'I am never going to come to a decision. This is going to plague me till I get out of here and then I'll be worse off with these thoughts in my head.'
Brown closed a little as she absently stared at the far wall. 'Who would I be? What mind would I have? Who am I now? Am I even my own person? Why am I barely a full person as she said? Why didn't she connect us? I would've rather have never known this life than be forced to give it up.'
Her gaze hardened to a glare. 'It's not my fault for what happened so why am I being punished? Just because she's got some man she thinks is alive in this time, I have to give up my body and mind. A little presumptuous of her.'
A shot of pain went down her arm in one of the movements and she paused thought and function with a hiss. After a little coaching, she continued.
'So she says we're one person. I find that hard to believe, even though part of me knows it's true. What name would I even go by? I've got three to choose from...' A smirk appeared, though there was little humor abound.
'This sucks.'
"Okay Miss Himmen, I think we're done for today."
Brown blinked as she startled. "What? That's it?? That went fast."
A smile met her. "You zoned through half the treatment – what do you expect?"
Her brow furrowed with a small grin. "How do you know that?"
The grin returned full force. "Because your expressions kept changing and you barely said one word about any pain."
She gave a sheepish grin. "Ah, sorry about that. I've got a lot on my mind."
The therapist eyed her shoulder. "I can imagine. Well...I can escort you back to your room if you like."
She looked mildly put out. "Don't bother. I know my way blindfolded. Besides, I'm hungry – think I'll go see if the cafeteria has anything good. You'll notice I'm not holding my breath."
The two chuckled and she carefully handed over the feeble weight. The physical therapist snatched it and put it away with the other sets. She held the door open with her good hand, other tucking against her body to keep from getting bumped.
She bid the woman farewell for now, a little bored. Sam had classes and Inaki wasn't going to be here until visiting hours came. It was early in the morning for many to be out and about.
Perfect time to think.
But she didn't want to do anymore thinking, she wanted to do something. She also wanted to get the hell out of here. This was going to drain her savings to nothing and she didn't have health insurance.
"I'm so screwed when I see the bill..." She moaned, fighting to slap her forehead.
She heaved a sigh and consciously tugged at the outfit as she made for a window in one of the many waiting rooms. Not to be one caught indecent in those hospital gowns, she had Sam bring some of her summer p.j. boxers for cover.
Since she wasn't allowed anything heavy over the injury, the gown was turned around. There were enough bandages covering her chest so even if it didn't hide everything, she had extra. She wasn't allowed to wear bras or exercise tops because they ran along her collarbone. Nothing but bandages and medical cream could touch that hole in her shoulder.
It was healing pretty well for the severity. She was glad because two weeks of homework and work was going to kill her. Sam was kind enough to bring her books and any changes in assignments, so she had plenty to do to fight boredom.
It wasn't exactly easy doing homework in a sterile room with no personality. It was so out of the norm and she missed her desk with the comfy chair...even if the hospital beds weren't bad.
She turned away, finally feeling like eating. Food sounded like heaven at times and the worst thing on the planet depending on time of day. Her injury was screwing with her appetite and that wasn't good. She was warned not to loose any weight – as doctors thought she was thin already – as it might affect the healing process.
But...with crappy food like this...how did they expect ANYONE to get their strength back??
One of these nights, she was going to beg Sam or seduce Inaki into bringing a pizza in or...SOMETHING. REAL food for a change.
She smiled, cafeteria smells wafting her way. 'I might be blowing this out of proportion. Not all THAT bad. After all...it IS food. And it's better than nothing.'
There were a few stragglers at the ten o'clock hour, which was how she liked it. She wasn't afraid to be alone and a few of the 'tenants' knew of the girl with the horrible-shoulder-wound.
A few kept asking how she got it since nurses wouldn't give the information out. How rude!
She wasn't a freak, nor was she crazy and didn't want to be seen as either. 'If I had any wish right now...I'd wish for my old life back with Inaki and Sam and studying before SHE came and played with it.'
Sunbeams lit a table near a window and called to her. She drifted to it, gently setting her tray down with thought to her shoulder. Her stitches were out and now she had to build strength.
The heat was nice. She turned the injury to it and let it loosen tired muscles. She would be glad when therapy was over and the skin fine. This drained her more than needed.
'I've still got thirty pages to read before visiting hours too...'
Chass and Marisol stopped a few days during the week to see how she was doing and help her with a few things in classes. They chatted about nothing in particular and brought her flowers and cards some people in class signed.
Work sent flowers and cards as well. The three old-timers came to visit one day and it was almost like family showing up. They mainly stopped to mother-hen her injury and say how much they missed her.
She didn't know that many people knew her.
Ella got wind about her location and she was betting Inaki was the stoolpigeon. Worrying her mother was not on the agenda, but at least the woman came a week after admission and she was healthier.
The woman offered to help shoulder some of the bills, knowing of her finances, but she refused. Ella had enough of her own to take this.
She would work it out someway...
It was nice to have Inaki and Sam regularly visit. She understood both had work and Sam classes, and used the weekdays to play catch-up. Inaki came down weekends and stayed at her house in the meantime.
She hoped Sam wasn't sneaking any peeks in the shower...
She grinned and glanced out the window. The view was nice from three stories up and she shifted the chair to face it.
A contented sigh escaped as the Spork picked at her plate. Silence, edible food, sunlight, good view, and homework to pass the time.
She could do worse.
Brown whipped over at a sudden presence and she hissed at the pull from her neck. A hand hovered over the sight, but she forced herself from touching it. Her head bowed and raven covered her eyes.
"Sorry...didn't mean to startle you."
Brown popped open, widely staring at her thighs.
That voice...she KNEW that voice!
She didn't want to look up. This had to be a hallucination like all the others! But this was from her own life not the other's, and his voice was too real.
There was no dizziness or present fading away for past memories.
This was real!
Taking a slow, deep breath to steel herself, brown inched up, stopping on the plate across the table.
"I didn't know if that was you or not... Did you dye your hair and get contacts?"
Brown slowly closed. She sat back as much as possible, the sun no longer comforting warmth and looked to it, silently begging for solitude again. "What are you doing here?"
"What kind of a greeting is that?"
She quietly sighed. "Hello...Arthur..."
Said person sat in one of the chairs and scooted it forward. "Hello to you too Kalie. And if you'd look higher than the table, you'd notice I've got a pair of scrubs on. I work here."
Her jaw clenched at his answer. Why didn't he just spit it out?? His tone made her feel a little like an idiot again.
'Just like old times, ne?' She resisted a glare in his direction. She needed that strength to get her through this.
"I read about your shoulder. Looks bad."
Brown shot up and warily stared. She took in the same color scrubs as doctors had. "And just WHAT were you doing reading my records?? I thought only official hospital staff had access to them. And even then, only my doctor should."
"Calm down – don't stress yourself. No I'm not a doctor, but I am a nurse and work the third shift. When I heard people talking about the girl with the unknown-shoulder-injury, I asked around." Arthur shrugged. "Normal human curiosity – sue me." Serious eyes met hers. "How did that happen anyway?"
She ignored the concern and looked to the view again. There was a distinct urge to push her food away before the smell made her nauseous.
What a way to loose one's appetite.
"That's not something I care to go into right now."
"You mean with me."
Her jaw clenched again and used her bangs to hide from him. What did he want her to say?? Still...that near accusatory tone compelled her to say something. "...Yes..."
"That hurts."
A little indignation speared her and she let it come. "So does my shoulder." She quipped, not smiling.
Arthur smiled, starting in on his plate. "You still have your sarcasm I see..."
"Some call it humor." She snuck a glance and her nose wrinkled at watching him eat. It wasn't the food, but the thought of eating with this tension didn't agree with her.
Arthur didn't reply, but she could sense he had something to say and would've if he wasn't eating.
There was an uncomfortable silence – at least she thought so. Why did it always have to be this way?? She didn't need this extra strain!
She would head back to her room and bar the door if she wasn't rooted to the spot.
Why was he talking to her all of a sudden?? Dull brown looked to the tabletop. 'Three years and no word...now all of a sudden poof! Back in my life. Why the hell did he approach me?!'
She wanted to know...some morbid part was cattle prodding her to ask. Not like she needed that aggravation, but hey – her life was losing its flare for the dramatics!
"Kalie."
She looked up, eyes curious and wary. There was – oddly enough - a soft look waiting. She blinked in confusion and dumbly stared.
A hand reached across the table and took her good one. She was too stunned to pull away. "Arthur?"
"Kalie...it's been a while, hasn't it?"
Her mouth turned to a grim smile. "Three odd years."
"I can't believe you're twenty-one already."
"Join the club. I didn't exactly have the best birthday."
Last month was delved into the madness of her mind and she completely spaced it off. She tried so hard to find some normality that she went to classes and work without knowing. Sam hadn't said a word, which was odd, but then, she WAS one to walk on eggshells around.
"I'm sorry to hear that. You deserve the best at everything."
She slumped against the chair, but he still didn't release his hold. "Why are you saying these things?"
"I've...missed you Kalie. I thought about you every day that first year. You never called, so I never called. I thought if I gave you some time...maybe you could think things through."
"What would I have to think through?"
This was so not happening! Why was Arthur doing this?! Her life was screwed up enough with the situation of her soul, not to mention her ignorance of Inaki, she didn't need this!
But she couldn't leave. She fell so very close to falling in love with this man and even three years didn't kill everything. She just buried it...as she did everything in her life.
This spelled disaster unless she gained courage to nip it in the bud. Whatever Arthur was saying couldn't be continued for her sake of sanity.
Not to mention emotional upset.
"Are you saying you haven't thought of me since the day you broke up with me?"
Unease and guilt wove her veins. Her heart sped a little at his touch and she resisted looking into his eyes. If she did that, she might be tempted to stare longer and get lost in them.
Did she think of him...did he want her to answer that? Tell him of her little brush with death and everything he made her feel?
Part of her wanted to out of spite. She almost committed suicide over him! Not only would she be dead, but it wasn't worth it. The pain faded and now she was better than that scared girl.
No...it wasn't worth rehashing the past.
"I don't know...I don't remember every day of my life you know."
"Kalie...look at me." She didn't want to, but did. "I don't know what you want from me. I admit I might not've been the best person back then...but didn't I ask you to teach me?? Teach me how to get used to holding hands, holding you? I'm a guy...we're not that emotional, but it's also how I grew up. Are you going to hold that against me? I didn't hold anything against you."
She wanted to run away as fast as she could and make tracks for the safety of her room. It didn't lock, but the bathroom did and that's all she needed to keep him out. She could turn the vent on so she didn't have to hear him.
Or how bad he was already making her feel.
"No...I don't hold that against you..." She mumbled.
The hand pulled away and she felt a little isolated. Part of her wanted to take his hand and it rose a few inches before she clamped on resolve.
She straightened, but still couldn't meet his stare. "Arthur – you..." She sighed. "Why are you doing this?? Why now after so many years?? What are you trying to accomplish here? Okay so I broke up with you. You manipulated my emotions and didn't seem to know or care you were doing it! Do you think I'd stay around when you did something like that??"
"Whatever I did in the past may've been horrible and I'm sorry for that. I saw you around the halls one night and you've been on my mind ever since. I was thinking a lot about you Kalie..."
'Oh god! This can't be...oh please don't let it be going where I think it is!'
"I was hoping you thought a lot about me too. We had a lot of fun times together didn't we? I had to see how you've been doing – how the years treated you. I – I was hoping we could...talk about a few things...and maybe – well... I was hoping you could give me another chance. I miss you Kalie."
She wanted to hyperventilate but that wouldn't be a good thing.
'Not now – oh PLEASE don't make me deal with this now! I haven't made a decision, I haven't finished college, I haven't told Inaki I love him...I still have homework to finish!'
She wanted to break it to Arthur and say she had a boyfriend and too-bad-so-sad. But she couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't look at him. The smile he gave made adrenaline run like it always used to.
She had to get out of here before ALL emotion came back. She was so confused and didn't know how to proceed. She nearly loved this man and being with him was the only familiar thing in her life right now. They had a past of tears and laughter, and those memories were more solid and easier to grasp than her relationship with Inaki.
If there was ever a better way to grasp the old her, Arthur was it.
She trembled at that realization. She was in love with Inaki, but old love was more powerful than new. If she wasn't careful, she might get swept in the tide. 'I've got to get out of here!!'
"I – I can't...answer anything...right now. I can't – can't think." She tried to stand, gripping the table to help. "I need to get back to my room. People are going to be visiting me soon...I need to be there before they worry."
A hand took hers as she swept by, being careful not jar her. "Every day since you broke up with me, I never considered us so. You never even told me to my face. You wrote a letter and mailed it to me. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? How cowardly that was?"
Tears lined her eyes and guilt intensified. Brown pinned on the doorway, wishing to get through. "You...hurt me...with everything you did. How did you...expect me to feel?"
Hearing shakiness in her tone, the chair shuffled back. "Kalie... I don't mean to be bad. I don't want to sound so horrible. Maybe you're reading it wrong." An arm carefully went around her back, the other directing her to his front. "I'm not that bad a guy am I?"
She shook as bad as she used to do and it was sending pricks of pain through her. His arm felt nice and she was thrown back to old behaviors, old times, and old love.
This was one time she would let the other take control, as the girl seemed stronger in this area than she ever would.
Brown forcefully looked to the hall. "I – I need to go..." She stepped out of his hold and tried not to run.
He intimidated her like he always did...why did she feel anything toward him??
It was said people went with what was familiar. Her father wasn't the nicest man on the planet, even if he was kind of decent. He didn't treat her mother right, but she thought he had until they fought.
Arthur was mildly decent, funny, kind person and she liked being around him when she wasn't like this.
How could one fight the urge to stay in that comfort zone, no matter what kind of zone it was, without being scarred in any way? She was proof it wasn't possible to get out of it undeterred.
Her room seemed farther away, but the need to get back didn't help. She was trying to keep from showing tears, but it was hard. She was relieved to know Arthur didn't follow her – she didn't know what she'd do if he did.
Pain intensified and she grimaced. The site was going to swell if it kept going. Her blood pressure was probably sky high from all this.
Goodie.
She stopped to take a few deep breaths, but her mind wouldn't clear. She kept seeing his face, hearing his voice, feeling his touch. Everything they shared came and she couldn't block it.
'Please...please don't make me deal with this again... Don't make me see this.' Brown squeezed shut and tears lined her lashes.
When was she going to catch a break?!
"Oh my god K – are you alright?!"
Slowly, she looked up, finding a pair of feet meeting her vision. She blinked and brown continued upward. Known jeans met her and she stared.
"You look rather pale. What happened? Mar and I went to your room and you weren't there. We asked the nurse what was going on and started looking."
Her shoulders slumped, a comforting presence soothing her anxiety. "Chance..."
"Kalie, sweetheart...let's get you back to bed."
Hands carefully touched her and she looked to the owner. "Marisol... What're you guys doing here?"
Chance gave a small grin and helped her rise. "We were playing hooky and thought we'd see you."
A hand wrapped around hers and squeezed. She felt more reassured, even if her mind was still peeling back the clouds to comprehension. "So you're playing hooky in a hospital? Kind of boring, ne?"
Marisol smiled. "It's not the place, it's the people."
Her lips twitched. They arrived at her room and she wished for a lock. She didn't know if Arthur would come after her or not, but she didn't want to chance anything right now.
She plopped on the bed, gritting her teeth against pain, as the other two pulled up chairs. "So...how's it going?" Chance asked.
She wanted to fall against the mattress or bang her head against the wall. Brown absently locked with the stack of texts.
All she wanted to do right now was bury herself in them.
But the nagging feeling of talking wouldn't give in and she had the distinctive urge to let this out. 'Which one of me is doing the nudging?'
She looked to the window, face glum. "Did either of you know Arthur works here?"
Both blinked, but Chance looked thoughtful. "Where have I heard that before?" A finger tapped her chin before recognition dawned. "Hey, wasn't he a boyfriend?"
"Ex-boyfriend."
Marisol grimaced at the dead tone. "Sweetie...you look stressed. That's not good in your condition." The girl shifted forward. "Did something happen between you two?"
She was silent, considering just how much to say. She didn't really do this with many people, but Chance and Marisol gave her good advice in the past when she needed direction. It couldn't hurt to see what this session produced.
"He...wants me to...take him back."
"I thought you were going out with Inaki."
"I am...kind of."
"Well then, problem solved. Just tell Arthur-boy so sorry and stop worrying."
How could she tell them what she was feeling? They would never understand her tangle of emotions, nor would they believe she was reincarnated from half of a soul.
Like she needed these two – the few friends she had – to think her a schizoid.
"It's...complicated. I'm kind of going through a hard time right now."
"We can both see that sweetheart, but how do you feel about Inaki?"
"I love him – I just have to get the guts to tell him."
"Then why are you getting worked up over your ex?"
"I almost fell in love with him too."
"Man what a soap opera!"
"Chance!"
"It's okay Marisol – Chance's right. My life IS a freaking soap opera." She leaned back and let the bed hold her up as brown stared at the ceiling. "I thought it was boring too."
"Well you've still got your wits about you." Chance quipped, grinning. "And if you're still levelheaded enough to crack sarcasm, you can get through this."
She wanted to look at the girl, but that would require sitting up and she didn't have energy to do so. "You have more faith in me than I do."
"Don't make it sound like such a big deal!" Chance argued, standing. She plopped at the edge of the bed and leaned over. "You're going out with Inaki. You're in love with him. You're almost graduated with a few degrees – both of which are rather hard in their own right. You have a lot going for you – despite the current situation – so you need to buck up and look positive."
She met the girl's eyes and stared. Sound advice, but easier said than done. She always thought more than felt, but with everything going on, the other life was prompting her to feel more and dissect less.
She WAS still in love with Inaki...but with everything going on in her head, he was pushed to the background. She hadn't thought about him until he showed up somehow and she was horrible for doing so.
She mentally startled as something came to attention. 'God, we've been going out for almost six months! And I've known him for almost a year and a half.' Stunned brown met stucco as she processed that.
So long it seemed, even if it was such a short time. Brown dulled and shifted to the window, watching afternoon shadows creep up.
She confided in him so much...but she couldn't tell him this. He was her link to a better life, and also the other's connection. One was a reason to keep him around, the other an excuse to push him away.
She couldn't let him get close because the other had a bad habit of being present and wanting to intervene.
But was that the reason she was keeping him away? First glance seemed simple ignorance. After all, she had a lot on – and IN – her mind. Still, none of this came about until his birthday.
The night they slept together.
Knowing she was ignoring the two when they so graciously stopped by, but unable to help with this insight, brown turned thoughtful and stared at the bed.
WAS she pushing him away? The feelings for him were there, but she gained a second set with the presence and didn't know what was hers anymore. Did she have her own emotions anymore? She didn't know what to think except his presence was comforting and THAT was hers.
In a way, she COULD point fingers if she wanted to get technical. The other wouldn't have been alive if she hadn't slept with him. Loving him would've been okay, as the other already did.
If this was that bridge that needed to be crossed...
Made sense if she dug around the other's memories. The girl was in love with the white-haired boy in her life, but nothing ever happened. Poor thing died a virgin, so that must've been the necessary boost to break her sleep.
It was too technical and too hypothetical for her to figure out. And it made her head hurt.
But she was granted one stem of logic from it all.
If she needed ANY reason for being so distant to the man she was in love with, it was as simple as saying he started all the chaos in her head. Nothing happened until that night and if she never met him, would have her own life. Granted, she would be not a full soul, but she would rather not know than have this.
It made perfect sense in some strange way. She never stayed around horrible things – who did? She pushed away those that got close or made her feel bad. Inaki was inadvertently turning her into someone else by awakening the rest of this past self. She swore after Arthur she wouldn't let anyone push her around or try to make her feel or be something she wasn't.
Adding Arthur into the equation made sense too. He may've made her feel bad, but she always overlooked it...enough to nearly love him. They shared a past and she was comfortable in his presence, when they weren't arguing at least.
She never took back an ex before, but if she was given the option to do with any of them, it would be Arthur. The need to be with him was a tiny spark in her heart, one she betted would never fully go away.
She had another choice to make. But she wasn't a two-timer, nor did she break up for reasons as petty as choosing someone over someone else.
But if it got her life back on track and made the voice stop antagonizing her – as she was still skeptical – she would do anything.
Even if she was alone in the end.
"Kalie? Sweetheart? Are you okay?"
She gave Marisol a small smile. "I just realized I've got a lot more on my mind than I thought."
Those thoughts did not help her attitude when visiting hours came around. She was rather pessimistic about it all now that she put conscious thought to reason.
She didn't want to pretend nothing was wrong when everything was. She wanted to be angry and fight, but didn't want to get physical.
The voice was absent, though she could feel it in the back of her mind. It was waiting for an answer and trying to be as patient as possible, but some times she could feel it start to come forward to talk and forced itself back.
Her dreams included more and more of the girl's life. They never stopped and she watched from normal to blatantly bizarre.
Almost every one included the white-haired boy.
She probably wouldn't be resisting so much if she had SOMETHING to go by. To know this voice had a valid point and wasn't trauma or severe nerves would be nice.
If only she could find proof that Inaki was the boy the presence was talking about. If she knew, if she could find proof, she might try to understand more. As of right now, she was almost passing it off as a mental disorder again.
Having the presence gone was such a nice change from being badgered in the conscious and subconscious realm. She couldn't get the dreams to stop, but didn't have to fight for possession. Language also remained English and she was thankful for that. This was a break in more than one – though one that wouldn't last.
She couldn't enjoy it while it lasted because she wasn't on vacation. She was given this leave to make a life-altering decision and it was annoying to know she was on a time limit. She couldn't just do that in the matter of a few weeks!
Did she REALLY want to lose herself and merge with someone who was different??
She fisted the mechanical pencil and resisted slapping it against the bed. A deep sigh beat back quiet. "This is getting me nowhere!"
'I can't even do my homework. That's more important right now! Are you listening to me?? If I don't have time to get a good education, all the thinking in the world isn't going to do a bit of good about the rest of my life!'
There was a thread of amusement and understanding, but the voice wisely stayed quiet as bargained.
She snorted in annoyance and went back to the outside world to ignore it. A knock on the door broke her from concentration five minutes later and her brow furrowed. "Come in."
The door swung open and Sam waltzed in. "How's my favorite roommate, best friend, and baby sister?"
She cracked a grinned. "How about your ONLY sister?"
"You're still sarcastic – that's a good sign."
She grunted, smile dimming a little at the one trailing behind.
"How's it going K?"
"Hello Inaki."
Brown blinked at the less than emotional tone. He watched as she looked to her homework and his brow furrowed in confusion. He popped on a smile, figuring she was having a bad time with all spread around her, and shut the door. "Delving into books AGAIN? Don't you ever get out?"
Her lips twitched at his playful tone. Even though her earlier realization gave her reason to push him away, he was fine as a friend.
"This IS my getting out. I'd rather get away and pass the time than sit and watch tv all day."
"That just sounds wrong, you know that right? Tv is your friend."
"Like you're bored enough to tell me that chica." She teased, eyeing her friend.
"I watch it more than you do. We brought you something."
Brown looked up and lighted at a wrapped package. It was newspaper but, hey, beggars couldn't be choosy.
She tore through it in no time, homework long forgotten, and stared wide-eyed at a box of chocolates in her lap.
"I know they might be unhealthy, but you need a treat."
Brown locked with light blue and a beaming grin slowly spread. "Have I ever told you how much I love your disregard for the rules?" A hand reached in and grabbed a piece, not caring what it was. She leaned back and set the box on her stomach, letting the treat melt a little.
She fully intended on enjoying this before devouring the whole set prior to tomorrow.
"Whatever they say about diamonds isn't true. Chocolate is a girl's best friend." She mused around a piece.
"Does that mean I know what to get you every time I visit?"
Brown shot to amused brown and she couldn't help but smile a little. "You would definitely get brownie points if you did. Mm...brownies." A hand plucked the box from her side and looked at the diagram. "God - thank you for making dark chocolate." She shifted enough to see inside and grabbed the chosen piece.
Sam giggled. "You don't even hoard sweets this much either." She ribbed, scooting a chair forward.
"I'll let YOU live in a hospital for two weeks and then we'll see how well you hoard real food. Preferably my cooking." A wistful sigh appeared. "I want my kitchen back!"
Sam laughed and patted a hand. "Give it another week or two chica and you should be back to normal."
"Here's wishing." Another piece was thrown to its doom.
He watched the exchange and felt slightly cut off, which was a little odd. He shouldn't have felt like a third wheel given the length of silence up to her time in the hospital.
She was never like this until today. Not in all the times he visited did she pay more attention to Sam than him. On the contrary, she was normally happy to see him, if not for the strange behavior.
"So how are your checkups going? Doctors like your progress?"
She sighed and looked his way, knowing she was acting rude. He may be the scapegoat, but he was still a nice person.
"They're 'pleasantly surprised' as they put it. Say I'm healing a little faster than what should be necessary for the severity." She snorted and resisted the urge to cross her arms. "Like they can pinpoint my recovery time. I'm not a group of people."
'Of course, that COULD be proven wrong right now...'
She had the worst timing in the humor department and resisted the urge to slap herself for that horribly corny thought.
Small talk was nice, but with people here she always felt like doing something.
Like now.
"Hey – what's it like outside??"
Sam changed thought from what she was talking about and looked to the late sun. "It's probably mid fifties I'd say. Why?"
Brown twinkled as she sat up. "Do you think we can get access to a roof from here?"
Raven swished. "That's only in the movies K. I highly doubt they'd have such an obvious road to the top."
She was undaunted. "Well SOMEONE has to be able to get up there to do work. Let's find it!"
The two jumped from their chairs as she stood. "Whoa chica, let's think here shall we? Security might get us before then and visiting hours are almost over."
"But neither of you will be in my room and I need a little fresh air. Wouldn't want to be caught in full view of the public like this."
"K, think here. The winds that high will make you sick!"
"That's an old wife's tale." She muttered, waving her good hand at him. His hand caught hers before it returned to her side and her gaze whipped to meet his. "K, I don't know what's gotten into you today, but for once I'm telling you to think before you react. Just WHY do you want to go up that high??"
Rushing air.
The feel of rising and falling.
Coarse hair brushing her cheeks.
The smell of mustiness from time, tree sap, and grass.
Strong hands on her thighs, small pricks from nails trying not to cut her.
Reassurance of knowing she wouldn't fall.
Her head shook. 'He wasn't asking YOU!' She retorted, forcing the memory back.
Her hand pulled from his as she turned to face him. "I just feel like it. Do I always have to think? I've done enough of it so much that I'm sick of it. I'd rather have an adventure to make memories with." She eyed the two before turning and heading outside.
Blue and brown met, shocked and daunted by the attitude.
"Was it me...or did I get bitched at?"
Sam forced herself not to smile. This was actually serious. "I think you just got bitched at." Her brow furrowed. "She must be going stir crazy is all I can say. I know I would go nuts if I had to stay in the same room for weeks on end."
He sighed and looked at the surroundings. They weren't lavish, but K did have her own room, which was nice. There was enough space for a single bed, nightstands, chairs, mounted tv on the far wall, good view from three stories up, and a connecting bathroom.
She wasn't exactly imprisoned here.
He tried to put himself in her shoes. Physical therapy and going through pain to get back to what she was. Nothing but tv and homework for most of the day until they stopped by. No way to leave until the doctors checked her out.
His lips pursed. He would probably go crazy too.
"I guess we can indulge her then..." He agreed, heading out. "So we'd better catch her before we're forced to play hide and seek."
"Aw, that sounds even better!"
He grinned and went for the lights. "You WOULD say that - you're easily amused."
Sam grinned and checked both sides, finding their friend standing a short distance away.
Nobody stopped them, but it DID take a little bit of white lies to keep anyone from asking questions as to why they were going to the top story.
Wind from twenty stories came the second she opened the door and she deeply inhaled. Leaving the others to secure it in case it didn't open, she jogged across gravel to check out the view.
"Careful K – don't go too far."
She ignored Inaki, though some part of her appreciated his concern, and took a wide stance to look at the ground below. Brown widened at ants greeting her. She kneeled as impact of how high they were occurred.
"Come check this out!" She called, grinning. She felt like a kid.
The sun was gorgeous as it was almost halfway down the horizon. She sat and cradled her left hand in her lap, arm going around her legs. Gravel wasn't the best thing to get cozy on, but she would endure it for the peace before someone got curious to her whereabouts.
'It's so pretty. I don't remember how many months it's been since I saw this...'
Stars were peeking out at the top of the sky and her neck craned back as much as possible to see them. She would've spread horizontal to keep viewing, but was torn on what to watch. She wouldn't have this good a view – even with all the city lights – until she was sprung.
The others sat on either side and she spared them a glance. Sam definitely looked nervous being less than ten feet from a death fall, but Inaki was staring at the sun at best as possible with a look of peace, though those brows of his made him look serious.
She blinked at his cross-legged position, hands in his lap. The world and every sense she owned changed again.
Grass. Nearby daisies. Full starry night sky.
Swath of red and black sitting by his lonesome staring at the distance.
She didn't like the serious look on his face, as if he were brooding of something bad.
"For tonight, wouldn't it be better not to be apart from everyone too much?"
"Quit yapping. Sometimes I have things to think about. ...What?"
"Do you still want to become a true youkai after all? At that time...I was scared."
"You bitch, what's with that remark! If I hadn't transformed then, everybody would have been devoured by Goushinki!"
"It's not like that... No matter how scary your face was...I wasn't scared about that sort of thing. It's like...I was worried that it was as if your heart had gone somewhere far away. That you might also forget about me...scared me."
"D - don't be an idiot. Whatever happens, I am me. There's no way I'd forget about you Kagome."
She blinked and the real world suddenly came back. The touching scene showed an entirely different boy, but still the same inside. Brown snuck a look at Inaki, finding them identical.
'Why now? What was up with that vision?' The presence was heavy in her mind and it irritated her. 'I know you're there.' Silence met her, but it was expectant. 'What?'
Am I allowed to talk now?
The sarcasm was not appreciated.
'Only because I know you have something to say.'
You're so rude! The voice huffed, aggravation easily detected. Anyway, I showed you that because you wanted proof did you not? The man you know as Inaki is his human form.
'Whose?'
Inuyasha's.
'Dog...demon?'
Black hair, dark as pitch. Human ears. Brown eyes.
Massive shock.
"What're you staring at, eh?"
"The dog ears have disappeared!"
"What's going on!? You appear to be almost human..."
"Bah! I don't have claws or fangs either."
"For half-youkai, there is a short period during which they lose the magical power of the blood flowing in their bodies. Because that is a matter of life and death, they never reveal that period to other people."
"What about my case!? If I had known about your body, I wouldn't have suggested coming into this youkai's nest. Couldn't you have trusted me either!?"
"I trust nobody! I've been living that way all along. You've no reason to be complaining..."
"I'm sorry... However...you could trust me a bit more..."
They looked the same. God help her...they looked exactly alike!!
'Just...what are you...trying to say here??' She tried to retort. The shake, even in her thoughts, greatly dimmed it.
For some reason, he was born human. He WAS hanyou. His normal form is the one you see most often – white hair and yellow eyes. However, because he had human blood, he would turn human one night a month.
'Are you suggesting...no.'
Are you doubting my own memories? Essentially YOUR own memories?
'Those are not mine! How do I know I'm not making this all up in my head?? How do I know I'm not crazy??'
If the voice had eyes, she knew it would be rolling them. You wanted proof and I gave it to you. You wanted something to compare them with, I gave it to you. Are you ever going to stop denying and just believe in something?
'Did you do this with intent to try and sway me?'
There was another huff. I'm not cruel. Trust me when I say I understand about this. I was being forceful and I realize that. This is why I'm giving you the time you need to make a decision. This isn't easy and even I don't know what the consequences will bring.
'That isn't helping me you know.'
You're the logical one, you figure it out.
'I have! And I've still got so many questions with no answers! This isn't my realm, it's yours. I don't do all this philosophical crap! I do facts as I see them. That's all I need.'
Then isn't it time you needed something else?
She bit back a sigh and stared at the nearly disappeared sun. Brown solemnly looked to the stars, questions raging in her mind.
What did she need as opposed to what did she want? 'For starters, I'd like my LIFE back!' The voice stayed quiet on that one and she was glad. She didn't want any backtalk right now.
'Okay so I've got a few memories about the same figure sitting next to me.' Brown spied a glance, a little awed at how different he looked in such modern clothing. 'God, he looks so different without white hair. But it's the same length almost...if he grew it out another foot it would be the same.'
If Inaki took his braid out he might gain another inch or two. As it was, it was mid-back. There was another distinction with his hair like that. She wanted to undo his braid to see how he looked, but restrained the urge.
'How do I know this is the same one the other is looking for? She might be mistaken. People look like other people all the time.'
Fair skin. Brown eyes, black hair.
"Hn?"
"Let me see your face clearly. Try to look more intelligent."
'Shesh.'
"You resemble... Kikyou-onee-sama...."
"Huh?"
-----
"Settle this with a single blow, Kikyou. Like when you killed me."
"Kikyou... What are you saying, my name is..."
"Heh, what a disgrace, Kikyou..."
"Why you! You're mistaking me for someone else; I'm not this Kikyou person..."
"Go stuff it! No other girl smells that disgusting except... Hm? Kikyou is...not you..."
"You got it!? My name is Kagome. Ka Go Me."
'And I'm not either of them.' She glowered to the stars. 'I SO didn't need that happy little reminder right now!'
She gave a quiet sigh and finally leaned back to rest over the rocks. The others were a little startled at the sudden movement, but she paid them no mind.
Okay, so this kind of thing happened before. This would be twice actually...but she was the only one doing the mistaking for the most part. Not to mention she was in a part of the world where she'd be sent to the loony bin before someone believed her.
She would like to test Inaki to make sure he was the one, but that wasn't exactly possible because she had no clue what it would take for her occurrences to happen to him. Flying by blind faith and the seat of her pants it was then.
'Time to do more thinking.'