Disclaimers: Y'know 'em. Don't own this stuff – Rockstar and MTV do.
Fiction, not fact. Any similarities... yadda, yadda yadda...
Okay, sorry it took so long to get this updated, but I've been SUPER busy. But here it is: episode XXII of Max Payne & Co. present...
The Real World
Max: This is the story...
Mona: of seven strangers...
Mike: picked to live in a house...
Vinnie: and have their lives taped.
Annie: Find out what happens...
Lisa: when people stop being polite...
Kaufman: and start being real...
Everyone: The Real World: New York!
(The Winterson farm, late afternoon)
(We see the gang, as well as Vladimir and Winterson, lounging around in the living room. It is just after they have finished the chores for the day.)
Max: Man, that was some day today, wasn't it?
Vinnie: Ya got that right. I ain't hurt this much since that first morning we were out in the field.
Kaufman: We sure put out some grain, though.
Vladimir: Yes, we did. I think the farm's going to make tons of money this harvest season.
Winterson: We got a lot of milk out of the cows today too, didn't we?
Mona: I'll say. Though I think Lisa could've done without getting kicked in the face by that cow.
(Cut to a shot of Lisa, who is icing down a gigantic hoof-shaped bruise on her face. She looks heartbroken at the fact that her pretty face is all messed up. She nods at Mona's comment.)
Lisa: (confessional) I swear, I'm getting sick of those damn cows. And now one goes and messes up my face that I spent thousands of my husband's dollars on. Well, I'm tellin' ya one thing: one more animal gives me s(bleep)t, I'm gonna grab that shotgun of Cooter's and feed it to it, shells first.
Winterson: Just keep ice on it, Lisa. It should be completely gone in about two days.
Annie: Mike had himself a little scare today too.
Max: Really? What happened, Mike?
Mike: Oh, nothing. Just got thrown off the horse.
Winterson: Thrown off the horse? Good god, that ain't nothing. It's what put Christopher Reeve in a wheelchair.
Mike: I'll be fine, though. My bum is just a little sore.
Annie: (confessional) Mike just had to try and jump his horse over the fence, cause he saw John Wayne do it in a movie. I guess he didn't quite have one of his feet in the stirrup, and he lost his balance and fell. The horse made it, surprisingly.
Lisa: Y'know, we haven't done something together as a group in quite a while. We oughtta do that.
Vladimir: Wow, I'm glad you brought that up, Lisa. Because there's a local bar just down the road from this farm. Winterson and I have gone down there on a few occasions, and even Cooter and Mildred go once in a while.
Mona: Yeah, but we oughtta do something else besides that. Y'know, something more original.
Vladimir: Yes, Mona, I was just getting to that. Tomorrow night they are having a dance competition.
Winterson: Those are fun. Vlad and I would enter, but of course... (pats her tummy) this little one's kinda in the way.
Max: Hmmm, this sounds like fun. Like... (stops abruptly)
Mona: Like what, Max?
Max: Like... fun... yeah...
Max: (confessional) Whew! Caught myself just in the nick of time. I was wondering how long it would take before I got tempted to use a simile again.
Annie: Yeah. That is a good idea.
Mike: Hey Annie. We'd better go get started practicing if we're going to do well at the competition.
Mona: Let's go, Max. I've got a ton of ideas for our number.
Max: Sure. But nothing too rough, okay? Let's not forget I'm in my forties.
Mona: Oh quit worrying. You'll be fine.
Vladimir: Vinnie?
Vinnie: Yeah, I'll enter, but there's only one partner I'm dancin' with. And I think ya know who that is.
Vladimir: Well... let's talk to Woden about it. I'm sure we can all work something out.
Winterson: (to Kaufman and Lisa) What about you guys?
Kaufman: But I don't have a partner.
Lisa: (playfully slapping his arm) Oh, don't be silly. I'll be your partner.
Kaufman: Really?
Mona: That's great, but what about Angelo?
Winterson: Yeah, I heard he gets a bit... jealous.
Lisa: Well... I'm sure I can persuade him to be cool about this. I can actually be rather persuasive when I want to be. And it is just a harmless little dance contest.
Mona: Oh... okay. Let us know how it goes.
(Max and Mona, and Mike and Annie leave to get started practicing. Vinnie and Lisa go with Vladimir towards the study to talk with Woden, while Kaufman waits on the sofa.)
(About ten minutes later)
(We see Lisa and Vinnie come back into the living room, where Kaufman is still waiting.)
Lisa: I talked to my husband, and he's cool with us being partners – as long as that's it.
Kaufman: Cool.
Lisa: Well, we'd better go get started. If the competition is tomorrow night, then we need to do some heavy-duty practicing.
Kaufman: Okay. What about you, Vinnie?
Vinnie: Oh yeah, Woden let me call A.J., so I talked to her, and she wants to do it. Woden rented out a studio in town for us to practice in, so we're meeting there in about an hour. (holds up a cell phone) He also gave me this to use in case I need to contact her, or vice-versa.
Lisa: That's great. Well, uh, good luck to the two of yas.
Vinnie: Thanks. You too.
(Vinnie leaves. Kaufman and Lisa go out to one of the barns to practice. Meanwhile, we see Mike and Annie in another barn. They are picking out the music for their number.)
Mike: (looking through his CD collection) Hmmm, what shall we pick? Tim McGraw, Brooks & Dunn, or Garth Brooks?
Annie: Uhhh, Mike, all those are nice, but if we gonna win this contest, then we're probably gonna need to pick out something different. Something a little, uhhh, "urban."
Mike: But why? In a small town like this, wouldn't Country music be the way to go to win?
Annie: I really don't think so. Most of the people that I see winning dance contests pick hip-hop as their music.
Mike: (a bit taken aback) But... this is our music. You said so yourself.
Annie: And it can still be our music. But in a dance competition, the right music is half of winning. And it ain't about what you like. It's the judges.
Mike: So you are just going to give up what you like, just to please the judges?
Annie: Uhh, to win? Yes.
Mike: Annie, I don't believe...
Annie: (sighing) Mike, can't you just let it go? Just this once?
Mike: Why should I have to? Why can't we pick the music that we are comfortable with?
Annie: I'm comfortable with all types of music. And you once were too. What's with you lately?
Mike: What do you mean? I'm the same guy...
Annie: (interrupting) Man, just forget it. You obviously ain't gonna budge, so this ain't happening for us. (storms off)
Mike: Annie, wait!
(Annie ignores him. Mike sits down on a hay bale, dejected.)
Mike: (confessional) I don't believe this. Annie's never been this stubborn before. I thought she loved my music collection, so why can't we use it for our number? But I guess she just wants to win, and so do I. I've never been in a dance competition before, and I don't know whether or not Annie has, but she probably knows more about it than I do. I don't know – maybe I should "budge" just this once, for her.
Annie: (confessional) Awww, man. Our first fight. Well, all couples have 'em, and I guess it was bound to happen for us too. And now it seems so stupid, fighting over such a little thing as music. (sighs) Maybe I should just let Mike pick out one of his CDs, if it'll make him happy. (thinking) Although...
(We see Mike leave the barn looking for Annie. We then see Annie running towards him, and he towards her. We see them apologize to each other and hug. Annie then shows Mike a CD – we don't see who it is. We then see them back in the barn, listening to it. We don't actually hear it, but Mike appears to like it, and so does Annie. They then start to practice to it.)
(A local dance studio, in town, meanwhile)
(We see Vinnie inside, waiting. He is wearing sweats and sneakers. Soon A.J. pulls into the parking lot and gets out of her car – she is dressed in tight-fitting leotards. She goes inside, and soon finds the rented out studio room where Vinnie is waiting. They kiss.)
Vinnie: Hey A.J. Glad you could make it.
A.J.: Hi, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Sorry I couldn't pick you up, but security's still tight where I'm staying, and they won't let me out lightly. In fact, I had to be escorted here – they wouldn't let me come by myself.
(Vinnie motions towards
the window. A.J. looks out, and sees a "Squeaky Cleaning Company"
van in the parking lot.)
A.J.: But why?
Vinnie: Because I nearly got everyone in trouble the last time I snuck out to see you. We still can't afford to be seen by Horne's crew.
(A.J. still looks a bit annoyed by all this.)
Vinnie: (in a reassuring tone) Look, this should all be over soon, and then things can get back to normal. Okay?
A.J.: Well... okay. (smiles a bit)
Vinnie: We better get started practicing. We only have until tomorrow night to get ready.
(We see Vinnie and A.J. first go through both his and her CD collection, and in a little while agree on a song for their number. We then see them begin to practice.)
(Lenny's Bar & Grille, in town, the next night)
(We see the dance competition taking place. There is a couple dancing on the small dance floor at the front of the bar, with several other competitors waiting at the sides. At the very front of the building is the DJ booth, and at the foot of it is a table where five people are seated, watching. These are the judges. The bar is off to the far left side, and all around the dance floor area are people standing or sitting, watching. There is a large banner across the room that reads "Lenny's Bar & Grille's 3rd Annual Dance Contest." We then see the gang – Max, Mona, Mike, Annie, Lisa, Kaufman, Vinnie, A.J., Vladimir, and Winterson – all sitting at a large table almost right next to the floor. The couple on the floor soon finishes with their dance and the crowd cheers. Lenny, the guy who owns the bar, then comes out to announce. He is a middle-aged guy with graying hair, dressed kind of "disco-ey.")
Lenny: All right, let's give it up for John and Martha. They did a great job tonight. (more applause) Next up we have a couple that is new to this year's competition. Let's give it up for Kaufman and Lisa Punchinello.
(We hear cheers, especially from the rest of the gang, as Kaufman and Lisa go out onto the dance floor. They get into position and wait for their song to begin playing. It soon starts – it is "Objection" by Shakira. They begin dancing immediately. Their routine starts out with a tango, then gets into other Latin dance moves, incorporating elements of salsa, meringue, and other types. Most of their dance moves are very sensual, and Kaufman even tosses Lisa into the air a few times, and catches her. The two move very gracefully. The routine ends with Kaufman and Lisa pressed up against each other, Lisa with one leg raised in the air, paused as the song draws to a close. They then walk off the dance floor, amidst cheering from the crowd, especially the gang.)
Lenny: That was Kaufman and Lisa Punchinello, ladies and gentlemen. Let's have a big, big hand for these two – they performed very well.
(Lenny goes on with some lame chatter as Kaufman and Lisa make their way back towards the gang. Lisa is surprised to see, among them... Angelo, her husband.)
Lisa: Angelo?
Angelo: Lisa. Baby, you were wonderful.
Lisa: (smiling) Thanks. Wow, I didn't think you'd show up. You said you had to work.
Angelo: What? Me work, when my wife's competing for a dance trophy, not to mention money. Why would I need to work?
(Lisa frowns, one hand on her hip.)
Angelo: Just kidding. No really, you were great. (looking at Kaufman) And you must be Kaufman. You did some good stuff too.
Kaufman: Thank you.
(Meanwhile...)
Lenny: Next up, we have another pair of newcomers to our dance competition. So let's give it up for... Vincent Gognitti and A.J. Anderson.
(Cheers as Vinnie and A.J. make their way to the dance floor. They get into position and wait for their song to start. Their song is "When Doves Cry" by Prince. They begin their dance routine as soon as the music starts. Their routine incorporates ballroom, waltz, and modern dance moves. We see a couple of occasions where Vinnie dips A.J. Their routine ends with Vinnie tossing A.J. into the air, catching her with his hands on her tummy, A.J. bent slightly backward. It looks very graceful. They hold this position as the song ends, people cheering, especially the gang.)
Lenny: Wow! Impressive move there at the end, wouldn't you say? Let's have a big hand for Vincent Gognitti and A.J. Anderson.
(More cheering as Vinnie and A.J. make their way back towards the rest of the group.)
Lenny: Next up is another new couple to our dance contest. Let's have a big round of applause for... Mike the Cowboy and Annie Finn.
(Mike and Annie make their way to the dance floor and wait for their song to start playing.)
Max: (confessional) This should really be interesting. I heard that Mike and Annie had a fight concerning their choice of song for their number, but then I heard that they had reached a compromise. I wonder what they mean by that.
(Mike and Annie's song begins to play. It is "Country Grammar" by Nelly. Mike and Annie's dance routine incorporates country & western two-stepping, square dancing, and hip-hop. It is a very unique number. We see two-stepping, do-si-do'ing, and bumping & grinding. The routine ends with Mike dipping Annie, then holding her in that position, one of Annie's legs raised. They hold the position until the song ends, then come out of it and make their way back to the rest of the group, amidst some very enthusiastic cheering.)
Lenny: Wow! That was some dancing, folks. Let's hear it for Mike and Annie. They've obviously got a style that's all their own.
Mike: (confessional) Wow! They love us! This is great! What a rush! I bet we might even win!
Annie: (confessional) Ooooo, I'm tellin' ya, I got a good feelin' about this! Now I'm almost glad me and Mike had that fight yesterday afternoon, cause if it hadn't a'happened, we wouldn't have come up with our routine that the crowd seems to love so much. Aww man, I think we're gonna win!
(The gang gives Mike and Annie pats on the back and other signs of congratulations while Lenny continues.)
Lenny: All right. Last up we have another new couple this year... Wow, all these new faces sure are making tonight interesting. Anyway, let's give it up for... Max Payne and Mona Sax.
(Cheers as Max and Mona make their way onto the dance floor and wait for their song to start playing. It is "Love My Way" by the Psychedelic Furs. They begin their routine, incorporating ballroom, tango, disco, and modern dance moves. It is very reminiscent of "Saturday Night Fever," only with a different song. They twirl around, dip, and tango. There are a couple of instances where Max holds up Mona and suspends her in the air. The routine ends with Max spinning Mona in his arms. They share a brief kiss while doing so (Again, think "Saturday Night Fever!") They then make their way back towards the group, amidst some more loud cheering.)
Lenny: All right. That was our final couple, Max and Mona. Let's give it up for them. And let's have a big hand for all our competitors, both new and old. They've shown us some fine dancing tonight. And we'll be back in a moment with our winners, so don't go away.
(Music begins playing as Lenny and the panel of judges make their way towards the back room. The group sits at a nearby booth.)
Vladimir: Wow. You guys must have worked very hard over the last day and a half. They were all awesome.
Max: Thanks, Vlad.
Winterson: They really were. I've got a feeling at least one of our couples are gonna place in this thing.
Mona: Ya think so, huh?
Winterson: Yeah, I do. By the way, sorry you couldn't practice with Vinnie at the farm, A.J. We just have to keep security tight, for now.
A.J.: Oh, it's okay. Me and Vinnie found a place to practice.
Vladimir: Right. At the dance studio in town, right?
A.J.: Uh huh.
Vladimir: Well, everything should be back to normal soon, so we can all return to the city. Then you and Vinnie can see each other like regular people.
A.J.: Thanks. I'm sure it will.
(About thirty minutes later...)
(Lenny and the panel of judges come back out, the judges carrying the third, second, and first place trophies, plus three checks for the three winning couples. The judges sit at their table, while Lenny goes out onto the floor and addresses the crowd.)
Lenny: Well, we've seen some pretty fly dancing here tonight, and it was really tough for our judges to pick the winners this year. But they've finally reached their decision, so without further adieu, let's bring out our winners.
Our third place couple, who will receive a trophy and a $500 check is... John Smith and Martha Steinway!
(Applause from everyone watching as John and Martha, the couple we saw dancing first, make their way to the judges table to get their third-place trophy and check. The judges have them stand by the table and wait until all the winners are announced.)
Lenny: Our second place couple, who will receive a trophy and a $1,000 check is... Kaufman and Lisa Punchinello!
(Wild cheering from the group, as well as cheers from the rest of the bar patrons, as Kaufman and Lisa make their way to the judges table to claim their prize. Lisa is incredibly excited, and Kaufman is actually smiling a bit. They get their prizes and stand next to John and Martha, waiting for the winning couple to be announced.)
(Kaufman and Lisa, confessional)
Kaufman: (confessional) We got second? Cool.
Lisa: (confessional) Wow! I didn't think we'd place at all, and we got second. And we each get $500. Hmmm, maybe I'll swing by Tiffany's...
(Meanwhile, back at the bar...)
Lenny: And now... our first place winning couple, who will receive the big first place trophy and a check for $5,000 is...
(We see the crowd in total suspense, especially the gang...)
Lenny: ... Mike the Cowboy and Annie Finn!
(Even wilder cheering from the group and lots of other loud cheers from the other bar patrons as Mike and Annie immediately leap up from the table, happy beyond belief that they've won. They both excitedly rush towards the table, pick up their trophy and check, and stand by the table.)
Mike: (confessional) Wow! We won! I don't believe it! It's like a dream come true. Now I really am glad I followed Annie's suggestion for the music. It was right on the money.
Annie: (confessional, excited) Oh my god! We won!! We won!! And I got $2,500 all to myself! I could feel this in my bones. I knew we were gonna win... Like I said, if Mike and I hadn't gotten into that disagreement yesterday, we wouldn't a'come up with this winning routine. (smiles really big)
Lenny: All right, let's have a big hand for our winners, and for all those that were brave enough to compete tonight.
(Applause from the audience.)
(Just outside the bar...)
(We see the gang leaving, talking to and congratulating each other while doing so.)
Max: (to Mike and Annie) Wow. You guys won. I'm really happy for you.
Annie: Well thanks, Max.
Mona: (faking a smile) You guys did really good.
Mona: (confessional) Dammit, that trophy was ours! Max and I had the best routine. It was way more original than Mike and Annie's... I know I should be happy for them, and for Lisa and Kaufman, and I am, but still...
Vladimir: So what are you guys going to do with your prize money?
Annie: I'm gonna buy me a fur coat. I remember seein' one back in Manhattan, so I think I'm gonna buy it whenever we get back.
Vladimir: What about you, Mike?
Mike: Well... I'm going to use it for a down payment on a ranch out in Texas. There is this guy that is wanting to sell it, and he is asking for a down payment of $2,500. And now that I have it, I can buy it! I'm going to send him the check tomorrow, and ask Woden if I can call him.
Annie: Heyy, all right, Mike. Good for you!
Lisa: Hmmm, I wonder if it's Bubba.
Winterson: (to Lisa and Kaufman) What about you guys?
Lisa: Me? Oh, I'll probably just buy something from Tiffany's.
Kaufman: I don't know. Maybe play the stock market, or buy a nice dinner.
Vinnie: Gee, ain't you a wild man, Kaufman. (noticing a taxi nearby) Oh, there's A.J.'s taxi that we sprung for. I'll catch up to you guys in a minute. I'm gonna walk A.J. to her taxi.
(Vinnie walks with A.J. towards the taxi.)
Vinnie: Well, A.J., sorry we didn't win tonight. But I think we were the best couple.
A.J.: It's okay. You did good. I kinda have two left feet.
Vinnie: No, you did good. Hey, maybe we'll win next time.
A.J.: (smiles a bit) Hope so.
(The two reach the taxi, and Vinnie and A.J. share a brief kiss. A.J. then gets in her taxi, which then speeds off. Vinnie then goes to rejoin the rest of the group.)
(The Winterson farm, around 11PM)
(We see the gang enter the house. They go into the living room, where Woden is waiting for them.)
Max: Woden? You're still up?
Woden: Hello, Missssster Payne. Hello everyone. I jusssst wanted to tell you guyssss something.
Vladimir: What is it, Woden?
Woden: I gave all the information about Horne and the President to our contact in the FBI the other day, and earlier thisss evening he got in touch with me. Apparently no one hasss moved on it. Hisssss superiorsss keep giving "lack of evidence" assss the excuse.
Max: Hmmm, this is odd.
Mona: So what are we gonna do?
Woden: I'll keep monitoring the sssssituation, and if I or anyone else findssss out anything, we will give it to our contact, and hope it will go better the nexxxxt time around.
Max: Sounds like a plan to me.
MTV Announcer: Coming up, on the next episode: what's going on at the FBI, and within the Inner Circle? Will the President ever get rescued? And will the gang ever get to go back home? Find out this and more, on the next episode of "The Real World."
Well, hope this was worth the long wait. As always, please R&R!