elements better than anyone in his family. Why, he never knew.
"Obaasan...I'm going to leave a little early today."
"Eh? Nani? Naze? I thought you had work to do."
He checked the grip on the box and fought a wince at his grandmother's less-than-happy tone. Not good to go against someone like his obaasan... Solemn brown looked to the swept concrete. "I - I don't feel like working right now obaasan. Gomen nasai...but I've got too much on my mind that won't let me work right now. Gomen..."
Eagle eyes started at her grandson, seeing something weigh on his shoulders more than the cans he needed to stack. There was indeed something deep he was fighting, but the guarded stance told Mamorah he wasn't going to say a thing about it right now. He was too uncomfortable. That graying head finally conceded in a small nod. "Wakarimasu... Finish up with what you have and write your time down."
He gave a small smile and nodded, thankful his obaasan didn't press. He honestly didn't know if he could stand THAT sharp-tongued personality right now...
It seemed to take longer than normal, but that's just because his mind was ready to get out of here and spend some time in a place he needed right now. Even though he told himself he could wait - as he devoted so much time to this topic already - his arms couldn't help but speed up. A hand grabbed his board and he left from the door next to the loading dock. He pushed off and took an almost leisure pace in the opposite direction of the house. He felt a little better just being outside.
He always was a massive nature lover. He liked being outside, even if it was in the winter or just sitting on the engawa staring at the street. He felt more comfortable and freer with the wide-open world in front of his eyes and not four walls. Which was the silliest thing, because he got that occasionally in his own HOUSE. There would just be this big need to take whatever he was doing outside as the worst closet feeling encased him. He felt stifled; there was no other way to put it. But he wasn't Claustrophobic in the least.
It didn't take long to get there, it never did. His feet seemed to move by themselves - which was a good thing because he hadn't paid attention the entire time.
He was forced to get off the board when wheels encountered sticks and leaves. He took very good care of his main transportation because it was the only thing he had beside the car but there was no point in hauling himself around in that big thing.
A foot kicked the brake and he caught the lip with a hand, tucking it under an arm. Sneakers crunched dead leaves, puff clouds came from his mouth as he zipped up the hooded sweatshirt he had tied around his waist earlier. There was about a five-minute walk around trees and fallen branches until he stopped and looked up with an endearing smile.
This place was his; he knew no one came out here because there was no litter and no one disturbed the carpet of leaves or tree limbs. And no one came this far into the forest he found years ago by accident, so it retained the special meaning. He felt like this was his second home and all there were was a mildly dense forest near the edge of the city with naked trees standing around him.
It was peaceful and he couldn't hear any city noise out here...even though it was on the outskirts. It was like there was some invisible wall that shut it all out so he could enjoy this place to its fullest.
Gently setting his board against the base of his favorite, hands extended over his head and grabbed a branch. His legs swung up and momentarily wrapped around the branch as well before muscles propelled him above the low branch and off the ground. A grin made its way to his face. Climbing trees...he just loved this. It was something no one could make him stop doing, and no one could ever beat him at. His agility and ability to clamber up the smallest and most packed trees never failed to amuse and confuse people.
In a few short minutes he covered ten thick branches that gained him almost two stories off the ground and propped his head up with one of the close-by limbs.
The view wasn't much, as there were no real mountains or big hills in Andytown, but he could see for blocks being this high up and even better without leaves to obstruct his vision. He gained a better view of the sky, what was now at a four o'clock angle and sparse clouds.
This was the most serene, perfect time to be in his spot. He couldn't have timed it better.
He was content just to stare and let his mind go blank for what seemed the longest time as it stretched out. It was easy to spend a good portion of the afternoon sitting in one position and looking at the same horizon. He never tired of it. Every time he came out here - which was fairly often to clear his head or deal with something alone - the view seemed like the first time. After a while of being still and silent, a few animals would come out and he got to watch them as they went along their lives.
That was thing he never tired of doing either. Such simple lives that never did much, but still lived. It was easy to understand and envy the simplicity, but at the same time he was glad to be human. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be them.
At length he sighed and his face turned put out.
It was time to stop procrastinating again and get on with it. Now that he had wide-open spaces and time to think, he had to do so. It was time to either reach a decision and have a nice little chat or profusely apologize and swear on his honor to stop bringing it up!
His lips pursed. Decisions, decisions. Both were so easy to do. He felt like a selfish little kid right now in wanting to keep pestering her...but the respectful side wanted to go back to way they'd been. He missed the K he got to know in the beginning. She was fun, happy, energetic, nice... This K was sad, sneaky, angry, hesitant...and he didn't know how to deal with that. Not that he never dealt with those types of people, but he didn't expect it from someone like her.
Sure this had been going on for months, but it never gained the introspection it was to such microscopic degree.
It was a load off his mind to know everything he overreacted on was exactly that. If Sam couldn't divulge much, at least she could put THOSE fears to rest. 'Even if she DID laugh at me.'
His head shook in amusement. He didn't know Samantha Merth would have that kind of mean streak in her, but if it kept him from hurting her best friend - he would DEFINITELY have to ask about the sister part - he didn't put it past her. It seemed Samantha had the same ruthlessness as his obaasan, and though he could be a dick at times...he NEVER wanted to cross his obaasan when she was being judgmental or in a wrathful mood.
He suppressed a shudder. He was on that side once when he was a child and never again. He was lucky to escape with his hair intact let alone head!
A brief chuckle escaped as his head shook again. A finger scratched his nose before he went back to staring at the sky, mind blanking again. He did that a lot but it was a blessing. All day and night his mind was thinking of something but out here it was like wiping a slate clean. It was comparable to trying to stare at the backs of your eyelids.
There was nothing there and he could actually tell when his mind was empty. Those times were welcomed because they seemed to bring out the philosopher side, which was desperately needed - especially now.
He snorted and his lips pursed again. If Sam thought he was putting K through hell by making her go through whatever happened in the past, then he was going through hell by trying to figure it out and come to a decision!
In reality he liked being with the lighter, brighter person from the beginning. She was shy at first, but she opened up and showed she possessed an actual sarcastic side, which he found endearing. It showed she could hold her own in a conversation, which was a little important. How could he get to know someone who couldn't even talk to him? Raven brows furrowed as brown narrowed. 'Indeed...' He glowered, head dropping. He sighed and used arms as a pillow and dully stared ahead.
Why, why, why...he just didn't know why. Her whole manner of doing this was not only confusing, it was getting old. Was he such a horrible person that she wouldn't confide in him? He had his fair share of crap in life and considered himself pretty understanding. He couldn't - and SHOULDN'T - be one to judge people because they would judge him back. He hated people that had narrow minds and thus tried to be open about things.
In theory anyway. There was always going to be something about someone or an object he didn't like to some degree. It was impossible to like everything and everyone.
His brain slowly numbed again and a finger absently tapped on cold bark. Dark brown watched it as it rhythmically thudded along.
He was procrastinating this and making it harder than it had to be, but he was tired of putting so much thought into it. It was getting old and he wanted to end the stalemate.
He missed the letters he grew to expect and took time to read. They never failed to make him smile or raise a few brows when he learned something she did that he had no clue on. There had been nothing for weeks, probably a month or two by now, and he didn't really know how much snail mail appealed to him. At least when he wrote to K...
He heaved a groan and thudded his forehead on his arms. This was going to drive him CRAZY!
He wanted to yell and scream out all the frustration so it would leave him ALONE. He wanted to get past all this, but it was like having the nagging feeling you were forgetting something, but you just couldn't remember for the life of you and it wouldn't go away until you found it!
He didn't regret much to anything in his life, but he was beginning to regret ever bringing it up. If only he hadn't mentioned Cameron...perhaps hadn't gone to the party with K that fateful day... But there was no clue how long they'd be together anyway. It seemed they were doomed to fail and he was just too blind to accept it. The only thing that would've been different is he might JUST be single instead of having more than a few months time to gain experience in being alone again.
It was funny how he was able to not dwell on THAT fact when he loathed solitude of that magnitude.
His head rose and his jaw rested on arms to once again stare at the horizon without really seeing.
Perhaps because he had K as a friend, he managed to dull that feeling of isolation to lower levels than it when he just had the musketeers. Even with as long as they'd been friends, the three were still guys and didn't hold the same values he did. They weren't Japanese and didn't understand the concept of needing to be with someone and having that person to love. Not to mention two of the three had girlfriends and had for a while.
With as much as he dated, he had yet to find that one person to love. He hadn't given his heart out enough for that to happen. The most he could ever do was care for them. It seemed after what could be considered trial months, something told him it wasn't this person he should be with. He never knew what the feeling or insight was, but he knew when it came. He would somehow close himself off and see the girl as more friend than companion. If they noticed and threw a fuss, somehow he knew they weren't it anyway.
His head shook a little. It was so confusing and there were times when he wished the stupid 'premonition' - as it were - to be gone. He might've already found a girl and been married by now if that damn gut reaction would just give it a rest!
Brown shifted to the general area of the ground, body staying still. He focused on gold and reddish leaves, looking very much like a carpet way up here. They were very beautiful and a good change of pace from seeing the dirt and sparse grass in the summer. But they also covered up wildflowers that grew in spots around the whole area. They were beautiful and smelled ok - for flowers. They were a small, daisy-looking white that was nice enough to look at. It was great in the summer to climb a tree and stare down. The patches looked like cotton balls.
He smiled and twisted his head to the side on his arms. He loved this place...as it had always seemed to be his. He told no one this location - unless they already knew it - as he felt it would violate the trust lingering in the air.
He was suddenly reminded of the beach in Miami. Brown blinked. That was right...K had a small spot too. Even though it was grossly populated by people, there were still times she found to collect seashells and admire the view on her own. It was interesting to consider that. He was so glad to know she seemed to hold an interest in nature almost akin to what he did, if not a little less.
If that was true, he knew she would appreciate this place as he did.
Brown widened a little. He didn't show this to ANYONE...yet he would consider bringing K here? His brow scrunched up as his head uprighted and eyes stared at the ground again.
How strange. What would possess him to think - possibly even ACCEPT - something like that? It couldn't really be a matter of trust because he trusted his friends and family, but would NEVER take them to this spot when he was here. Jayden knew of the place, but unless she came here when he didn't, she never visited. Whether or not she told any of the family was uncertain, but with this being so sacred to him, he doubted it.
He snorted and abruptly buried his head again. Chass's insight was scary for his age. What right did near a twenty-year-old have to be that damn perceptive?? Wherever Chass learned that, it would be very much appreciated if he would teach it!
He was the biggest moron on the world. The stupidest baka...the worst bakaro that ever lived. Why was it he could never understand himself better than other people understood him?! His head banged against his arms and he resisted moving them and ending up hitting bark. "Baka...baka...BAKA." He growled.
He never defended it because he never thought there was anything THERE. Why should he think different? They were forty miles apart and had totally different lives. Yet somehow they connected on the work of fate. Even if they met through a fluke and hated each other in the beginning, it resolved to friendship.
He would never have met her had the trip not been long and at night, with sleep catching up to him. The first coffee shop that was still open was the one he stopped into. How was he supposed to know that one incident would effectively turn his life upside-down?
Who knew this would happen? Well certainly not him, but it seemed oh-so-obvious to everyone ELSE. He glowered, nearly pouting, at the sky. Always kept out of the loop... He didn't want to admit to anything, because he wasn't ready to have to deal with THAT right now. The aspects of what lay within that as responsibility weren't as important as what was going on currently.
He could've ignored it if the thought hadn't come up over territory. It was so personal and out of the way that it could almost be considered his...to take someone else into something he treasured that much... He would have to think quite a bit of them to allow THAT to happen. His brow furrowed. No...not even that. It had nothing to do with respect. When it all boiled down to it...
...He cared about Kalie.
~*~*~
"Ano? O - oi! Inaki...where the hell are you going?!"
"To Miami." He cryptically called, snatching the car keys off the hook. "I'll be gone for a bit." Not giving Jayden time to answer or wonder, he shut the door and jogged for the car.
It was such a strange concept to have arrived at a conclusion, albeit one he had forcefully denied. Why he kept denying it he didn't know. Because with as straight arrow as his mind was on, and the lack of any bad emotion, he wondered why he ever shoved it away.
After he realized it and came to grips with the bud of emotions toward a certain stubborn, silent, utterly unique person who kept him knocked for a loop since the day they met...frustration and anger melted away and it was like they never existed. The whole week seemed like the storm and he was now in the eye of it.
A very WIDE eye.
Nearly peeling out of the parking lot and streaming down the street, he took the quickest route for the highway, trying to keep it in speed limit range. Maybe fifteen miles down, he realized he had no clue how to go about this. It was just eleven; K would be at Coffee Works. The drive would kill some time, but he would have to wait downtown or at her house until she came back.
His teeth grit. Stupid loopholes...he didn't want any trouble right now! Now that he found the reason to keep pushing - simple and plain emotional caring - he fully intended on getting a response this time! He knew there was a big chance K would clam up like she did the other two times. The beach was dealt with wrong, and the phone wasn't the way to talk about it. It had to be face to face, but without the frustration he showed the first time.
If he was going to do this - and he WAS going to do this! - it had to be with nothing but patience. He'd take all night if needed, but this WAS going to end tonight!
~*~*~
Slowing the speed down helped. Walking to Coffee Works and leaving the car in front of the house helped kill even more time. It also helped to center his mind and coach himself on everything he ever used with past girlfriends to get them to open up. By the time he made it, the lights flicked off and a small, partially familiar group was in front of the door. Brown blinked, but he stood a few dozen feet away and watched. K would ride this way, as it was the way home...
But he was unprepared for the three men that all but surrounded the bike she walked.
His body tensed to rush in, every martial art move springing to mind. Damn their age...if they hurt or tried anything to K he'd protect her as much as he needed to!
He allowed himself to relax at hearing her laughter. It sounded nice and he suddenly realized he missed hearing that and seeing her smile...as she was currently doing. She looked nice when she smiled.
His heart nervously thudded when they got even closer...close enough for her to need to move to one side or run him down. She almost did, but looked to him when the others did and paused.
Those dark eyes were wide and almost filled with panic, though they were surprised and confused. He could understand the last two...as it was out of the blue for him to be showing up at midnight when she had work in the morning. But the panic hit him hard and his heart twisted.
They seemed stuck like that until one of the elderly men walked a few paces in his direction and peered at his face...effectively taking his attention away from the subject at hand. "I know you...don't I boy?"
Brown blinked as his head jerked back. "We've...never met." He mumbled, trying to pick his brain up. Raven furrowed. "But you three DO look familiar..."
"They were there at Coffee Works when you stopped to ask for directions...remember?"
He looked back upon hearing that quiet, almost wispy voice and locked eyes.
"Oh yea. NOW I remember you! You're that Inaki boy!"
"Inaki...meet Tommy, Chester, and Roger. They always walk me home."
He nodded to each as she pointed.
"Dark tootin! The streets aren't safe at night! You could get kidnapped or mugged and THEN where would you be??"
"Out of Miami or broke?"
Roger tsked and wagged a finger at her wry grin. "Don't use that sarcasm. I swear you're full of it missy. Something like that isn't worth joking about."
Tommy all but sauntered up to him and threw an arm around his shoulder before he could expect it. "Yea. If you won't look at any of us old fogies...then you should get THIS handsome young gentleman to start walking you home."
The dark helped hide the blush, but not the self-conscious smile. It didn't help that K momentarily sobered and looked away before putting the same face back up and smirking. "Sorry Tommy...he's mainland. He doesn't live here."
"But that means he came to visit you though doesn't it?" Roger asked. "I may be the oldest, but I DO know when a gentleman comes calling."
Their terms were so quaint, but he was NOT appreciating their sharp minds pointing out the obvious. He wanted to approach this gently and in private, not with people around who K knew and cared for her, and who would definitely be apt to dislike him on the spot.
Green bore into him but he couldn't read her eyes, couldn't tell what she was thinking as her face melted to non-expression. He knew she would either be fixing to take off the second the three left them alone, or angry that he was trying yet again. He could take those, as long as she left the pleading out of her voice. Being next to her - even with others around - after his realization...he didn't want her to have to plead with him for anything.
"Gentlemen...it is getting rather late and I do have work again tomorrow." She evenly announced, eyes never leaving him. If she was sending a message, he wasn't getting it.
The four started again and he silently plodded next to them, hands shoved into his pants. He felt like an outsider with this troupe, but that would pass when they arrived at K's house.
He was content to listen and spy looks about how she acted around these people. This was another aspect he never knew, and would get the chance to see.
"You work too much girl!" Chester piped up. A hand patted her shoulder. "You need to take time off and RELAX."
She gave a wry grin. "I'm afraid reality doesn't work that way Chester. After all, not ALL of us are lucky enough to spend our retirement playing with the chess club."
"You don't know what you're missing missy. Quiet times, total contemplation against a skilled opponent, and an occasional win. That's the best."
She chuckled and dark brown shook. Feet slowly plodded her on as hands kept her propped up on her seat. "You probably had it as bad as I did when you were my age, so don't be a hypocrite." She kidded. A finger reached out and poked Chester on the shoulder.
"Darn straight we had it as bad! We had it worse...me worse than them two." Roger piped up, jerking a thumb to his companions. "You don't even hear about war anymore except for reading it in your history books. I lived through some of them in the beginning. And things weren't as good as they are now. You kids today with your solar-powered EVERYTHING...luckier than we were."
"Is this going to include walking to school in five feet of snow with no shoes and up hills for miles and miles?" She asked, grinning. "Because it's almost time to part and I really WILL miss work if you include that."
It was such a strange thing to see a transformation in only a few minutes of walking. He couldn't help but wonder where all of these quick wit and sarcastic comebacks were hidden. The few times they hung out, he barely got to scratch the surface with her on this. But here these three men were, getting to see the best side of her and taking it for granted. He almost felt jealous...if not for the fact he was DEFINITELY feeling purposely ignored.
"That mouth - although nice to toss repartee with - is going to get you in trouble one of these days. You're lucky we're so understanding."
She giggled and her head shook. "Yes you are, I'll give you that. But you're all perverted old men, so we're even." She gave a quick wink and stopped the bike. "This is our stop gentlemen. I will be seeing you on Monday."
Chester comically saluted before Tommy pulled him back. "Like clockwork K. See you then."
"You see her home now Inaki!" Roger called, already feet away. "Make sure she's safe."
He startled to attention. "Can do." He returned, giving a small wave. After a minute of silence, K continued walking her bike as if nothing happened. He jogged to catch up, too surprised to move, and fell in stride. "Nice guys." He muttered, smiling a little.
To his amaze, the mood didn't seem tense as it had normally been. "They are WONDERFUL people. I'm glad to know them. I know it's only seven blocks, but I'm happy for their company."
He absently nodded. "Indeed. Seem like pretty good guys." He snorted. "They remind me of what Chass, Kelar, and Rob would be like in fifty years." He smirked. "Wouldn't they like to know I compared them to old men."
She smirked, almost wistfully, and slowly plodded on. There was silence with only her bike chain routinely breaking it. But with the mood, it didn't seem like anything needed to be said. For once, there was no need to break it. He wondered the reason for such a difference. What happened this week that changed her mood? He wouldn't know unless he asked, but it could be as simple as spending time with three old men in a short walk home.
Before he knew it, they were going around the front lawn for the back porch and K was locking her bike to the back pillar.
After the lock clacked shut, she finally decided to get it out. The thoughts roaming in her mind would not stop plaguing her, but the atmosphere was nice enough and she didn't want to break that. It'd been too long it seemed since they had that between them...
"I was going to ask you what you were doing here when I first saw you, but I think the point is kind of moot." She quietly muttered. A hand dug into her jeans for keys and a hand waved him to follow as she stopped at the back porch. There was no light on, and it was unsure whether Sam was still up. "It's a surprise to see you here, but I don't mind. It's been a while since we last saw each other."
His heart - for some reason - thudded a little faster as he stepped out of the way so she could lock the door behind them. Brown watched her and thought she looked tired by the slower way she moved. The softness of her voice also gave it away, but it could be his imagination. Though it WAS rather late...
"I'm not going to order you to leave because it's a long drive back and I don't think you'd come for no reason except to say hello - especially at this time of night." She turned and headed past the kitchen to put the keys away. After dropping them on the table, she spotted a light bouncing off the wall of the stairs. Sam was in her room, so that meant they could talk a little bit. She just prayed whatever Sam was doing - if she was still awake - kept her busy and didn't come downstairs. They didn't need that right now. She walked back to the kitchen, seeing he hadn't followed, and leaned against a counter. Both arms draped across the surface to help prop her up. "In fact, I'm sure you came for a reason." Green closed. "I..." She sighed. "I just hope I'm wrong. It's...it's late after all and I'm tired."
If that was a hint not to start anything, he had to ignore it. Excuses were a dime a dozen, as his mother always said. He felt bad though, watching her sag against her support. Fists tightened in his pockets. He couldn't lose the courage to do this! Watching her wasn't going to help him if he couldn't even say what he wanted to her face!
With stiff limbs, he inched closer and when he hadn't gained her attention, put a gentle hand on her shoulder. She jumped and green shot wide. She relaxed enough, but was definitely tense from him being so near. He looked at her, but her eyes were somewhere in the vicinity of his chest before her head finally turned away.
"You can crash here if you want...if you'll be too tired to make the drive home. I wouldn't want you getting in a wreck just because I didn't want you to sleep here."
He gave a small smile. That was nice of her, even if her body was giving off reactions that told him differently. She very much wanted him away right now. "Thank you for the offer." He muttered, not moving.
She nodded back, almost idly, but didn't turn her head back. It seemed they were frozen in time before she finally gained the courage to push off the counter and pulled away from his touch. "Sam's light is on so I don't know if she's still up. This isn't the best place for a conversation where she can spy."
He always knew she was sharp...because she knew what he wanted without having to ask. She knew why he was here, which helped him and what little plan he had outlined.
Their footsteps were a little loud on carpet as they plodded up. She stopped just outside the doorway to Sam's room and carefully peered in. He held back at the stairs, watching her body for tension in case he needed to hide. Why he didn't know...but with that last conversation with Sam, he did NOT want her to see him. She would know why he was here too...if she could read him as good as she did K.
Finally, K seemed to relax and slowly slid the door to a crack. The thread of light helped him inch closer and not fall or bump into her. "It's safe." She whispered, heading for her room. "She just dozed off during studying. We don't need to worry about her hearing us."
It seemed like she was more worried about Sam noticing she was here and not him. He didn't know why, but it seemed like he wasn't as big an issue right now...when it was past midnight and he was in a house with two women. He could just be overreacting...again. No, he was NOT anal, but he did tend to over think sometimes about things that were so small. It was a habit he couldn't shake.
She cracked the door, fearing any loud noise that woke up her roommate and cruelly turned the lights on, blinding them both before leaning against her desk. Green looked to the opposite wall behind him. "So...why?" It was all she could come up with. She was tired - oh so tired - of going through this. She wanted this settled, and one way, it had to get settled tonight! Even if she lost out on sleep.
Brown closed with a small sigh. "I did some more thinking." A humorless smile rose as a hand ran through his bangs. "I think that's all I'm doing lately. Funny, ne?" Black swished as his hand dropped. "I finally came to a conclusion. I apologize for putting you through so much, but now that I know why I want to know...I only wish you could see my side and give a little."
Fists tightened on the overhand of the desk. It was that, or feel the sting of her nails and she had a feeling she would do permanent damage if she did THAT right now.
There was that familiar tension to both as her tongue froze up for a bit. A long pause dragged out and he wanted to fidget, but firmly forced himself to stay rooted in every bit of his body.
She grasped for the ability to speak in that time until fists tightened in self-anger at being such a wuss and took a breath. "I don't...feel comfortable talking about my past. Any of it." She whispered. Green closed and she felt a little better at not seeing him. "You've demanded more than almost any person I've ever known in my life yet. Even Sam. She never pushed this far. Why do you want to know so badly? What is so important that you'd do this?"
He hadn't expected the question, not really, and couldn't help a tiny blush. He just realized this and now he was going to share it without being able to accustom himself with the idea. Honestly...it wasn't all that scary...
He took a step forward and noticed her body was again all but shying away from him. Her head was turned down at an angle and her fists were nearly white-knuckling the desk. He felt the need to understand, but couldn't get the words out. "Because...I care. It's as simple as that...though I didn't think it was. Even when it was pointed out to me, I denied it. I thought about it and grasped it today. It made all the frustrations go away, so I went with my instincts."
Her eyes slowly opened, though they were a little unfocused as they stared at the carpet. She stared without seeing and used her bangs to hide that. She couldn't believe what she was hearing! It had to be a lie! Perhaps she was reading too much into it. She always did that with guys and look where it got her. She decided to get a REAL answer. "Friendship is no reason when I already mentioned multiple times I didn't want to talk about it." She bit out. Arms subtly crossed, a hand gripping her shirt now that it was away from prying eyes. "You can't use that as an excuse."
His head slowly shook and he stopped a pace in front of her. She still refused to look at him and it was grating. A hand reached out and grasped her chin, only managing to move her face by sheer surprise. By the wideness of her eyes, she didn't expect him to touch her. "I don't mean caring as in friendship. I mean...I CARE." Green squeezed close. She didn't try to jerk her head from his grasp. She almost seemed to stop in and he didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.
This was not happening to her! Not again! She didn't want to have to go through this again!! Hadn't she made herself immune?? Not only to herself, but to the advances of men?? She was tired of their lies and schemes! Such pretty words they spun, hiding the truth!
"K...open your eyes and look at me... Please?"
His voice was softer than she'd ever heard it. It wasn't fair. Why did she have to give in to someone like him? Why did she ever let him in and give him a chance? Only to have him interested in HER. What did he see in her to actually gain emotions? She was nothing to worry about. Nothing...
Against her will, her eyes opened...filled with tears. They met brown long enough to show him before she gently tugged her chin away and looked down. Her body stared shaking from the emotions she saw on his face. It was true. He DID care...and that would stump her more than why he kept pestering her to spill. She couldn't stop it...and she couldn't stop the mind frame she slipped back into every time this damn subject was brought up.
"K? What is it? What's wrong?" A hand reached out and halted when her head dropped forward, bangs shielding her eyes. In the light, a glitter ran down her cheek and his heart clenched. The smallest of discernable trembling shook him and worry clutched his mind. "Kalie...please tell me what's going on... Why are you shaking?"
Teeth harshly bit her lip. Her arms tightened and the fist digging into her shirt opened long enough to grab skin underneath it. She couldn't look at him in her shame. She shouldn't be seen like this! But he wore down her defenses by constantly asking and she couldn't build them back up to where they'd been before. She was raw and there was nothing to hide behind anymore.
His arms clenched to move, but he held back. He didn't know what to do, but wanted to do something. The most basic urge that kept going through him was he wanted to hold her. There was no shame in knowing that, as he would hope it would calm her down.
Again, they were frozen like that, full of indecision and internal conflict until he threw caution aside and took another step. With a harsh swallow, wondering if she'd yell for touching her without consent, hands extended and pulled her from the desk and into his arms.
**I am a BEGINNER Japanese learner...so if these are not 100% correct...please let me know if you care to do so. I only have a web page to learn from, a dictionary, and a few months experience to work with.**
Translations: Naze-Why