Disclaimer: I do not own Dawson's Creek or any of its characters.

Note: Just a new fic that I've been thinking up for awhile. Review and let me know what you think!

I hear the alarm blaring in my ear. I curse in my mind as I reach over and turn on the snooze button. I try to fall back asleep, but I can't. I turn over on the couch and realize what day it is. Graduation. I didn't think that I'd actually be graduating. Hell, after the Dean's offer, I didn't even think that I'd bother showing up for graduation. Just skip out after finals, if I managed to pass. But, as my luck would have it, I got a call back from the Dean saying that he had bad news. His wife was in the hospital, and he wasn't going to just pack up and leave for the Caribbean. To be honest, I was upset about this. I was getting ready to leave Capeside behind, to leave her behind.

Who am I kidding? No matter how far I go, she'll always be a part of me. She'll always have my heart.

I groan as I get off the couch and pull a blanket around my shoulders. I look over at the blue gown and cap that rest on my kitchen table. Should I even bother with showing up? I mean really, what's the point. Yeah, I'm proud of myself. But I don't know if I can handle seeing her. And it's not like any of my family members are going to be there for me.

Or maybe I should go. You know, just to show everybody that I'm not such a screw up. I mean, high school graduation is an important event. It's something that I worked hard for. I deserve to get to walk across that stage and prove to everyone that I'm not a failure. I really want to show her that I'm not a failure.

Why does everything always go back to her? I'm so dependant on her, it's insane. And it's not fair, because she's not dependant on me. She could go through the rest of her life with her head held high, and be whole. Be that whole person she's been looking for for years. And as for me, I'm nothing without her. I can never be complete unless she's here with me. And yet, I managed to push her away, and break her heart. Like the asshole that I am.

I'd like to believe that definitely the good in our relationship outweighed the bad. Even if we were fighting quite a bit, it always led back to the fact that no matter what, we loved each other. I know that she changed me. I think I changed her, but I haven't decided yet if it was for the better or for the worse. It all comes down to the fact that I simply cannot give this magnificent woman what she rightly deserves. A man who can fit into in her life and make her be a better woman. She's already made me a better man. It's too bad that I can't do the same for her.

Back from my soul searching, I hesitantly lean back against the kitchen sink. What am I going to do? I can't go to college, and I can't afford to leave. Gretchen left, but I've still got the lease for awhile. I know that officially, I'm stuck. I need to get some kind of job to support myself. To occupy myself. To try and get over her because I know that she's probably determined now to get over me.

I mindlessly glance at my attire. A traditional Pacey outfit, a gray wifebeater and a pair of Elmo boxer shorts that she dared me to buy. I glance over at my wrists. There they are.

I don't have a problem. I'm not suicidal. I've kind of stopped caring, that's all. Knowing that I hurt her absolutely kills me. Knowing that I threw away the girl who means the most to me absolutely kills me. It killed me enough to do a little damage to myself on prom night, and periodically since. I've been drinking a bit more too. Not so much lately, but I need something to help get me through the days, even if it is destructive.

I walk towards the front door and pick up the paper. I bring it back to the kitchen and open it up. I usually only read the sports pages, but today, it's different. I open to the Classified and check out the wanted ads. I grab a marker and circle a few labour jobs that I could probably do. If I'm going to be stuck in Capeside, I might as well keep myself busy.

I glance at the cap and gown yet again. Graduation is a huge rite of passage. I need to know that I've closed off that chapter of my life. The rest of my life begins as soon as that ceremony's over. I get up and walk towards the shower. I have to go. I have to tie up all the loose ends if I'm going to move forward.

But how am I going to move forward if I'm staying in Capeside?