The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters has followed me on vacation. Don't worry, I'll be back within a week. Until I return here's a bit of madness for you to enjoy in my absence. This takes place right after the chapter 'It's A Lab Thing' in This Soap Opera Called Life.
Sleeping With The Idiots
"I can't believe I'm stuck with you two for a whole week!" Kurt moaned as he got ready for bed. Due to Todd's amphibian traits becoming more…noticeable, he had to stay at the Xavier Institute. So they put two extra beds in Kurt's room because all the other guestrooms were currently occupied.
Two because Xi had also come as well. "It will not be that bad. I think this week will be quite…informative."
"Yeah what are you complaining about?" Todd snapped and folded his arms on his bed. "I'm the one who has to be separated from my new dad, friends and girlfriend for a whole week. I'm the one stuck here in a place where most people hate my guts! I'm the one who nearly got shish kabobed this afternoon for no reason other than my scent which I can't control due to my mutation! That's the trouble with you, Fuzzy. Everything is always you, you, you!"
"Sorry," Kurt sighed.
"No biggie," Todd grinned. "Hey I love these pajamas of yours! They're so comfy! Where'd you get 'em anyway?"
"TOAD!" Kurt shouted. "Why didn't you bring your own pajamas?"
"I did," Todd said. "But I had to give them to Xi."
"I still don't understand why I have to wear these," Xi blinked. "I prefer to sleep with as little clothing on as possible."
"You wouldn't believe how many pajamas he goes through in a month," Todd indicated Xi with his thumb.
"Never mind…" Kurt moaned putting his hand on his head. "I don't want to know why!"
"This is not so bad," Xi said, pulling out a box of cookies and munching on them. "I like cookies!"
"Please don't tell me those are Famous Amos chocolate chip…" Todd looked at the box. "Yup they are."
"Well somebody's gonna be nice and hyper tonight," Kurt sighed.
"Xi you gotta learn when to relax before bedtime," Todd shook his head and then downed a pixie stick. He offered one to Kurt. "Pixie Stick yo?"
"Why me God?" Kurt rolled his eyes heavenward. "Why do you always have to torture me?"
"Is this one of those prayer things you do?" Todd blinked.
"Yes Toad," Kurt moaned. "And I'm going to do quite a lot of praying so you'd better get used to it."
"Hey, hey I didn't mean anything by it," Todd said. "I mean you got that God thing you believe in. That's pretty cool. I respect that."
"I still do not understand this belief about this God person," Xi blinked.
"Well…" Kurt sighed, knowing he was in for a long night.
"I'll take this one," Todd said. "You see this God guy made everything in the whole universe and he knows everything. He can even hear your thoughts like Xavier does only he's got hair. Long white hair and a long white beard and a long nightshirt and he's got a talking dog named Goliath to talk too. And he and Goliath walk along and talk to each other and Goliath always says, 'Oh Davey', cause that's God's name only you ain't allowed to call God that. Always God. Or you can use his last name, Way!"
"Toad," Kurt's head was starting to hurt. "In the first place, God's name is not Davey and he does not have a dog named Goliath. That was a cartoon! Second God doesn't have a last name and if he did it's certainly not Way!"
"Yes it is," Todd said with certainty.
"No it isn't," Kurt told him.
"Yeah huh! I read it in the Bible once," Todd said proudly. "The part where everyone was cheering God on. They were shouting 'Yah! Way! Yah Way!' like they were rooting for him. It was at a sports meet. See God was in this chariot race with these white horses and…"
"THAT WAS BEN HUR!" Kurt shouted. "What bible did you read? The Gospel According to TV Guide?"
"So this God person, made everything in the universe?" Xi asked.
"Yes," Kurt told him. "He did."
"He made the trees?"
"Yes he did," Kurt sighed.
"The ground?"
"Yep that's him," Todd nodded.
"Birds?"
"Yes," Kurt told him. "He made everything."
"Water?"
"Yes," Kurt said.
"Elephants?"
"Yes."
"Stars?"
"Yes."
"Horses?"
"Yes."
"Clouds?"
"Everything Xi," Kurt snapped. "He made everything?"
"Bears?"
"Everything!" Todd and Kurt said at the same time.
"Dogs?"
"Everything Xi!" Kurt shouted. "God made everything! You name it, he made it! How hard is that to understand? God made everything!"
"Hand lotion?" Xi asked.
"Yeah, God made hand lotion," Kurt gave up. "Fine! Can we just drop this and go to sleep! I want to hurry up and have a nice peaceful nightmare."
"Even shoelaces?" Xi asked.
"No somebody else made those," Todd said. "That's why everybody wore sandals everywhere. Until this Greek guy named Nike taught everyone how to tie their sneakers and run in marathons."
"I am going out for a while," Kurt moaned and teleported away.
"Did we say something wrong?" Xi asked Todd.
"Ah, you know how religious talk makes some people jumpy," Todd waved.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
There was a pounding at Scott's door. Scott went to the door and opened it to see Kurt. "Kurt what are you doing out here?" Scott asked.
"Scott please let me sleep in your room," Kurt pleaded. "I can't take it anymore!"
"Look Kurt I understand this might be difficult for you…" Scott began to close the door in his face.
"Difficult? Difficult? It's impossible!" Kurt teleported into the room.
"Kurt it can't be that bad!"
"Scott, did you know that Toad thinks that God's name is Davey Way and he has a talking dog and drives around in chariot races?" Kurt looked at him.
"Okay maybe it is that bad…" Scott sighed.
"It's like one big black hole of ignorance, and anything reasonable or sane gets sucked in!" Kurt threw up his hands. "How do you talk to someone like that?"
"Kurt look, I'd really like to help, but I'm kind of tired and…" Scott began.
"I mean Toad by himself is bad enough but throw Xi in hyped up on chocolate chip cookies and it's insane!" Kurt shouted. "You would not believe how clueless some people can be!"
"I think I have some idea. Kurt could you…?"
"They just go on and on," Kurt rambled. "They never stop to think about anyone but themselves! They just barge in and the next thing you know you're drawn into their own little deranged world! They don't stop talking! They never stop talking! How do you deal with people like that?"
"That would be a good thing to know," Scott glared at him.
"Hey yo! Summers!" Todd rapped on the door. "Is Blue Boy in there?"
"Yes!" Scott opened the door and saw Todd there with Xi.
"Told you he was in here," Todd said. "Hey yo, Fuzz Man wanna get a snack?"
"Maybe there will be more cookies," Xi giggled.
"Go! Take him!" Scott told them. "Go get cookies!"
"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Kurt asked Scott.
"What you got a hot date with Jean?" Todd asked as he hopped over to them.
"No!" Scott said bitterly. "I'd just like to get some sleep that's all!"
"Do you have cookies?" Xi asked Scott.
"No I do not have cookies," Scott sighed.
"Are you sure?" Xi asked.
"Yes now will all of you please…" Scott began.
"Scott will you keep it down?" Jamie walked up to them. "I'm trying to sleep here!"
"Hey as long as you're up kid you want some cookies?" Todd asked.
"Okay," Jamie shrugged.
"Sure why not?" Kurt sighed. "Now I've got a craving for cookies."
"Are you sure there are no cookies here?" Xi looked under Scott's bed.
"Yes Xi there are no cookies here!" Scott groaned. "Now will you please stop searching my room and get out of here!"
"Geeze the way you're yelling you'd think you had a date with Jean," Sam remarked as he walked in. "I could hear you down the hallway."
"That's just what I said!" Todd told him.
"Why doesn't everyone just come into my room?" Scott moaned. "If you guys are finished I was planning on getting some sleep tonight so could you please leave?"
Xi opened the closet. "Hi Jean. Do you have any cookies in there?"
"Oh no…" Scott winced.
"Looks like you weren't planning on sleeping in the first place," Todd grinned.
"So you did have a hot date with Jean!" Kurt looked at Scott. "Toad was right about something for once. Wow, what are the odds?"
"Way to go Scott," Jean was sitting there in her pajamas, very red-faced.
"Hello there," Todd grinned at Jean. "Coming out of the closet I see?"
"Scott!" Jean shouted.
"It's not my fault! I didn't invite them in!" Scott shouted.
"I thought you didn't like to cuddle?" Xi asked Scott.
"OUT!" Scott yelled, pointing to the door. "GET OUT! ALL OF YOU! JEAN YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO!"
"I think I should…" Jean moaned. Then she stopped short of the sight of a figure at the door. "Now what?"
"Oh no…" Todd went pale.
"Hey baby," Althea was there grinning wildly. "Just thought I'd visit you for a few hours."
"Now honey, please…" Todd backed away. "I can't take advantage of you when you're like this. At least until we're married. Because if I don't your father is gonna kill me! And he'll use your sisters to help him! Althea! Stay back! Back!"
"TODDLES! TODDLES! TODDLES!" Althea was chasing him around the room. "COME TO MAMA YOU SEXY BEAST!"
"Man I never thought I'd actually say this but…" Todd gasped. "Somebody stop her before she has her way with me!"
"Well there's another thing I'm going to be going over in therapy!" Kurt moaned. "As if I didn't have enough things to talk about!"
"Well this explains Trinity," Jamie watched as Todd and Althea demolished the room.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Logan roared as he stormed in with Hank and John. "What the…?"
"HELP ME!" Todd was being mauled by Althea. "SHE GOT LOOSE AGAIN!"
"See Jean that's how you're supposed to do it," Sam snickered.
"Okay you are officially dead!" Jean made a fist and started to chase Sam around the room.
"Beast, you help me pry Wavedancer off Toad," Logan moaned. "Proudstar you keep Jean from killing Sam."
"Why does he always get the easy job?" Hank asked.
"Just shut up and help me here!" Logan snapped. "You too Slim and Elf!"
Twenty minutes and several tranquilizer darts later…
"Well it's another peaceful night at the Xavier Institute," Carl snapped. Nearly everyone in the mansion was up now and in the hallway outside Scott's door.
"Oh shut up Daniels," Hank snapped as he applied bandages on his forearm.
"So that's where Evan learned to be annoying," Rogue muttered under her breath.
"Why the hell do I stay here?" John grumbled. He had an icepack over his black eye. "All I ever get is beat up or shot at and I never get paid for it!"
"I'm really sorry John," Jean said. "But I was aiming for Sam!"
"Well at least Forge and Jamie sent Althea back," Logan sighed. "Toad your girlfriend can be really…"
"I know," Todd looked mauled and was covered in lipstick. "Well at least she didn't get me in the shower this time."
"So what exactly started this?" Xavier asked.
"Blue Boy barged into Summers' room looking for a place to sleep," Todd snickered. "But uh, he already made sleeping arrangements if you get my drift."
"We didn't know they were planning on having sex," Xi said innocently.
"Well we're not now!" Jean snapped.
"That's another thing I don't understand about naturals," Rina remarked. "This obsession with sex. Can someone please explain to me why a biological necessity is so over indulged in and over analyzed?"
"What do you know about sex?" Logan looked at her. "On second thought maybe I don't want to know…"
"I explained it to her Logan," Ororo rested his fears.
"Thank you…" Logan breathed a sigh of relief. "Still as much as I feel for you Scott, this ain't a place for you guys to act like this! I mean this is a school for crying out loud! We can't just have you going at it any time you feel like it!"
"You mean like Beast and Dazzler were?" Xi asked.
"WHAT?" Logan roared. "WHEN?"
"A few hours ago in the infirmary," Xi said. "Not long after Rina and I fought they were…"
"FORGET I EVER ASKED!" Logan moaned.
"And another night filled with illicit teen sex as well as sex between instructors," Vi quipped. "And to think you all used to worry about my son's lack of attention in school? Gee I wonder what else could have been on his mind!"
"Just because your sex life is non existent…." John snapped.
"Well who can do anything in this nuthouse!" Carl shouted.
"Hey Iceboy," Todd nudged Bobby. "Now might be a good time for you to tell everyone you and Jubilee are a couple yo. I mean compared to everyone else around here…"
"Ixnay on the ouple-cay," Bobby glared at him.
"No, no," Logan glared at Bobby. "Let him talk. I'm quite interested at this sudden turn of events."
"Oh god this is so embarrassing…" Jubilee covered her eyes.
"You didn't know?" Todd asked. "These two have been making eyes at each other for a long time yo."
"WHAT?" Logan roared.
"It's always the parents that are the last to know about young love," Todd shrugged. "They're even planning on a date."
"OH NO THEY ARE NOT!" Logan shouted.
"All right that's enough!" Xavier interjected. "It's late and we should all go to bed, in our own separate beds and get some sleep."
"Well I'm gonna stay up late and work on a deodorant that's an antidote to Toad's scent!" Hank said.
"That's the best thing I've heard all night!" John said. "Why the hell didn't I just stay in the army stockade instead of getting that dishonorable discharge I will never know!"
"What are you talking about?" Todd asked. "You were never in the stockade. You even got a good conduct medal."
"That's the most shocking thing I've ever heard in my life!" Scott said. "How could Proudstar of all people get a good conduct medal?"
"Because his sergeant at boot camp got really drunk and he was the only one of his unit that didn't get caught when the MP's raided a local brothel," Todd said. "He was at the library at the time."
"Shut up kid! You wanna ruin my rep around here?" John groaned.
"How do you know all this anyway?" Sam asked Todd.
"We kind of read your files," Todd admitted.
"Files? What files?" Xavier asked.
"The files they put together on all of you and us Misfits," Xi said. "You know, GI Joe, SHEILD, The Mutant Activities Commission…"
"WHAT?" Scott shouted. "You're kidding right?"
"Nope, they're pretty detailed," Todd said. "Sometimes us Misfits read 'em when we're bored so we can have a laugh."
"How do you have access to those kinds of files?" Kurt asked.
"Arcade, duh," Todd said. "It even says how the Professor lost his hair."
"That's not a secret. I lost my hair when my powers emerged," Xavier said. "It was a side effect."
"No you didn't. According to the file, the Dean of your college wrote that you lost your hair due to a botched experiment slash panty raid," Todd said. "It didn't say exactly what happened but it had something to do with Nair, electricity, acid, fifteen pairs of pantyhose, two double D cup bras…"
"HANK!" Xavier shouted. "Go to the lab right now and work on that deodorant! I don't care if you have to stay up all night! Do it!"