Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Gimli: Just what was that crack supposed to mean? Me: What crack, Master Dwarf? Gimli: Ye know what crackthe one when Elladan suggests I play the hero, and Elrohir tell him to 'be serious.' That crack Legolas: What do you think it meant, Gimli? You're too short to be the hero. Gimli: I'll thank ye to stay out of this, Elf. Legolas: Hey! Don't get pissy with meshe wrote it! Notice, in all the stories you've been in, she's never dropped your pants Me: Is that what this is all about? Fine. There - it's done. Legolas (staring openmouthed at pant-less Gimli) ARGH! My eyes! My eyes!

Chapter 2

Welcome to the Strange

The Faire had been set up on several acres of cleared land just west of the small town of Poplar Hills. A high wooden fence encircled the entire Faire with two huge doors in the center wall. The ticket booths, gaily painted and sporting silken streamers were set, two and two, on either side of the doors. Directly across from the Faire were several more acres of empty land, which had been filling up with vehicles since the night before, and Elrohir harbored no doubt that the lots would be filled before the first guest entered the Faire this morning.

Stopping at the main gate, he checked again with the four attendants, dressed in their Renaissance finery, to make sure they were ready to begin selling tickets. The gates were due to open at nine o'clock sharp, and 'Ro hated delays. Assuring himself that they were ready, he then checked with the entertainers who waited just behind the main gates. Stilt-walkers, jugglers, and peasants waited anxiously for his signal to go out to entertain the crowd that was gathering in front of the ticket booths until the official beginning of the Faire.

Every new opening was run the same way. Entertainers, in character, would work the crowd, getting everyone psyched up while they waited to buy their tickets. At roughly 8:45, trumpets would sound, and a procession of five knights in full armor, carrying flags bearing their 'family crests', and the "King" of the Faire would round the far corner of the fence, solemnly approaching the cheering crowd. The "King" - in this case, a chubby, smiling, bewhiskered man named Bob - would make a brief welcoming speech from horseback, officially opening the Faire.

Elrohir nodded at the entertainers, and the doors were opened a crack for them to slip out into the crowd. Elrohir could hear the cheers rise as the entertainers began to circulate. Smiling to himself, he walked toward the backstage dressing areas to suit up for the procession.

Spotting Glorfindel rounding the corner backstage, Elrohir darted into the shadows of one of the many ale booths set up around the Faire. He knew Fin well, and wouldn't have been surprised if the Balrog-slayer didn't take a whack at him for the stunt he had pulled the night before at the poker game. "I'll need to keep my eyes peeled for a whileFin has a very long memory," Elrohir thought, with a half smile. He waited until the coast was clear before continuing on to the dressing area.

Glorfindel was still in a mood, but not the kind Elrohir had suspected. Actually, Fin was feeling quite jolly that morning, having spent a good part of the night plotting his revenge against Elrohir, and the better part of an hour convincing the gray haired gentleman who cared for the suits of armor to help him. A box of fine cigars and a bottle of aged Scotch had sealed the deal. Fin's step was light, as he went on his way, softly whistling the theme song from "The Full Monte."

At exactly 8:30, the riders lined up along the far right hand side of the fence. King Bob was dressed in deep burgundy robes, and a faux-ermine trimmed, red velvet cape, astride a massive gray mount. The Elves, all dressed in full suits of shiny armor, bearing their flags, lined up behind him. Elladan took the lead on his white stallion, while Glorfindel brought up the rear on a beautiful chestnut mare, riding directly behind Elrohir on his gray dappled Appaloosa.

Fin had his visor down, to hide the gigantic grin that graced his handsome features. "This is going to be good," he chuckled, as they cantered out around the edge of the fence and down the path cleared through the crowd. The cheers of the excited crowd was deafening, but the helmet helped muffle the roar.

King Bob raised his hand to silence the crowd. After a moment or two, the noise subsided, and in a loud deep voice, he welcomed "One and All to the MidSummer Festival" of his kingdom. The gates were opened and he led the riders through the doors, opening the way for the crowd to enter.

Just before they passed under the arch that led into the field, Glorfindel lowered his flag and roughly tapped Elrohir on the right shoulder, in the exact manner his friend, the armor caretaker, had instructed.

"OUCH!" Elrohir cried out involuntarily when the flagstaff struck his shoulder. Turning slightly in his saddle, he started yell at Glorfindel, who, trotting past him, gave him a mock salute, but froze as one piece after another of his armor began to fall off, clattering on the ground around his nervously prancing horse's hooves.

Glorfindel's roar of laughter was quickly swallowed by the crowd's, who thought it was all part of the show. Laughing and pointing, they roared at Elrohir, who now sat upon his horse wearing nothing but his helmet and a pair of very brief, black bikini underwear. Spurring his horse into a gallop, he raced into the Faire and backstage, whistles and catcalls trailing him all the way.

Reaching the relative privacy of the backstage area, he leapt down from his horse, ripped off his helmet and sent it crashing down into the dirt at his feet.

"FIN!" Elrohir bellowed, ignoring the several open-mouthed employees and a very amused Gimli standing around him, as well as the fact that he was in nothing but his favorite skimpy black bikini underwear. "When I get my hands on you I am going to separate that dimwitted melon you call a head from your shoulders!"

"Laddie"

"Not now, Gimli!"

"But Laddie"

"NOT NOW GIMLI!"

"All right, Laddiebut I thought ye'd want to know that ye have a rather large hole in the back o' those panties."

Elrohir froze, then whipped a hand around to feel not one, but several large openings over his rear. "ArghElladan warned me to get rid of these" he thought, blushing from his ankles to his hairline. He slapped his hands over his butt, and, trying to keep his back to the wall, sidestepped his way to the dressing area.

Chuckling to himself, Gimli watched Elrohir's undignified retreat. "Didn't anyone ever tell ye to wear nice underwear when you go out? This would be why!" he called after the Elf, before turning and heading to his post on the Faire grounds, still laughing.