Westchester didn't have only one exit out of the city. In fact, it all but blended in with the west portion of Miami. That made it a little easier when trying to find other routes besides the highways to take when heading over.
She never took Sam's car because she didn't want her going with. Sam would be pissed that she hadn't said a single word and purposely tried to keep it under wraps.
Inaki would be possibly livid.
She didn't know how serious this was other than it kept happening. It was irregular, struck at the oddest times and places, and had her both worried and frustrated. This was a last resort.
She managed to sneak out with a vague explanation that she was going to go looking around for a while and didn't know when she'd be back. She felt a little bad for lying to Sam, but what to do? Tell her friend she was having really bad dizziness and have the girl freak?
Yea...that'd be REAL productive.
She would tell Sam when she had answers for the both of them. This day was devoted to that. She had the two full pages of times and episodes for the doctor and mentally prayed they would be some good.
She should know it would be a good idea to bring homework or something, even if she didn't want to be weighed down with the twenty-some miles distance.
Why was it these places always had long waiting lines? Did the doctors take five minutes out in between each patient??
She wasn't in a rush to get in and out because she planned on having an in-depth discussion to get to the root of this. She'd take all day and make everyone else wait if that's what it took.
Everyone else must have the same attitude. Maybe THAT'S why her butt was currently going numb.
Heaving a quiet sigh, she stared at the nearest window, watching cars pass in the drop-off area. She let her mind wander, knowing she'd hear her name whenever it was called.
It was a while since she'd been home...for any reason. It'd be nice to look around a bit – though nothing would change in only a few months. She wanted the nostalgia and connection to the past to keep her solid right now.
A hand propped her head up on the armrest. There was only one more dream over the 'examining' of her life. There was the same display feeling accompanying unease. Why she was uneasy that pieces of her life were being dug up from the recesses of her memory was unclear, but she was glad to not have any since.
It WAS abnormal that she kept smelling different things. They weren't much and the every day run-of-the-mill things. Like the grass she never figured out. Undistinguishable foods followed, even when she wasn't cooking them at the time.
The past few days added hearing too, even if she could barely tell she was hearing anything. It was like very faint whispers directly over her ears. The odd thing was she could hear them in everyday life -above the general din of a classroom or reading homework out loud.
She was worried, but every time they came, they were normally within time of an episode.
She knew everything was tied together. There was the possibility of having caught a disease and it was screwing with her inner ear or nose - as the nasal passage, throat, and ear were all connected – and never noticed it. The only thing keeping her from freaking out and labeling herself a nutcase was the fact that everything would hopefully be answered today.
She tried to be logical and did a lot of thinking. What else could she do but rationalize it all?? It was making her head hurt for an entirely different reason and she would be so glad to hear she had some kind of a disease, something she could point a finger at as the cause and a way of treating.
She had enough mental problems to sort out in her life; she didn't need another to the pile.
There was a sudden whiff of antiseptics that seemed to flow on the air and her nose scrunched up. She looked to the lobby to see if a nurse passed for a patient, but there was no one in the area.
Teeth bit her lip harsher than they should've. This was the first time smelling something like that, but for some reason, it seemed like something she encountered before. This didn't seem like other ordinary stuff in the medicine cabinet, but it couldn't be that. Why she didn't know, but she had a feeling.
She inhaled again to try and identify it, driven by base human curiosity, and gained a spell for her efforts.
It was strong, but they all were anymore. A small bit of nausea hit as hands covered her face. Taking away any stimulus seemed to help.
There was a small buzzing in her ears, as if the whole area suddenly went deathly quiet. That wasn't possible and her body pricked to utter wariness as attention was drawn to her hearing. Just as vertigo left...now this.
Amidst the buzz, she could scarcely hear something. It reminded her of the wind rushing by whenever she rode her bike. It was so faint she had to strain for it, but the more she concentrated, the easier it was to hear. It was still quiet, as if refusing to make itself totally known, but not bothering to leave either.
Her brow scrunched up. She was sitting inside an enclosed building with the only outside doors currently closed. There was no way to be getting this kind of wind from them anyway...this only happened at high speeds.
She was tired of asking and wondering what was going on because she had no answers. She felt so helpless when these mysteries struck and it was like her life created parts of the twilight zone.
She wanted to cry at the unfairness of the curveball she was having. It was perfectly okay, as her face was still covered from earlier.
She was so tempted.
A very real pressure on a shoulder jerked her to reality and she looked up. Any feeling of vertigo was nonexistent, and the wind and quiet dissipated.
She was still sitting in the same chair, same position...with a nurse standing above.
"Are you okay? You look a little pale. You're not anemic are you?"
She looked away and stood, using her hair as a curtain to take a deep breath and focus. It was time to get on with it.
She pasted on a small smile when their eyes met again. "I'm okay. I'm up I take it?"
The nurse looked at a clipboard. "If you're Kalie Himmen you are. I called your name a few times but you didn't come up. I wouldn't have known who you were if I didn't see you write your name down and notice you were still sitting here." There was another mildly searching gaze from the expert before a friendly look popped up. "If you'll follow me."
She nodded and slipped through a door. Her shoes slipped off upon command to check her height and weight. She was still the same height and around the same weight as always.
It was nice to know she hadn't gained any weight since the time she was weighed a few years ago. At the same time, it was nice to know she hadn't lost any. Being underweight might be one reason for the spells. Malnourishment and causing reactions.
Blood pressure was normal as well, which was nice. It didn't help any either, because she figured that could be a reason for everything happening. High pressure could be causing any number of things and the only thing left would be to narrow them down.
She was led to a small room when all was done and left to sit. 'The doctor will be right in my ass.' She mentally grumbled, crinkling the paper covering a medic bed.
Oddly enough, for as long as she sat in the lobby, the nurse was true to her word.
She explained the optometrist visit and that recommendation for a medical exam. She handed over the sheets to the man and waited in tense silence as he looked them over. She tried not to fidget and crinkle the paper, so settled for nibbling a thumb.
Finally, their eyes met...but his were unreadable. "Are you still having such strong bouts?"
She nodded. "I had one out in the lobby, but I didn't have something to write with to add that down."
The doctor went back to looking, but it was clear his attention wasn't on them. "You did a good job in keeping such detailed records. This'll give us a little easier time and save yousome questions I would've asked." There was another pause before he set the sheets on a wall table and reached for the stethoscope.
She breathed in when ordered, a little down to hear there was nothing wrong with her lungs. Another mental checkmark on her list of body parts that could be causing this.
She looked up as hands felt the glands under her ears. Nothing hurt and she made mention upon request. He felt her neck area, finding nothing again.
She hoped he didn't intend on padding her down EVERYWHERE, as that would be highly discomfiting – medical doctor or no. She didn't care if he probably saw it all before, she wasn't stripping for a male doctor.
After checking the back of her throat, a small probe into the edge of her ear, and checking a few reflexes, she was out of options...save one. She dreaded hearing that, but had no choice.
"I suggest we get a blood test run."
She shivered a little and unconsciously crossed her arms, hiding the inside of her elbow. She rather hated needles...
"I've got these as well, but it could be a blood-born pathogen in your system. We won't know unless we look."
Green shifted nervously. "Other than the blood tests...what do you think is wrong with me? Does such heavy spells mean something?"
The doctor sat on the stool again. Hands rested over one crossed leg as if giving considerably grave news. "Vertigo can be a symptom of plenty of things. The problem is finding out exactly what is causing it. It can stem from Meniere's Disease, BPPV - Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo, Labyrinthitis, Neuronitis, Endolymphatic hydrops, a different virus, or in the rare case – Acoustic Neuroma."
By the time he finished, her eyes were as wide as saucers and back ramrod straight. She didn't know any of those names, but all seemed quite serious.
So he WAS giving some grave news.
"But," He countered, "there're some that can be voided out simply from your general examination. Because you're so young and said you haven't had any head injuries you know of, you might be able to bypass BPPV...which is brought on by head injuries and sometimes old age. Some I named off deal with fluid in the inner ear or infections and pressure on that area...and stem from head injuries. I doubt you have Acoustic Neuroma; it's a rare case of cancer which a benign tumor grows around the bone of the ear and spots of the brain that deal with hearing and balance."
Her hands were mildly shaking in white-knuckled fists and it was hard to keep in mind he was talking about diseases she DIDN'T have!
They all sounded scary, even from a two-cent version! She knew she needed answers, but never considered prepping herself for what to do when she GOT one...
After hearing his explanations, a blood test sounded like a walk in the park. She never liked the thought of needles, partially because she had an overactive imagination with them pricking skin from needing shots as a child. It effectively added her to the phobia list.
As much as she hated getting that done, she needed to stop suffering like this. The urge to refuse the test simply because she liked to keep her veins closed was not an option. So far this man was stumped...maybe more props and heads would help?
She conceded and was left alone with the promise of a nurse coming in soon for the sample...left to stew in deep nerves and adrenaline until then.
She wanted to pace – every muscle was tight with expectation of hopping off the bed and striding over the small room. But she forced her mind to work instead and save energy. She was going to need it for the ride home later.
Her mind replayed the exam and tried to pick anything she missed the first time. She was almost insulted at the notion of having an infection in her ear, even something a Q-tip couldn't get to. She kept very good care of her body and tried not to get sick.
One thing that stood out was during his ministrations, he didn't set off any kind of triggers. There didn't seem to be anything in her throat or ear area spells, so head position was not an issue.
She was getting desperate. If she didn't get an answer here, where ELSE could she go?? A head specialist? She didn't have that kind of money in savings and as it was she had a feeling this visit was going to be at least seventy bucks or more. With the tests, she was betting over a hundred.
Her jaw clenched in frustration. THIS was why she didn't go to doctors half the time! Not getting an answer and having to go through the means of getting one was costly and she wasn't exactly Ritchie Rich.
The door swung open and her head shot to it, eyes lighting on the tray in the woman's hands. She followed it like a snake ready to strike as it was set on the table.
"Afternoon miss. I'm here to get a little blood from you."
She dumbly nodded and tried not to freak out as the woman had her change sitting positions to rest an arm on part of the table. She purposely took slow, deep breaths to keep from hyperventilating and wishing her mother was around to bury her head and hide against.
It was never as bad when the action took place. Anticipation and imagination of the needle and skin was the biggest issue. But who WOULDN'T get squeamish and cover the tender skin of their arms at picturing what syringes did when they were brought in??
A little blood turned out to be a third of the tube and she hoped not to pass out on the way back. She was glad the rubber was removed and everything done.
God she was a baby with this!
"That wasn't so hard now was it?" The nurse asked, applying alcohol and a Band-Aid.
'Speak for yourself!' She retorted, trying not to glare.
"We'll get these into the lab and you'll get your results within a few weeks."
WEEKS!?
She forcefully kept her jaw from dropping.
Another thought hit – there were only two ways she'd know. She'd need to make another trip out...or they were going to call home.
The probability that Sam would pick up the phone when she wasn't around was too high and then she'd have some massive explaining AND sucking up to do.
The mail was out of the question.
"Is there any way I can just find a date and come back? I'm not that easy to get a hold of..."
"The easiest way is to call you when they're in, or we can write you. I'm afraid stopping in and asking would be a waste of your time. You could give it a few weeks and call us, but you might get the same results if the tests aren't back yet."
She was so stuck. It sucked big time, but there was nothing to do. "Mail works then." She muttered.
She followed the nurse until she could find her way to reception. She was dismayed to find the bill nearly a hundred and fifty after all tests and taxes.
This had better be a one-time deal.
She was NOT in a good mood by the time she returned home. She was irritated at being in the dark after so much hoping and delay, and annoyed at the cost.
She should've known it wouldn't be a simple 'say ah' procedure. Tests HAD to be done and she begrudgingly accepted that as she clicked the lock on the chain and headed in the back door.
She looked up at noise in the living room and stopped in the archway. "I'm back." She muttered, subtly crossing her arms to hide the Band-aid.
Light blue met green. "Oh hey...Inaki called while you were out. He wondered if you wanted to hang out today but I said you had plans of some kind. Then we had movie time so he no chance in hell unless he wanted to watch chick flicks."
She couldn't help but grin. Inaki wasn't a chick flick kind of guy unless he was alone with her and allowed to be sappy.
"Well I'll give him a call later or something." She answered. "I'm going up to my room for a bit. I'll be down for starting time."
"You'd better!"
She felt strange, almost lightheaded by the time she made it to the sleeping floor and leaned against the wall across her room. This wasn't from lack of blood...this almost seemed like she had hyperventilated. But she was very careful not to at the clinic.
Her head thunked against plaster lightly, eyes closing. The sounds from downstairs followed her up...slowly fading into nothing.
There was no buzzing in her ears, but she was definitely hearing her breathing as if recorded and playing back. It slowed as she calmed her heart.
This was like some kind of horror movie scene! Breathing like this was normally this loud during the chase scene or mass suspense.
It effectively got her attention when an even quieter, second pattern could be heard over hers.
Green shot wide and stared at white stucco as the second one inched in volume to be distinguishable. This second was a lot steadier than hers. There was the same pitch in breathing tone...even if it wasn't hers.
Unsteadily, she sunk to the ground, huddling to herself as tightly as possible. She wanted to scream in fear that she was going crazy, but her throat locked up. Panic evaded her veins and she escaped running away by wrapping arms around legs in a death-grip.
During the time she started trembling, the second breathing grew until it was as loud as hers. It almost seemed like she was inhaling extremely fast, but hers was fast while the other was still calm.
This wasn't making sense!!
Why was she hearing this?! What did it mean?! Was there some meaning to it all?? The smells, the noises, the spells – they all seemed to have one because she hadn't heard or smelt anything like now until the spells started.
Another hit, though this seemed weaker. Perhaps it was because the noise was still the same throughout. She didn't know whether or not that was a good thing.
The beginning of hyperventilation was edging to her and she made an effort to stop it by getting to her feet and focusing on something else. This was like a nightmare she couldn't wake from. She stumbled into her room, trying not to slam the door and fell to her knees. She crouched into herself and continuing to tremble.
The distraction seemed to help as the noise was a quieter than before. It was still there though.
She abruptly sat up, eager for anything to change the noise before her mind slipped, and green instantly landed on her cd collection. She quickly stood and hovered over, trying to find something that not only sounded appealing, but would be loud enough to drown her thoughts.
She spied one of the cds Inaki bought so long ago and a hand slowly inched it. She swallowed and stared transfixed at the near ghostly image of a pale girl with black hair. There was an almost gothic appearance, with a pull from those eyes.
Before she knew what she was doing, she had it in the nearby portable player and already slipping cordless ear buds on.
She hadn't listened to this yet, as the cover didn't look appealing, but seeing the face created to a need she never had with this kind of music.
She put it on shuffle, not caring which track was first, and bonelessly slid to the floor to listen, feeling her energy deplete.
Watching me wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
I won't let you pull me down
She quickly pressed the 'next' button, a small shiver running up her spine. The lyrics were a little creepy...mostly because they fit.
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
You're taking over me
There was lightheadedness that foretold the coming of a spell. It happened and her forehead pressed against the carpet with a grimace. There was a twinge of pain behind her eyes and trying to squeeze them against it made it worse.
She wanted to whimper from it, but the strength to make noises seemed to leave. Ragged breathing was all she could do.
Brief silence told her the spell lasted for the entire last chorus and changed. It was no longer in her grasp and changed on its own.
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken
~*~
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
She flopped to the side and absently stared at the ceiling, feeling listless. The slow piano plucking seemed to sap any energy, but also hope. This only seemed to remind her that she WAS awake. Pain wasn't possible in a dream, everyone knew that.
Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes and shifted to her cheeks as she rolled over and groped for the player. Ear buds still in place, she unsteadily got to her feet again and made for the door.
She banged a shoulder on the bathroom doorway, barely feeling it. The lightheadedness returned, but wasn't a prelude. She felt her feet weren't contacting the tiles, even if she could feel cold temperatures from a nearby, open window.
The player clacked into the basin as she clutched edges of the sink as if being pulled away. She didn't hear it over words that seemed to speak to her of things she didn't know, but could sense were issues currently plaguing her.
Her body trembled and more weight went to her arms to help keep her upright. Though she hadn't run anywhere or held her breath, she gasped for it as if her lungs weren't getting enough. There was enough adrenaline in her system to disengage the sink from the cupboard holding it up.
When she finally looked up, a pale face and wide, hollow eyes greeted her. They looked dead, and needless to say...freaked her out.
Whispered voices at my ear
She beckons me shall I give in?
Upon my end shall I begin?
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet the end
She stared into those eyes, trying to recognize herself. Her vision wavered a little and she blinked to clear it, wooziness still there.
Unconsciously, she moved closer until she was trying to focus from being so close.
Something occurred to her and anger boiled under the surface. The emotion hit so unexpectedly; she barely registered it until it hit full force. She credited it to her current helplessness since the beginning and the challenge in the lyrics.
Fists tightened around porcelain until she was in danger of tearing off a nail from pressure.
She kept staring, trying to see herself, but couldn't. She couldn't see the person she was in this face, though it was hers. She didn't know this reflection!
She pushed off the sink and snatched the player from its resting place. As the song wound down, she felt the hidden emotion in the melody and beat and it spurred her on.
She clutched the player in a death grip to the point of breaking it before pulling the arm back and throwing it with all her might – shouting as she did so – against the shower tiles.