It was nice to spend all of Tuesday with Kalie with no restraints on his life. The family closed the business and many neighbors came to pay their respects that wouldn't be at the wake or funeral. He didn't want any of that when he couldn't deal and hid a few times or practiced to blow off steam.
Everyone rose early and dressed in all-black, traditional clothes. He grasped Kalie's hand rather hard for her strength to help him get through the day. She understood by the number of looks and squeezes to let him know she was there.
The lobby was silent, soothing music playing in the background. He practically walked backward in reaching the room reserved for today. Everyone moved around when he stopped just outside and opened the doors, giving a prime glimpse of casket and chosen altar, and the breath left him in a rush.
An arm went around his waist when he wavered a little and he leaned against her, pointedly staring at the ground. "I – I can't...go in there..." He whispered, burying head in shoulder. Kagome's smell came and he tried to steady himself with it.
A hand ran through unbraided hair – hair left that way now – as her chin rested on the top of his head. "Yes you can. I'm right here Inaki. I'll not let go of your hand unless you do first, hai? Do this for Mira-san."
After a second, he nodded and stared at wood. Teeth bit his lip and he embraced physical pain as a shaking hand rose and gradually pushed a swinging door open.
The room was large and there were rows of zabuton-style cushions lined against a few walls. There were a few kneeling contraptions out, along with an empty casket. He stopped just far enough to let the doors close and swallowed hard.
She looked very nice in the chosen outfit. He recalled so many times when that kimono was brought out and hisobosan wore that. She didn't wear it in the last decade, but when he was a child, she indulged in the youthfulness she said it gave her. Now it was something to bury her with and he wished he could keep it to remember her by.
Everyone was up front, quietly talking amongst themselves or praying. He stood like a statue, unable to get his feet to move. He couldn't look at her peaceful face without feeling guilt – this was killing him as it was.
A tug on his hand jostled his attention and he looked over. "Come on Inaki." She quietly coached. An encouraging smile peeked out as she took a few steps. "You can do this. I know you can. I won't let go of your hand unless you want, but I'd like to go see her...if that's alright with you."
He gave a dumb nod and padded forward on tabi feet, moving around Jayden and his father on their way out. Neither looked very stable – Jayden in particular – but their faces hid most of the emotions going on within.
They stopped mere feet away and his jaw clenched to keep his chin from wobbling. Looking at her like this made him hollow and it was like he wasn't the one here...he was only watching from someone else's eyes again.
Every apology possible ran through his head, but she wouldn't hear them. He wanted to fall to the ground and beg for forgiveness, but couldn't move. His legs kept him up and that was a mystery in itself. How he was even able to get out and do all this was beyond him.
They were the only two left up front after a bit but he still hadn't shifted. His legs were demanding to bend, but he stood holding her hand and looked at hisobosan's peaceful face with dead eyes. If he hadn't felt so disconnected since he got in the car, he would've started crying already. He wasn't that horrible to keep a few tears from those that deserved it, but he couldn't. It was like a block to his emotions kept him from doing so.
Whether that was a good thing or not he didn't know, but there would be plenty of tears shed soon.
Behind him doors opened and it helped pull him to the outside world. His free hand disappeared into the sleeve and retrieved a small book of haiku given to him by hisobosan as a present long ago. He hadn't read them lately, but knew she liked them and could make more use of them than he could. It sounded wrong to give a gift back, but he wanted to give something and it was the first thing that came to mind. He leaned over and set it in line with a white kimono, leggings, zouri, some money to pay her toll, and white headband.
He finally turned at murmuring voices and another tug on his hand. He moved almost obediently, as if Kalie was family and he was just visiting. He felt like a stranger and it was hard to approach the attendants talking to the others about what was going to happen.
Kristine turned and held a hand out when they neared. "Musuko...the monk is here and waiting for us. Jayden and Omo-kun are out front welcoming those that started entering. Would you like to come with us or stay with Mira-san?"
It was a hard choice all around. The family was large enough to do all three things at once. "Is hisofusan and ojiisan staying here?" Kristine's head shook. "Someone needs to stay with hisobosan...I'll do that."
"I will too...if I may." She added, giving a small bow.
Kristine nodded and gave a grateful smile before the group left to discuss things. His shoulders slumped and with it his head. After a second, a humorless smile tipped his lips. Tears lined his eyes, wavering his vision. "You know...for all the death he saw...this is the first time I ever experienced it."
She turned and hugged him to her, getting an immediate tight embrace. Her heart went out to him and it pained her to hear him speak that way and in such a tone.
They stayed like that until a small group of people peeked in. He bowed in greeting and exchanged a few words, letting them head up front. He didn't know how many people were allowed to come to the wake, but they were all well known and he knew it was open to everyone who knew hisobosan. But the amount staggered him and he felt proud so many people were close enough and cared to come.
They stood off to the side, Kalie exchanging more words and pleasantries than him after a while. He listened to a few murmured prayers by some and the quiet tinkling of a bell. It went off quite a few times before everyone sat down.
A few attendants came in and made sure everyone was ready before setting out a row for family. The others came back, priest with them, and he dumbly followed the holy man to the front.
He held her hand while watching the priest bow and light the first round of many incense sticks. The elderly man moved to the side and grabbed a metal cylinder, unrolling a sutra and starting in.
That was their cue. Hisofusan got up with help from ojiisan and obaasan, the others silently rising. Kalie helped him up, as he couldn't make his legs move without mental command, and took his hand again as they stopped up front again.
It was rather outrageous that Kalie was by his side, when only family were allowed up first, but he gave a rat's ass about traditional rules. He needed her to be strong for him now. She accepted when asked – knowing she knew the rules – and was thankful. For that, he let her light off incense with the rest of them before they sat down.
He watched the rows behind shuffle up just as quietly, filling the room with smoke and smell of jasmine and vanilla. It seemed unreal to be here and he'd give anything not to, but wouldn't forgive himself for missing this. There was only the funeral and then he'd never see hisobosan's face again – he owed it to himself to get as much as he could before all he had left were memories and pictures.
Tears lined his eyes again and bangs quickly covered them. He got a squeeze and returned it; the priest's chanting filling his ears. A few people quietly recited in synch and he wished to do so, but didn't know enough of his heritage to pay attribute.
After everyone in the room made a trip, there was a little wait to the end of the scroll before the monk carefully rolled it up and put it back in its case. He watched the man stand and made to do so with everyone else. Everyone bowed and he gave a gentle tug as his parents filed out first.
He watched Jayden separate from the slow-moving group and exit first. He let go of Kalie's hand to hold the door open, also to grab one of the boxes containing the gifts prepared for today.
He mentally asked Inuyasha to help disassociate a little to keep from showing tears in front of so many people. He knew he could do this, but a little help was always good. There was a stirring in his conscious and mute compliance. There was a sense of indifference filling him – though very minute – and he latched onto it. He felt disconnected again, just like the arrival.
He watched the doors prop open and grabbed one of the presents. They didn't really know what was appropriate for a funeral, so decided on something simple. Green tea for health, a good luck charm, and a hand-written wish for longevity and gratitude of friendship. He handed out at least a dozen, bowed at every proposal, and occasionally shook hands. He exchanged few words and took many, bowing in acknowledgement, but never once betraying anything by showing it on his face.
It seemed to take forever and he was glad it was over. As much as he wanted to deny this whole thing, he wished it were done so he could deal with everything assaulting him. The turmoil in his life was pushed aside for this, but he had still so much to sort through. He was mildly thankful for this reprieve and promised the other even more that he would do what it wanted for giving so much peace.
There was a small debate who would stay behind and although it was a lonely and morbid task, there was argument of who would do so.
"Please chichiue, you shouldn't be out here right now." Mamorah pleaded. "We know it means a lot to you to stay with hahaue, but...you –"
The man placed a hand on her arm. "I was married to Mira for sixty-six faithful years – I want my chance to see her off. You'll not keep me from this because my body is old."
That was everyone's main fear...if Setsumo stayed, his heart would long to be with his wife and he might follow. No one wanted to bury more than they had to.
At length, Omo nodded. "We understand. We respect your decision." Neither Mamorah or Kekoy looked happy at their son speaking for them, but gave small nods.
"We'll find a few attendants and bring you some food at mealtime." Kristine added.
The drive home seemed unreal. He had no wish to sit at the table while the others counted the condolence money to help pay for the burial and cremation. "Let's go take a walk." He muttered, looking to brown.
She blinked, but nodded. "Let me get my shoes."
-----
They were both silent and as touchy-feely as Inaki was at the wake, he was oddly distant. She stared, torn as to touch him and ask if he wanted to talk or let him be. It was hard to lose a loved one, but she never remembered going to a family funeral before. She never knew either set of grandparents – as far as she knew they died when she was too young to understand or wasn't born at the time.
Teeth bit her lip as she hunched a bit in hesitation. Hands went into pockets to keep from acting unnecessary. If it was Inuyasha, she knew he would want comfort, even if he didn't outwardly ask for it. But she never had any kind of rather depressing or horrid events with Inaki. She didn't know how much he was like Inuyasha in his actions.
They stopped around the edge of downtown and he plopped down under a tree for shade. It was warmer in the sun, but he didn't really feel the cold – not that he ever did. He stared at sky and girl who had yet to sit. A hand extended and she shuffled close, avidly watching him.
He stared at nothing across the street, unable to meet her eyes. "You know...I haven't expressed in words my gratitude for having you here with me today."
"You don't have to thank me for being here on something –"
A hand shot between them and cut her off. "I'll finish what I have to say." Legs went to chest and his arms around them. "I'm greatly confused at the things in my head and how much fate is twisting me around for some past purpose, but I know this...your coming today and all you did for me says more about you than you think. You thought you were there because I needed you, but it tells about you." Solemn brown met brown after a pause. "I apologize for all the hurtful words I said to cause you pain simply because I hurt as well. I was wrong to take that out on you and I know that. I forgot what made me fall in love with you in the first place, but I won't anymore. I still want you by my side...if you'll agree to be there."
Tears lined her eyes and the barest of smiles graced her face. His words touched her so much and the pain he caused by being spiteful and hateful days ago disappeared as if it were never there. She beamed and launched herself at him, arms going around him. "Yes, yes, yes...I accept." She whispered, face burying against his neck. "I hold no grudge for what you did – I understand and there's nothing to apologize for."
He pulled her away and held her at arm's length. "Irregardless...I won't be able to forgive myself until you do."
She smiled and leaned forward to gently kiss him. "Then I forgive you for your transgressions."
He nodded and shifted to spoon her body. "Will you still be here for the rest?"
"I'll be here as long as you need me."
If it wasn't the priest's job to say prayers for the deceased, he was betting the old man was getting annoyed at having to keep doing so many for one person. As if there weren't enough from the few people who came to the funeral, the houshi was asked to make a quick stop with them at the gravesite and put a few well wishes for being comfortable in hisobosan's new location.
On the headstone was the given name upon hisobosan's birth, and the name given at the funeral to keep her from returning. He knew what it was like to have a soul show up when it wasn't supposed to and made sure not to jinx her luck at getting reincarnated if that's what she desired. It would be hard not to think of her given name though, but he would try.
He stood with a rosary in one hand. He kept reading the names, not feeling the wind of such a rain-threatening day. He was glad it was crappy outside because he was sick of the cloudless, sunny days. For once, the world mirrored his emotions.
One by one, the others turned and moved to pay attention and a few prayers to other relatives in the small family plot. Like the wake, he couldn't move again, but finality was there. He felt it...and was hell-bent on ignoring it too.
'I'm never going to be able to look at another pair of chopsticks again...' He gave a mental snort.
Picking apart bones from her ashes wasn't the best thing in the world and he had a feeling his appetite was going to be gone for quite a while thanks to that. He would be rather unsettled about traditional eating. Why couldn't the cremator do that? Sure the family had rights to separate what they wanted to keep – if anything – but he didn't feel right through the whole thing.
It couldn't be helped though. It was the least he could do, given how much was done for him in his life. He didn't have the right to be selfish and queasy when thinking of the favors granted at home and work.
He blinked at the lightest of touches to an arm. The feel of mild suffocation as it was entwined with another arm made him want to pull away, but Kagome's smell came and relaxed him a little. "Inaki...your family is all heading back to the car. Shouldn't you say something to your great, great grandparents and go too?"
Brown shifted to two other graves, teeth biting lip. Walking home was no problem, but he didn't have the enthusiasm to do so. He needed to take care of the issue not resolved, but there was only listlessness. He just wanted to lie on his bed and stare at the ceiling, maybe with some sad or depressing music.
He didn't want to move forward when hisobosan was just in her grave. It seemed disrespectful to not take time out and think of her, at least for a little while after. Inuyasha had plenty of time to sit in his head and wait – at least until he was dead – so there was no rush. But a promise was a promise and he did say when things were done and over he would do his part.
Inuyasha wasn't known for being very patient either.
He nodded and turned, pulling Kalie close and inhaling her scent. "Aa...ikimasu. We have...other things to attend to anyway."
She gave a small nod and gently squeezed his arm. There was a distant rumbling of thunder and two pairs of brown looked to clouds. "We'd better hurry if we're to find a place for it. Don't want to be caught in the rain."
He suddenly smiled and leaned close to her face. "I recall last time you said that, you gave in too." She blushed and he gave a quick kiss. He turned to the two graves and stared at them for a second, giving a slow bow with his head. "Let's hurry." The pair jogged until spotting the others waving them over. "Sorry I took so long." He mumbled, shifting to the middle of the backseat. He pulled Kalie onto his lap, much to her protest, to make room and looked to his mother.
Kristine waved him off and started the engine. "Ii desu. We understand."
Halfway home presented a problem. There was nee-chan, okaasan, otousan, obaasan, ojiisan, and hisofusan to get around for that damn jewel. It just HAD to be right in the middle of one of the busiest rooms! 'Chikushou! How the hell are we going to get it without anyone knowing??' He glared at the back of a front seat, unable to think of anything that wouldn't make his family suspicious.
The only time was extremely late and he didn't think Inuyasha would wait that long. He didn't want to either really...there was an urge to do this now and get it over with. "Kuso..." He inaudibly grit.
Brown whipped to him, brow furrowing at his disgruntled appearance. "Nani wa..."
He startled and looked around. "Ah, it's nothing. Nothing important." He pulled her ear to him and felt her shiver. A smile tipped his lips, but he abandoned that for this issue. "We have a problem and I'll tell you when we can."
It took the safety of the dojo before anything could be said. "You make it sound horrible. I was worried!" She immediately retorted, glaring.
"This IS bad – how the fuck are we going to get the shikon from the kitchen with everybody walking over it??" He growled mildly Inuyasha-like and started pacing, hands gripping unbound hair. "We'd have to wait until they went to bed and even then one of them would wonder why we were up so late. And won't they ask why you're still here with everything over? If we don't do this now, I don't know when your time will allow a break!"
"Calm down! Let's think here..."
He heaved a sigh and plopped down, sitting in Inuyasha's cross-legged position and bracing hands on knees. Brown bore into the floorboards. "This is useless..." He muttered after a second. Hands slapped his face as he fell backward and banged his head on the boards. "We just need a minute but I don't know how we'd find one."
"Mou – don't be so impatient!"
He was surprised when she suddenly rested over him, arms propping up by his head for balance. She looked frustrated at his actions, but he disregarded that for the feel of their hips. His heart skipped a beat as he stared, getting a confused glance. He used her wonder to his advantage and pulled her down, getting a squeak before his lips cut her off.
Arms wrapped around her with a sigh and pressed her against his chest. She shuddered and used the surge of emotion to kiss him back. Who broke apart after whatever amount of time was unknown, but the smell of rain was apparent. "Should we be thinking like this now?" She gasped, trying to breathe with him nuzzling her neck.
"Maybe not...seems a bit morbid doesn't it? Plus we have better things to do... Still haven't gotten our question answered."
"At any rate, let me up so I can think."
He grinned and squeezed her again. "Oh? What makes you think I WANT to let you up?"
"Mou Inaki! Now's not the time!" She argued, slapping his chest. He cringed, but relented and she slid off him and slid a few inches to keep that from happening.
'Just what was I thinking anyway??' A blush started spreading and she looked to the open doorway in unease. 'I saw him like that and something told me to move.' A brow ticked in annoyance. 'Has it really been that long? Che...no willpower whatsoever.'
A form suddenly appeared in the doorway, umbrella in hand. "Ototo, everyone is talking of whether or not to reopen the store for a bit."
They sat up, eyes wide. "Seriously??" He asked, head tilting. "Who's all going?"
He resisted the urge to cheer. 'Ha! This might be the chance we need!'
"Obaasan and otousan were thinking of getting some cleaning done and okaasan will come and make lunch to bring over to them when it's time. Hisofusan is taking a nap and ojiisan is thinking of going to look over records. He might be handling more of the business now...now that..."
He nodded to cut Jayden off. "Wakarimashita." A hand went to his chin in thought. "I don't feel like work now... Are you going?"
Jayden's head shook. "I don't feel like it either. I can watch over hisofusan if he needs anything, so I opted to stay."
Well that was half the family out of the way. All he needed was to send Jayden into another room for even a minute and grab the tama. He stood and offered a hand to Kalie. "We'll head in with you since I don't have an umbrella." He looked to brown and gave a wink. "Feel like...watching the rain?"
She stared for a second before winking back. "How romantic of you."
"That's me – pure sap."
Jayden's eyes rolled as she pulled away enough for them to exit. "You're something, but I don't know what yet."
"Keh!" A hand slapped over his mouth and he glared at Kalie when muted giggling met his ears.
"G – go – gomen." She managed, futilely trying to keep quiet. "Really, I'm not laughing AT you..."
A hand shot out and attacked her sides. "So you say! I think you enjoy seeing me in misery, don't you??"
She batted away his hands, unable to get away unless she left dry shelter. Jayden almost got in the line of fire, but was fast enough to dodge. "Y – yamero!" She squeaked, finally giving up. Her feet were getting wet and so were her legs from the rain, what was the rest? She took off for the patio door with him on her heels.
"No getting water on the tatami!" He playfully ordered, pouring on speed. He couldn't help but grin as he grabbed her from behind and hoisted her into the air. He felt her laughter against his arms and breathed her scent, feeling a little calmer.
"You two are too sweet for my tastes." Jayden quipped, heading inside. "No point in giving you the umbrella, so I'll get a few towels and let you dry off."
He leapt to attention and quickly put Kalie down. "Now's our chance!" He hissed. He practically shoved her up the steps and made her fall.
"Chotto!"
"Hurry up – don't want to get wet." He stared at her with a look that tried to speak his plans and not get caught. Seeing Jayden was inside, he shooed her forward and hopped the steps after. "Get on the tile." He shucked off his shoes and ignoring her odd looks. "Good she's not here. We have little time to find it." He hissed, dropping to the ground and tapping.
"Let me, I'll find it faster."
"You've seen it once – you're as good as me."
"I can sense it remember? Your foot is right over it."
He shuffled back and pried the cover off. The wood box shone itself and he pried that off as well, grabbing the dull ball. "Gotcha." He shoved it in a pocket and quickly tapped everything back down. He shot to his feet, casting a wary look around, seeing things were still clear. "Yosh...let's head back." He pulled Kalie up and pushed her to the door. "Nee-chan, we're going to head back out! Don't worry about those towels!"
"Eh?? Wait, where are you going??"
"Not far! Don't go out in case hisofusan wakes up!" He shut the patio and yanked her at full speed for the dojo. He practically slammed it closed and looked around for something to bar it with – just in case.
"Oi, I think we're safe Inaki." She dryly reported. She made to wring out her hair but saw her clothes were as bad. She sighed and stared at the open crack, worrying about what would come in. It started coming down faster now. "We should've gotten those towels."
"It's just rain." He muttered, straightening his sandals.
"But I don't want to get it all over the floor. It'll warp the boards."
"Worry about it later." A hand went and pulled the marble out, sitting down near the entrance. "Oi, you awake shikon?" His hand shook the thing as if to activate it. "I've got some questions and so does he – you owe us both answers to why you fucked with our lives like that."
"Inaki! Don't talk to the shikon like that!" She admonished, sitting next to him. "Have some respect for midoriko-sama."
"This thing has been the bane of my existence since before I was born. I don't need to be anything to it."
"Give me that!" She snatched it from his hand and felt a weak pulse. It was so strange to hold it again with the use of her powers – though those were in need of some serious fine-tuning – and feel how small its conscious was. Brown stared at it as if seeing it for the first time before able to get over her awe. She shook everything away to concentrate and locate who they were trying to contact. "Ano...Midoriko-sama?"
:I am here child.:
She jumped and the ball nearly skittered across the floor. Taking a deep breath at the soothing voice in her head, wishing she would be over that whole thing, she cast a glance from the ball to irritated brown. "There are many questions we have. Is it okay to ask them?"
"I can't hear anything. Is it working yet??"
She looked up and blinked at him. "Of course it is – can't you feel anything?"
"All I can feel is power and it's making my skin itch. Why is it doing that?" Teeth bit lip for a second as something unconscious rose. She questioned it only a little, fingers curling in unsurety, before reaching out and grasping his wrist. "What are you doing??"
:You have questions for me as well Inuyasha?:
He didn't have time to be surprised at the voice. There was an intense annoyance, more than his own, which surfaced and his face contorted. It was strange to be in control and feel his face change on its own. "Oi Midoriko, you didn't grant my wish! What the fuck did you do to us?!"
She blinked. "I – Inuyasha?"
Brown met brown and some anger left. Inuyasha bobbed his head. "Kagome..."
A hand went up and slapped himself. "Oi! Knock it off Inuyasha! That's annoying!"
"Fuck you! I'll do what I please while I have this fucking miko to straighten things out. Don't forget our agreement too."
He sobered and stared at the ball.
She smiled and brought a hand up to brush his skin, trying to ease his discomfort. "It's a little freaky hearing the two of you talk from the same body you know." A wicked grin appeared. "If I was a horrible person, I'd be picking on you for this right now."
"Keh! Try it bitch and I'll make you regret it!"
"Damn it Inuyasha, be nice to Kalie!"
She giggled, unable to keep it in. She got an irritated look but it didn't help the irony of it all. "Anyway..." She took a deep breath and concentrated again, looking to her palm. "Midoriko-sama, can you tell us why I was born with only Kikyou's soul and why Inaki is like this now? Why did Kagome and Inuyasha become separate parts of our minds if we're supposed to be them?"
:In the last battle with Naraku, Kikyou was killed, but the soul never combined with Kagome's. It disappeared and started drifting to hell until Kagome's soul was killed. The two called to each other and stuck together, but still did not combine. Kikyou's and Kagome's minds were too jagged to ever think alike enough to merge. Kagome intensely thought of her life as separate and Kikyou held strong dislike for the counterpart who had everything she didn't.:
"That doesn't make any damn sense as to how the wish and those two parts matter!"
"Inuyasha, be quiet for a bit and let her talk."
:If the souls were not combined, good would have gone to heaven and bad to hell. Once separated, they were two recognizable essences that only magic could fix. With both awake at one time, one would have to sleep again, but neither would have. It was possible to wish the souls to be one, but there would have been a split in consciousness. Only miko and houshi, who have knowledge of life after death, can understand the workings and ways. If Kagome was trained enough, she would have been able to keep Kikyou's soul from drifting to hell and complete herself...provided Kikyou no longer bared her any ill-will.:
"I understand all that. But like Inuyasha said, how does Kikyou and Kagome's minds being apart in me affect what the wish was?"
:After Inuyasha gained possession, his heart was torn over Kagome's death. He felt useless as a hanyou and angry at his powers. His mental state at the time of the wish was chaotic. He cursed being who he was more than normal and a part of him figured it would be no worse to be human, since Kagome still died.:
-----
"You want a wish?! Fine! I wish I could be with Kagome and not have to deal with the pain of losing her! I wasn't strong or fast enough as a hanyou, so what good does it do me?? Shit, I might as well be human for all the good my youkai blood did!" The ball glowed the brightest pink he ever saw and eyes squeezed shut against it. "What the hell are you doing??" Gold peeked open and found the tombstone gone and his entire surroundings with it. Everything in front of him was pink. "What the fuck - where am I?! What the hell did you do to me??"
:I am granting your wish. If you do not mind waiting a little to see your beloved again.:
"I slept for fifty years before I saw Kagome and it's been days already. I waited for her enough as it is; if I get to see her again I'd wait as long as it takes."
-----
Tears lined her eyes as the memory and pain faded. Teeth bit her lip to try and keep her chin from wobbling and failed. "In...Inuyasha..."
There was a very subdued look on Inaki's face and raven shadowed eyes. After a bit, Inaki's head rose, but by the look she got, Inaki was not in charge. "S – suman...Kagome..." His free hand took hers, able to see the memory as well with direct connection to her and the ball. It speared like Sesshoumaru's poison, but cut worse than any sword. "I can understand if you'd never forgive me for what I did...the pain I caused your family –"
Her hand let go of his and rose to caress a cheek. "Daijoubu. You did everything you could. There's nothing to forgive. I knew what would happen if I didn't move out of the way." Her face lowered, bangs covering eyes. "I'm the one who should hope you can forgive me for putting you through so much pain."
"Keh! Stupid bitch! Don't blame yourself for that!" Inuyasha took a little more mobile control and grasped the wrist near his face. "If anything, it should be me apologizing for keeping you in the Sengoku when you were safer in your time. If I knew that's how things would've turned out, I'd have done more to seal you in your time than I did."
She nearly bristled and gently slapped cheek. "I would DEFINITELY not have forgiven you if you did that! It was my responsibility to collect the shikon, to keep it from making your time worse than it was."
There was a sudden jerk and rapid blink before a look of total exasperation came. "Uh, if you two are DONE? We have an all-powerful entity to get some serious answers for screwing up four sets of lives here. I don't know about you, but I for one would like to get some of those answers!"
She blinked and flushed. "Ah...gomen Inaki." Brown quickly looked to the jewel. She knew he took it personally when she talked to Inuyasha and so intimately, especially after telling exactly how he felt about her. It was as bad as when Inuyasha talked to Kikyou with her near. "I understand how the soul split in my body...but you're saying simply because Inuyasha was so at odds with himself, it caused his mind to split too?? How can that be if he is one person?"
:Inuyasha has one mind and three bodies. His emotions and mind change a little in each form. He goes on instinct most when youkai, emotions while human, and fights both in hanyou form. The fact that he was at such odds with himself when he made the wish, instead of thinking exactly what he wanted, left it open. It was easy to misread what he wanted.:
"Yea you certainly did a fine job of that!"
"Inuyasha! If you don't stop being so disrespectful, I won't let you listen in!" There was a pathetic attempt at a threatening growl and she smiled. "Midoriko-sama, there is something about the memory you showed that bothers me. What did you do to Inuyasha, and why were we born so far into the future?"
:Inuyasha said he wanted to be with you without worrying about the pain of losing you. In your time there is stronger magic than this era. As you know, magic gets weaker the less it is believed. I assume you can feel only threads of it.:
She nodded. "Does this mean there are no more youkai or hanyou?"
:Any still in existence will be too old to put up any kind of fight. Inuyasha was worried about losing you. In Kagome's time, youkai were still around and your possession of such power was an attraction. There would never be a safe moment for you – for either of you. At the time he made the wish, Inuyasha practically gave up on his life. It was a matter of separating the body and soul to do as he asked. I brought you and Inuyasha a hundred years to weaken the magic. It was a simple task of locating your soul and merging a little more with his to help you find other in this rebirth.:
"Wait – a little MORE?" She stared, an odd look slowly forming. "That's one thing Kagome kept telling me that annoyed me. She never explained and always said to talk to you."
"Hey, Inuyasha said the same thing to me." He piped up, staring wide-eyed. Two pairs of brown met the shikon. "What exactly did you do to our souls??"
:During Kikyou's possession, her love for Inuyasha and to live together slowly took form. With her will always nearby, the wish unknowingly seeped into the shikon the more Kikyou honed it to be exactly as she wanted. Before the hate, she wanted to be with Inuyasha and practically made the wish, but never voiced anything. It was still strong enough to activate some magic and I acted accordingly to the phantom properties given. Kikyou's need to be with Inuyasha caused her soul to be reborn, so I did the to them as with Kagome and Inuyasha – I took a little of their souls and exchanged them.:
"Nanda to?! What the fuck do you mean by that?? You gave me part of Kikyou's soul?!"
"Inuyasha, calm down please."
:In order for souls to find each other, there must be parts for recognition - a beacon if you will. Having the shikon allowed Kagome to skip time to see Inuyasha, the unknown urge of Kikyou. Giving part of Inuyasha's soul to Kikyou made her more alive, wilder if you will. Taking some of Kikyou's soul made Inuyasha more open to accepting things about humans and some of his emotions.:
"So what did we gain from Kagome and Inuyasha?"
:You gained from Inuyasha adaptation to a more isolated life and the inability to express emotions. You already had a lack from being separated from Kagome's soul – the one who had most of what you needed – but it was even harder to speak the remainder. Inaki gained from Kagome congeniality and better fortune in life. There are a lot of little things as well I am sure you two can spot.:
"So what am I supposed to do with this annoyance in my head?"
"Hey!"
"You are and you know it!"
"Don't make me take control you asshole!"
"Bite me."
"BOYS!" She nearly yelled. A hand rose and knocked him on the head. "Stop being so immature – we're not quite finished yet."
:Kagome and Kikyou have already been accepted and merged with the most recent incarnation. Since it is practically the same with Inaki, there would be the same merging of minds into one body.:
"I don't want him in my head until I die!" He protested. "I'm better off without and he's been nothing but a pain in my ass in more ways than one!"
:Regardless of the condition of your life compared to Inuyasha's, you are still two halves of one whole. His personality would mold and blend with yours. Right now you are almost his exact opposite, so what he lacks, you would make up for.:
"But I don't lack anything that I need from him."
:There are small pieces which are unseen in your mind that will be filled in. You may not think they exist, but they are there because Inuyasha is.:
He was silent, pulling his hand from hers and leaning back. "So it is true..." His shoulders slumped.
Her heart went out to him, knowing what it was like. He was fighting it worse than she did. Whether it would be worse she didn't know, but that was the problem...none of them knew what Inuyasha would do to Inaki's mind. "Midoriko-sama, is that the answer to his problem?"
:If Inaki wishes to stop the split in his mind, he has to accept Inuyasha. It will not be all bad. You are example of that.:
She slowly nodded. "One other question I had. Why do I have Kagome and Kikyou's powers when Inaki seems to be totally human? Are there no traits as a hanyou or youkai he could pick up?"
:Kikyou was born with substantial holy powers. Those powers imprinted themselves to her soul and thus Kagome was born with them. As Kikyou's half, you had them as well, but never knew they were there or how to use them. Your acceptance of Kagome merely woke them and took Kagome's powers as well. You must develop them again, but in time they will be very strong. Inuyasha, on the other hand, had three separate forms. During his human cycle, he had no jyaki...during his youkai times, he had no emotions. He was born into his human form from the wish and recognizing Inuyasha will not change it.:
"But during the time when Kagome started awakening, I could see her form in the mirror and Inaki said he could see Inuyasha. What does that mean?"
:Mirrors are simply a reflection of the self. Unless the same ritual that separated Kagome and Kikyou could be performed again, a presence will show itself however it can. It cannot escape the confines of a mind, so will manifest however it can.:
Brown rolled. "Yea, I know all about THAT one..." She looked up to find Inaki watching her and gave a gentle smile, holding a palm out. "Is there anything else you'd like to ask?"
"Yea, actually there are a few things." Flesh connected and a small ripple of power made his flesh bump. "Midoriko, why didn't we remember anything when we were old enough to reason on our own and seek each other out? Why did it take a trigger to our reincarnations for all this to happen and drastically change who we are?"
:Each soul is a clean slate upon its death and takes nothing with it to the next life. That is why Kagome remembered nothing of Kikyou, why she was confused at her miko powers, why she fell in love with Inuyasha again, why she knew nothing of Kikyou's time, and remembered nothing about Kikyou's death until told. It is the same with both of you. Kagome and Inuyasha are a part of you and hold the key to the wish, the memories, and your remaining selves.:
"So why are you still here? You made the wish and Kikyou said to Inuyasha that you might disappear. Was she wrong?"
:When the power of the shikon is used for good, the tides shift. Power of the youkai is harnessed with mine and I am the one who decides. It is the other way around if a wish is made from an evil mind. When all that power is exhausted, there will be no more shikon no tama. But because the wish was basically half created, there were issues to be resolved. Inuyasha wished to be with Kagome, but you two did not remember anything and your minds were cracked. You are not yet Kagome and Inuyasha - for the wish to be completed, your reincarnations must be a part of yourselves.:
"Personally, I like my life the way it is. I don't give a damn about some past self. He had his life and I've got mine."
"Are we back to THIS again?? How many times am I going to keep telling you? You heard it from me, from Kagome, and from the miko. Stop denying yourself and just accept it!"
"Inuyasha...is right you know." She mumbled, looking away. She ignored the surprise and small feel of betrayal. It took a lot of courage to look him in the eye and not feel like Kagome trying to sneak Inuyasha in. "I don't know what you'll gain by becoming one with Inuyasha, but I gained a lot. The difference is so overwhelming and I can't believe everything Kagome kept. All I had after all other souls were taken away was Kikyou's love and hatred for Inuyasha and the thread of humanity she gained when brought back. That's not a life to live. I don't know what to tell you to make you understand and not think Kagome is talking. I'm those others, but I'm myself. If you know who you are, you'll transition smoothly." A hand went through bangs. "It's – it's hard to describe. You just have to have a leap of faith."
He was silent for what seemed the longest time. "I can see a little of what you're saying, but I still reject some. It is too much to believe without knowing what'll happen. His presence is strong, he could overpower me."
"You promised me if things got answered and I was right, you would stop this shit. And who was right??"
"This is my life!!" He shouted, jumping to his feet. "If you think I'll share the only thing that I truly have you're off your rocker!" There was an angry pulse and freeze of muscle that made him wary. Teeth grit as he tried to force his arms and legs to move. "No...you don't..."
"Inaki? What's wrong??"
"You...fucking PROMISED me! You never go back...on a promise!"
"You made the arrangements...not me. Let go of my body!"
"No." There was a sudden boneless thump and all was still for a few seconds before brown peeked open. "Keh, what a weakling."
"Inuyasha! What did you do that to Inaki for?!"
Inuyasha sat up and brushed the restricting clothes to shape. "He got what he deserved." He muttered, moving to plop in normal sitting position. Hand grabbed wrist and held up the shikon, brown peering close. "Oi, how do I get this whole merge-thing done before he wakes up? You said so yourself we're two halves and whatnot. Just merge us now before I get shoved back again."
"Mou Inuyasha..."
:You will not be able to merge by force. As I said with Kagome and Kikyou's souls...if there was a wish made to connect them and the minds did not agree, there would be chaos. I cannot merge you – you have to find peace between yourselves and do so.:
"Fucking lot of good YOU are!" The hand threw her wrist away and got up to pace. "This is perfect! I'll NEVER find any kind of calm with that asshole hogging the body. Gods, why can't he just suck it up and realize the truth?!"
Never had there been a time when she wanted to sit him so bad. Anger burned as she shot to feet and eyed him. "Inuyasha..." She effectively gained his attention and momentary panic at the tone used to subdue him with. It took a second to realize there was no rosary, but that was all she needed. She stalked over and a hand whipped out to slap him right across the face.
"What the fuck was that for?! Damn it Kagome, I'm doing this for you here!"
"I'm KALIE!" She fiercely announced, fists clenching. "I may have Kagome AND Kikyou's memories and emotions, but they are also separate from my own."
"Oh gods are we back to THIS bullshit again?? Are you going to be blind to everything explained to you too? You're smarter than that, no matter what name you get."
She bristled and glared, wishing to do him harm without injuring Inaki. "You're the asshole you know..." She grit. "I can see where Inaki is coming from because I didn't want Kagome either, but I realized she had half of my emotions. I had no choice, but Inaki DOES. IF you have any qualities that benefit him, right now I'm not seeing them. I only see a pompous ass who's being too greedy over a lost love to realize maybe his time is up!"
Inuyasha took a step back, eyes hurt before bangs covered them. "Y – you don't...mean that..."
The wounded puppy look got to her, as it always did to Kagome, and she found herself caving a little. Heaving a deep sigh, she took a few steps back and unclenched her hands. She stared at the shikon for a while, feeling its soothing presence, and tried to pull off that. After tense silence, tired brown closed. "This is not doing you any good you know." She quietly replied. "You're just going around in circles with half of you that is equally stubborn. You're entitled to finish the life you had with Kagome, but Kagome will never be as you imagine her. All you have left is me and I know that's not what you want. I can't give you who I was as much as you can't give me who you would be if you two combine. For peace of mind – figuratively and literally – it's best you two go through things as I did and try to find what you can gain from it. No arguing; just civilized."
Brown opened and stared at solemn brown. She received a small nod before the body suddenly dropped again. She startled and rushed over, fearing the amount of bruising he would have, and pulled his head to her lap. Teeth bit her lip as she checked his pulse, finding it steady. 'Yokatta...'
A hand slowly rested over hers and she entwined their fingers, giving a look of concern. "Inaki?"
"That guy is...such a prick..." He grimaced, gently feeling his head. "Gods I'm going to be sore tomorrow. Nice way of explaining THIS to the family."
She smiled and brushed fingers over his forehead to make him forget the pain a little. "Did you hear anything?"
"Yea... You're right, but I don't know how much will get accomplished."
She leaned down to give him a peck before helping him up. "He let you back didn't he? That's a start." Brown turned to search for the shikon dropped in her haste. She swiped it before heading for the doors. "I think we're done here...unless you have something else to add?"
Inaki opened his mouth and paused. Thoughtful brown looked to floorboards for a second. "Whatever happened to Miroku and Sango? Are they reincarnated too?"
:You did not wish for them to be with you, so if they are alive, it is of their own power. I can see if the houshi or taiji-ya are present, but it is unlikely they are near.:
Her brow furrowed. "You sound so sure...why do you say that?"
They were some of the only friends Inuyasha had, but with emotions coming from the other he felt them as if they were his. Bangs shadowed eyes as the thought of never being able to see them in this plane occurred. "They won't be here." He muttered.
"Why not?"
Grave brown looked into brown. "Sango has no need to think of reincarnation and Miroku wouldn't go without her. If he had any worldly desires – and I'm sure there were some – he would gladly give them up. If they went to heaven, they'll stay there with all their children and family. They have no need to be with us."
Friendship spurred while in the Sengoku was a thing to cherish and it was something Kagome always worried about the later it got in the quest. Not being able to see such beloved people perturbed Kagome then and it ate at her now. Teeth bit lip as she blinked back tears.
It was a stupid thought to think they'd be reincarnated. Maybe they didn't want to be reborn, but it would've been nice to see them again.
"At least answer me this...because the curiosity at those two is getting to me." She muttered, trying to keep from feeling sadness. "Inuyasha...did those two ever get married? Were they happy after - after Kagome..."
Inaki's head dipped for a second before it nodded. "Aa. They got married not long after the final battle. They hung around babaa's village for the ceremony." A faint, wistful smile appeared. "Kaede performed the rites and those two insisted I was there. Sango wanted to rebuild her village and I walked a few miles with those two, but I didn't go with. I didn't want to get in the way."
She could hear oppression in his voice. She reached out and touched a hand, gently squeezing. "I'm sure they wouldn't have minded having you helping, but...do you think they – they stayed together? Miroku-sama had a horrible way with women, but I do know he loved Sango-chan."
"Keh! That bouzu was a lech...but I know he wouldn't dare do anything. He had no need for the whole 'bear my child' crap when he had Sango to do that and no Kazaana to worry about. Those two probably drove each other crazy until they died and gave their kids some peace."
She smiled at the minute fondness in his voice, even if his words were tactless as always. She gave a faint nod, still feeling empty at the mention of her friends, before opening shoji. "Ah, well, we need to be getting inside before anything happens. Inuyasha, you remember what I said."
"Keh!"
I am a BEGINNER Japanese learner...so if these are not 100% correct...please let me know if you care to do so. I only have a web page to learn from, a dictionary, and a few months experience to work with.
Translations: Che-Like Kuso only a little less harsh Wakarimashita-Understood Chotto-(Wait) one second Suman-Forgive me/I'm sorry