"If you don't like this marriage...the door's right there!"
"I'm not the one screwing it up! How can you tell me to leave like that?!"
They were so angry. She wanted to shiver from it all, but wasn't entirely conscious. The urge to hit the bathroom rather than wet the bed was too much to ignore and she got up.
Now she wished she stayed under the covers and faced the embarrassment if her little body wasn't developed enough to break the habit in the middle of the night.
"I didn't do a damn thing to make you behave this way! Why are you doing this to me??"
A hand tightened over the stuffed animal in her hands. Green stared in transfixion, unable to turn away.
"Maybe I'm tired of all this...did you think of that? Maybe I needed a change!"
"Don't give ME that bullshit! You're lying!"
"Don't call me a liar!"
They were at each other's throats and it hurt to see them that way. She knew they weren't comfortable around each other...but this was the first fight she ever witnessed.
The emotions in their eyes, the distrust and rage cut. She felt anguish for losing what she thought was a home.
Had she ever had a home?
As if just noticing, two pairs of surprised eyes froze her in the archway. She was young, but still waist-high for her age. How could they not see her, other than she was too caught in the conflict to move?
Her father looked a little chagrined and frustrated. Her mother was contrite...but there was love and concern as well.
"Kalie – honey...what're you doing up so late?"
~*~*~
A basketball lazily rolled her way and bumped into a knee before she could react. Green moved as she stared at it and across the area, timidness rearing up.
"Hey! Can you throw that over?"
She gave a small nod and put a thumb to mark the place in her book, using the free hand to give a halfhearted toss. She watched the ball bounce away for a few seconds before returning to the world of make-believe.
It was hard to get back into the story in the little time left of recess now that she'd been taken away. Just as it was getting good too...
With a sigh, she grabbed the bookmark out of her lap and put the book in her backpack before shoving it behind and using it as a pillow over the chain-link fence.
Regrettably putting herself back to the real world made tears want to come and never stop. She stared at the sky to force her mind away, but it did no good. No amount of sidetracking – aside from ever-present, ever trusty books – was going to get her mind off of her parent's divorce.
And the fact that her father had a new girlfriend.
Green blazed and fists clenched. She quickly took a deep breath to hide it, not wanting anyone to ask what was going on. She didn't want them to know or ask questions. This was none of their concern, though she wanted to cry and shout to the world the unfairness of her life.
The man was scum. She was never going to forget that, nor would she ever see him again. She didn't need or want to be around him now that he had another woman in his life. Someone as special – if not more so – than her or her mom.
The bell helped pull her from some of the loathing and she stood as people started heading inside. One hand went to brush shorts and legs of gravel and dust as the other shouldered her bag.
She couldn't wait to get out of here. Eighth grade was dragging and hashing over that recent dating blunder wasn't making time go any faster. She wanted high school to come so she could get a new school with new teachers and new people who didn't know her. If she was lucky enough, the idiot wouldn't be going to the same high school.
Grim eyes remained on the concrete as she marched up the steps with other classmates.
~*~*~
The second the locker opened, something fluttered to the ground. She startled and snatched it off the linoleum before anyone else could, mind burning with questions.
'K, don't get mad but I asked Sheryl to open your locker.'
Her brow furrowed as she recognized Brad's handwriting. She didn't know why he was apologizing for something like that, unless he needed to borrow something and didn't tell her...
Green avidly looked and immediately spotted a palm-sized stuffed animal. She gasped and beamed, hands sticking in to claim her prize.
It was adorable! She had few stuffed animals in her life and never thought much to building a collection, but she'd take this as an exception!
Deep brown fuzz tickled her skin as it was rubbed against her cheek. She turned it over for further inspection and felt tears come at the adorable picture nestled in her palm. A small, mesh bag of chocolates – miraculously untouched by the twins – met her.
The cutest thing? Brad somehow managed to tie the paws to the bag.
She gave a small giggle at his thoughtfulness for small details and pulled the delicate thread keeping the bag closed. She snuck a chocolate into her mouth and one for class before safely hiding the bear from Sheryl's eyes. Whether the girl knew of it or not was unknown, but she did not intend on sharing her candy!
There was a lighter step as she hurried the past minute to class in fear of being late. Brad was so thoughtful...and she even told him she didn't really celebrate birthdays!
-----
She pulled open the door as it rang for the second time, wondering what the big hurry was. So much for studying...
Pulling it open, minor irritation turned to surprise and joy as she met two sights on the other side of the door.
A pair of pink and yellow roses with a few irises for color were shoved in front of a very familiar face.
She gasped and took the outstretched offering, automatically smelling them upon doing so. "They're beautiful..." She mumbled over them. "You didn't have to you know..."
A charming smile made her insides quiver. "But I did. You downplay things that really need to be celebrated, you know that?"
She gave a small smile and let him inside to put them in water. "First the teddy bear and now these? You spoil me." She grinned and briefly met his gaze from the kitchen.
"Maybe." He vaguely drawled, getting comfortable on the couch. She joined him after proudly displaying them in the center of the dining room table and hugged him. "Happy Birthday Kalie."
Her smile widened. "I love you Brad."
He gave a small, lopsided smile and kissed her in response.
~*~*~
'Wanted - roommate. Gender non-preferable. One bedroom in a rented house – rent mildly negotiable. Call or stop by for an appointment or look.'
Simple black and white with terms that seemed within the lines of reason.
Her lips pursed. Feet shuffled in quick indecision as she stared at the address and phone number. The orientation group was getting farther ahead and she had to decide now whether or not to take the only paper off the bulletin board and catch up or catch up and leave it.
Heart pounding, she ripped it off the staples with the thought that she could always throw it away if she stopped at the location and didn't like what she saw.
-----
"Name's Samantha Merth – come on in."
She quickly shook hands, feeling a little anxious at sudden decision making. This was not her style, but she needed a place to stay and the amount was as she said...within the lines of reason.
"Let me give you a quick tour of the place... If there's any questions you have, don't hesitate to tell me to shut up so you can speak."
She grinned and took her shoes off before heading in.
The dual living rooms caught her eye and interested her greatly. The woodwork was exquisite and seemed to be everywhere. The fireplace was amazing, considering it was even THERE. The two bathrooms were nice, even if they were only one point five. She found out there were three bedrooms, not two, but saw a few boxes and assumed that to be storage...which was funny considering there was a rather long storage closet which didn't seem to be that full.
They stopped in the large entryway and the resident leaned against the banister. "So? What's your opinion? I moved here not too long ago myself to start college and to get out of the house. My parents help me with the rent a little and I've got financial aid, but I don't want to rely on just that to pay the bills. I'm flexible with rent, but I gotta tell ya, I don't want you skimping out just because I can be a nice person."
Green took in the general area again. The place was nice and so was the girl. This was a little too much for an impromptu conclusion, but something inside her was disarmed with the humor she was around the last few minutes.
She wandered through both living rooms and kitchen in silence, mind churning at a fast pace. By the time she got to the doorway leading to the basement, she felt an urge to take the idea and run with it.
If she didn't like it, there were always dorms...
She leaned against a pillar in the living room archway and smiled. "I'll take it."
~*~*~
There was that insignificant feeling again. This was the second time this week and she was tired of feeling this way. Why did she have to be like this? Why did he make her feel like this??
Arms tightened around legs as her forehead pressed over knees. She wanted to cry, but didn't allow herself. She was not so depressed to let him see he was getting to her like that.
"Kalie - are you in here?"
A knock sounded soon after the voice and teeth gnashed her lip. She didn't say anything – too scared to – and watched it slide open. His face poked through and she looked away.
"There you are. Something you wanted to talk to me about?"
Her lips pressed together as she wished the bed would swallow her up. She didn't want to say anything about what she was feeling. She didn't want to get into a discussion over this. Couldn't they pretend it never happened??
Green bore holes into the floor as her chin rested on knees. She hadn't moved and if possible, tightened her hold. She watched as he took a few steps in, tension hitting her.
This was too embarrassing to explain. He didn't know much about her father, but she wanted to tell him. His presence at times made her want to spill her soul just to open up to him.
"I don't know what you want me to say."
Tears burned. God, how could he make her feel so bad with one soft-spoken sentence?
Inhaling for strength, green closed. "I don't - I don't mean to be such a downer... You know I hung out with Sheryl and Hal recently when I went back home. I don't think I've ever told you about those two, but Hal has had a crush on me since high school. I can tell he still does."
She paused, throat constricting. How did she get words out of such horrific magnitude?? How did she find the courage to be so bluntly honest only to end up tearing his heart a new valve?
"And?"
He sought answers and wanted her to be honest. She would like things to change; she wanted a normal relationship that wasn't closed off. She wanted to be able to love him without wondering if he wanted her to touch him.
She wouldn't get all that unless she said something.
"Well...we didn't get to talk to catch up since I've been gone, and Hal asked me if I wanted to go out to get something to eat and discuss our lives." Her heart raced as she fought for strength. "I've known Hal since freshman year of high school...he's wanted to go out with me since then. When we met up...I know he wanted to kiss me...and I don't know...if he actually tries...if I'll...stop him."
There was the most deathlike quiet. They were both aware of him being a loner when it came to physical affection and she not only made him painfully aware of that, but that she'd reach to someone ELSE instead of him to get it.
Her breath held when he shuffled. She hadn't been able to look him in the eye – too ashamed and embarrassed– but still watched out of the corner of her peripheral.
"I'm not...angry." He slowly muttered. She cast a quick peek and found him looking to the ceiling with a pensive expression and suspiciously gleaming eyes. "I always told you if you could find someone to treat you better then you should take that."
But she didn't WANT anyone else! She wanted him and him only! Why couldn't he SEE that?! She wasn't even saying the physical thing with Hal would happen – she was speculating here!
His posture was openly avoiding her and she stared now that he refused to look at her. "I guess it's nice to know. I won't stop you on this because I can't really..."
Half of her was stunned at this admission of release and the other was annoyed. Why didn't he get jealous?! Was he going to give up like that without getting angry?? Why wasn't he insisting on being her man and she had no right to be with any other guy like that while they dated??
She wanted to shout those reasons, but dumbly sat in the same position. Their gazes met for a brief second before he opened the door enough to slip out.
She was on her feet in a second, hand extended as if to grab him. Her face was a mix of agony and indecision. Should she go after him?? He was basically telling her to go after Hal, though she wasn't planning on it. She wanted to be honest with him of any possibilities that might occur.
After all, Arthur himself told her she should do more thinking of different prospectives to find more outcomes to a situation.
Time seemed to have stopped, but sped up too. Tears swam in her eyes, full of guilt, shame, and worry.
Oh god...she just ripped his heart out!
Her body jumped into gear and she threw the door open. He was standing at the end of the hallway, back to her. In a few steps, she was already running, seeing him turn at hearing her approach. Tears fell as she tightly hugged him, trying to find words to show how sorry she was.
"I'm sorry - I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." She rasped, head buried in his shoulder.
She could hear him sniff and the notion of him crying – that SHE made him cry – brought more remorse and tears. His body shook the tiniest of degrees and her arms tightened, feeling his copy her.
"Now you know..." He whispered back, face dug in her shoulder. "Now you know I hurt and that I'm human too."
He pulled away first, though she wasn't done holding him. Every instinct wanted to pull him back into her arms and comfort. But, he wasn't that kind of guy. He didn't accept a lot of hugs or kisses or holding hands.
He was an emotional loner...but she didn't want to be with anyone but him.
~*~*~
Deep green quickly took in the figure of a young man. Teeth bit the inside of her lip as she fought not to give a girlish smile.
He was cute. HIGHLY cute!
Leaning on the counter, pleasantly smiling, fingers clasped together. "Hello. What can I get you?"
She met with incredibly dark eyes and blinked. Were those brown or black? She couldn't tell and didn't want to look closer for a better inspection.
Those eyes averted to the order-board above as an arm rested on the counter inches away. Out of the corner of her eye, she took note of the toned condition it was in, along with the nice tan.
Forcefully shaking her head, trying to keep from checking him out, she looked to his face again and took note of shaggy bangs sticking out of a backwards cap. She blinked.
Those bangs were bleached WHITE!
She looked to his eyebrows and found them black. What kind of person dyed their hair such an opposite color??
She had to admit though, even though it was white, he still looked nice. DAMN nice! His features were set in all the right places.
She blinked and took note of his eyes, seeing a slant to them. So...he was orient? Nothing wrong with that, she found that slant rather attractive.
Suddenly, she was met with those indiscernible eyes and tried not to flush when she received a charming smile in return.
"Didn't your parents teach you it's not polite to stare?"
"I - I'm sorry sir - "
The words died when he sent a sly grin her way. "I was just kidding. I don't mind..." She received a quick wink, off-setting her again before she dumbly registered his order.
It took a second before she whirled around and mechanically did as told. After giving the total, she handed over the Styrofoam cup and fought a smile as his fingers came into contact with hers.
After taking the change, she felt a little warmer than the normal hot night temperatures.
"Thanks cutie." He pushed away from the counter and headed for the entrance. Just as he had the door open and was in the entrance way, the youth paused. "By the way, what's your name?"
She minutely startled as if pricked. He wanted to know her name? Why?? Well...
"People around here call me K." She gave a small nod.
He returned it with the same friendly smile. "Inaki." With that, he gave a final wave and let the door shut behind him.
-----
Those eyes.
Deep brown eyes clouded her vision, ones she knew well. They crinkled at the edges with the hint of good mood or laughter, though all she could see were eyes and brows. The rest of his face was absent, though some mysterious light highlighted these features.
She loved those eyes – they were warm and kind. Even though she couldn't see the rest of him, she was content to stare at these all day.
Then...they changed. The crinkles loosened and evaporated as if never there in the first place. She stared at the same color of eyes...though these were practically dissimilar in every aspect.
Indifference.
Pride.
Intensity.
They seemed to stare through her and made her want to fidget. At the same time, she was drawn to keep looking.
They were the same eyes, but weren't. The emotion was atypical and they gave the impression of a different person.
How was it that the person she was in love with had these kinds of eyes??
Green snapped open and absently stared at her door.
What was THAT?!
She sat up - feeling a little disoriented - and a thumb went to her teeth. She nibbled at the edge of skin, replaying the dream over.
Why was she dreaming THAT??
There was no viable reason for her subconscious to be bringing up instances from her entire life. And even if there were, it seemed unlike just remembering things that happened.
It felt like her whole life was on display – like someone was watching or something.
What was up with those eyes? They were Inaki's eyes – no doubt about that – but why were they so distorted?? Inaki always seemed to smile there, but these were off. Like a reflection of a life totally apart from his.
What morbid fascination did she have to put that into her head?
Why did she see him in a darker light?
This was getting too confusing. The fact that she remembered almost the entire dream from her nap was nothing major – she sometimes remembered and sometimes didn't. But those eyes were like someone else's.
Vertigo graced its presence and she gasped. It was a particularly strong one for having just woken up and hands covered her face. She fell back to the bed, but of course it was over as her head hit the pillows.
This was getting beyond annoying and she had no way to stop it. She didn't know of any medical treatments that could cure this, but knew it had to deal with her inner ear. At least...that's what she hypothesized anyway.
She managed to hide it from Sam and Inaki only because it didn't happen a lot when she was with some people. Why she didn't know, but she couldn't figure that out either. These spells were only a week old, but they grew in intensity quite rapidly.
She had to get to a doctor – there was no more getting around it. In the one week, she filled an entire page with dates and times...more times than dates. She was almost on page two and seeing the amount of spells and the description of severity was starting to scare her. She didn't know how it started or what started it, but was getting to the point of HAVING to go, not wanting to go.
She rolled to her side, rubbing her eyes again. It never did any good, but there always seemed to be a pain behind them – at least at times – in the skull area. It was like having a headache almost.
When her hand moved, she spied the clock on the nightstand and rolled to her back. She only slept an hour, and movie time was coming in a bit.
Might as well get up now before SAM came in and tried to get her up.
After carefully sitting up to keep from triggering another spell, she went to the door and headed into the bathroom. The faucet ran and hands cupped cold water to splash and wake up with.
She peered into the mirror when drying her face, wanting to get everything. She blinked a few times, leaning closer and fixating her gaze on herself, taking in everything. She stared as if taking in features never really seen before.
Everything was still the same...except the hair. It was at the end of her shoulder blades and now grossly long from how she normally kept it.
If she wasn't careful, by the time she got to it it'd be another foot longer!
She NEVER had hair that long when she was a kid and tried to picture herself with hair to the top of her waist. Having it this long was overheating enough – anything else would be furnace factor!
It always grew quickly and she never knew why. She had somewhat thick hair, but still thinner than Inaki's and Sam's. It was straight like Inaki's but he kept better care of his than she did. Lately, she threw it into a low ponytail with a few of Sam's ties before heading for class.
Those always seemed more comfy than high ponytails.
While eyeing her hair, another strong spell took hold and seemed to last. The world shook a few times and she gripped the sink. The cold, strong feel of it didn't do any good to bring her back to reality.
Her head pressed against the mirror, bangs covering her eyes. This was getting ridiculous, but at the same time, she almost wanted to cry. This was screwing up a very important time in her life right now! She did not need this unsteadiness when solidity was a key component - college did enough shaking her world up without her sight adding to it!
When everything seemed to pass, she pulled back, eyes still shut. A hand reached out and helped feel her way from the bathroom, just in case staring at herself did it again.
These damn spells had no real rhyme or reason. She tried to write - along with the intensity, times and dates – any possible cause. A few happened in college, even less at work, and almost none when she was with people.
They mostly happened when she was by herself or in no able way to be in contact with someone.
That was just a theory, and a reach at that.
She headed downstairs for something cool to try and wake up with. Sam made a quick trip for more ice cream – as the girl ate it all AGAIN – so she was alone. Not what she wanted for her vision, but right now was perfect.
A quick scout located the phonebook and she plopped it on the counter. She didn't know any doctors in Miami, but there was still the family one in Westchester. She hadn't gone there for a few years, but now was the time to make a quick call. She would find the money – or use what was necessary from her savings – to pay for the visit and any possible medication needed.
This was going to stop and soon.