Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: Well, I'll give you thisyou still insist on including that stupid, juvenile pants-dropping bit in your stories, but at least you're getting inventive about it. Me: You're just jealous because it wasn't your pants, erarmor I dropped. Legolas: RiiiggghhtI'm jealous because you didn't humiliate me by leaving me standing in underwear that was more holes than fabric. Do I look like a masochist to you? Me: Well, now that you mention it
A/N: Once again, thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! You guys are the absolute best!
Chapter 3
They call me MR. Dwarf!
Gimli was still chuckling as he strolled over to the area of the field designated for the axe throwing demonstration. A fairly large crowd had gathered, waiting for the demonstration to begin. Gimli noticed Legolas sitting on a haystack near the rack that held Gimli's axes.
"What are ye doing here, Elf? I thought ye had an archery competition to run," he remarked, looking over the selection of axes, and choosing a large, black one with an ornately carved handle. Lifting it from the rack, he swung it over his head a few times, getting a feel for the heft.
"Not for another hour, Gimli. I was bored, so I thought I'd come and see what you were up to."
"I'm about to show these people what a Master can do with his axe!" Gimli laughed, pointing over his shoulder at the crowd gathered behind them.
Legolas smiled, and settled back to watch the demonstration.
Turning to the audience, Gimli hefted his axe in the air. "Ladies and Gentlemenbehold the mighty Axe of Gimli, son of Gloin!"
The audience applauded half-heartedly, not quite sure what to make of the little man with the long red hair and braided beard, who held an axe, nearly as big as himself, over his head.
"Hey, looka midget!" yelled one crater faced teenager, elbowing his friends.
"Nahhe ain't a midgethe's an elf! Hey, Elf - where's Santa?" laughed one of his buddies.
Legolas raised an eyebrow and whistled softly at the remark. They'd heard all types of taunts over the years, mostly from drunks and teenagers trying to look good in front of their friends, but the "Elf" jibes were always the ones that would spur Gimli into a rage. Elf-friend or not, NEVER call a Dwarf an Elf.
"WHAT DID YE CALL ME?" Gimli bellowed, advancing toward the youth. People in the crowd smiled, thinking it was part of the demonstration. The teenagers laughed, egging on the one who had insulted Gimli.
"An Elf! You are, ain't ya? You're short, bowlegged, and ugly as sin - what else could you be? Is that axe one of the toys you're making for Santa this year? Or are you one of those shoe-making elves? I need a new pair of boots - maybe I can have yours! You can always make a new pair!" the teenager guffawed, as his friends slapped him on the back, laughing.
'You don't want his boots, Joe - they wouldn't even fit your little sister! Have him make you a new pair" snickered one of Joe's friends.
"Yeahhere Elf - measure me for a new pair of boots!' Joe called, sticking his foot out toward the advancing Dwarf.
One moment Joe was standing on one foot, holding the other out toward Gimli, and the next he was sailing through the air to land hard on his rump in the center of the clearing.
Before he could take a breath axes began to rain down all around him.
Gimli twirled around in circle, letting one axe fly and picking up another before it had scarcely left his hand. Within moments Joe was completely encircled by axes embedded by their blades in the ground. The circle was so close that it he moved an inch he would likely be sliced open.
Hefting yet another axe, Gimli advanced on the shocked teen. Grinning evilly at the shaking youngster, Gimli growled, "I am a DwarfNOT an Elf. That is an Elf," he instructed, pointing to where Legolas sat, chuckling softly to himself. "Do I look like him to you? If ye ever insult me like that again, I'll have yer balls for breakfast!" He threw the final axe, which landed dead center right between the young man's legs, dangerously close to the aforementioned testicles.
"II'm sorry," Joe squeaked, his face pasty and his eyes still glued to the last axe in the ground before him.
Gimli huffed, and jerked a couple of the axes out of the ground, so that Joe could get up safely. Standing on shaky legs, Joe backed away from Gimli and made a beeline toward the exit of the Faire.
The crowd cheered, still thinking it was all part of the demonstration. Gimli took a little bow, collected his axes, and deposited them neatly in the rack, before walking back to Legolas.
"You really need to stop doing that, Gimli. You can't just fling people around and chuck axes at them when they say something you don't like. This isn't Moria, you know - 'Ro and 'Dan had a terrible time with the last one you 'taught a lesson' tothat one threatened to sue us!" Legolas admonished. "It cost them a fortune to settle with the parents of that particular teen."
"Bah! No court in the land would find me guilty after an insult like that, Laddie!" Gimli grumbled, sitting down on the haystack next to his friend. "Imagine, calling a Dwarf an Elf! What are today's children coming to, I ask yeno respect fer their elders!"
Legolas smiled, patted his friend on the shoulder, and stood up. "I'd best be goingI've an archery competition to run shortly, and if I'm not there Haldir will spend the entire time showing off to the women in the audience. I swear, that Elf gets to be more of a horndog every year"
"I know, Laddieand he's not nearly as discriminating as he used to beif it's in a skirt, Haldir will chase it. Remember last year when he chased that homely woman only to find out at the last possible moment that she was actually a he? Ye'd think he'd know what a kilt was by now" Gimli laughed, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.
Legolas laughed, and bidding his friend goodbye, began to walk toward the clearing set aside for the archery competition.